insecure bf

desirez131

My bf is mad at me because some guy stared at me at sheetz. When it happened he asked if I knew him and I said "no" because I didn't. So now I am a liar and I must know the guy. Construction is being done at my job so he thinks he is working at my job and I am flirting with him there. I don't know what else I can do or say to prove I don't know this guy..suggestions please!

JDMPWR

My bf is mad at me because some guy stared at me at sheetz. When it happened he asked if I knew him and I said "no" because I didn't. So now I am a liar and I must know the guy. Construction is being done at my job so he thinks he is working at my job and I am flirting with him there. I don't know what else I can do or say to prove I don't know this guy..suggestions please!

Tell your man to stop being an insecure wussy?

Beachbean77

Sounds like he doesn't trust you and thats not healthy

syiyi

IF he acts like this now that you guys are dating... what kind of a future will you guys have??!? I say its time to let him go.

ITSSODAMNHOT

Tell him, instead of being insecure, you should be proud to be with a woman other men like to stare at.

Good luck on your goals and God Bless

DarkAngel864

Eeek, I don't want to sound like I'm judging, but I don't like the sound of this at all!!! I am not saying at all your bf is abusive, but I volunteer in that line and it sounds like the early signs to someone who is just on the verge. I live in a fairly small town, so I see the same strangers alot. You saw this young guy at a club, then working construction....shocker! The fact that your bf isn't seeing these as very common randoms and as something to be upset about worries me.

I won't say what you need to do, but he needs to trust you and lay off on that...FAST!

Goal_Seeker_1988

wow, he's the jealous type. idk what to say bc i blow up on my fiance when i think he's flirtin or checkin out another woman. but i'll admitt i got a problem bc i love flirtin w other men and he knows it.

missduffbug

The more you deny it, the more he will go on and on at you - so just tell him to think whatever he likes because you have no time for pettiness like that.
Jealousy is an evil trait and I have had my fair share of experience with men like that - you could tell them till they are blue in the face but it makes no difference.
If you are losing weight and perhaps guys notice you more now - thats your boyfriends problem. He should be supporting you and telling you how well you are doing rather than letting his own insecurities get in the way of you making positive changes to your life. Unfortunately I have found its either something you live with or something you dont. He wont change....... I understand people have issues but there isnt any more you can do. Maybe just ask him why is is being so insecure.
Sorry - that was a bit of an essay!!

breannatrevs

you could make him feel special. Tell him why you chose to be with him rather than anyone else. If you make him feel good about himself and say things to strengthen your bond together as a couple (such as; you are the only one for me, what would i do without you, your amazing ect.) he wont think that you have any reason to flirt with anyone else.

hope it helps:).

Sasha_Bear

There is nothing left to tell him. You already said you don't know the guy and even if you did so what, you had a life before him! I wouldn't tell him nothing else if he can't trust or believe you then give him his walking papers. I wouldn't deal with it!

sarabellum

I would sit him down and have a serious conversation about this - his insecurities will do nothing but push you away, frustrate you both and it'll just be BAD.
My first REAL boyfriend and I went through the same thing. I started working out, losing weight, doing active things that he wasn't into. He'd just get jealous and angry with me and I ended up breaking up with him (we lived together and were a couple for 5 years) because it was an unhealthy situation and we'd just grown apart and didn't want the same things any more.
I'm married now and my husband is nothing but supportive and we're both secure enough in our relationship that there is no need for jealousy or insecurity. We both have our own interests, but try to include one another so that we're involved in each others lives.
Try to communicate how you feel and how his actions make you feel. If he can't smarten up and get his issues together, you have to do what's right and healthy for YOU.
Best of luck with whatever you do - just do it for you

sunkisses

There's nothing you can say or do. It'll never be enough. He'll just slowly end up driving you crazy. Sorry

atrayubrandy

Guys can be such jerks sometimes. Just tell him the guy was checking you out because you're hot and that if your boyfriend doesn't watch himself you can find another guy in a heartbeat. My best friend's husband told her that he didn't want her losing weight because he'd be too afraid of guys hitting on her if she wasn't fat. Yes, he used those words. It was a double insult because he called her fat and he implied that guys don't find her attractive as she is. He was in the dog house for a REALLY long time.

1RareJewel

He's a little insecure because construction is going on with your body. He sees it and so does others....lol

xXxKayleighxXx

I'd tell him he was being a numpty. Why would i want anyone else when i've got you?

Yes other guys might look occassionally but you are the only one that gets to touch so can we hurry up and have make-up sex already?

If he continues being a jealous jerk, i'd probably tell him to stop or i'd have to show him the door.

mlemonroe2

i don't mean to sound harsh but don't date him. if he dosn't trust you, what kind of life are you going to have with this person. if he dosn't do it all the time, though, and this is something new, then it is most likely something elce that is bothering him.

kimber607

jealous and over-protective are not nice traits in a significant other
he needs to grow up and trust you, if you are going ot have a good healthy relationship

hope he lets it go and realizes what a jerk he is being
Kim

desirez131

Thank you all for your advice! We've been together for a little over 3 years and this is just now starting to happen. We've been through alot..and I mean a lot. He used to love when guys checked me out because it made him feel like he had a prize but lately because of the past that we've had (we've both done things that were wrong) he thinks that I am the cause. I've admitted that I've done wrong but I am not the same person I was 3 years ago let alone 6 months ago. I tell him over and over that I don't have anything to hide anything he wants to know I'll tell him whether it be past present or future. I just hope he stops with the nonsense because it really hurts that he doesn't trust me.

cmor2005

This is my biggest pet peeve with people lol Jealousy and insecurity.

You can only say it so many times before you become redundant. It's possibly that he's having problems trusting you because he doesn't trust himself. 9 out of 10 times when a partner is accusing you of having an affair it's either because 1) they are having one 2) they have had one or 3) they have been put in temptations way. That's because they are looking for reasons to justify their actions by saying "well they did it so that makes me doing it ok" for example.

He could be scared to lose you due to the changes you are making. A lot of the time when people lose a lot of weight and their body changes drastically, their attitude changes. They start to think they deserve better then what they have (looks wise). Some, not all, become conceited, etc. (Not saying you are). He could be afraid that you are going to become even more beautiful and find someone who is the same.

Or he could be an *kitten* who just wants to control you lol.

Honey, what I suggest for you to do is sit him down and have a talk with him. Tell him that if he can't see how much you care/love him by now, then he's never going to see it and you deserve better than that. You picked him and no one else. He should feel honored to be standing next to you. You can't help if someone looks at you.

koosdel

Double dates. Go out with couples, well 'good couples'. The interaction will be good for yuns.

Yuns, that's my hicks word for the day. Later I'll be using joopee, stay tuned!

desirez131

evlmdgt..I asked him that! I said are you doing something that you shouldn't be because that's what it sounds like. Of course he said no and I hope that was the truth because I'm honestly past all of the childishness. I try to explain to him all the time but he really comes up with his own crazy senerios. I will attempt again..we'll see how it goes.

koosdel..we just did that this past weekend and it was very good other than the fact that one of the guys I used to "interact" with was out and he was ice grillin him all night..even put a fb post up about him today..very immature! I just feel like not going out anywhere for fear that he will find a problem.

FitPhysique

jealous and over-protective are not nice traits in a significant other
he needs to grow up and trust you, if you are going ot have a good healthy relationship

hope he lets it go and realizes what a jerk he is being
Kim

Couldn't have said it better. If you have been together for long for a long time and all of a sudden he's starting to act like that Something must have triggered it. Maybe he's afraid that a new healthy, sexier you won't find him as attractive and will start looking for another model. Best thing is to have a conversation and find out the root of his issues and work on it as a couple. Otherwise you might have to reconsider your relationship. My philoshphy is whatever is an incline when dating become Mountains when married.

FitPhysique

This is my biggest pet peeve with people lol Jealousy and insecurity.

You can only say it so many times before you become redundant. It's possibly that he's having problems trusting you because he doesn't trust himself. 9 out of 10 times when a partner is accusing you of having an affair it's either because 1) they are having one 2) they have had one or 3) they have been put in temptations way. That's because they are looking for reasons to justify their actions by saying "well they did it so that makes me doing it ok" for example.

He could be scared to lose you due to the changes you are making. A lot of the time when people lose a lot of weight and their body changes drastically, their attitude changes. They start to think they deserve better then what they have (looks wise). Some, not all, become conceited, etc. (Not saying you are). He could be afraid that you are going to become even more beautiful and find someone who is the same.

Or he could be an *kitten* who just wants to control you lol.

Honey, what I suggest for you to do is sit him down and have a talk with him. Tell him that if he can't see how much you care/love him by now, then he's never going to see it and you deserve better than that. You picked him and no one else. He should feel honored to be standing next to you. You can't help if someone looks at you.

Well Said!!!!!

binary_jester

Guys can be such jerks sometimes. Just tell him the guy was checking you out because you're hot and that if your boyfriend doesn't watch himself you can find another guy in a heartbeat. My best friend's husband told her that he didn't want her losing weight because he'd be too afraid of guys hitting on her if she wasn't fat. Yes, he used those words. It was a double insult because he called her fat and he implied that guys don't find her attractive as she is. He was in the dog house for a REALLY long time.

Yeah guys because women never get jealous.

HLRoberts1987

Sounds like he is insecure with himself and doenst trust you completely. Is he working out as well and trying to get into shape? I know that when I was REALLY insecure I would always 'see' my (ex now) boyfriend 'check out' other girls. I would never say anything to him bc I knew it was my own insecurites. But I would just ask him why he is thinking that and I dunno just sounds like an insecurity and jealous thing to me. hope all turns out well

AnneGenevieveS

If he doesn't trust you... then what is your relationship built on?

I don't think that it always means he is doing something he shouldn't (like someone else said). Maybe he's just afraid that this new healthy you will want attention from other guys and leave him. Reassure him that he's all yours. Just don't give any reasons to mistrust you, and if he can't get over it... then the relationship won't last.

desirez131

He thinks I am the same person I was before, maybe I should ask him what have I done lately to make him NOT trust me..I mean the whole cause of this is DUMB.. a guy is looking at me while I am pulling change out of my person and that means I MUST know him. I just wish he could see that I am not worried about anyone else..I think we just need to really talk.

Thanks again everyone!

koosdel

Talking is great. Just avoid 'you' and 'I', instead use 'we' and 'us'. I don't believe in quitting, and in some point in your life this may be a funny story you tell friends.
Writing in a journal, for both of you, is great way to put thoughts into words. It's so easy to say the wrong thing when you don't mean it. And there is no shame in counseling. I mean, if you like this guy, why not?
Sure, this could escalate into something abusive, that's why you gotta act now.
I hope you guys work it out.

jackal75

.. a guy is looking at me while I am pulling change out of my person and that means I MUST know him.

Out of your WHAT?

LOL

A little jealousy isn't bad if the person is strong enough to get past it and trust his/her lover. But if he is accusing you of things and not trusting the answer you give - it has already gone to a bad place. I would be up front with him that you don't know the person, did not respond to the looks, and are with him only. That puts the ball in his hand. He can hit a home run or a foul ball, but either way it will tell you if there is a future with him.

FearAnLoathing

get a new man

atrayubrandy

Guys can be such jerks sometimes. Just tell him the guy was checking you out because you're hot and that if your boyfriend doesn't watch himself you can find another guy in a heartbeat. My best friend's husband told her that he didn't want her losing weight because he'd be too afraid of guys hitting on her if she wasn't fat. Yes, he used those words. It was a double insult because he called her fat and he implied that guys don't find her attractive as she is. He was in the dog house for a REALLY long time.

Yeah guys because women never get jealous.

This isn't about whether women are jerks sometimes, it's about men!! Stop using logic! It's just like a guy to get up in our business to remind us that we are jealous and insecure, too. j/k :-P In all honesty, I can be horrible at times and I'm surprised my husband is my husband considering how many times I asked him if he still had feelings for his ex in the first six months of our relationship...but I have never accused my man of secretly dating someone else just because a girl looked at him.