Help motivating my gym buddy

BflSaberfan

Last June my step sister joined the gym with me. We were about the same size to start with, so had similar goals. 10 months later I lost 40 inches, and almost 50 lbs. She has gained 10lbs....and lost a handful of inches. We workout the same days, same length, same machines. The problem? With the burning of more calories she has almost doubled her calorie intake, trips to dunkin donuts, McDonalds, packages of oreo's etc. When I say she hasn't even tried, I mean she will honestly admit she hasn't even tried.

I'm so disappointed and I know it makes her incredibly sad when people comment on my results, and they know we joined together and say nothing to her - she even had quite a few people ask when she is due (she's never had kids). We went into it together to push each other and motivate each other. 9 times out of 10 I am practically dragging her to the gym, on my off days instead of motivating me she says okay lets not go then. I still did my share of the work and my results speak for themselves. We had our last measurement at the gym and when he told her she was 10lbs heavier than last year she shrugged her shoulders and said she doesn't care. I know I cant do this for her....I know I can "make" her go to the gym but I cant control what she eats. Any suggestions? we started at the same weight, she sees me and see's where she would have been by now, and we both feel like she's pretty much wasted an entire year of busting her *kitten* at the gym just so she can eat McDonalds for breakfast and dinner everyday.

She is 5'0 170lbs, this girl was 115lbs 3 years ago. If I had to guess I'd say her daily calorie intake is about 3000 calories. Easily. I've told her about this website, and other calorie counters and she will record her food, but drastically underestimates how much she's eaten, and wont count the high calorie drinks she has everyday. I just dont want to see her go down the path her dad is.
. Her dad is an overweight diabetic, who almost died last year from clogged arteries. Her grandmother and aunt both died in their early 50's from diabetes as well.

Any suggestions on how to support her and motivate her with her diet?

gameovergt

encouragement & music!

arwamya

Bump I'm on the verge of losing someone like her...and she is close to me. i'd really like some answers on this one

BflSaberfan

Her dad CONSTANTLY gets on her *kitten* because he sees the drastic turn her weight has taken over the last 3 years. She is only 21 years old!

Music helps at the gym I agree, but her problem isn't working out, its what hse eats when no one is looking.

randi50

I really don't know how to motivate her more. If I were doing it with you it would be competition so I would have gotten the same results as you. She really has to WANT it to GETit I would think seeing your changes would have made her want it more. Don't quit making her workout, she obviously needs that. Have you tried to help her make a meal plan etc? I just don't know what to say to her. Good luck to her! I know that my husband lost 100 lbs 5 years ago and I just got fatter. It kind of bothered me a little when people would compliment him and ask if I was dieting to. UM no, can't you tell!? But this time I AM DOING it because I want to! That is what it takes, so I don't know what it will take to make her WANT to.

BflSaberfan

randi - I figured the same thing, we would compete but she lost interest after about 5 hours of counting calories....I've been doing it for almost a year and pretty much can just do it in my head at this point. I have told her my EXACT diet. Since she is about the same height as me, and MUCH younger and hasn't given birth she probably would have surpassed my accomplishments at this point.

Maybe you are right, she just has to want it bad enough and since she doesn't there is nothing I can do. I hate this.

MinnieInMaine

Try to be as positive about your encouragement as possible. Don't harp on her, especially since it sounds like her Dad (and maybe others) are already doing that. Instead, keep being a good role model for her, keep dragging her to the gym so she's at least burning some of those calories and do things like share new workout ideas or new healthy but yummy recipes to try to keep it new and exciting for her. Beyond that, honestly there really isn't much you can do.

There are four women in my life, 3 of them relatives, that I worry for becuase they're so unhealthy but all the convincing and preaching in the world won't change them (and trust me, I've tried every angle)...they're going to have to figure it out on their own.

BflSaberfan

I just ordered Insanity today to mix up my routine alittle so I will be taking a 2 month break from the gym, I told her she is more than welcome to come t my house and do it with us. But if past behaviors indicate anything, she will only eat the calories she has burned.

alacarte

Maybe you should read "Codependent No More" By Melody Beattie. You cannot always worry about others, they have to be responsible for themselves. Just google codependence. Hopefully you will find some answers. Good luck to you and your friend.

knantz

Set an example by being the best you you can be. It sounds like you are on a good path. Hopefully, she will see your results and get motivated to join in. Some people can't be "talked" into it. You can teach all day long, but if they aren't ready to receive the message, you may as well be trying to teach the wall. The best thing you can do is teach by example. Trust me, she will see your results, and if anything is going to motivate her, that will.

JPayne53

I am a personal trainer and certified nutritionist and I have seen the type your step sister is... Actually I'm training a girl right now, who is the exact same way... this is what I'd do, take a break from busting your *kitten* so hard in the gym... if she want's to go out that's fine, you pick the restaurant and order something healthy and portion controlled. I have found sometimes when a client doesn't get results when expected or has the mentality... I can eat what I want because I workout.. it's a sign of overwhelming work and frustration without any results and in turn making a workout not fun or worth it. Try to look at the positive and focus on that... Compliment the success she has had.. you mentioned she HAS lost inches right? I think people like this need a positive passive motivation rather than an in your face comparison of what went right and what's going wrong. Compliment something OTHER than her weight or success.. What a gorgeous smile (you can't help BUT smile when you get a compliment such as this!), etc..when a person starts to feel good about themselves and not the success or lack there of it tends to have an immediate effect and motivates them to crave those compliments and think.. how do I get that again? If she wants to go to McDonald's join her.. there are plenty of sites that let you know what are the healthiest fast food meals that won't bust your calorie limit.. with your will power and knowledge soon she'll catch on!! Monkey see monkey do!! When you go to the gym.. ask what she wants to do.. what is it that makes her feel good at the end of a workout? Does she like Cardio rather than weight training or vice versa.. just talk to her and see if there is something deeper.

BflSaberfan

Maybe you should read "Codependent No More" By Melody Beattie. You cannot always worry about others, they have to be responsible for themselves. Just google codependence. Hopefully you will find some answers. Good luck to you and your friend.

It isn't so much about being codependent in our relationship. It's about me not wanting to watch her die in her 40's or 50's. She is my little sister, sometimes it is our job to worry about others when they dont seem to be able to do it for themselves at the moment.

JPayne - I will take your advise, I did compliment her on the inches but that is a good accomplishment! I feel awful when peopel compliment me and I can see it in her face what she's thinking. She tries to joke about it but I know it kills her inside.

She is an emotional eater with a very emotionally abusive boyfriend. I know this is the key to her weight problem/eating problem.....but giving her advice about the boyfriend is about as productive as giving advice about the food.