Issues with regret?

MikeM53082

I know one of the things I think about a lot these days is, why did I do this sooner? (I know I'm not alone on this!)

I know, deep down, that you cannot change the past and that I should be grateful that I finally got my act together and lost the weight I wanted to lose for 5-10 years. I just wish I did it in my late teen years as opposed to my late 20's.

How do people cope with regret they have? I seem to beat myself up a lot that I didn't do this sooner.

PoleBoy

At least I *started* to lose weight before I hit 40...

teasha43

I can truly understand this. I am 43 and think the same. I have never been terribly overweight and have always been pretty aware, yet, I have accumulated even more education in nutrition and it is scary. What we dont know CAN indeed hurt us. The best we can do is be grateful for the change and be determined to make it stick. Don't beat yourself up over it....

skinnyjeans13

I have the same thoughts sometimes... but the important thing is that we're doing it now. You'll get to finish off your 20s and enter your 30s feeling and looking great. I personally can't wait! I wish time would speed up so I could get there (with results) now!

Qarol

Worry and regret are two things I excel at. And guilt. Heck, I even sometimes feel guilty for worrying too much or regretting something. No one could ever be harder on me than I am to myself. I find I can't really cope with regret. I just deal as best I can, mostly trying hard to put it far from my mind. If I can find a way to not think about it 24/7, I'm usually OK. When it gets too hard, I just go take a nap or something. That tends to "reset" my thinking. So I don't have a lot of advice on how to cope. I'm just another in the same boat.

RGPargy

I am always beating myself up about my issues. I lost 7 1/2 stone (105 lbs) when i was around 26 (I'm 43 now) and my biggest biggest BIGGEST regret is putting it ALL back on, plus more!! I always deeply regret it and i think sometimes it hinders my weight loss progress too. BUT, as you say, the past is the past and what's done is done. What matters is NOW. NOW i am taking control of my eating and not letting it take control of ME and NOW i am striving for a healthier lifestyle with tons of exercise and healthier food options.

Unfortunately we are not Doc or Marty McFly so can only go forwards in life. Wouldn't it be lovely if we did have a Delorian (sp?) to go back in time! Sadly we dont so let's just all move forward and embrace the future.

:flowerforyou:

melaniecheeks

What's that prayer about God grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can't (and the wisdom to tell the difference!)

FearAnLoathing

Ive done so much crap in my life and wasted so much time that if I allowed myself to feel regret it would destroy me.I can not change the past or the things I have done and have not done.So any time I find myself wallowing in regret I think of all the good things that came from the mistakes ive made or the fact I wouldnt be the person I am now if not for them.
You just have to let go,you are doing what you need to do now and thats all that matters,look at it like atleast you didnt wait another 5-10 years live for today and tommorow cause those are the only things you have the ablity to change not yesterday.

RMinVA

You move on...it's in the past and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change it!! Do I wish I had started running sooner? Absolutely!! But I don't regret it. I think I enjoy it so much now because I appreciate, and actually have, the discipline it takes to stick with it.

MikeM53082

Thanks for all the replies. I'm truly amazed by the great attitude all of you have. You all definitely cheered me up a bit. You just have to be completely done with the past and try to think about it. I'm just interested in the NOW.

Mairgheal

I think you have to be in the right mind-set to make this weightloss journey a success. Sure, I wish I'd done this 10 years ago, but maybe then wasn't the right time for me. I'm 100% convinced that this is IT for me. This weight will not only come off, it will stay off.

LorinaLynn

Regrets? I've had a few,
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course -
Each careful step along the byway,
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way. :laugh:

You did what you felt was the right thing to do at the time you did it. Can't change it. Don't let your past mess up your now.

UpToAnyCool

At least I *started* to lose weight before I hit 40...

To the OP, ^ what the Pole Boy says! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I'm forty so of course I think you're golden - you figured this out at 28!
Don't waste time and energy now on what you should've, could've, would've done...

kbanzhaf

Regrets? I've had a few,
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course -
Each careful step along the byway,
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way. :laugh:

One of my very favorite songs in the world!!

Guilt and regret are emotions that tax our systems to the very core, and believe me, over the years, I've had PLENTY of both.

The previous posters are certainly correct. We probably all wish we'd done this sooner, done it better......and losing weight isn't the only thing we have this 'regret' about. But you are here now, and now is what is important.

My husband died from a brain tumor when I was 40 and he was 44. We initially did treatment at our "local" cancer center, but then ended up at Duke University. To this day, I wish we would have started with Duke (and may have, had I known about their Brain Tumor Center). My mantra for several years has been, "I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time I had it."

Good luck on your journey to a LIFEstyle change!
Kaye

RoadDog

Loking back is a waste of time. Start looking forward.

RunHardBeStrong

I know exactly what you're saying! I have made myself realize I can't change the past only the future! I know it's hard to get into the frame of mind to let the past go but you can do it!

lacroyx

I keep myself busy with job, excercising, socializing, living life in general that I don't give myself time to think and regret about the past.

kevanos

I don't believe in that type of regret. I try to eliminate those types of thoughts and focus on positive reinforcement. It took me time to aquire the wisdom and knowledge to lead me to the decision and commitment I have today to lose the weight I put on. Its all part of growing in life, you have to live and learn to grow. I don't regret the mistakes I've made or the bad decisions I took, they made me who I am today, and today I'm losing weight. I wasn't losing weight before, so I've improved and that makes me happy.

You often hear 50 year olds say, "if I knew what I know now and I were you age", but life doesn't work that way. It can't. you have to live throught your life experiences to grow from them, the good and the bad. Even in failure there are lessons to be learnt that are invaluable.

There was a really good Star Trek: The Next Generation episode with Q on this. Picard dies because if artifical heart fails. He has an artifical heart because of a bar fight when he was student where he got stabbed in the heart. Q gave him the opportunity to go back in time and change his rash and foolish decision to start the bar fight. He avoided the fight the second time around because he regreted having started it his whole life. The effect was that he never became captain of the Enterprise, because he turned into a person who avoided confrontation instead of facing it.

wwagw72

Stop!!! Not healthy!!! You are always better off than someone. You got going 10 years before me. I got going 10 years before someone else. We started before we were 500 lbs. Always something to say Good job about. We are doing it now and we are way ahead of the game compared to some others. Now we can help motivate others. Ok, maybe not me so much, but you for sure. 31lbs is great, I've only lost 5lbs but I am on my way!!!

biged335

The past is the past... You can't change it, so there's no reason to concern yourself with it... Just look forward and plan for the future. We all have things we wish we could've done different in the past, but it doesn't help the future by dwelling on the mistakes of our past... Learn your lessons, and see the positives you have coming to you. If you can change your life to loose weight, there's nothing you cant do!!! At least you didn't wait till your late 30s... lol

myofibril

I know one of the things I think about a lot these days is, why did I do this sooner? (I know I'm not alone on this!)

I know, deep down, that you cannot change the past and that I should be grateful that I finally got my act together and lost the weight I wanted to lose for 5-10 years. I just wish I did it in my late teen years as opposed to my late 20's.

How do people cope with regret they have? I seem to beat myself up a lot that I didn't do this sooner.

The thing is how would you feel if you had lost the weight sooner and because you were young, dumb and full of errrrr, arrogance it made you an awful person? That because of the way you looked you perceived that you could treat people badly and through act or omission spent your life hurting others?

Your thoughts, your experiences, your actions to this point have defined who you are as a person. If that is someone who has lived with integrity, with honour and with compassion then you have been moulded into a wonderful person, excess weight or not. It is not your external appearance that defines you, it is the content of your character. Take me for instance. I would still be as ridiculously awesome at 370lbs as 185lbs, fo'shizzle. The packaging may be different but the contents would be just as darkly delicious.

Our ability to think, to experience, to feel is what makes life worth living. Sometimes life sucks no doubt but it is a whole lot better than being buried 6 feet under and not feeling anything. I am not particularly religious but one of my favourite sayings from the Bible is this: "Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Sometimes, to grow, to reach our full potential we have to overcome regret and adversity. But you know what? Overcoming suffering makes the victory even more sweet. In the words of Aerosmith "You gotta lose to knooooow how to wiiiiiiiiin."

Do not regret your past. It has made you who you are today. So finally, from MSF's Bumper Book of Cheesy Motivational Quotes I give you something from Rudyard Kipling's "IF":

"f you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
.........
You'll be a Man, my son!"