What should I do???

blobby10

Oh wise and wonderful people of MFP - I need some advice. My husband of nearly 17 years has just phoned to tell me he has to go on a business trip w/c 16th May. It's a conference so all expenses paid beer and food with a little bit of work somewhere along the line. The conference starts on the Monday and lasts for 4 days but he won't be coming home until the Friday. Nothing wrong with that but it's my birthday on the Thursday. Now at nearly 42 I don't expect to celebrate my birthday in the way the kids do but am I wrong to expect him to say something along the lines of "Are you sure you don't mind me going as it's your birthday that week?". But he hasn't even mentioned it - his main concern for going was that he hasn't been in the role long enough to justify an all expenses paid week away!

Should I tell him I'm a bit miffed or should I just say nothing until someone else brings it up????
B x

tinytotnot

I'd probably say something, but indirectly, as in, 'well if you are away, I will see if my friends are available to take me out on Thursday' I wouldn't say for my birthday, but I'm sure he'll get the message :flowerforyou:

bettyboop573

I honestly dont think its that big a deal...but thats just me

brenda_71

Maybe it hasn't hit him yet that it lays on your birthday. He's probably too excited. Maybe just wait and see if he figures it out.

JunkFoodJane

I would just bring it up very plainly. My birthday was never a big deal to anyone when I was a kid, and I can be kind of sensitive about it. Better to just say you fully expect a call, flowers, a card and a celebratory dinner or whatever it is YOU want when he comes back. I would personally even say, 'I can plan the whole thing if you want, just tell me what card to put it on.'


: P My bluntness may be considered rude by some, but I'd rather be honest then be upset later because someone let me down. I'd rather not HAVE TO be honest like that, but you know... here's an example:

When I was pregnant for the first time and Mother's Day was coming up I said to my boyfriend, 'I know I'm pregnant and you may think, 'You're not a mother yet' but I'm just letting you know that I DO expect a card. I don't need gifts and celebration, but I will be expecting a card from you.' He was none-too-pleased and did say, 'But you're NOT a mom' and I said, "yeah, and because you feel that way I am letting you know that I don't care what you think about it- you really need to get me a card!" Turned out he was peeved because, well, when we got home he went to a cabinet and pulled out the mother's day card he'd already gotten for me. Even though it made him feel like I'd put him in a spot where I wouldn't believe he had thought of me unless he gave me a card a week early I felt great- not only had he thought of me, but I'd expressed my feelings very clearly.




Or you could say something easier like next time he mentions the trip act startled and say, 'Wait, when is it? My birthday will be so lonely with you gone : ("

LornaW

I would say something, these things fester and it can easily escalate into something bigger. I've been married 25 years and I know that little things if not talked about at the time can lead to resentment. :flowerforyou:

koosdel

Maybe he has a big surprise planned.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

missbp

I would probably make some really awesome plans to do something with my friends. Work is work, and there isn't much he can do about it. But, it doesn't mean you have to sit home and be sad on your birthday.

Hopefully he will make the connection that your super exciting plans are in celebration of your birthday, and he will do something to try and let you know he is thinking of you on that day!!!

blobby10

Wow!! Thanks for all your replies and the excellent cross section of opinions!

I will say something but it will be like water off a ducks back - he will get all indignant and start the 'well I won't go then' routine which I don't want at all! He and I do have very different ideas about consideration for each other and maybe I'm just being a bit too sensitive at the moment.

Thanks again for all your help!

B x