How to get something through someone's head?

robin52077

DH has a gut. Unattractive. He knows it.
Eats nothing most of the day then a pile of crap at night all at once.

Said to me just now:
"I need to look up some abdominal exercises, get rid of this gut."

SO I told him he just needs to change his eating habits, eat right. That's the most important first step. I told him he needs to burn calories to burn that fat. I told him he could technically do leg or arm exercises and still lose the gut, since it's about calories to burn the fat, not "Ab Exercises".

He said straight out "Don't tell me that, you're wrong. I know what I'm talking about. If I do a lot of situps I will get rid of all the fat in my stomach."


(he has no intention of actually doing it though, he says this every few months and never changes anything. He's gained 30 lbs in the 5 years we've been together.)

Just venting.:grumble:

mrphil86

Some people are just stubborn. Just join him and push him to do situps. When it fails just say, "I told you so, you going to listen to me now?"

Sometimes you just got to shatter a man's thought.

SassyStef

Bah feel your pain...I have lost 24lbs on my through this site and my hubby still doesn't believe what I say!!

lol

koosdel

You gotta make him think its his idea. Maybe leave some fitness mags laying around, I like the ones with hot babes on the cover... If you could get him into a couples activity he enjoys, you could ween him into excersisng. Walking, hiking, tennis?

He may never concede to an argument, so you gotta be really patient and tactful, and the hard part- let him take credit for any 'discoveries' he makes.

I'm really really stubborn, so I know what would work to convince me of an ideal.

RuePaul

well I can see one thing with this.......some men dont like women telling them men type things lol, I guess that might be the issue lol,

Good luck telling him about driving

Rue

Atlantique

Unfortunately, you can't. He already told you--this is not up for discussion and your input is not wanted.

Let him do those ab exercises for the next 3 months and have nothing happen. Maybe he'll be more willing to listen to you then. But maybe not.

kettlewitch

They do take it in they just don't let you know they have. I live with the biggest vegetable dodger known to man. I was 301 lb and my husband was 255. I hit 252 and made him get on the scales to prove he was heavier. And he was 250. I hadn't noticed he had switched to diet coke and stopped eating so many crisps.

However, he has gone home to Dublin for a few days and im left here doing the bloody gardening so I will be less than him when he gets home!

Newfiedan

You could voice motivation with say something he would like as a reward for working out to get him started, say 1 30 min workout = a back massage perhaps. He sounds like he is in denial lol, as are many men. After a few weeks of working out he will most likely start to enjoy it and keep going on his own. He just needs the right self motivation to start going and working on himself, I had to learn the hard way that diet was 80% of it or more.

kettlewitch

well I can see one thing with this.......some men dont like women telling them men type things lol, I guess that might be the issue lol,

Good luck telling him about driving

Rue

I tell my husband he is a bad driver every day. He appreciates my opinion and takes it on board lmfao

robin52077

well I can see one thing with this.......some men dont like women telling them men type things lol, I guess that might be the issue lol,

Good luck telling him about driving

Rue

I don't believe in "man-type things". :huh:
Fitness is a "man thing"?
Don't get me started on you too , buddy!

PS. I am a Taurus, and stubborn as a bull for sure. I AM always right! muahahahaha!

Well, I THINK I always am...but this time I KNOW I am!!!!

CakeFit21

You gotta make him think its his idea. Maybe leave some fitness mags laying around, I like the ones with hot babes on the cover... If you could get him into a couples activity he enjoys, you could ween him into excersisng. Walking, hiking, tennis?

He may never concede to an argument, so you gotta be really patient and tactful, and the hard part- let him take credit for any 'discoveries' he makes.

I'm really really stubborn, so I know what would work to convince me of an ideal.

This! He has to think it was his idea! Some guys are just like that. I like the fitness mag w/ hot chicks idea too. Brilliant.

robin52077

I had to learn the hard way that diet was 80% of it or more.

Yes, I WISH he would realize that diet is 80% of it! 3 cups of coffee till 7 PM then pizza till stuffed is NOT healthy. Then he wakes up at midnight and eats 2000 cals of peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon. I tell him if he ate throughout the day he wouldn't be starving and eat in the middle of the night. But again, I "don't know what I'm talking about and he eats just fine".....:noway:

Newfiedan

You gotta make him think its his idea.

I am sorry but I totally disagree with this statement, manipulating others is something I do not condone, regardless if the goal is well intended or not, this can be a source of resentment in any relationship, and it pisses me off when women do this to men. I am sorry but manipulation of another person is morally wrong end of story.

RuePaul

well I can see one thing with this.......some men dont like women telling them men type things lol, I guess that might be the issue lol,

Good luck telling him about driving

Rue

I don't believe in "man-type things". :huh:
Fitness is a "man thing"?
Don't get me started on you too , buddy!

PS. I am a Taurus, and stubborn as a bull for sure. I AM always right! muahahahaha!

Well, I THINK I always am...but this time I KNOW I am!!!!

I think you miss my point, it was only stating that you were right but 'some' men dont like women telling them what they think they should know

Rue

Newfiedan

if he is on mfp then get him to add me as a friend I will get the message through his head.

kettlewitch

You gotta make him think its his idea.

I am sorry but I totally disagree with this statement, manipulating others is something I do not condone, regardless if the goal is well intended or not, this can be a source of resentment in any relationship, and it pisses me off when women do this to men. I am sorry but manipulation of another person is morally wrong end of story.

Not if you do it properly. The suggestions here are advocating changes that can be made without having to railroad your other half into lettuce addiction. My husband has no clue about nutrition so he would believe that a salad was good even if it had a bucket of Mayo dumped on it. But there is no way I will get a lentil bake in him, I've had a weight problem since my teens but fir him it has only been since he gave up smoking 4 years ago, he was also brought up in a male only environment where vegetables came in a curry sauce and has had no guidance on how to eat well. I am trying to introduce fresh food, not manipulating

123456654321

Yeah... unfortunately there is probably nothing you can do. When and IF he is ready, he will get his butt in gear. Until then I think the best thing you can do is do what you do and lose weight and look great! <<<rhyme unintended ;P But that's what happened with me. The boy refused to take any advise from me at all until he witnessed my weight loss. Finally one day he said "Maybe you should put me on whatever your doing and we will SEE if it works" 65 pounds lighter he now understands that I knew what I was talking about. Before he was ready to make a change though, there was absolutely nothing I could do or say to make him want to. The will to change needed to come from within.

Good luck! I hope maybe you can inspire him!!

robin52077

if he is on mfp then get him to add me as a friend I will get the message through his head.

Thanks Dan, I appreciate it, but there is no way he would ever join. He thinks it's dumb. I am sad for him. And sad for me because I love him but I hate that he treats body like crap, and eats crap, and smokes, and never does any kind of exercise. I'm afraid he'll die young and leave me all alone. Nobody in his family makes it much past 60, they're all large and unhealthy, and have a history of heart issues. He has not been to a single doctor's appointment in the 5 years we've been together. I just want him to at the very least get a general physical and some blood work. He doesn't care, and it makes me sad.

StaceyL76

You gotta make him think its his idea.

I am sorry but I totally disagree with this statement, manipulating others is something I do not condone, regardless if the goal is well intended or not, this can be a source of resentment in any relationship, and it pisses me off when women do this to men. I am sorry but manipulation of another person is morally wrong end of story.

People are manipulated everyday by big business, government.... in all kinds of ways, magazines, radio, tv, social organizations...etc..

I understand when you say manipulation is wrong.. if the intent is ill-willed. In this case, she is trying to get him to live healthier and make some changes.. we are not talking about a trip to the bahama's, dropping friends, robbing somebody.. She has the intent of trying to get him to see reason.

I thought he had a good point. Lay some information out and maybe he will come around on his own. It's not like she is trying to implant hypnotic messages to him while he is sleeping.

WinKitty

He's not ready to make the full commitment. Maybe it's not him that needs to get something through his head--he's sending out a loud and clear message IMO. "I'm not ready."

It's hard to understand how someone can be so unhealthy but not be ready to tackle it...but that's where I think he's at.

jameseylefebure

I do think it's something he's got to decide on his own. I agree with the idea of leaving the fitness mag about - I get Mens Health and leave it open for my hubby when I think he might need a bit of motivating and generally it works. Or if I'm struggling I'll say - can you help me with X. Cause I do yoga every now and again I'll say "can you help me get into this position" and as he see's me pushing myself he'll generally start doing something to push himself (men are quite competitive) maybe trying to do something with him that makes him feel like he's in the right and have him "show" you what should be done. Get him to go for a lonnnnnng walk with you - but he can choose the route - you make the picnic type of thing - that way you can help him get the food he needs and he's getting the exercise? Just a thought - might not work in the long run but it's a good way of opening the lines of communication.
I think everyone knows that *you* have to choose when you are ready to do this - no matter what others tell you, you'll always find a reason to not to do it.

Hope things work out
Jamesey
xxx

36jessica

Eats nothing most of the day then a pile of crap at night all at once.

SO I told him he just needs to change his eating habits, eat right. T


Just venting.:grumble:

I wouldn't tell him anything, directly. Show him. Make him some special low-cal meals without telling him they're low-cal, you know, as if you were doing something FOR him not against him. Also, why don't you suggest some activities together? NOT because HE needs it but because YOU would like the company?

keljo05

until he is ready to make changes, he won't hear you. Or he will but won't do anything actively productive.

my husband let his diabetes rage out of control for years ( thought blood sugars of 400-600 were normal for him) and no matter what anyone said, in any way.. nothing got thru to him. Nearly dying ( seriously -massive heart attack that he wasn't supposed to survive at all) made him aware. He's still not great.. but he is keeping his sugars well under 200.

When I started eating better and exercising for me he was supportive. Not much at first, now very much so.. and is now starting to watch his sodium and calorie intake. In addition to that he bought a bicycle last week and is slowly getting his endurance back and exercising more.

you can't openly push him. The best thing you can do for yourself is to lead by example. If he feels a million crunches will do the job.. then let him do it.. its still an exercise and that will gradually increase to more without him being aware of it .. with you subtly influencing his decisions... and letting him think they are his as the others have said.