I need boyfriend advice.

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  • kettlewitch
    kettlewitch Posts: 277 Member
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    My husband drives me mental. He's messy, rubbish at DIY and just a general scruff who eats crisps all day.
    My husband works hard, doesn't drink excessively, doesn't gamble, would never dream of raising a hand to me and makes a good cup of tea. He takes out the rubbish, shops if I ask him, always pops into lush to get me bath bombs if he's in town. He isn't perfect but he loves me. If you are asking this question then maybe you know he isn't right for you, but if you'd expect perfection then ably won't happen
  • CallejaFairey
    CallejaFairey Posts: 391 Member
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    it's not silly to be upset over the small things, cause sometimes it's the small things that help to keep people together. i like the little things too. it shows that the other person is thinking of you. cause a lot of the big things are just expected and done without thinking...lol.

    when you sat down and talked to him, did you really make him believe you are having a problem with all those things? even then, he will only change if he truly wants to, and not because he loves you. we girls tend to start thinking that our partner should change just because we want them to. i certainly am guilty of thinking it. but changes don't happen overnight. i would give him a little longer.

    but in the end, you have to do what will work best for you. can you be happy with him as he is, cause honestly, that is the big question. don't expect someone to change cause you asked.

    be honest with yourself, you will know what is best for you.
  • allroundthesun
    allroundthesun Posts: 290
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    read eat pray love. :o)

    such a cheesy book/ movie, though, full of totally privileged upper-middle class "american" ideals.

    Amen! I'd suggest NOT reading it.
  • JodiS75
    JodiS75 Posts: 284
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    I've been there....they're not little things, they're life things. Don't settle. I got all those things the second time around and have never been happier. The right one is out there.
  • savagestephanie
    savagestephanie Posts: 1
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    If you are thinking of breaking up now Do It!!! Life is to short to wonder, wait and worry. It seems that you do love him and don't want to hurt him but in the mean time you are putting yourself on the back burner. I was with my ex for 12 years and always thought I could get him to tell me that he loved me more or get a job. I think that you should move on you gave plenty of good reasons of why you should already be single. If I were in your shoes I would leave before you get even more serious. Maybe you are in this relationship to know what you don't want in a partner.
  • hinesjared87
    hinesjared87 Posts: 16
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    i feel like i would get along with both of you. i'm in law school now, and have always wanted to move to another country, not necessarily for life, just for the experience. on the other hand, one of my biggest hobbies is video games! does he like sports? tell him i played d1 football! haha
  • NoExcuseTina
    NoExcuseTina Posts: 506 Member
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    it is not silly to be upset over the "silly" or "little" things...the "big" things usually can be forgiven because they usually only happen ONCE...it IS the small things that break up marriages since they are usually happening every single day

    having said that...my only advice to you is to pray about it...ask God to show you your path!
  • TLC1975
    TLC1975 Posts: 146 Member
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    Sounds like my relationship with my ex-husband...emphasis on the "EX"...only I made the mistake of getting married and having two children with him...I was young and nieve...listen to your heart and don't ignore the signals...
    All the best!
  • NoExcuseTina
    NoExcuseTina Posts: 506 Member
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    oops...must have clicked submit twice
  • CakeFit21
    CakeFit21 Posts: 2,521 Member
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    You are not lost or confused. You are a very smart girl who can see the writing on the wall. What you are is afraid. You are afraid to let him go because he makes you feel good SOMETIMES. You know what exactly what you need to do. You need to be strong, and live in another country, go to grad school and find someone who enriches your life and feels the same way about you. Stop being afraid and prepare to move into the next phase of your life. It will be hard, but you will be stronger for it.
  • 123456654321
    123456654321 Posts: 1,311 Member
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    I think you already know the answer to this. This is just my opinion, but you guys don't sound compatible at all and it's unfair to try and change him. I say get out of it before things get stickier. Date other guys "just to date" maybe ones your more compatible with....one of them might be your perfect match! This is possibly the rest of your life we are talking about here. You may think you will end it later, but feelings get stronger and it gets harder.
  • kayemme
    kayemme Posts: 1,782 Member
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    You are not lost or confused. You are a very smart girl who can see the writing on the wall. What you are is afraid.

    totally agreed. it's hard to be the breaker-upper. way harder than being the broken-up-with.
  • KickassYas
    KickassYas Posts: 397 Member
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    maybe you need to take a break

    BAM!!! first answer out the box.

    honestly even if you do love him it sounds as if he's not into making it worth your while. just imagine living with his lack of enthusiasm and support for you, your entire life. or at least for the next 10 years... i tihnk you'll be heading for a real depressing road and you deserve better than that. maybe you do need to take a break. if he loves you he will try harder. if he doesn't love you more than his own laziness, well.. you're better off.
  • iCatherine
    iCatherine Posts: 3
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    you answered your own question already darling. leave him, don't lead him on.

    if you want a more active life& he doesn't - he's not what you want.

    you'll figure this out. <3
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
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    go find your match. This guy isn't it. A lot of times when we're young we get the idea that we have to wait to break up with someone because things are awful, or you hate that person. That's not the only time you can break up with someone. When you look at someone and you say to yourself, this guy may be the perfect husband for someone, but that is not me, then I think you owe it to yourself and the other person to stop wasting each other's time with someone who isn't a good match for you. If you just want to keep him so you aren't alone, that's kind of unfair to him, and to yourself, because you won't meet the right guy while this one is still in the picture.

    The coolest thing about being 21 is you will spend the next decade learning SO much about yourself, what you want, deciphering and refining who you really are and who you want to be as a woman. And we all make mistakes through that journey and change our minds and figure stuff out. :flowerforyou:
  • beatlemom
    beatlemom Posts: 250 Member
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    My Grandmother always told me: "Marry someone you could enjoy doing things with when the romance wears off. Follow your dreams. People are who they are and seldom change."
    Boy was she right! I am glad I took her advise.
    You should follow your heart and your dreams and not sacrifice your happiness to ensure someone else's.
  • jtsmou
    jtsmou Posts: 503 Member
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    Save this poor sap all the trouble you're going to cause him and break it off now.
  • kimberly711
    kimberly711 Posts: 4
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    Alot of people will say to talk to him and when your married go talk to someone before you get divorced. My advice is this ; If your not feeling loved now after nine months it will get much worse. It is very important when your a couple to enjoy the same things together and those things that you like will change. That keeps couples enjoying new and different things together. My girlfriend is a great person I have know her since we were twelve. She had several nice boyfriends, but much to our surprise married a man who loved to sit around and watch sports (any sports) and play viedo games.Don't get me wrong they live in a nice house and he has a good job and so does she. She now is married to a man that does the samethings he did....surprise! The only difference is when she brings these things up to him (alot of what you mentioned ) he tells her she is nagging at him and it has put an even further distance between them! So now the things that bothered her are worse. On a positive note I have friends that married their best friends and share things together and have alot of respect for each other ( and it came natural to them from the very start) and to this day they are the same great couple. Life is a choice and no one can live it for you ,but the choices you make now can set up a life of great happiness or one of disapointments. I think it's great you are smart enough and strong enough to recongize future problems. I say go for your best friend that makes you feel loved and likes doing the same things as you.
  • AngelicaDulas
    AngelicaDulas Posts: 196
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    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE check out this web site. It's by the man Gary Chapman and it talks about the "5 Love Languages" and how this is the reason so many marriages work or fail. If after you've read through it and taken the quiz, you realize there are too many things he's not doing to fulfill you, or vise versa, then you'll have a basis to think about the decisions ahead. best luck honey, no one can make this decision for you!

    http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    Listen to your instincts. It's probably time to let go. Just because someone is a good guy it doesn't mean he's the good guy for you. Best of luck to you.
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