People are treating me differently... sad but true
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First of all great job! You should take a bow for you hard work! Second, this is all about you and how you feel because this is your journey. Keep your confidence rolling and save your energy for people that support you!!
Congrats to you!0 -
After only a (almost) 30 lb weight loss, people seem friendlier, and more interested in me. It makes me sad. I have a couple people who seem jealous - that makes me very uncomfortable. All this wierdness is getting to me. I also purged my closet of some clothes that don't fit anymore - some of my "favorite" shirts and pants. Its all starting to feel too real. Don't get me wrong - it feels great - but still uncharted territory for me, and I feel scared - naked feeling or something. I still have 55 lbs to go - what if I don't make it? What if I do??? What if I do, then gain it all back like I have every other time I've ever lost anything? Just had to vent a little.
You know what? I totally understand what you're saying, having lost weight in the past and experiencing the same things. But first, the people who seem friendlier and more interested? They probably aren't any more friendly and interested than they ever were. If you are like me, I (subconsciously) behave ashamed of myself when I'm fat and unhealthy (even if it's just eating unhealthy foods for a day). But when I'm doing what I know is right for myself (and especially when I'm losing weight!), I hold my head up, I smile more, and generally I am more accessible to receive friendliness and interest from others.
And for anyone who behaves like a jealous twit...well, they aren't worth your time! Keep you head up and know that you CAN do this!0 -
this is sooo weird... you are totally right , moms in the playground that looked at me like I was dirt for the past 4 years are all over me like a rash.... and a very good friend ( who was smaller but is now bigger than me) is getting to be quite cruel and spends a lot of time saying at our age we should just accept ourselves for what we are and if people don't like it tough . I changed my lifestyle because if I carried on I would probably not have seen my son grow up so hey girlfriend..build a bridge and GET OVER IT !
I worry about my journey too because it's going to be a long one , when I reach my ideal weight ( and I don't actually know what that is yet ) maintenance will be a tricky business I'm sure.
Just be true to yourself and let the others keep up or go away !
SW 1st Sept 2010 198lbs
CW 12th April 2011 159lbs
Next Target 154lbs by 18th May 2011 - Vacation
Final destination unknown !0 -
I a way I understand where you're coming from. People (especially men) definitely have been way friendlier and are downright flirting with me, even with my husband standing next to me (and I haven't lost weight that drastically really, it's just one dress size), but rather than being annoyed/uncomfortable about it, it gives me a great boost, it's doing wonders for my confidence.
Sure, you could argue it's not "fair", they should have been friendly/flirty with me when I was bigger, but at the end of the day, I do look better now than I did a few months back, there's no denying.
When I went down that dress size (only a few weeks ago really) I was massively self-conscious about it, felt like everyone was looking at me, which is nonsense of course. And now I'm used to my new size and I feel just fine.I (subconsciously) behave ashamed of myself when I'm fat and unhealthy (even if it's just eating unhealthy foods for a day). But when I'm doing what I know is right for myself (and especially when I'm losing weight!), I hold my head up, I smile more, and generally I am more accessible to receive friendliness and interest from others.
I think you hit the nail on the head here, it works both ways0 -
You know what? I totally understand what you're saying, having lost weight in the past and experiencing the same things. But first, the people who seem friendlier and more interested? They probably aren't any more friendly and interested than they ever were. If you are like me, I (subconsciously) behave ashamed of myself when I'm fat and unhealthy (even if it's just eating unhealthy foods for a day). But when I'm doing what I know is right for myself (and especially when I'm losing weight!), I hold my head up, I smile more, and generally I am more accessible to receive friendliness and interest from others.
And for anyone who behaves like a jealous twit...well, they aren't worth your time! Keep you head up and know that you CAN do this!
I think this is a big part of it for me.... I originally lost 40 pounds and felt GREAT, so I looked people in the eye and smiled much more often than before - when I was heavier, I wanted to hide or be invisible, so people treated me like I was invisible.
I will say though that in department stores I definitely get treated differently than when I was heavier - clerks would ignore me before but now I step into a store and immediately get helped. Although maybe the bad economy has something to do with that?? :laugh:0 -
First of all, I think if you're on this site you're likely really CHANGING your lifestyle, which gives you a much better chance of not gaining it back. I, like many others, did gain it back. But I lost weight by eating less than half the daily calories I should have been getting, and it was thus just a temporary solution and something I couldn't have kept up. True, you probably can't go back to how you ate before, but with your lifestyle change and finding how much you enjoy being in better shape will likely ensure your maintaining of your new weight if you really want it to.
I too noticed when I lost weight before (going in a few months from a size 18-20 to a 10-12) that people reacted differently to me. Some girls were extremely excited for me and invited me out more, but perhaps this had something to do with being a little less shy because I was more sure of myself. Other people were kind of distant about it. Perhaps some people think of their "bigger" friends as inferior so they feel better about themselves, and when you lose weight, they lose that advantage and aren't so happy for you. Anyway, looking back, those people that were genuinely happy for me were much better friends in the long run. Some friends just didn't say anything but I think that's because weight is just a touchy topic anyway.
When you're used to seeing yourself bigger, looking in the mirror can feel odd. I had never seen myself so thin. Seeing pictures and my reflection was liberating but a little scary, and I wondered if I was changing who I was and if I was doing that, if it was always for the better. I think it was, but because of my bad methods of weight loss, I lost that. And now that I've gained the weight back, I've noticed some friends are a little more distance (mostly guys lol) but my true friends are still as close as ever.
But anyway..sorry for writing a book lol. Celebrate your success and keep going, but don't let fear of gaining it back destroy your progress!!0 -
After only a (almost) 30 lb weight loss, people seem friendlier, and more interested in me.
Have you heard of the Halo Effect? It describes a type of cognitive (psychological) bias where one characteristic of a person or one factor in a situation affects the evaluation of the person's other traits.
What this means in plain English is that if you are slender or good looking for example people will carry over those positive traits and apply them to other parts of your character even if there is no good evidence that they exist. So, slim people will be perceived as somehow "better" or "more intelligent" or "good" simply because of the perception of initial positve characteristics.
This works in reverse as well it seems. Overweight has a negative connation. Therefore this negative association is carried over and fat individuals are deemed to be somehow "lazy" or "unworthy" even though this perhaps couldn't be further from the truth.
Really, we should judge each other by the content of our characters and by who we truly are as people. However, in reality this doesn't happen as much as it should. I guess that is understandable. I think there just aren't enough hours in the day to have the time to assess everyone we come across properly. Therefore we have to rely on quick impressions and signals mainly.
Unfortunately, this increased attention and politeness is something you will simply have to get used to, even though it may strike you as false. It is just the way of the world.
Finally, whilst I can completely understand why some women in particular are longing to be noticed once they lose the weight but I can assure you it is not all its cracked up to be. Too much attention is just as bad as none at all. In fact it can be worse. I know from women I have known that beauty can be more of a curse than a blessing. There's a lot to be said to for being just ordinary and happy...0 -
This has been a recent shock for me, too. I've been overweight most of my life, so I never really knew what it felt like to be "checked out" all the time. But now that I've lost 80 lbs, it happens a lot, and it is very uncomfortable.
I was in Best Buy the other day for a grand total of 10 minutes, and during that time, FOUR different sales guys came over and started hitting on me. One of them was particularly obnoxious and proceeded to stand half an inch away from me the whole time he was talking to me. Even when I would take a step back, he would move closer. By the time I left the store, I truly felt nauseated. I don't like that sort of attention at all.
As for negative reactions from friends/family, for the most part, I've been very lucky. My friends, co-workers, and most of my family have been really happy for me and supportive of me. I do have one relative who I think is secretly very jealous, even though she's not fat at all. She is just used to being the one everyone notices when we go out, and now she doesn't get all of the attention, so she makes comments about me from time to time that are like backhanded compliments. I just let it go. Those are her issues. It's got nothing to do with me.0 -
Finally, whilst I can completely understand why some women in particular are longing to be noticed once they lose the weight but I can assure you it is not all its cracked up to be. Too much attention is just as bad as none at all. In fact it can be worse. I know from women I have known that beauty can be more of a curse than a blessing. There's a lot to be said to for being just ordinary and happy...
I want to hear more about this ^^^^^^^ Care to elaborate?0 -
All of these replies are so fascinating... I feel like I am entering into a very unknown phase of this weight loss journey - an interpersonal side of it that I've never had the chance to delve into (because by now, every single time I've lost weight, I'd start gaining it back by now) I'd always start some "diet" and lose 25 or so lbs, enjoy it for a week or two, then slowly it would find its way back and then some. Its never been for real. Something about this time seems more permanent and it scares the bejeezus out of me for some reason - that is what I need to figure out. I am starting to look different - really look different. And, I feel exposed or something - like I"ve been hiding behind a big curtain. Not to sound dramatic, but this is really how I am feeling. I have a lot of confused feelings right now. I really need to keep focusing on the weight loss because I can tell if I let it, this fear could get the best of me and ruin this.0
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This has been a recent shock for me, too. I've been overweight most of my life, so I never really knew what it felt like to be "checked out" all the time. But now that I've lost 80 lbs, it happens a lot, and it is very uncomfortable.
I was in Best Buy the other day for a grand total of 10 minutes, and during that time, FOUR different sales guys came over and started hitting on me. One of them was particularly obnoxious and proceeded to stand half an inch away from me the whole time he was talking to me. Even when I would take a step back, he would move closer. By the time I left the store, I truly felt nauseated. I don't like that sort of attention at all.
Yah... you know, we were out with friends last weekend and someone that should NOT have been "checking me out" was DEFINITELY checking me out.... and I was checking right back, just for the fun of the game. I am not used to that kind of attention at all.0 -
When I was in 8th grade, I lost 10-15 pounds, dropping from 130 to 115 and finally leveling out at 120.
It was as though I had appeared out of thin air. Classmates who had ignored me - some cruelly, some just not even realizing i was there - suddenly wanted to talk to me, get to know me. Boys started paying attention to me.
And that's a sad reality that I had to internalize at a very young age: it does matter. It shouldn't - I was still the same person, even 10 pounds lighter - but it did. Cue the therapy-worthy self image issues. :grumble:
I'm incredibly lucky to be with my husband...he's seen me at all stages of my life and loves me no matter what I look like, and supports whatever I need to do to be happy with myself. So at the very least I've got that going for me.
OP, no ground breaking insights here - just commiseration. I really feel for you; it's weird and sad and kind of yucky. BUT - be proud of yourself, and as others have said, if friends are going to be jealous and snippy about what you're accomplishing here, it may be time to let them phase out of your life.
Best of luck, and keep up the good work! :flowerforyou:0 -
I am starting to look different - really look different. And, I feel exposed or something - like I"ve been hiding behind a big curtain. Not to sound dramatic, but this is really how I am feeling. I have a lot of confused feelings right now. I really need to keep focusing on the weight loss because I can tell if I let it, this fear could get the best of me and ruin this.
I feel the exact same way. I have changed a lot in the past 15 months, and not just physically. It has been a scary thing because I don't know where it's all going. It's almost like I don't know this person I have become (or, more accurately, the person who was always hidden inside the fat girl). I'm not in "mourning" for my old self, but I am not comfortable yet with all the ways I have changed.
Two things in particular that I worry about: becoming too self-involved and becoming arrogant, either about the way I look or about what I've accomplished. I devote so much of my time to choosing and preparing the right meals and to working out that I often feel guilty about not taking enough of an interest in what's going on with my friends and family. They don't really understand what I'm going through. They've been supportive, but I know there are times when they're annoyed and thinking I'm obsessed. And while I definitely have not reached the arrogant stage yet (I still think of myself as a chubby girl, even though I know I am not), I do find myself looking at random overweight people and thinking "Is that what I looked like?"
Even on MFP, I see threads like "People with 60+ pounds to lose," and I think "Yeah, that's not me anymore," and it's surreal. Or I see before/after photos now, and I think "Yep, I've pretty much done the same thing," whereas they used to really inspire me and make me think "I can do that!" Well now, I have done it, and it's just strange to think about. My mind is still way behind my body.0 -
that doesnt really sound like a friend.Yeah, I notice this, too. I'm 100% introverted, so the attention makes me a little uncomfortable. Probably one reason I didn't mind gaining the weight in the first place.
I have a friend who has told me she's jealous... but when I try to talk to her about how I'm doing it and how it can work for her, she just rolls her eyes or dismisses me.0 -
Does anyone else find themselves putting off things they want to do until they lose "even more" weight? I have friends I'd like to visit - places I'd like to go - social situations I'd like to be part of - but I feel like I am putting it off until I lose a little more and move further away from my fat version of myself. Wierd???0
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I don't know if I repeated because, um, the replies are really long and, um, well...Ok:
1. Wait until someone throws the same insults at you now that they threw at you a million pounds ago. That's funny when it happens. It's like, oh, ok - so calling me an ugly fat*ss just means that I p*ssed you off? Really? X-D
2. You'll be so disappointed but not when you fit into a "little black dress" and expect the world to turn their head and it doesn't happen. There's a reason for this. It's because it looks good and natural on you now. :-D Seriously. The first time I went out in public in the dress in my profile pic (which is knee length) I felt just *naked* because I've never worn anything like that in public. It wasn't a biggie though.0 -
Not weird. I'm not that way anymore because I'm so close to my goal now, but I definitely went through a phase where I didn't want to do certain things until I had lost more weight. For instance, my family wanted to take a big family photo last summer when we went on vacation, but I begged my mom to wait until Christmas because I didn't want to be fat in yet another family photo. I also found myself not wanting to be seen in public whenever I went back to my hometown to visit my parents and other relatives. I didn't want anyone I knew in HS to see me and think "wow, she really got fat."
There are plenty of other things I do now, without hesitation, that I wouldn't have done before. It's pretty amazing how we limit ourselves because of our weight. We don't want other people to judge us by our "covers," but we do it to ourselves all the time.0 -
It is true. You're absolutely right. You're going to get different attention from different kinds of people when you're "thinner" then when you're heavier. I remember back in high school & post-high school for a few years when I was a normal weight. I *felt* personally that people approached me more easily & I felt like heavier people hated my guts. I would talk to people in class and I just sort of felt like I was hated b/c I was, well....healthy I guess....after I put on about 100 lbs from my lowest weight. ALL kinds of different people talked to me w/ease. Those same people that used to ignore me started to trust me and started talking to me. It's weird but....it's almost as if they felt like I had no personality before & after the weight gain I suddenly did? I was sort of offended on every level when I gained weight. Worst of all I was hating myself for who I had become...why had I let myself go? Why are people so strange about heavy vs thin weights?? After I lost around 35 lbs last year and a little more this year I've currently lost 40 + lbs. About 1/2 way until goal. Again....people are starting to change ( a little ) and I am having different people talking to me b/c what, now I'm more approachable again? It's weird....it's REALLY weird....just know that people that really love you will be with you through thick and thin (no pun intended).....0
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I admit to having misconceptions about thin, pretty people when I was fat. It was especially hard being on a college campus full of beautiful sorority girls and hot frat guys. I just assumed they were all shallow and that appearances were all that mattered to them, but I became friends with several of them, and they didn't care at all that I was overweight. They thought I was cool, and I eventually got over myself. One guy even told me he had recently lost 90 lbs, which blew my mind and totally changed the way I viewed him (i.e. as a nice guy and not someone who is probably a jerk just because he's good-looking). And that was just as wrong on my part as it is for a pretty person to assume that someone who is overweight isn't worth noticing.0
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Finally, whilst I can completely understand why some women in particular are longing to be noticed once they lose the weight but I can assure you it is not all its cracked up to be. Too much attention is just as bad as none at all. In fact it can be worse. I know from women I have known that beauty can be more of a curse than a blessing. There's a lot to be said to for being just ordinary and happy...
I want to hear more about this ^^^^^^^ Care to elaborate?
Sure. People see the upside of being slim and attractive, and let's face it there are lots of them. Getting more attention, generally being treated better, getting invited to all the cool parties.
What a lot of people forget is that there are also plenty of downsides. The grass is always greener? No, the grass is just different. What if all that attention becomes oppressive? That you can't go anywhere without someone hassling you or trying to pick you up. Or people being uneccessarily nasty to you because they perceive you must be arrogant or full or yourself. Or having difficulty finding or maintaining a relationship because people feel intimidated by your outward appearance and not seeing you for the person you actually are under the skin..
I have known some very, and I mean very, beautiful women in my youth simply due to the social circles I mixed in. Look behind the veneer or glitz and glamour and you will find a lot of loneliness and unhappiness. Not in all cases but in many and it is heartbreaking. The problem is that unless a person has a strong and clear sense of self, and understand who they are as a person and what they believe in it is easy to be conditioned by your environment and the way people react to you. This can cause a whole host of issues where you become distanced from the person you want to be at heart due to external influences.
Losing weight isn't the end of the journey. It is just the beginning....0
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