My running partner annoys me

emmab3ar

Ok so I've been working and running with this gal for over a year. She's much smaller than me I think at 103 lbs. She's always telling me that she hates the fat that hangs down from her arm and that she feel like a her arms can be punching bags. I don't know what to say because I'm much bigger than she is and it makes me ask myself I wonder what she thinks of my arms than. It gets even worse because she's complaining that her stomach is flabby. And honestly I look at it and it's not flabby at all. I often wonder if she realizes that she is really critical of herself and in turn makes me feel like crap.

emmab3ar

Ok so I've been working and running with this gal for over a year. She's much smaller than me I think at 103 lbs. She's always telling me that she hates the fat that hangs down from her arm and that she feel like a her arms can be punching bags. I don't know what to say because I'm much bigger than she is and it makes me ask myself I wonder what she thinks of my arms than. It gets even worse because she's complaining that her stomach is flabby. And honestly I look at it and it's not flabby at all. I often wonder if she realizes that she is really critical of herself and in turn makes me feel like crap.

jew2442

I hear the same thing at work. The ones that are nearly where they need to be are always talking about their rolls they have around the middle. If they wanted to see rolls-I could sure show them some and I don't mean jelly rolls-or maybe I do!:laugh:

Theresa35

Why do people have to be soo negative...:grumble: I still have a long way to go but I am noticing the inches gone and areas that are improving. :drinker: If I were you, I would try to find a more positive person to workout with. Who needs all that drama....:noway:

PrincessLaundry

I HATE THAT!!! So what's your plan girlie?

kimber607

Hi

My closest friend who was a size 6 (again) 2 days after her having baby #2 (when I was 170's)
was telling me how fat and gross she is
Knowing I was way heavier than her
I always ignored her...completely changed the subject
Now that I've lost weight she tells me she is jealous..blah...blah
I still change the subject whenever it comes up

Kim

eyescatchfire

I don't know how tall your friend is, but 103 pounds is pretty little, even if she's just 5 feet tall. Is it possible that she has body dysmorphia or is battling an eating disorder of some kind? Maybe I'm just hopeful that a friend wouldn't intentionally try to make you feel bad about yourself, maybe she just has no perspective.

BTW, keep up the good work because you're doing great!

Shannon023

People that need constant reassurances that they're not fat annoy the cr@p out of me too. I usually don't keep people like that in my life. But, I'm callous that way. :blushing:

Theresa35

People that need constant reassurances that they're not fat annoy the cr@p out of me too. I usually don't keep people like that in my life. But, I'm callous that way. :blushing:

And that's why we you Shannon!!!

shkaki

i am willing to bet my life that she in no way is trying to put you down. My guess is she has body image issues, and most likely looks at you like "i wish i looked like her". i have battled with not liking myself and the way i look. I am about 6 foot and weight about 165, so i'm not big at all, but thats what my head tells me and i feel that way. I will look at someone else and envy them with the way they look, AND with the confidence that they have. I know that its totally annoying when people that are smaller than you are constantly putting themselves down. if its effecting your relationship i would tell her how its making you feel, because she probably doesnt even think about how its making you feel because shes so caught up with how SHE feels.

hope that made sense and i hope that it helps!

Shannon023

People that need constant reassurances that they're not fat annoy the cr@p out of me too. I usually don't keep people like that in my life. But, I'm callous that way. :blushing:

And that's why we you Shannon!!!

:smooched: aaawww..

jlwhelan1

I agree with those who say it has more to do with her than you.

She may have self image issues. Or she may have been trying to work on the areas she complains about without any success. Or maybe she wore a sleeveless dress and someone had a rude comment for her. Maybe she overheard something years ago that got stuck in her head that she replays. Whatever it is, it is her problem, not yours. Perhaps it is something that really bugs her, and she is comfortable with you so she shares it.

yoginimary

i am willing to bet my life that she in no way is trying to put you down. My guess is she has body image issues, and most likely looks at you like "i wish i looked like her". i have battled with not liking myself and the way i look. I am about 6 foot and weight about 165, so i'm not big at all, but thats what my head tells me and i feel that way. I will look at someone else and envy them with the way they look, AND with the confidence that they have. I know that its totally annoying when people that are smaller than you are constantly putting themselves down. if its effecting your relationship i would tell her how its making you feel, because she probably doesnt even think about how its making you feel because shes so caught up with how SHE feels.

hope that made sense and i hope that it helps!

I agree. People who always complain about their "fat" or other issues, have low body image.

emmab3ar

I still go running with her in fact I'm probably going with her again today. I guess I feel bad because her desk is right in front of me so if she sees me leaving to work out she will be upset that I didn't ask her to go with me. I prefer to work out on my own. I feel more comfortable that way. She likes to have me there because she says I motivate her. But I really don't know how I motivate her. She makes me fee like I'm so incapable of running at the same speed she is at. I just started running and I can run at a 6 and it took her 3 years to be able to run at a 6. So she always reminds me that she's so amazed that I can keep up with her. At first I took that for a compliment and didn't think anything of it. Now when I'm at a 6 she up's her to 7, which she knows I wont do that. And she's always peeking over at my tred it's so annoying in a way because I know she is trying to be the first one done running a mile. Usually when I finish first she says well you had a head start but I'm proud of you. I just roll my eyes!! My way of trying to avoid her comments is to keep my headphones on so there is less talk.

Dmprbst

I still go running with her in fact I'm probably going with her again today. I guess I feel bad because her desk is right in front of me so if she sees me leaving to work out she will be upset that I didn't ask her to go with me. I prefer to work out on my own. I feel more comfortable that way. She likes to have me there because she says I motivate her. But I really don't know how I motivate her. She makes me fee like I'm so incapable of running at the same speed she is at. I just started running and I can run at a 6 and it took her 3 years to be able to run at a 6. So she always reminds me that she's so amazed that I can keep up with her. At first I took that for a compliment and didn't think anything of it. Now when I'm at a 6 she up's her to 7, which she knows I wont do that. And she's always peeking over at my tred it's so annoying in a way because I know she is trying to be the first one done running a mile. Usually when I finish first she says well you had a head start but I'm proud of you. I just roll my eyes!! My way of trying to avoid her comments is to keep my headphones on so there is less talk.

Oh girl! I work out a lone for that very reason. I go to the Gym for myself and myself only not to compete with anyone or worry about someone competing with me. I don't like to talk to anyone when I go to the Gym, i'll my eyebrows to say hi to people I see everyday for 2 hours then I'M GONE.
So I don't know if you don't mind her behavior and you can handle it with out it hindering your work out. But I feel bad you have to work out with someone like that, On the other hand if you don't like it, (im sure she's a nice girl) I think you should just let her know you kind of would like to work out a lone, it allows you to focus on you, and you a lone. GOOD LUCK GIRL:bigsmile: Let us know what you decide to do. If anything.

shkaki

ick now that is really annoying.!!! I like to work out on my own so i'm with you on that!! sounds like your running pal has some real self esteem problems and has a need to compare herself to you. maybe you could bring a towel and hang it over the monitor on the TM so she can't look at it...now that would really be funny!!

emmab3ar

ick now that is really annoying.!!! I like to work out on my own so i'm with you on that!! sounds like your running pal has some real self esteem problems and has a need to compare herself to you. maybe you could bring a towel and hang it over the monitor on the TM so she can't look at it...now that would really be funny!!

I placed my mp3 player over my distance and I could tell it really bothered her. So everytime I would run she would make sure she ran faster. When I slowed down to walk she would slow down to walk than start running right away because she didn't want to fall behind. I am thinking about talking to her about it. Just don't want to hurt her feelings because if she dose have self-image issues that could be kind of a sensitive subject. Either way I think she needs to know how I feel.

Phoenix_Rising

I think she needs to know too.

My mother would always complain to me about how fat she was, how her belly/arms/thighs/etc were so (fill in negative phrase here). She was much smaller than me at this point.

I got sick of hearing it and finally exploded (cause it's my mom and she will always love me, no matter if I yell) and told her I couldn't stand hearing it anymore. I told her that not only did it make me feel awful, because I was larger than her and MUST be horribly disgusting if she was smaller than me but so "fat", and also that I didn't want her talking like that around my child. I don't want my daughter picking up on a negative body image. She'll learn enough of that once she enters school.

It did the trick. My mom stopped complaining so much.

I don't recommend blowing up at your coworker, but I do suggest bringing it up to her. Let her know you don't like hearing negative body image talk, and you want to be positive about the course you are on. Let her know that you are not a competitve person, or at least not when it comes to a workout, and you'd rather she not compare your treadmill stats. Tell her you don't mind a companion, but you do not need added stress when working out, but rather a time to unwind while doing your body some good.

Good luck in handling this!

emmab3ar

Well no new updates on this. My running partner has been super busy at work and can't run with me for awhile. YIPPIE!!!!

Phoenix_Rising

Well no new updates on this. My running partner has been super busy at work and can't run with me for awhile. YIPPIE!!!!

oh darn

shorerider

Ok--let me step in here and probably put my foot in my mouth.

But I've been thinking this a lot when I read some of y'all's comments and just have to finally get it out.

emmab3ar--I am sorry your exercise partner makes you feel like that--I really am. I hope you can help her see the beauty in herself as she is now while also seeing yourself as the beautiful woman that you are.

Now to the rest of MFP---

There are plenty of people who have posted similar type statements as Emma's running partner without realizing that there are those of us on here with ALOT more to lose than they have--and that when someone who has, say, 5, 10 or 20 pounds to lose, comes on here and calls themselves "fat, ugly, disgusting, blubber," or a host of other terms, please realize that this creates the same situation for some of us as Emma has and others have commented on in this post.

And, yes, I have read many posts with those very situations and read people describe themselves just that way.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't want to lose whatever weight you desire to lose--but PLEASE! Some of you are far from "fat" and I've not seen one "ugly" person on here yet--including myself !

BUT I've read plenty of people who refer to themselves in this way.

When someone who has 5, 10, or so pounds to lose (and often the case is not weight loss needed but really only needs toning) refer to themselves as "fat and ugly," please stop and think about those of us who have soooo much more to lose than you--and how your comment about yourself can make some of us feel this someway that Emma has expressed here--and that some of you have also expressed.

Which is way I think some will not post photos of themselves on here until a lot of the weight is gone.

We all, well many of us, have self-image problems.

Please consider how your description of yourselves can make someone else feel even worse about themselves.

AND PLEASE REMEMBER! God loves each and every one of us as we are already! If we get healthy, great! But nothing can ever increase or decrease the love that God has for you right now, just as you are.

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

MontanaGirl

Bravo, Shorerider!!! *standing ovation* Well said. There was a thread about this several months ago - very interesting. I agree wholeheartedly.

emmab3ar

I have to say I totally agree with you.

Thanks so much for taking your time to write that and reminding us to RESPECT others feelings. I REALLY appreciate that.

ohthatbambi

My two cents...

Your running partner has issues. You obviously are a much kinder person than I am b/c I would be sooooooooooooooooooooooo over running with her. If you enjoy working out/running alone then you should be able to do that. If it hurts her feelings, then oh well. You are under no obligation to feed her insecurity issues, especially if it is making exercise time unpleasant for you.

Exercise is tough enough without having someone there to make you miserable. I am an exercise by myself kind of gal. Working out with a friend just cramps my style. I find I spend too much time gabbing and not focusing on the goal. I do ride my bike a few times a week with my hubby, but other than that my exercise time is ALL ABOUT ME ME ME ME ME!!! Selfish, maybe, but I enjoy it more with my ipod on and everybody else OFF.

I would just tell her the truth and tell her that you prefer running alone. Who can argue with that?

Benson

I agree with the respect thing however overweight/bad feelings are not exponential. I may have 80 lbs or so to lose to anothers' 20lbs. Do they only get to feel 1/4 as "fat & ugly" as me?? Just because their weight is lower doesn't mean they can't feel, and express those feelings, about their own image. How we receive those comments is really about our own stuff. Our own goals, our own struggles and our own success!!!! When it comes right down to it we really should promote a positive environment for all beings. When I first began and someone wanted to lose 5 lbs to look good in their bikini I was like 'get off my screen' now I say I have to lose 5 lbs too - JUST 14 TIMES!!

Shore - Always a pleasure and an education reading your posts

We are all beautiful to someone even if not to ourselves.- YET

shorerider

I should add-my main point in posting was to express my belief we should all try to love ourselves as we now, too. If we don't love ourselves now, then who is to say that changing our weight will change that? Our love of ourselves--and I'm not talking vanity here but self-respect type love--should not be based upon our physical looks.

tashjs21

Shorerider you hit the nail on the head. I have been having this inner battle myself lately. I need to love me now because when I reach my goal if I haven't made peace with my body, losing that weight won't make a difference...I'd likely just set a new goal that might be unattainable.
And your previous post about how people describe themselves without realizing how it might make the next person feel is a great reminder that everyone has something they are dealing with and we should be supportive of others no matter what the goal weight is. (sorry for the run on sentence)
Thanks for this eye opener!!! :drinker: :drinker:

mommared53

My son does that, always talks about how fat he is. Please!! He's six feet tall and I think he said he weighs a whopping (my word not his) 148 pounds. I just want to reach up and smack him but I'm only 5"3" and I can't reach that high. :laugh: