Stress and Nagging Questions - Please Help!

Shinemaria

Hi guys! I have sort of an issue. It's a stressful time of the year for me (midterms, activities ramping up, new responsibilities) and I'm a tad stressed. Thus, this story:


So, tonight I broke down. Physically. I was nauseous and shaking and dizzy and had a headache, and freaked out my poor boyfriend, but we came to realize it was "just" stress and I would be okay if I calmed down. I have never had something like this happen to me before...it is terrifying. But afterwards I was tooling around on my computer looking at old pictures since I was trying to focus on something other than freaking out, and I came across pictures of me from high school and freshman year of college. I showed them to my boyfriend and he was vaguely appreciative, but after I left I texted him asking if he really didn't find the old me as sexy or sexier than the current me (I certainly did) and he replied back with "The old you would never have even looked at me."

It wasn't true of course (I dated a LOT of really ummmm....not great-looking guys back then cuz I was incredibly insecure) but then I started to think about the statement. So, does this mean he DOES think old me was hotter and just doesn't want to upset me, especially in my fragile mental state? Or does he like me now because I'm "on his level"? I don't think that old me would be above his "level" at all, but apparently he does - does that mean I've depreciated so significantly as to drop down a "level"? What does that even mean? If I get back in shape will he appreciate it TOO much? I know he loves me now and thinks I'm sexy now, but he can barely keep his hands off me as is, and I'm not sure I want to get "hotter" if that's going to be even more of an issue...and before anyone thinks I'm ungrateful for having the nerve to complain about my boyfriend finding me attractive, I really do appreciate it and feel flattered but it's difficult to do anything else alone together now because of this...distraction. Did he even mean the statement, or was that just to keep me from feeling bad about being so insecure when I was younger? What happens if he didn't really mean it but was just being nice?



I clearly need some advice here, and I know it's not your typical body issue but it's still really frustrating. He loves me and I love him, and we're in a wonderful relationship, and right now I'm probably overanalyzing, but at this moment in time, it MATTERS to me. Any thoughts? Men, what do you think he means? Women, am I alone in feeling like this/freaking out over one comment? Help!

absolament

Stop stressing. It doesn't matter. What matters is how you feel about yourself. Period. When you learn that trick you'll be stronger mentally and emotionally. No more break-downs. I've been there...

Shinemaria

UGH I meant to put this in Motivation, sorry. Still, if you have answers/advice...go right ahead.

Mamapengu

I think he is trying to let you know that he is appreciating the person inside the skin, and maybe how you looked back then would have intimidated him at that point, or he had an experience where someone who had similar characteristics didn't give him the time of day so he's turned that around to everyone else with those characteristics. But, really, I think what you've done is grabbed another 'thing' to stress and worry about. You've found a distraction that may be detrimental to your relationship. What you've described is similar to an anxiety attack and they can be very very scary- check in with a professional. You would be surprised at how many people go to the student health centers with similar issues and there is help to get you through the rough patches. it does not mean you are psycho or anything like that, just overwhelmed too quickly for your mind to adjust.

rodneyderrick

I think you're reading way too much into your boyfriend's encouragement of your old pictures. He was probably just trying to give you some encouragement, and he most likely thinks you're hot regardless of what you think you look like.

Shinemaria

I think he is trying to let you know that he is appreciating the person inside the skin, and maybe how you looked back then would have intimidated him at that point, or he had an experience where someone who had similar characteristics didn't give him the time of day so he's turned that around to everyone else with those characteristics. But, really, I think what you've done is grabbed another 'thing' to stress and worry about. You've found a distraction that may be detrimental to your relationship. What you've described is similar to an anxiety attack and they can be very very scary- check in with a professional. You would be surprised at how many people go to the student health centers with similar issues and there is help to get you through the rough patches. it does not mean you are psycho or anything like that, just overwhelmed too quickly for your mind to adjust.

Thanks - I did sort of forget to mention that I am currently on medication for depression (i swear I've been taking it!!) and do see a counselor every two weeks but I'm sort of highly emotional anyway. I'm definitely going to tell my counselor about the incident with the...stress/panic/anxiety attack. Thank you!

juliapurpletoes

HI :flowerforyou: deep breath!

I am a mother of a 21 year old college son....I am going to try to "know " where you are coming from....

Take another deep breath.....

At this time and at your sweet age....everything in the "love" category of life is so confusing.

who knows what he meant, he probably doesn't even know what he meant....sad, but true?!

And one day.....much later in your life.... you will know, but not now. You'll need some more life experience ......

Focus on you, your dreams, your goals and your SELF. Do not worry about what others including him may think.

Talk openly and honestly with him and go from there....it's what we all wish we were taught and what we all should've done,

Breathe

arhzon

I can't speak for another guy, but I can tell you a similar situation from my own life and be honest with you about how I feel. My wife is a lot larger than she used to be, and asks me similar questions from time to time as you asked him. I never thought of myself as a "level" above or below her, and I still don't now. There are times when I wonder why she picked me, and times I wonder why I picked her, both physically and otherwise. When she asks me, "Do you wish I looked like I did when you first met me?", I just try to tell her, "Baby, I love you and your body, no matter how much you weigh." This is true. Sometimes, skinnier is sexier, and I won't deny that a woman who takes care of herself is appealing for that reason alone. However, I see around 500 thin, attractive women every day, and I couldn't ever be more attracted to them than I am to my wife, because they don't have something she has (cheese alert): my heart.

Your health and fitness should be 70% of the reason you monitor your diet and exercise. Then 18% for your preference of your looks, and then 12% for his preference of your looks. If you are moving toward what you want your body type to be, then stop wherever you are happy, because above anything physical, the sexiest thing about a woman is being happy with who and what she is.

juliapurpletoes

the sexiest thing about a woman is being happy with who and what she is.

my husband will tell you this exact same thing...so if you are looking for an answer.....