Stress and Nagging Questions - Please Help!

Shinemaria

Hi guys! I have sort of an issue. It's a stressful time of the year for me (midterms, activities ramping up, new responsibilities) and I'm a tad stressed. Thus, this story:


So, tonight I broke down. Physically. I was nauseous and shaking and dizzy and had a headache, and freaked out my poor boyfriend, but we came to realize it was "just" stress and I would be okay if I calmed down. I have never had something like this happen to me before...it is terrifying. But afterwards I was tooling around on my computer looking at old pictures since I was trying to focus on something other than freaking out, and I came across pictures of me from high school and freshman year of college. I showed them to my boyfriend and he was vaguely appreciative, but after I left I texted him asking if he really didn't find the old me as sexy or sexier than the current me (I certainly did) and he replied back with "The old you would never have even looked at me."

It wasn't true of course (I dated a LOT of really ummmm....not great-looking guys back then cuz I was incredibly insecure) but then I started to think about the statement. So, does this mean he DOES think old me was hotter and just doesn't want to upset me, especially in my fragile mental state? Or does he like me now because I'm "on his level"? I don't think that old me would be above his "level" at all, but apparently he does - does that mean I've depreciated so significantly as to drop down a "level"? What does that even mean? If I get back in shape will he appreciate it TOO much? I know he loves me now and thinks I'm sexy now, but he can barely keep his hands off me as is, and I'm not sure I want to get "hotter" if that's going to be even more of an issue...and before anyone thinks I'm ungrateful for having the nerve to complain about my boyfriend finding me attractive, I really do appreciate it and feel flattered but it's difficult to do anything else alone together now because of this...distraction. Did he even mean the statement, or was that just to keep me from feeling bad about being so insecure when I was younger? What happens if he didn't really mean it but was just being nice?



I clearly need some advice here, and I know it's not your typical body issue but it's still really frustrating. He loves me and I love him, and we're in a wonderful relationship, and right now I'm probably overanalyzing, but at this moment in time, it MATTERS to me. Any thoughts? Men, what do you think he means? Women, am I alone in feeling like this/freaking out over one comment? Help!



PS - I am relatively happy with my body now - I'm just freaking cuz there are alternatives and that is...odd? Idk.