Super dooper bored.
Replies
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try juggling eggs :-)0
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dooper is a pretty sweet word.0
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An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
Sorry if this offends anyone..............it's just a joke!!
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An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
Sorry if this offends anyone..............it's just a joke!! 0 -
So there was a lawyer, a rabbi and a blonde.......0
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Here's a quick Limerick for ya:
There was a big guy from Texas
Who liked having fun with the sexes
He created his threads
But they all wound up dead
Moderators were protective of their Nexus0 -
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
Sorry if this offends anyone..............it's just a joke!!
Thats pretty funny actually0 -
Here's a quick Limerick for ya:
There was a big guy from Texas
Who liked having fun with the sexes
He created his threads
But they all wound up dead
Moderators were protective of their Nexus
Boy oh boy, ZH, did you create that for me, so nice of you:laugh: :laugh:0 -
Thank you, Thank you! I'm here all week :bigsmile:
:bigsmile: 0 -
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"0 -
^^^^^ see, thats what I am talking about, literally LOL'ed:laugh:0
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Man shipwreck on a island with a sheep and a dog. After a while the sheeps looking pretty good. But the dog won't let the guy near the sheep. Months go by every attempt is thwarted by that darn dog.
Walking along the beach the guy finds a beautiful girl washed up on the beach apparently from another shipwreck. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
He takes her back to his camp excited by her presence, nurses her back to health. A few days later when she is strong enought she hugs him and kisses him thanking him for saving her. She offers to do ANYTHING for him.
The man thought for only a split second and with a grin on his face he said "Yes there is something. Can you hold that damn dog for a minute?".0 -
one of my favs!! 0
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Man shipwreck on a island with a sheep and a dog. After a while the sheeps looking pretty good. But the dog won't let the guy near the sheep. Months go by every attempt is thwarted by that darn dog.
Walking along the beach the guy finds a beautiful girl washed up on the beach apparently from another shipwreck. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
He takes her back to his camp excited by her presence, nurses her back to health. A few days later when she is strong enought she hugs him and kisses him thanking him for saving her. She offers to do ANYTHING for him.
The man thought for only a split second and with a grin on his face he said "Yes there is something. Can you hold that damn dog for a minute?".0 -
hahahahahahahaahahahahahaahhahahahahahahahahahaha0
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A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."0 -
Y'all are TOO FUNNY! LOL0
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Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How do you breath through something so small?"
Q. What do a Rubix cube and a pen1s have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your c0ck?
A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Q. Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
A. Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!
Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Q. Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
A. When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.
Q. How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
A. Give it a n1pple.
Q. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A. When his hand caught on fire.
Q. What is the difference between "Oooh!" and "Aaah!"?
A. About three inches.
Q. When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?
A. When he eats his first Brownie
Hope this helps!0 -
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How do you breath through something so small?"
Q. What do a Rubix cube and a pen1s have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your c0ck?
A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Q. Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
A. Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!
Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Q. Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
A. When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.
Q. How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
A. Give it a n1pple.
Q. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A. When his hand caught on fire.
Q. What is the difference between "Oooh!" and "Aaah!"?
A. About three inches.
Q. When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?
A. When he eats his first Brownie
Hope this helps!
hahhaahahahahahahahahahaahahahah:laugh:
love 'em all!!!!!!!!0 -
Ok, I finally thought of something! Why don't we have a competition.....who can log on the most sex-related exercise calorie expenditure for the week?
Unless it's hidden I don't even see the categories on the exercise database....closest thing I could find was "Body Gymnastics" but nothing under "Sex", "Sexual Activity", "*kitten*", "Making Love" or even "Twister".
Even LoseIt.com has sex under exercise log....c'mon Beaver with your naughty following, let's put sex on the exercise database!!0 -
Ok, I finally thought of something! Why don't we have a competition.....who can log on the most sex-related exercise calorie expenditure for the week?
Unless it's hidden I don't even see the categories on the exercise database....closest thing I could find was "Body Gymnastics" but nothing under "Sex", "Sexual Activity", "*kitten*", "Making Love" or even "Twister".
Even LoseIt.com has sex under exercise log....c'mon Beaver with your naughty following, let's put sex on the exercise database!!
@BigBeav - I'm sure gonna miss you around here... :bigsmile: :bigsmile: 0 -
Oh dont worry, I aint going nowhere ZH, i am like a bad rash, treat me all you like, I will just keep popping back up0
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A man is lying in bed in the hospital,Wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, stil lsedated from a difficult four-hour, surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath."Nurse," he mumbles, from behind the mask,"Are my testicles black?"Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir; I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles,She overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles inThe other, lifting and moving them around.Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong withThem, Sir!"The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very Closely..."A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"
:happy:0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Love that!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"0 -
OMG! Hahahahahahhhhhh!A man is lying in bed in the hospital,Wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, stil lsedated from a difficult four-hour, surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath."Nurse," he mumbles, from behind the mask,"Are my testicles black?"Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir; I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles,She overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles inThe other, lifting and moving them around.Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong withThem, Sir!"The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very Closely..."A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"
:happy:0 -
A carpenter meets an old farmer down a country road. The farmer is accompanied by his daughter who looks very homely and not too bright.
The old man tells the carpenter that he is trying to find someone willing to marry his daughter. "She's over eighteen, she's used to hard work, and she follows instructions to the letter, though she's a little slow in the head if you know what I mean. I've just sold my farm and I'm willing to pay good money if you'll take her off my hands seeing as I have no more farming to do and once she's married, I'm leaving town, so what do you say?"
The carpenter was shocked by this proposition, and the daughter was not very attractive, but he was a lonely man. The farmer says, "Oh I know what the problem is...she's not much to look at so when you're ready for her to do her wifely duties, just tell her to go get a sack to put over her head...I doubt she'll think anything of it. Matter of fact, she remembers things by making a little song out of whatever you tell her to do, so you should have no problems."
The carpenter was still in shock, but not so much after the financial negotiation was made and he figured that the price was right and it was worth it. The farmer made him promise that he would keep his wife as a stipulation in the deal and it was final.
Once married, the carpenter took his new wife home and immediately put her to work in his workshop filled with all the brand new equipment and tools that he had purchased with his dowry. He began to build a fence around his workshop with his wife at his side, waiting for instructions.
"I'm gonna need a hammer now, dear." The carpenter's wife happily skipped to the toolshed to retrieve the hammer while singing, "Get the hammer, get the hammer, get the hammer, hammer, hammer!" She sang all the way back to give her husband what he'd asked for.
The carpenter then asked for nails, and his wife began to sing again. "Get the nails, get the nails, get the nails, nails, nails!" She happily handed the nails to her husband and watched on as he began to work. Just when the carpenter was almost finished putting up the last plank for the fence, he banged his thumb while nailing and yelled, "Aw, f***!!!" The carpenter's wife happily began skipping away again while singing, "Get the sack, get the sack, get the sack sack sack!!!"
Hope nobody is offended...it's a really old joke! 0
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