What does "being supportive" mean to you??

redefiningmyself

In regards to MFP, I've always thought that "being supportive" meant taking the time to comment in a respectful manner when someone is actively working towards their goal. (eg "good job", "fabulous burn" etc)

I also think its means that when a person is struggling, and you see that they are clearly doing something that is unhealthy or dangerous, that mentioning healthier alternatives is also "being supportive" because it shows them that you care about their goals, and are trying to help by acknowledging where the problem may be and by providing information that could be used for change. (eg when someone says they always feel hungry and and you see in their diary that they are only eating junk food commenting "perhaps try adding more lean protein and veggies and fruit into your diet")

However, a few times I've been blasted for not "being supportive".

In one incidence an MFP friend was complaining she was sooo hungry, and I saw she'd only eaten 1 chicken wing and 1 diet coke in the whole day, so I commented that she's got lots of calories left and could have a good meal with lots of veggies, lean protein and a healthy carb.
The MFP friend's mother blasted me telling me that she's fat enough and doesn't need to eat anything and to shut the hell up if I'm not going to be "supportive". The mother then went on to tell the girl to have a glass of water if she must.

Another example I recently saw was someone asking about a diet that I personally believe is a scam and very dangerous. I didn't respond as I noticed about 10 people already did who clearly shared my thoughts. They told the poster why they believe its unhealthy and then recommended that the poster consider portion control and exercise to lose weight.

They call got blasted for "not being supportive".

So tell me, what does "being supportive" mean to you????

dls06

Not letting someone make excuses.

TrainerRobin

For me, it's as simple as just answering their question.
Nothing more -- no lectures or rants like we sometimes see.
If someone other than the OP (like the mother you encountered) has an issue, I don't give it a second thought since my goal was simple: only to answer the OP's question so her journey toward a healthier her is a little bit easier.

:drinker:

Atlantique

People ask for advice when they want it and tend to take any offered at other times as offensive. Sometimes you can ask a question when someone seems to be struggling and get by with it, but sometimes not.

The people who annoy me are the ones who ask for advice when what they really want is for someone to tell them that they are right, or simply complain about any advice they receive. :huh: In my opinion, they should call it what it is: a rant, a pity party-whatever-but do NOT say you're asking for advice and then balk because you received some!

JodiLouLou

Redefining, I would hope that you would give me your honest opinions. We're not here to be coddled, we're here for support and feedback. Sometimes I need a kick in the butt and MFP is where I need it from; from my peers, people going through or that have gone through the same things. It's a learning experience for all of us and I hope to gain knowledge and inspiration from you all.

I feel very sad for that young lady with the mother that doesn't understand. My hope for her is that she finds the help she needs and removes her mother from the equation because that is a recipe for disaster

vanilla81

I think people who cannot or don't want to accept fair comments actually do not want to change anything in their life so, I think you should not worry about this kind of people and keep being sincere with your other MFP friends telling them exactly what you would do if in their shoes. Go girl!

redefiningmyself

Thanks everyone. Its good to know I'm not the only one who puts value on being sincere.

Mostly what I do is delete people off my list who are not actually trying to improve their health. I came here for me, and need support and give support to like minded people.

Life's too short to waste time on the wrong things.

redefiningmyself

Thanks everyone. Its good to know I'm not the only one who puts value on being sincere.

Mostly what I do is delete people off my list who are not actually trying to improve their health. I came here for me, and need support and give support to like minded people.

Life's too short to waste time on the wrong things.

thumper44

Supportive. Checking in on your friends. Commenting on their successes. Helping them when they hit road blocks. Letting them know they are not the only one going through this change in lifestyle, hard choices and cravings.

There's a difference for people who don't know and are wiling to learn, and they grasp for more knowledge.
or
People who don't know, but they think they do, and are too stubborn to listen to other opinions from people who have been there, hit those road blocks etc.

Unfortunately there are people in society who ask a question, and only want to hear the opinion they are interested in .. "go for it. Yep it's ok, Just do it" They want reassurance that what they want to do okay with at least one other person .
They ignore everything that is said and think your being rude for replying, because it's the opposite of what they want to hear.

AmysNewBeginning

Just what you are doing! You are being honest and wanting to help. Some people are just jerks! They don't want to hear the truth, and you are willing to give it....that's called "tough love" in my book.

Keep being true to you, and if they don't like it, delete them. I love your attitude and being honest is the best policy especially
in this journey.

Add me as a friend if you like...I will never blast you!

Angela4Health

Just what you are doing! You are being honest and wanting to help. Some people are just jerks! They don't want to hear the truth, and you are willing to give it....that's called "tough love" in my book.

Keep being true to you, and if they don't like it, delete them. I love your attitude and being honest is the best policy especially
in this journey.

Add me as a friend if you like...I will never blast you!

\

I completely agree with this!

MinnieInMaine

Started commenting on the situation with your friend and her mother but I guess that's not the point and not really any of my business anyway...hehe

To me, being supportive is part of being a good friend. Giving advice when it's asked for and being as honest and helpful as you can be. You did nothing wrong!

MzBug

I give kudos where deserved. I make a comment about not enough nutrition when needed too. I have been deleted from a few peoples lists for making such comments. I have gotten nastygrams from people not on my friends list for making such comments on one that was on my friends list. I have deleted people off my friends list that have a pattern of 'destructive behaviors'. People that stay on my friends list are people of 'like minds' that have a goal of being healthy while losing weight. When asked for my opinion I will give it, if they don't like it, not my problem. Don't like what I tell you? Don't ask. I would expect the same in return.

mommaski4

Redefining, I would hope that you would give me your honest opinions. We're not here to be coddled, we're here for support and feedback. Sometimes I need a kick in the butt and MFP is where I need it from; from my peers, people going through or that have gone through the same things. It's a learning experience for all of us and I hope to gain knowledge and inspiration from you all.

I feel very sad for that young lady with the mother that doesn't understand. My hope for her is that she finds the help she needs and removes her mother from the equation because that is a recipe for disaster

My thoughts exactly. I am here for support. Sometimes I need somebody else to point out the obvious. Now, that does not mean I want to be criticized time and again, but constructive criticism is always welcomed. And when I comment, I try to do it in a nice way, suggestions, not criticism.

I must admit, I am very bothered by your post about that young lady not eating enough. It does NOT sound like her mother is supportive at all.

You are very supportive. Keep doing just what you are doing.

chrisyoung0422

Always getting another bottle of wine or booze cracked when I am about to finish the current one......haha

Support is more than just a WTG! You need honesty and accountability.

summerfun21

Good or bad I find the ones that are supportive to be those that simply take a few seconds just to reply. Don't know what I would do without them:)

jlsAhava

Sounds to me that you're doing everything right. I try to have friends that have the same philosophies as me. This way I'm able to support those people I feel are working toward their goals in a healthy many, and have a good chance of maintaining their loss in the long term.

I am a believer in starvation mode, and prefer a balanced diet with real food over one balanced with a lot of nutritional supplements and shakes (though supps and shakes in moderation I feel are fine). I also feel that too much processed and fast food will be detrimental in the long run, even if you continually come in under calories. I would have a difficult time giving support to people who's philosophies vary too far from my own. I also have a hard time supporting people who don't open their food journals - How can I give them a WTG if I have no way to know they're not starving themselves?

I think you should keep doing what you're doing! :flowerforyou:

sanura

I believe support should be sincere, even if it's not exactly what we want to hear. I recently deleted most of the people on my friends list...some of them were self-destructive, some of them simply didn't reciprocate any support, I think it should work both ways, and I apologize to the other friends who didn't deserve to be deleted but I felt like I didn't have time or the energy to get to know them and really support them in any way. I now have a small list, and I'm much happier. I can't save the world, and I'm struggling enough with my own goals.

angp7711

I believe support is all about sincerity and honesty. I don't want somebody to hold my hand in the middle of oncoming traffic I would want them to help get out of the way. There is a lot of destructive behavior and supporting that just doesn't make sense to me.