Why do people insist ...?

kms1981

My husband and I often have this talk, why do people feel so comfortable to comment on your weight when you lose it? I mean, he has gotten comments like "You have lost too much" , "You should quit losing" and so on. I have been told that my ideal weight is too low even though it falls into the "healthy weight range" for somone 5'5".

No one ever told him to quit gaining or he looked bad when he was 100 pounds heavier, so why would you make a comment now? No one ever told me my weight was too high, but the weight I am shooting for is too low?

Why is being fat, heavy or constantly gaining a taboo weight topic but not when you are losing?

I try to keep my head up and brush it off, but sometimes I just get so annoyed. Weight loss is personal. I get that you can see it on the outside so you think it's fair game, but it isn't always.

kimmerroze

I think people are supporting you when they say its paying off... I appreciate the comments simply because when I look in teh mirror I don't see the progress.. when I stare at the numbers Im still not convinced... When someone compliments my efforts its then that I realize that "hey, maybe it really is paying off"

If people commented and told you to stop gaining weight, all hell would break loose...I k now I don't appreciate it.. and didn't appreciate it.

there is no happy medium, even tho both comments are out of love, kindess, and support.

MissKim

misery loves company.....and the majority of people are miserable
Just keep doing you, and let the haters keep hating!!!

that is so true though! people pick apart diets and and ridicule you if they think you are eating a "fad" diet, or are eating too few calories, or eating too few "carbs" etc..etc...etc... but where were these people when you were going through mcdonalds drive thru everyday??? not saying a darn word to you!

Yarrum84

I guess because it is a sore subject and it's so that we don't offend people.

I for one, wish someone would have took me aside and said, 'hey, I think you need to look at your weight'.

Saying that, we tell my sister, and it's no use, she gets in denile. She's 21yrs old and a size 24 but SQUEEZING into size 18 so therefore she thinks she's a size 18. No no no.

Pandorian

For certain people its defense, oh you're getting healthy but I'm not willing to do anything about MY self so I'm going to belittle your efforts and make you question yourself further, so I can feel better about myself at this unhealthy weight.
For others its just change and we don't like change. I'll have to get the video out from the library again but I saw something where they said that the "ideal" weights have moved up to follow the trending to heavier weights (I tie this to the ever more processed foods) Was either the pioneer life or colonial life one of those shows LIKE "victorian farm" where they put a family or group of people back into how life was years ago.

NikkiLee227

Your right, weigh loss is personal. Though, while it may be annoying for people to comment on weight loss. The main reason why people may not comment on weight gain is because they don't want to hurt you or offend you. Typically, when people gain weight its not on purpose, its a sign that the person is not putting their health as a priority, or that there may be deeper issues. Though, when someone loses weight, in most situation, its a conscious effort. Though, people may express their concern, because they don't want you engaging in unhealthy behaviors or trying to conform to societal pressure. People want you to be happy!

But more importantly you focus on you and what your goals are. Frankly, sometimes other people are jealous, so push the haters to the side

pk_dalton

No one ever told him to quit gaining or he looked bad when he was 100 pounds heavier, so why would you make a comment now? No one ever told me my weight was too high, but the weight I am shooting for is too low?

Why is being fat, heavy or constantly gaining a taboo weight topic but not when you are losing?

Maybe if people were honest and said, hey you should really lose some weight, then less people would be obese. On the other hand, people should love you for who you are, not your baggage. If someone loves you, then they should be able to find a tactful way of helping you get healthy.

Niceven

Be mindful of the source. It could be jealousy, it could be genuin concern, and it could simply be ignorance. Either way, calmly correct them. State your argument in favor of losing more (or however much) and do so calmly. When I tell people my target (which is middle ground for my age and height) I get the "That's way too much!" My gut reaction is to tell them to stuff it, it's my body. Thankfully, I simply state that according to the BMI chart that's much healthier than I am now, would you like to see? And direct them to a computer or a print out.

It's my experience that once I show them the cold hard facts they shut up. If I hear another peep, I threaten them with the charts again...once they see where they stand they start thinking they should lose weight too!

mursey

Sometimes people don't want you to lose enough weight for them to be jealous of. If you are not "too skinny" by scientific standards, (body fat % or BMI), then they can F off. Keep doing what you're doing and sometimes you have to think of short answers to annoying statements by these people. "thanks for your expert advice. But I'll stick to my body fat scale to know when I'm too skinny" or "Oh thanks for your advice, but I already have a doctor/nutritionist (insert term here).

Sorry .. I'm a big fan of sarcasm!

MissKim

A few years back I lost most of my weight, I was sooo happy! Well, I had some things go wrong in my love life and started eating back the way I did before and it started coming right back. I went from 125, back up to 210 in a matter of months. I would give anything if someone had been like, um, kim, your getting fat again!!! or at least told me i should get on the scale and see what it says! i swear i knew i was gaining some, but never imagine it would come back like that. I just stopped caring, didn't step on a scale, and ate what i wanted...and here i am years later, trying to do it all over again. you better believe this time, i will be keeping a close check on my weight!

TayJoMama

I found that interesting also that when I told people that I had 30 more pounds to lose, they thought I was crazy. Some actually said that I should stay the weight I am now, 165 pounds. They wonder where I have to lose 30 pounds from. But I'm still in the overweight category and still have a muffin top and gut that I don't want. I think part of it is these people only know me as overweight and have never seen me at my normal weight. So I say to you brush it off and keep going on our healthy adventure, that's what I'm doing until I get to MY goal.

aehartley

I am having this problem at my office. I started MFP when I got the job that I am currently at. They have watched me loose 40 lbs and they all know I go to the gym twice a day and I am serious about eating healthy. Now all of a sudden they are being quite mean about "you too skinny" - "you should eat something" - my manager constitaly brings "bad" food into the office and says,.. " oh are you going to eat some of this, that is right you won't" along with some other things. Truthfully it has made me more determined. I wonder if some of them are not a little jealous about the changes I have made in my life. I try and just let it go, stick to my guns. It really is none of her buisness. I don't understand why they feel like they really are entitled to an opion on my weight. It is MY weight not a group office weight...

*end of rant*

sorry i needed to get that out I guess

MissKim

also, i would like to add, that people are scared to say or do anything about their kids being overweight, b/c there's a chance that it might hurt their self esteem?? that pisses me off so bad? which do you care about most? them having a heart attack at the age of 30? or their self esteem?? I'm not saying tell them their fat everyday, i'm saying teach them how important it is to eat healthy and be active! and do it with them! childrens obesity has went up a ton!! kids are having heart attacks! and diabetes at the age of 12! but at least they will have a good self esteem! lol

sorry, that's a pet peive, had to vent!

NeuroticVirgo

If people commented and told you to stop gaining weight, all hell would break loose...I k now I don't appreciate it.. and didn't appreciate it.

there is no happy medium, even tho both comments are out of love, kindess, and support.

LOL I think "All hell would break loose" sounds just about right for people commenting when someone is overweight. I mean most people are pretty defensive about their weight, especially when they've...let themselves go... Its one of those, I know I need to lose weight, and I feel bad enough as it is, I don't need you saying it too kind of things.

As for the comments about not losing to much weight, or the "you look think enough, I don't think you need to lose anymore"....I don't think those are because people are bitter. I think its just the overall shock value of your before and after appearance.

To be in my healthy weight, I will need to lose 120lbs. (33 I've lost so far, and haven't even dropped a pant size!)...but when someone asks me "How much are you trying to lose"...and my reply is "120", I just get this look of horror, I like they think I'm going to become anorexic. Because 120 is like a whole person.

And the same thing for people closer to your goal weight, 5 lbs becomes more noticeable. So each time you drop 5lbs here or there, you look significantly skinner. And people just aren't adjusted, and might feel like your taking it "to far"... you know?

That's just my 2 cents on the subject.

dragonflydi

also, i would like to add, that people are scared to say or do anything about their kids being overweight, b/c there's a chance that it might hurt their self esteem?? that pisses me off so bad? which do you care about most? them having a heart attack at the age of 30? or their self esteem?? I'm not saying tell them their fat everyday, i'm saying teach them how important it is to eat healthy and be active! and do it with them! childrens obesity has went up a ton!! kids are having heart attacks! and diabetes at the age of 12! but at least they will have a good self esteem! lol

sorry, that's a pet peive, had to vent!

I could not agree with you more ... and at one time, I was guilty of doing this. Not any longer. My 11 y.o. daughter, who is overweight, watched my weight loss success over the last two years and as such, I have been working with her on good food choices and getting regular exercise for a little over 6 months now. She's only lost about 10 lbs, but her clothes are fitting better and she was so excited last week when she ran into my room and announced that she no longer needed to use the bra extender we had to get her. She's participating in an after school athletic club (the only girl among a see of upcoming freshman football players) and she is playing softball. She also participated in her first organized run last month - The Shamrock Run (she did the Leprechaun Lap, but it was a start since she wasn't ready for a 5K yet). Now we are looking for a 1 mile run as her next adventure and she is looking forward to it ... which was music to this momma's ears!

MissKim

also, i would like to add, that people are scared to say or do anything about their kids being overweight, b/c there's a chance that it might hurt their self esteem?? that pisses me off so bad? which do you care about most? them having a heart attack at the age of 30? or their self esteem?? I'm not saying tell them their fat everyday, i'm saying teach them how important it is to eat healthy and be active! and do it with them! childrens obesity has went up a ton!! kids are having heart attacks! and diabetes at the age of 12! but at least they will have a good self esteem! lol

sorry, that's a pet peive, had to vent!

I could not agree with you more ... and at one time, I was guilty of doing this. Not any longer. My 11 y.o. daughter, who is overweight, watched my weight loss success over the last two years and as such, I have been working with her on good food choices and getting regular exercise for a little over 6 months now. She's only lost about 10 lbs, but her clothes are fitting better and she was so excited last week when she ran into my room and announced that she no longer needed to use the bra extender we had to get her. She's participating in an after school athletic club (the only girl among a see of upcoming freshman football players) and she is playing softball. She also participated in her first organized run last month - The Shamrock Run (she did the Leprechaun Lap, but it was a start since she wasn't ready for a 5K yet). Now we are looking for a 1 mile run as her next adventure and she is looking forward to it ... which was music to this momma's ears!

sounds to me like it has done great things for her "self esteem" Great Job Mama!

TaneeisFitforLife

It'll die down the more people get used to it. I used to get those remarks all the time but honestly we can't even eyeball a portion size, much less have an idea what "X" amount of pounds off of another person would be lol Just shrug it off.

I had an article come out on me a couple of months ago & it's now in a frame at the place I work at. I still get the "wow" comments from members joining (I work at an aerobic studio) and most will come to be first if they have serious questions. So yeah, I use it to my full advantage to get through to people :happy:

I still have to weed through some haters but I don't focus on them.

PattyTheUndefeated

I feel your pain. My husband and I come from very critical and obese families who make our dramatic weight loss a constant topic of conversation everytime we have a get-together. I'm tired of hearing, ''You've lost too much" or " You look fine now and shouldn't lose more," and finally,a nd this one takes the cake from my own Mom, "You better stop or you might become anorexic."

I mean, REALLY!??!

I'm dreading easter dinner because I've lost more weight and I'm sure I'll be scrutinized and have twice as much food piled onto my plate by sabotaging family because of it.

Sigh...

TaneeisFitforLife

also, i would like to add, that people are scared to say or do anything about their kids being overweight, b/c there's a chance that it might hurt their self esteem?? that pisses me off so bad? which do you care about most? them having a heart attack at the age of 30? or their self esteem?? I'm not saying tell them their fat everyday, i'm saying teach them how important it is to eat healthy and be active! and do it with them! childrens obesity has went up a ton!! kids are having heart attacks! and diabetes at the age of 12! but at least they will have a good self esteem! lol

sorry, that's a pet peive, had to vent!

If you do it in a loving way I'm all for it .....my version of my mom's diet for me? Belittle me almost every time I saw her about my weight. "You have such a pretty face, now if you'd only lose weight" is not showing the love (that's just a mild phrase she'd say....can't post the rest here)

aehartley

My mom is overweight, and since I have started all of this she has been very supportive. I guess in that I am lucky. It seems to even have motivated her to make some small changes. That is an even bigger victory. I really do try and shrug it off, but it is everyday and it is taxing. My partner is happy that the changes I have made have made me confident, and happier but she gets a little bothered by the things that they have said or done in the office. She is with me everyday and has said you wanna loose 10 more then be my guest if it makes you feel better then it is no place of mine to try and change your mind. I just don't understand why they would really care what I do. I don't say anything about them eating 20 cupcakes?

Beebs33

I think a lot of people just aren't happy for others who are healthy. Just a human thing. Sometimes it's nice to hear people tell me that they think I look great and I wouldn' t have to lose anymore but they are being positive. The ones that are just like you're too skinny and all that bs then it makes me angry...like the HULK:explode:

As long as I'm being healthy though, I don't worry too much about other. I love MFP because almost everyone I have met on here is so positive and motivational.

cenafan

I have a friend...she is a size 0 naturally. she can't gain weight. she would love to be about a 6, but no matter what she eats, she can't gain. (I know :grumble: if only) People CONSTANTLY come up to her and tell her she's too skinny. Or that she looks sick or anorexic. No one would dare say that I was too fat or sick or unhealthy. that is not acceptable. But for some reason it's "ok" to skinny people. It upsets her horribly. People don't think. Ignore them.

NoExcuseTina

same reason people say congrats to someone that just graduated college or military boot camp...but do not say anything to the college drop out (unless you are the parent)

MissKMN

You know...can I just say that the last time I took on a weightloss journey and was a NORMAL weight, I was still in high school. I went from 170lbs to 128lbs, which is a PERFECTLY normal weight for someone 5'6" and I was doing it the healthy way by exercising and eating right. Instead of saying, good job, way to beat childhood obesity, they (the school) put me in counseling.

That's right, COUNSELING, because they felt I was losing too much weight. I was a size 6/8...normal. They thought I was becoming anorexic. Or bulemic. What did the counselor say? She ignored my protestations that I was being healthy and told me that it was okay to eat ice cream. Have a cookie. It won't kill you but losing weight WILL.

Thinking back about it, I'm pretty pissed. Because I listened, and I ate ice cream and cookies. Where did it get me? To 270lbs.

Thanks a LOT. It has taken me 12 years of yo-yo diets since then to finally understand health again, and what is my motivation? That I did it before, heathily. This time, I refuse to listen to people who literally do NOT know what they are talking about.

JennS19

I think people are supporting you when they say its paying off... I appreciate the comments simply because when I look in teh mirror I don't see the progress.. when I stare at the numbers Im still not convinced... When someone compliments my efforts its then that I realize that "hey, maybe it really is paying off"

I completely agree with this. I like hearing the comments because I don't actually see a difference myself. Yes I can tell a difference in my clothes and how they fit but I don't see how much I have changed like they do. TO me it's inspiring that people are noticing how I'm chaing my life for the better. And it encourages me to keep going.

rileysowner

No idea, but people have been telling me than since 20 pounds ago when I was just at the very bottom of obese. I think 1) People have no idea what a healthy weight is because the vast majority of people in the developed world are at least overweight and usually obese. 2) People do care for you and don't want you to get sick by getting too thin. With all the coverage of eating disorders out there that is not really a surprise, but since #1 is the case, they can't really judge what is a healthy weight or not. 3) It is because losing weight is generally seen as a good thing while gaining weight it seen as a bad thing culturally. People won't generally comment on a bad habit/development because they are scared you will get defensive/angry with them. They do feel comfortable commenting on a good thing, because the feeling you will get defensive/angry with them for it is less. 4) I think for a good number of people your success in losing weight is either consciously or unconsciously threatening to them because they know they need to lose it as well. For some it is an encouragement, but not for all. I have had a very large number of people telling me to stop losing for a long time. I now just choose to ignore it and tell them the truth (albeit not the whole truth) that I have increased the calories I am eating. I am doing that because I am within 10 pounds of my goal, and in the long run this goal may only be temporary as I do want to work on body proportions and building muscle. I think when I reach my weight goal, I will likely have a bunch of work to do in that area, but the nutritional requirements of that will be quite different from working at losing weight.

I'm sure there are other reasons, but these are the ones that come to my mind. Overall, as I said, I will say thank-you to the positive comments, and ignore the rest. This is my health we are talking about, and I have done the research to make the decisions I have made; they for the most part have not.