single mom open to advice

hazelbliss6

My son is now 8 weeks old and I am definately enjoying the adventure of being a new mom. Unfortunately dad is not involved and my family has many concerns. However, one of their concerns I don't agree with. My son is mixed race (which we all are in some way) but my family thinks I need to be concered about how this will affect him. I am German and Finish; dad is African American, Jamaican, and Native American. The family has told me I need to prepare myself for how he will have a harder time growing up, wondering 'who he is' ect. I just don't feel it is an issue, but I don't want to be in denile if there is something I need to be aware of. I know kids will tease for any reason.. and I know there are still racist ppl out there... but I don't think I have to do anything especailly different in raising my son just bc he has beautiful mocha skin. Please comment if you have any honest advice.

sunnyrunner23

I don't have much advice but love that baby as much as you can!! He is beautiful!

tknuzum

Surround yourself with supportive people, don't be afraid to answer his questions when he gets older. Don't put a stigma on his father, try to make positive statemnts as much as possible and love him like no other. In this day and age, we can hope that every one is open minded enough to treat him as another person, not african/native/jamacin/german/finish. Treat him well and it will turn out ok! Support support support! good luck

iamhealingmyself

I would say just make sure he is exposed to ALL aspects of his heritage equally. Include all holidays and important people, history, culture, food, music, etc. That way it's all natural to him! Nowadays it's hard to say who is from what heritage anymore. The problems will show if your family tries to deny dad's side of him and only influence your side. Kids will be kids but if he has an understanding of what his family history is, he will be stronger when that time comes.

Good luck to you in going this alone. It's certainly not easy even with a partner. Enjoy the time you have with him now because they grow up so fast!!

DimenaZhena

Despite his race, it's something he should be proud of when he's older. It's what makes him unique. What I know from personal experience is that there is no need to worry about what other people think. All that matters is that your son and you are happy. Negativity should always be ignored if there is even an issue that comes up at all about his race. Now a days, there's so many people of all different races here in America. That's what makes America the melting pot. IF a problem arises in the future about teasing and such, you can handle it then. But I don't think you should worry about this stuff now. It's a waste of time. Enjoy him!!

LaylaClapton

He is a gorgeous little person! Congrats to you.

The only thing I would advise you to do is get health history from his dad's side. It's important anyway, but some diseases & problems are more prevalent in African-Americans then Caucasians.

Good luck & I hope he's a good sleeper (;

SheilaSisco

Honestly, in today's day and age, I don't think you need to be too concerned about it. There are a LOT, and I mean LOT, of mixed people out there. They're pretty common. And I don't see them getting made fun of for that. I have kids in grade school and a daughter finishing middle school and I see kids get teased, but it's always for things like weight and glasses and braces, etc etc.... which isn't good, but I don't see many teased for their race. If you're living in a racially diverse community, he'll be fine.

sw33tp3a11

I agree the color of a person doesn't make the person, its their actions and your baby is awesome just the way he is. later in life you can explain to him how his not just one particular race. Tell him his special cause he has multiple races and that's something that not everyone has and teach him not to be ashame of his multiple races and People are gonna be cruel no matter what. Teach ur baby to have tough skin and he will b ok. Dont let this situation concern you to much. Just love him.

NoAdditives

I don't think he'll have much trouble from other kids. Plenty of kids are mixed race. However, there may come a day when he becomes interested in his heritage. There is a lot of interesting history from both sides, make sure you educate him on all of it. As an adult he may end up feeling weird of that he's missing some of his history if he's got dark skin but was raised "white".

I'm half Mexican and wasn't raised with my Mexican family and I definitely feel frustrated that I didn't get the chance to grow up with that culture. It's a part of who I am and I don't know much about, I don't know how to be anything other than white. That's not really a bad thing, I just don't always feel complete.

krystleRD

Your son is your own worry... When the time is right you will set your son down and explain to him what his race is and behonest with him that some ppl have a problem with it... Dont hide anything from your son.. But as for now dont worry about it... And when your son ask for his father tell him the truth.. Your son is gorgeous hes only 8 weeks old, you have pleanty of time... My nephew is mixed* white and black* .. You will do fine...

Marla64

My son is now 8 weeks old and I am definately enjoying the adventure of being a new mom. Unfortunately dad is not involved and my family has many concerns. However, one of their concerns I don't agree with. My son is mixed race (which we all are in some way) but my family thinks I need to be concered about how this will affect him. I am German and Finish; dad is African American, Jamaican, and Native American. The family has told me I need to prepare myself for how he will have a harder time growing up, wondering 'who he is' ect. I just don't feel it is an issue, but I don't want to be in denile if there is something I need to be aware of. I know kids will tease for any reason.. and I know there are still racist ppl out there... but I don't think I have to do anything especailly different in raising my son just bc he has beautiful mocha skin. Please comment if you have any honest advice.

Bless your heart-- your son is beautiful. I'm sorry that his father is not involved. That leaves a void in all of your hearts, which is sad.

I think your family's concerns are probably well-documented from history-- I've always heard the old adage that mixed racial children had trouble being accepted by the black community as well as the white community. I don't know if that's the case anymore-- I hope not. I know there are a great many people, hopefully the majority, that judge people not on the color of their skin, but the content of their character. But, yes, like you said, there are racist people of all colors-- I pray for you and your son that your road will be smooth.

But as another poster said-- all you can do is make sure you love him, and that he is loved by all in his life. Guide him. Protect him. Discipline him. And enjoy him-- motherhood is wonderful.

☆ShawnsMom08☆

For starters, I give you mad props for doing this on your own! As he gets older the truth will come out. Be as honest as possible from the get go. Your son will be loved with or without a father. You will do the best you can and move on. Its his choice not to be involved. I understand your families concern but there is nothing you can do about that. As long as you are there for your son and love him thats all that he needs. I think its sad that men can make babies and but not be there afterwards. I have a three year old and I get sad just going to work for a few hours a day. I couldn't imagine not being there at all. You are a strong woman. Do your best and keep moving forward. Lies always catch up so just be honest. Thats my opinion.

lil_missfit

Your baby is CUTE!!! The best advice I can give you is just to love that lil cutie with everything you have:)) He is a gift from God (regardless his race). In my opinion.....we need MORE MULTI-racial children so they can grow up not concerned about RACE:)) I think it's great that you have a bi-racial child:))

azlady7

I have two boys, one half guatamalain, the other half african american (my mom was wondering back when i had them if i was trying to recreate its a small world in my home lol I was wild, what can I say? lol) anyways....they are now 15 and 12. I am white and have raised them in a predominantly white area (not on purpose it just worked out that way) and they are fine. Your family is just ignorant to this kind of thing. Your correct that you dont have to do anything special and your not going to mess him up. We are all the same inside and that is what counts...whats on the inside, heart, mind and soul. You will be fine and so will your child! congrats on being a new mom!

mommared53

I'm also a single mother of a bi-racial child. My son is now 24 years old and he has no problems knowing who he is even though his father was never a part of his life. I always felt he didn't have to choose a race since he was just as much white (from me) as he was black (from his father). I actually asked him about that the other day because I felt he never had a problem with being accepted by either race. He confirmed he never felt like he was not accepted by either race. He's always had mixed race friends as well as single race friends so I don't think that's really an issue any more.

Heatherbelle_87

Kudos to you! I of all people know how hard it is to do it alone (he's 2 now, dad hasnt been there since breaking our enagaement while I was pregnant) Now It may offend your family but the first thing they need to do is STOP POINTING IT OUT!! Your son will never realize he isnt accepted if he IS accepted at home. And in today's culture there isnt the stigma around mixed race children. Sure in the deep south here in the US there is still SOME segregation/stigma but not to the degree they are worried about! I recently learned there are prejudice among light skinned vs dark skinned hispanics! I never knew this until a new friend recently told me her mom has teased her for years because her skin is darker then her sisters! I have cousins who are mixed race, their dad isnt involved and we are a swedish fmaily (so naturally ver pale have a hard time tanning) and they never feel unaccepted by any race. Yes there was teasing at school for one if them at one point, but because she was loved at home and by her family she became stronger and loves her skin color!

NeuroticVirgo

I think they are just being overly concerned. I'm sure he will do just fine.

cbaines74

Do not worry about him being bi-racial growing up in today's world, I too am bi-racial, grew up in WV and was teased when I was younger for having darker skin and different hair. Today's times are so much easier on children of muliple races. Just show him that you love him and are always there for him, give him any information he needs about his heritage from both sides but don't push it down his throat as he gets older. He will be fine!!

hazelbliss6

Thanks everyone, we all seem to be on the same track of mind. I'm sure my son will do great, it's probably my family that really needs to change.

angiezee

Trust yourself, your goals and values. You will raise a wonderful, beautiful boy. It's not a race thing. I doesn't matter what ethnicity a person is, what makes a person is their values and believes. Will he encounter criticism? Sure he will, some idiot will say something one day. But if you raise him right he will let it roll right off his shoulder. I'm Mexican American and feel like I don't really belong to either, but that has made me a better person. I always push myself a little harder. I wish everyone was open minded and accepting. People will always have something to say about how to raise your children. You should always trust yourself and your motherly instinct.