confession (used to be bulimic) still struggle in a way...

tlaker

this is very hard to talk about but no one knows me on here, so hoping some people can relate or give me some good advice for what i'm going to share.

Myfitnesspal has been a total blessing! i'm so glad i found it and i will prolly always have it as part of my life because it keeps me from starving myself. I finally realize that i'm aloud to eat food such as ice cream and still be in a good calorie range. i also never realized how much i need to give back to my body nutrition wise when i'm exercising so much.

so about my past... about 5 years ago in high school i starting binge eating...which led to me becoming bulimic thinking that i wouldnt gain any of the weight from me feeding my face non stop. i struggled with it very hard for a good year. After a year, i went to college and moved out, and promised myself i would stop and try really hard to make my new environment free from that and letting food take over my life. and most important--no purging anymore! and i was able to keep that vow i made myself...but i would say since then, at least 2-3 times a year, i will still binge eat sooo badly. I DO NOT purge, because it just makes me feel even worse than i do when i'm stomach full of food. But for some reason i think i will always, no matter what, always have this silent addiction to eating food non-stop. I've recently lost 20 lbs and this past week i was really stressed because i was getting my wisdom teeth pulled...and i'm terrified of the dentist. and for 3 days before my surgery i literally did nothing but eat everything in the house. and i just feel so disgusting after i do it. but i feel like i just cant stop. i get so down and hard on myself. i dont know why i allow myself to do it...its like i completely forget all my hard work for the past 4 months and dedication to my weight loss. i just really dont get it...i know is psychological but still.

does anyone else have this problem? whenever i go through it, it usually lasts a day..sometimes 2. and it rarely happens anymore, and as years go by i honestly get better and better at never allowing it to happen. i'm really proud of myself that i dont purge and will hopefully never again...but i still have this problem of overeating. this is hard to admit-- but i'm almost positive i get in the range of 4,000 cals a day when i do it. Cant believe i just admitted that, but maybe posting this will help me and you guys will have some helpful feedback. i'm not completely sure how many calories i eat only because about mid way through i quit logging because i'm too busy eating the food vs. logging it

This has been so hard to admit but i just really want this to always look back on and know i confessed it and that maybe someone will have words of wisdom i can keep with me forever so that when i get the urge to do it again, i will think of what encouraging words you helpful people are always giving

Thanks for listening.....