He's having a beer... and I want one, too! :(

a_stronger_steph

So, some of you may have seen my posts in some of the various alcohol threads about how I love beer. And how I won't give it up. I just don't want to. I like it! I like it a lot!

But I've cut back a great deal since I started MFP. I've gone from having a beer on 3-6 nights of the week to having a beer 2-3 nights of the week, and splitting beers with my partner when I can. And this works for me - I don't *need* the beer, but it's a lovely treat now and again.

So here's my problem. My partner is a very skinny guy. He's never, ever, ever had to watch his weight. He could eat pizza and a bag of chips every day for dinner (he doesn't!, but he could) and probably not gain weight.

He's been fairly supportive, as far as my commitment to the site goes. But there are nights, like tonight, when he comes back after a night of drinking with his friends at the pub. And then, while I'm making tea, he grabs a beer from the fridge and tells me how they didn't have Black Oak Pale Ale on tap so he had to have Delerium Tremens instead.

At this point I'm jealous and a bit angry. I don't have enough calories left over in my day for a beer! But he's already had a few AND he's having another!

Am I being irrational? I feel like I can't ask him not to drink beer just because I'm not drinking it tonight... but it feels like rubbing it in my face to be drinking the beer at home, and telling me all about the beers he drank at the bar, too.

We do have a deal that any "special" beers (aka beers that don't come in 6-packs, our imported and expensive beers) have to be had with the two of us, so he can't just grab one of those and drink it up... but the one he was drinking tonight was a really nice beer, just not an earmarked "special one"....

So I don't know whether this is something I need to just suck up and deal with, or if I should say something. I don't want to be controlling at all. It's just SO hard for me to not give in to the temptation when he's drinking around me (or, well, when he's drinking good beers and I want a beer).

I'm sure many of you have had to navigate similar situations (though probably not with beer, haha). Any good coping mechanisms?

robertf57

Actually sounds kinda of controlling to me; but, have you told him the challenge it presents to you and whether he might be more helpful to you in this way? Just a thought....

a_stronger_steph

What part sounds controlling? Because I haven't said anything yet... that's why I'm asking here. Honestly, I'm very much NOT one of those psycho ***** girlfriends. This is just... I guess for most people it would be like if their partner came home with a pizza or a cake and ate a few slices right in front of them, knowing that they just adore pizza or cake, but are willing themselves not to have any at that particular time.

I haven't said anything about the challenge because I don't want to make him feel guilty, I suppose. It's just really hard - guess I just have to live with it, eh?

chezmama

I feel your pain. I love me some White Zinfandel wine and I was drinking 2-3 glasses a night before I started this journey. But then I found out how very many calories were in those glasses. I decided to cut back to the weekends, but they turned into complete cheat weekends. When the wine started to creep back into the picture during the week, I decided to give it up completely, at least until I get to my goal weight.

I have also noticed that I am fine until I see people around me drinking, and then I REALLY want some too. But quitting has made it sooo much easier to remain under, at or slightly above my calorie goal, and I am trying to teach myself self-control, so I have so far held fast to this commitment (two weeks, but still).

I guess my advice would be to "suck it up" because you are doing this for the right reasons...your own reasons, and every time your resist on your own, you will become a little stronger in your resolve. You could tell him how it makes you feel, but I don't think it would be good to demand he abstain with you. Just take a deep breath and remind yourself that in the next day or two you'll be able to have that beer as you planned.

Rizabees

I'm on a diet and my [skinny/fit] husband isn't.
I've learned to pretty much ignore when he's eating something delicious that i can't have; but if it's really getting to you it's not unreasonable to ask him to at least not brag about the beers he had that night while he grabs yet another one.

If you need more support then you need more support, it's got nothing to do with control.