Still a *(#&)*!(@* struggle

MochaMixAZ

Repost with update:

I am struggling. Over six years into this weight loss revolution and what I thought was well established into a healthy lifestyle... and I still struggle.

I fear I'm battling a funk of semi-depression. I'm not naturally prone to depression, but I can feel it cloying at my mind and spirit. I'm fortunate to have a great job, a supportive boyfriend, a happy home, two fur-faces that bring me joy, a strong family, fabulous friends... and no *reason* to feel depressed. Yet, I can feel the seeds.

I just got through a couple weeks of food and exercise boredom. I overcame that well, and was proud with a modest weight loss over those two weeks. So I don't know what my issue is.

I don't want to workout - I've got lots of excuses that all seem valid at the time. My back hurts. My toenail is sore. I'm too busy, too overworked, too tired. I'm hormonal. I'll do it tomorrow. But those excuses couldn't have stopped me last year... so why are they now?

I went through a fantastic, self-imposed 2 week natural detox challenge. Felt AMAZING. Realized it's very tough to sustain a 100% natural, organic, unprocessed lifestyle. When the detox was over - I reverted immediately back to so-so eating and processed foods. And lots of diet soda.

I found myself driving by McDonald's today (my personal crack-dealer) today. I went through the drive-through for the 1st time in a long time. And ordered a small cone. Ate it. Then went back and got a small fry. Ate that. Then went back and got a medium fry and a Diet Coke. What the hell?

I don't feel guilty. Food happens. But I feel bloated. Tired. Addicted. And a little hopeless. I know all is not lost and a bad day won't make my weight skyrocket to over 500 lbs again overnight - but I do think it's the first step in that direction. I'm finding all those old thoughts that held me back and weighed me down flooding into my brain. I'm worried tomorrow may be a repeat of today. And now I've started the cycle: bad food drives low activity levels, which drives a bad mood and feeling crummy... which leads to lower activity levels, worse food, etc etc etc. It's the slippery slope toward obesity. Again.

I need to put the brakes on this crazy ride. I know how to. I've done it successfully for years. YEARS. So why is this overwhelming me NOW?

I believe in faking it until you make it - that can usually get me through a rough patch. But this feels worse then a rough patch. It feels like my old life. One that I clawed out of, and one that I do not want to return to. Yet I struggle.

I know the scale will have a terrible report tomorrow. I'll face it anyway, and I'll log my weight. It will be depressing in and of itself. I can feel the weight. My skin is tight. A little is fluid, but a lot is plain old fat from days of bad-eating.

I'm feeling a bit out of control. Even at this late hour, I'm struggling to not grab my keys and go pick up a burger and fries. I'm not even hungry. But that sounds.... comforting. Luckily, my boyfriend is sitting here on the couch with me... and I'd have a hard time explaining a 10pm fries run. So I'm already thinking of sneaky ways to get it tomorrow. See ---- old, bad habits.

Comments welcome. My plan is to start by weighing in the morning and facing the music. Log that. Then begin logging my food again - I haven't done that for days, which in itself is unusual. We have a really busy weekend planned, but I'm going to get in at least one workout. I don't want to, and I don't feel like it.... but I think I just have to force it.

Thanks for listening.

**Update** I chose to re-post this because I am still feeling discouraged and would love additional thoughts and advice. I also weighed in this morning, and to my shock - LOST over a pound. How is that possible??? I'm thankful, believe me, but - I'm also sitting here thinking... wait, you ate whatever you wanted, when you wanted, and didn't work out.... and you LOST?! Where is the benefit here in adhering to your plan?? I know I feel better when I'm being "good", but.... I didn't think there would ever come a day when I would look at a gift pound-lost skeptically, but.... huh.

kevinpcody

Honestly, my biggest key when I've stalled out has been prayer. There are so many factors to sustainable weight loss beyond our control, and when I ask God for help, He's always been faithful to me.

Greyhawk

I did 12 months of "following the plan" lost 70ish lb's....got into a month funk , like you im not prone to depression either, but in some sence it happened.... ate whatever...drank whatever....didnt exercise...gained 5lb's....big whoop.....got back to it again, lost 3.5 of it within a week...the rest will come shortly and ill be back at it with 20-30lbs left to goal......my plan....do it all again for my 12 months...but on month 13.....lookout this boy is going to town.

My point is ....funks happen.... funks end .... get back on the horse.... reward thy self for deeds already done.... just dont go crazy for too long.

By the end of my 12 month loss, the weight was comming off real slow, i was at a 1300cal/day ,1 hour cardio/day, weight train 3/week routine. Probably upped it to 4000cal/day with booze and other bad stuff for 1 month, and now the weight is peeling off fast again....was it a metabolism beotch slap?...probably....would this work for someone else...no idea....my point again...a high cal day once in a while for some people isnt going to ruin it all....as long as its only "once in a while".


Keep on Keeping On !!