posting again to try to get feedback, please give me advice

tlaker

this is very hard to talk about but no one knows me on here, so hoping some people can relate or give me some good advice for what i'm going to share.

Myfitnesspal has been a total blessing! i'm so glad i found it and i will prolly always have it as part of my life because it keeps me from starving myself. I finally realize that i'm aloud to eat food such as ice cream and still be in a good calorie range. i also never realized how much i need to give back to my body nutrition wise when i'm exercising so much.

so about my past... about 5 years ago in high school i starting binge eating...which led to me becoming bulimic thinking that i wouldnt gain any of the weight from me feeding my face non stop. i struggled with it very hard for a good year. After a year, i went to college and moved out, and promised myself i would stop and try really hard to make my new environment free from that and letting food take over my life. and most important--no purging anymore! and i was able to keep that vow i made myself...but i would say since then, at least 2-3 times a year, i will still binge eat sooo badly. I DO NOT purge, because it just makes me feel even worse than i do when i'm stomach full of food. But for some reason i think i will always, no matter what, always have this silent addiction to eating food non-stop. I've recently lost 20 lbs and this past week i was really stressed because i was getting my wisdom teeth pulled...and i'm terrified of the dentist. and for 3 days before my surgery i literally did nothing but eat everything in the house. and i just feel so disgusting after i do it. but i feel like i just cant stop. i get so down and hard on myself. i dont know why i allow myself to do it...its like i completely forget all my hard work for the past 4 months and dedication to my weight loss. i just really dont get it...i know is psychological but still.

does anyone else have this problem? whenever i go through it, it usually lasts a day..sometimes 2. and it rarely happens anymore, and as years go by i honestly get better and better at never allowing it to happen. i'm really proud of myself that i dont purge and will hopefully never again...but i still have this problem of overeating. this is hard to admit-- but i'm almost positive i get in the range of 4,000 cals a day when i do it. Cant believe i just admitted that, but maybe posting this will help me and you guys will have some helpful feedback. i'm not completely sure how many calories i eat only because about mid way through i quit logging because i'm too busy eating the food vs. logging it

This has been so hard to admit but i just really want this to always look back on and know i confessed it and that maybe someone will have words of wisdom i can keep with me forever so that when i get the urge to do it again, i will think of what encouraging words you helpful people are always giving

Thanks for listening.....

Katrob9

Hey, didn't want to read and run, I haven't had this problem, but I think you're really brave for posting this and hope you get lots of advice and support. xx

MaryTheIceCube

Hi, it's great that you've taken the first step to solving this issue. Facing up to the issue. You're right, there are so many helpful, encouraging individuals here on MFP. They really help keep me going through tough times!

I've never been bulimic, but I can relate to the binge eating. Emotional eating, that's been the struggle I've been working to overcome. I've been working to uncover the underlying issues that drive me to binge or eat my emotions away. I've found that by facing up to the issues (not always easy!!) I can let go of some of the need to binge. Sometimes distraction works -- finding something else to do to let my feelings out rather than stuffing them down with food.

Congratulations on your admissions, that really takes a lot of courage and strength. Build on that courage and strength. And, please feel free to send a friend request my way and inbox me anytime for support, encouragement, motivation. We can always use that mutual support throughout our journeys! Very best wishes.

dandydalek

I don't really have any first-hand advice to give--I've never had this problem--But they say that admitting you have a problem is half the battle, and you've just done that. Have you thought about talking to someone? A professional would certainly have more reliable advice than teh intranets. It sounds like you're getting better, rather than worse, but if you feel like you're hurting your health, you should really think about doing something proactive to deal with it.

Good luck!

BflSaberfan

Well I've never had this problem but I really dont think binging 2-3 times a year is that bad. Everyone goes through the "I cant get enough to eat"....if your binging 2-3 times a year lasting 2-3 days each, thats what maybe a little over a week of bad habits compared to 51 good weeks?

Dont beat yourself up about this. You are human. Everyone goes through this, and 2-3 times a year is WAY less than 2-3 times a week like some people here do.

grlaurie

Hi I think that I certainly did this only to the point of it being everyday so that is why I never called it binging it was just the way that I ate and it is why i got to be 150 pounds overweight. Knowing that you have a problem is always the first step to recovery.
I also think that you are brave for talking about it.

You are stress eating so I think that you need to find a new way to deal with stress. I wish you lots of luck and keep using mfp

Shweedog

I have this problem. I used to purge afterwards but with a lot of soul searching and praying I am slowly winning that battle. I think psychological counseling would be a great help, although I have never seeked such help myself. I have found that telling my fiance of my issue keeps me from doing it when he is there because we keep busy and free from boredom. I noticed that I would only binge if I was home alone and very bored. It was like I was the bottomless pit and I needed to eat everything in the kitchen to fill that pit. Realizing hobbies and things I am interested in has helped keep my mind busy and free of the obsessive thought of food. I still battle the obsession but am a lot better since ensuring I keep busy.

Raimie71

You are so brave to post this, and I am so non judemental. However, that being said, you need to find someone with the "know how" to help you. I believe finding someone with eating disorders could help you learn to re-direct yourself when the feelings start. I am guessing that it will mean having a close freind to talk you throug your tough days. Good luck! Dont be so hard on yourself!!! You are more than your mistakes every now and then!

TammyLanham

I binge - I haven't done it in the 3 months since I've started working on my health. My last binge was January 21st when we went to a pizza buffet for my husband's birthday. I never purged - I can't stand to throw up. But I have sat down & eaten an entire box of Little Debbie Swiss Roll Cakes in one sitting, followed by anything salty I could get my hands on. 4000 calories = I've done that. Usually it's brought on by stress or strong emotions. I have started to treat my obesity as an addiction - like Alcoholics do. I have a sponsor that I call/text/email anytime day or night & she talks me through the cravings. In fact, I had a box of ho-ho's in my cart at Kroger w/ the intention to go home & binge. I called her & she told me to get my butt out of the store, leaving our groceries and everything... just walk away. I did and it was a blessing. I also have someone I call once a week to discuss my weekly goals & how I'm doing (my equivalent to AA meetings). I also have a belief in God & I know that my prayer time with Him is precious. I do not have binging issues nearly as often when I'm doing my devotions and prayer time on a daily basis.

Hope this helps... praying for you - it's a tough issue.

SommerJo

I've been a binger for as long as I can remember. If the food was there -- I ate -- didn't even need a reason why sometimes. A whole box of fudge bars, a whole cake, a whole loaf of bread so I could have cinnamon toast. I seriously used to eat 4 double cheeseburgers for dinner -- sometimes 2x a week. I could go on and on and prob completely disgust everyone reading.

I would eat so much -- I'd want to be sick -- but I never purged. I would till the uncomfortable stuffed feeling went away and start again.

I know for me -- my addiction to food is something created in childhood to comfort myself when no one was there. It was the one thing I thought I had control over -- to the point I was a food thief. Seriously. I would sneak food out of the house to eat -- I would sneak into my friend's fridges and eat during sleep overs. My eating is completely tied to my emotions. Food was my punishment and my reward. So the debate about dieting and lifestyle changes amuses me -- it's so much more than that for me. I have to change what I believe to be my very essence. I have to change what I had convinced myself was my very reason for living -- my only source and tie to life. I have to change me.

My advice is this -- you know when you're about to binge -- or at least when you start to. Tell yourself -- out loud if you have to -- that you control what goes in your mouth. Ask yourself why you're eating. And answer honestly. Start to prepare now for your next binge. Make a list of other things you can do besides eat. "If I am sad I could 1...2...3..." "if I am worried I can 1...2...3...". And create an escape plan -- buy a movie ticket today -- and when you feel completely at your wits end and ready to binge -- grab a friend and go to the movies. You can do this!!!

tlaker

Wow--thank you so much everyone for all your supportive feedback. I first posted this last night and i think i must have posted it at a "busy" hour on here where everyone is posting left and right because i only had 4 views and no responses! at first i thought--Man, people must really think i'm wacky!

One thing i am happy about is that the purging thing isnt an issue at all anymore. and i have only confided in my best friend and husband. Of course, when i was doing it i wouldnt tell them...i would only tell them after the fact, maybe months later just so it wasnt a recent thing i was doing and its always easier to say..."I USED to do that, but not anymore.."

You guys are all right though, i do have way more good days than bad days. and exercising has never been a problem for me to get to since i work at a gym. Actually thats probably my "other" addiction...working out!! A lot of times when i go through these "binge rages" i will work out a ton for the next couple of days to balance all the extra calories. What i'd like to do instead is just sit down and accept what i've done, be positive in thinking i will not do it again....and go start my day like it never happened and put it behind me. because once the damage is done, its done...no going back. And i am glad to think in that term, because my OLD thought habbits used to be....if i sit here and eat non stop for 3 hours, its OKAY because i will just get rid of it in the toilet. (YUCK) its weird to think i was so mentally drained to do such a thing, and so shameful.

I really love this site and everyone who helps eachother out for support. This is my new BFF Thanks again for not being hard on me, i'm hard enough on myself...as we all are!!!!!

tlaker

Sommer Jo-- i can relate to you as well!!...thank you so much for your encouraging words and input!!! its good to know that i'm not the only one with this type of problem although i hope we all overcome it and i know that its possible with MFP!!!!

my problem with food didnt start until i was about 14. I just always felt like my friends were so much smaller than me. I was an ice skater so i had thick legs...which everyone thought i had a great figure (they were muscular, not flabby)...but i didnt want muscular legs!!! i wanted to have long chicken legs apparently!! like the rest of my skinny little friends. anyways...i started to eat healthy and exercise a little more everyday just to get a little healthy...and i dropped about 15 lbs that i didnt even need to lose in the first place. Well, i got really obsessed with it and started banning certain foods and not eating after 7...and if i didnt eat my meals at a certain time, well i just simply wouldnt allow myself to eat. it got really out of hand and i could only live with that lifestyle for so long....then came my first binge i'd ever had....i felt so ashamed that i made myself purge. i felt that i could always eat WHATEVER i wanted now as long as i would purge. I felt like i had the best of both worlds.... until i started to do it so much that my stomach would hurt, i would be constipated, my throat would hurt, and i looked like a chipmunk in the face because i did it so often. I knew i had to stop because i was going to just completely tear up my body (and my mom was catching on too). So knowing how awful i made my body feel is what made me stop purging. Thank the Lord. But now hopefully i can kick this bingeing to the curb too. i dont mean just eating a ton for dinner...i mean eating a ton THE WHOLE day and going to the grocery store on a mission to buy tons of bad food with every intention to sit at home and finish it all!!!

So cheers to a new day, new us, and new beginning in our journey to bettering ourselves for LIFE. We only have one life to live, lets make it a happy one!!

iamhealingmyself

You are so much braver and stronger than you know and you will continue to grow each day through this trial.
Thank you for sharing, as well as all who posted in response. All of your stories touched my heart and soul very much. I have been known to binge when overly stressed of feeling slighted or when sad and depressed and feeling hopeless. I never purged either as other have said, I hate to throw up. Just the feeling of nausea makes me want to die (morning sickness was such a joy x3 lol). I never understood where I learned that behavior though or why I would do it. Maybe it came from growing up in a home where money was tight and food money was rationed so while we had some snacks, mom never really let us have free reign over the food. I never thought much of sneaking a spoonful or two of ice cream in the middle of the afternoon until I was grown up and found myself eating an entire container (yeah, half gallon) for no real reason. My last binge was this past March after returning home from NJ for my Grandmother's funeral. I had bought a pkg of tastee cakes for the kids but since the house was trashed (as they had not done anything useful for 5 days except eat and sleep) and they did not help me when I came back, I never told them I had them. I unpacked everything after losing my temper, went into my room and cried and ate like 4 packages in under an hour! I was already doing MFP and I knew I was neither hungry nor did I really want the cupcakes but I ate them. As someone else said, food was my punishment and my reward. I had done something nice for them but since they couldn't do one simple nice thing for me by simply cleaning up after themselves while I was gone and under greater stress than normal, (interpreted to mean that they don't love me and don't care about me and that's ok because I'm a terrible mother and I don't deserve their love anyway so really I'm getting what I deserve, right?) I punished them by punishing myself. I don't know why I did it or why I felt that way. I would like to say that will be my last time, but I can't. I can only say I won't do it today and even then, some days I might give in and have to start over.

I think on some level we all have done this to ourselves. Maybe not on as grand a scale of an entire cake or box but maybe having a 2nd or 3rd serving of something when we're really not hungry or we're feeling down or stressed. Unlike some others who posted though, I never did the "I'll just exercise more/harder" etc to burn it off part. You can burn the calories (or at least most of them) but you can't undo the response your body has to eating that way and it's not just a temporary thing once it's out of your mouth. It affects you for days until it's all out of your system and sometimes this can have lasting effects on blood sugar, blood pressure, thyroid, liver etc. depending on what kind of foods we're consuming.

We're not in this (or really much of anything) alone. Even if everyone doesn't admit it, doesn't mean they can't relate. Everyone isn't ready to face life head on. It's really nice to know there are people who understand and support us through our triumphs and failures and don't judge us for being less than perfect.

Wishing everyone much love, support and self control this Easter weekend.
As the 12-steps say "It works if you work it!" so find a 'sponsor' to help you through those rough times and celebrate your good times and to hold your hand and dry your tears if you need to face something new.