ot: office policy
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mjfer123
Posts: 1,234 Member
EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008
NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the
funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed!
NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the
funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed!
0
Replies
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EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008
NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the
funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed!0 -
This is freakin halarious!!!! :laugh: :laugh:0
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Thats awesome, and the funny thing is, I just got that in an email last night. But i still love it, the pictures were hilarious.0
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i sent this to everyone at my work!0
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GOOD ONE
I was sent one (I wish I could find it) that had alternate things to say other than what we would say here in the military the "management" thought the workers were cussing too much lol....dang I wish I could find it, I was rolling.0 -
Good one! I sent it to people at my work too! haha :laugh:0
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This is sad but true.. Thank God I work from home. :laugh:0
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Hilarious! Thanks!0
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ahahaha the bathroom is the best part:laugh:0
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how did you all get this memo my boss sent out?0
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I didn't know other people got that memo too, for some reason I thought it was only for my bank:grumble: ...glad I quit that job......the office I worked in got robbed last month ( on their 100th anniversary no less) and they told us there was no chance they would rob that office since it didn't have a good enough escape route.... guess the robber didn't agree0
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Hey M.... You know if our boss catches you blogging on company time you'll get fired. Oops... Here he comes. Act like you're working :glasses:0
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Too funny! And, BTW mjfer, I clicked on your profile picture and now I have Hammertime stuck in my head!!! :laugh:0
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whos afraid of the big bad boss?
can't touch this, lol0 -
whos afraid of the big bad boss?
can't touch this, lol
since my boss is my mom, i'm not. :laugh:0 -
whos afraid of the big bad boss?
can't touch this, lol
since my boss is my mom, i'm not. :laugh:
:laugh: :laugh:
I'd fear mine the worst!!:laugh:
Good one MJ!0 -
whos afraid of the big bad boss?
can't touch this, lol
since my boss is my mom, i'm not. :laugh:
:laugh: :laugh:
I'd fear mine the worst!!:laugh:
Good one MJ!
:laugh: Gosh I love ya Soupers!
This was most def funny... I've sent it to a couple of people and my mom, she pretended to yell, cause tech I'm not working! :ohwell:0 -
Was this posted in the Pit recently? :laugh:
0
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