Scared Of Whats to Come....

ShananLenoreRyan

I guess I do need to plan my time better for workouts, its just that I have Class from 8:30 in the morning until 12:30 in the afternoon then I work from 2pm to 11pm then I come back do homework and shower and all of that jazz, then I usually fall asleep around 1:30 or 2:00 am, then I'm back up at 7:45am. It just feels like my entire life is consumed with school and work and there is nothing I can do about it. Its frustrateing and espicallly since I have familly members constantly on my case about losing weight. In Middle School I played volleyball and basketball then my Freshman year of High School I was a varsity cheerleader. During that entire time I never weighed over 175 and was roughly around a size 10-12. Then after my dad died I eventually bounced up to around 190 and a size 15-17. From my sphomore-senior year I fluctated between 185 and 195 but I remained the same pant size. ( I think its because most of my weight rests mostly in my butt and theighs). After coming to college I shot up to 200 then now I am currently 224.5. A lot of people when they look at me don't think that I weigh as much as I do but I have constantly battled weight problems and self image and self esteem problems. Even when I was a varsity cheerleader weighing in around 170 (At 5'11") I still felt and to me looked fat. I have tried a lot of different things, and I'm partial to Diet Pills. I have even considered becoming Anorexic and Bulimeic because I hate the way I look to other people. I worried that even once I hit my goal weight of 165 I'm still not going to be thin enough for myself to be happy because I will still see myself as fat. I just don't know what to do anymore. I know summer is coming but I plan on picking up an extra job and taking online classes, but I will be getting my own apartment (well not alone with my best friend and current roommmate Brooke). I just want to be happy with who I am, but I guess I don't know how. I guess I just don't have a ton of support or workout buddies or anything like that so I get discrouaged easily. I guess I just need the support that I can do it and be successful. Not the kind that I'm currently getting where I'm told to stand on a scale then lectured how bad my current weight is on my extemely screwed up knees. I need postive motivation and support. But at the same time I don't know if just motivation is enough....Because Once I reach the goal, I'm going to need someone to tell me to stop...or I might just keep going until I reach the mental image of thin that I want to see when I look in the mirror.

daveshoneybun

i know what its like for your family to make fun of you when your heavy my sister did it to me all my life. Until about 6 years ago and now she's a lot heavier than I am, but never once did i say anything to her about her weight. If you need a freind on here i'm here for you and there's a lot of people on here that will help you threw this journey.Feel free to friend me if you would like.

searbear1980

You can do this! You are worth it. I am new on here but you are more then welcome to friend me if you want the extra support! It is hard but the more encouraging words you have the easier it is. Good luck on your journey :-)

jennyproehlday

You will never be happy with that image in the mirror if you don't get your head together. You need to lose wieght for yourself. Not anyone else. Once you figure out what your triggers are and what makes you turn to food, then you will truly understand why you are overweight. Making other people happy will never make you happy. From your schedule, I can guess that you aren't very good at taking care of yourself and finding "you" time. You HAVE to carve out at least 30 minutes a day for you. That can be a walk, meditation, or a work out video. You will be amazed what 30 minutes a day can do for you. Healthy is the only way to effectively lose weight and keep it off. Good luck.

rosec005

I know exactly what you're dealing with. In high school I dropped 40 lbs and was suffering from anorexia. Once I hit college, a combination of being on my own and an endocrine disorder caused me to gain almost 40 lbs (on top of the weight I gained in recovery). Being on here has helped because I have learnt the risks of anorexia and bulimia, but I'm still afraid of whether or not I'll ever be content with how I look. Right now I'm not too worried about it because I'm still getting the calories I need, but if I am tempted to keep losing or do it in an unhealthy way, I know the best thing for me is to see a therapist. There are various disorders, such as body dismorphic disorder, that can make weight loss dangerous and it's best to get help when you know there's a problem, which is what it sounds like you do.