Lonely at the top....

aset132

I know I am actually far from the top. I still have a lot of work to do, but the healthier I get, and the better I do, the more I notice people around me disappearing. I don't talk about it at all around anyone who is not doing the same thing as me. I don't flaunt or brag. I've lost 25lbs and not one person outside my husband and kids have even mentioned the change when they see me. It's kind of sad really realizing the kind of people I was surrounding myself with. Now it's time to reassess and find loving, positive, supporting new friends!
Thanks for letting me vent and thanks for being the amazing support I've needed. I couldn't get this far without you and I know I'll need you all for the rest of the trip!

deema79

I have your back all the way from the East coast! You are an amazing support for me and I just want to give it back to you.
You are making these changes for you and your health etc. I know what you mean though. My husband is my number one support. My daughter never thought I should change anything about myself. I have several supportive friends that joined MFP before/after me.
You are doing an stupendous job girl. i always say "People always show their true colors".!

chevy88grl

I think sometimes people get really jealous when they see someone losing weight and they can't (or won't) do it. I think that is why they won't compliment you.

This journey has shown me who really cares about me - from friends to family. Those who really care will support you.

red01angel

I've felt that way before...but then I realized how rude some people think it is to mention that a friend has lost weight, since it seems to indicate that they thought he/she was fat beforehand...

mrphil86

Some people really do notice it but just can't believe it. Some people see it and are jealous.

Either way, you do it for yourself, not for them.

KeepOnMoving

Please don't be discouraged. I think people are use to seeing everyone fatten up and slim down back and forth. Just stay slim down for yourself. This is for "you" anyway. If your happy feeling healthy and like to be able fit into cute clothes - than I would just keep it that way. :flowerforyou:

aset132

I've felt that way before...but then I realized how rude some people think it is to mention that a friend has lost weight, since it seems to indicate that they thought he/she was fat beforehand...

I have thought of that too. : ) I agree that there are some people I would worry about offending but some of my "closer" friends should know me better than that. TY!

aset132

I have your back all the way from the East coast! You are an amazing support for me and I just want to give it back to you.
You are making these changes for you and your health etc. I know what you mean though. My husband is my number one support. My daughter never thought I should change anything about myself. I have several supportive friends that joined MFP before/after me.
You are doing an stupendous job girl. i always say "People always show their true colors".!

I wish you were closer!!! Thank you!!

jamiek89

Its sad that people seem to disappear as you transform yourself into a better you. Although everyones different, I think that some people are too insecure to be able to handle being around someone who is gaining confidence by improving their health & their confidence. My Mother In Law always makes snide remarks about my weight, exercise & what I eat not because she is a mean spirited person (We get along really well actually!) but because she is insecure & struggle to manage her own weight & self confidence. Dont take peoples reactions to heart, take it in your stride. If they disappear, its a great opportunity for you to find new friends who share some of your new interests!

Rubie81

.
Jealousy is a sad, sad thing.

justsummie

I've felt that way before...but then I realized how rude some people think it is to mention that a friend has lost weight, since it seems to indicate that they thought he/she was fat beforehand...

I agree. Some people just think mentioning weight is rude.

Also, sometimes when people are around you everyday they don't notice the gradual changes.

If you have other reasons to believe you were previously surrounding yourself with negative people you may be right but I don't think I would write people off based solely on this.

savannahgro

Unless I know someone is trying to lose weight and they talk about it, it shows, ect I usually don't bring it up. Especially for women, weight can be a touchy issue.
People at work know I'm trying and so when they bring it up, it's flattering but at the same time it makes me feel awkward because I don't take compliments well.
Good luck.

rebelontherun

I think a lot of times, people either stop noticing after initial weight loss, or they get jealous, because YOU'RE doing what they wish they could. Losing weight can be one of the hardest things in someone's life, and it's kind of natural to think that for people that DO lose weight and that DO see dramatic changes, that it's just "easy" for them to do so, when in reality that person worked very hard for what they accomplished. Just be glad that you have a support system, even if it is just people on here, or your husband and kids

ebgbjo

I know I am actually far from the top. I still have a lot of work to do, but the healthier I get, and the better I do, the more I notice people around me disappearing. I don't talk about it at all around anyone who is not doing the same thing as me. I don't flaunt or brag. I've lost 25lbs and not one person outside my husband and kids have even mentioned the change when they see me. It's kind of sad really realizing the kind of people I was surrounding myself with. Now it's time to reassess and find loving, positive, supporting new friends!
Thanks for letting me vent and thanks for being the amazing support I've needed. I couldn't get this far without you and I know I'll need you all for the rest of the trip!

I COMPLETELY understand! I am in a similar situation but have just been making more of a conscious effort to remember that I don't need friends who won't celebrate in my accomplishments, especially ones that will improve my health. I am making better friends with people that share the same gym with me. It is easier since we have the same goals (get healthier, be in better shape, ect) Even my best friend from back home no longer congratulates me on my weight loss success anymore- I know she is struggling with her own weight, but she should still be happy for me. Oh well...this year is about improving and focusing on ME and if my friends aren't on board to support me like I am for them, well, then bon voyage to them

lil_pulp

I've felt that way before...but then I realized how rude some people think it is to mention that a friend has lost weight, since it seems to indicate that they thought he/she was fat beforehand...

This was my first thought after reading your post. Unless you have other reasons to doubt these people, consider this perspective. Especially if you've never discussed your weight loss journey with them, they may not feel comfortable bringing it up first.
-LP

humglum

I agree that weight is a sensitive issue among women and one that some people won't bring up. I have experienced the opposite -- everyone has mentioned my weight loss and I do mean everyone. I have one particular friend who is morbidly obese and she always says she is going to start this plan or go to this zumba class with me and of course she never shows up. She mentions ALL THE TIME how 'jealous' she is of my weight loss. So I think part of it might also be that your friends know they should be doing better but they aren't and you are a reminder of that to them.
I remember reading a study about how one's eating habits mimic their friends, so if your friends are obese then you are more likely to become obese as well. So maybe now is a good time to meet people with similar diet/exercise habits so you'll have more in common than happy hour (I know around here all people want to do is get together and eat/drink).
Regardless, we are here to support you! You've done a fantastic job! )

aset132

Thank you again everyone for the feedback and encouragement. As I read your responses and think about the situations with many of these friends, I believe that this is kind of a final straw. More has gone here then just this. Unfortunately I have always been one of those people that takes a lot. I never say a bad thing about anyone and I'll do anything for anyone. I like being that nice person and I don't ever want to be the unfriendly one, but as I make this change for myself I am realizing there are somethings I can't and won't compromise anymore. I'm not going to sit by and do things that are harmful to myself to make another feel comfortable. I need and I think I deserve friends that want to converse with me and share with me. I don't want people falling all over themselves for me, but mutual friendship would be nice. Time to meet new people who will be healthy and enjoyable to be around! Thanks again for the amazing responses!

missbp

That is the right attitude! One thing I have learned during my 41 years here on this earth is, when good things happen to you in your life . . . the truest, most genuine friends, are the ones that are as happy for you (if not happier), then you are for yourself. Fact!

Keep on keeping on! The type of friends you seek are out there. Friend me if you wish! I could use all the support I can get.

M