Is It "Them" or is It YOU?

EDesq

Lately I have been seeing a LOT of Posts about "people" getting on someone for "eating right" or rejecting food; also about being "sabotaged" by friends and family.

I'm not saying these things do not happen, but at what point do we stop blaming others for "stuff" and begin to take personal responsibility for what we do, who we are and what we are about. Sometimes I think all some people want is a "compliment" or to be told that someone is jealous of them or that it is OK if they gave in to temptation and it was not your fault, "the buggy man made you do it." I am the first to admit that sometimes I need outside motivation, but my goodness, is everybody out to get a dieter or person who is trying to change their Lifestyle or eat healthy. Those of us who are trying/making Lifestyle changes are we bringing a jaundiced eye to the situation? After all it is US who have changed and now when that friend or family member puts that hunk of cake in front of them at the dinner table, it is US that cringe (and that is picked up by the family member as disapproval), when a while ago you would have partook; or you rather go for a walk while everyone else watches the game and eat greasy snacks, when a few months ago you were among the group.

So, is it "them" or is it "you"? I know it has taken Me YEARS to Be able to ACTUALLY LIVE My desired Lifestyle (and I still struggle) and I don't expect My family to stop "feasting" because I come around, nor does My Uncle (who is an alcoholic) expect them to not drink when he's around. What he did and what I did was stay out of eating or drinking situations until I or he had enough CONTROL of ourselves to say "no thank-you" and "really, no thank-you." It might seem harsh not going around friends and family until YOU get control and diplomacy, but trust Me, THEY are not going to change until THEY are READY (just like "we' did.) REMEMBER: These Lifestyles were out here YEARS before we ever encountered them and it took a while for us to accept and want change.

What do you think? How do you deal with friends and family who still see you as the person BEFORE your Lifestyle Change/Weight Loss?

irisannRN

Lately I have been seeing a LOT of Posts about "people" getting on someone for "eating right" or rejecting food; also about being "sabotaged" by friends and family.

I'm not saying these things do not happen, but at what point do we stop blaming others for "stuff" and begin to take personal responsibility for what we do, who we are and what we are about. Sometimes I think all some people want is a "compliment" or to be told that someone is jealous of them or that it is OK if they gave in to temptation and it was not your fault, "the buggy man made you do it." I am the first to admit that sometimes I need outside motivation, but my goodness, is everybody out to get a dieter or person who is trying to change their Lifestyle or eat healthy. Those of us who are trying/making Lifestyle changes are we bringing a jaundiced eye to the situation? After all it is US who have changed and now when that friend or family member puts that hunk of cake in front of them at the dinner table, it is US that cringe (and that is picked up by the family member as disapproval), when a while ago you would have partook; or you rather go for a walk while everyone else watches the game and eat greasy snacks, when a few months ago you were among the group.

So, is it "them" or is it "you"? I know it has taken Me YEARS to Be able to ACTUALLY LIVE My desired Lifestyle (and I still struggle) and I don't expect My family to stop "feasting" because I come around, nor does My Uncle (who is an alcoholic) expect them to not drink when he's around. What he did and what I did was stay out of eating or drinking situations until I or he had enough CONTROL of ourselves to say "no thank-you" and "really, no thank-you." It might seem harsh not going around friends and family until YOU get control and diplomacy, but trust Me, THEY are not going to change until THEY are READY (just like "we' did.) REMEMBER: These Lifestyles were out here YEARS before we ever encountered them and it took a while for us to accept and want change.

What do you think? How do you deal with friends and family who still see you as the person BEFORE your Lifestyle Change/Weight Loss?

Well said !!! At some point we need to take responsibility for OUR actions and what we put into our mouth. People get on me all the time to eat whatever crap they are eating (probably because they need someone else to eat it so they won't feel so guilty for eating it too) but I am the one who makes the decision to eat healthy. People are always looking for someone else to blame .... makes us feel less guilty about what we do.

EDesq

Lately I have been seeing a LOT of Posts about "people" getting on someone for "eating right" or rejecting food; also about being "sabotaged" by friends and family.

I'm not saying these things do not happen, but at what point do we stop blaming others for "stuff" and begin to take personal responsibility for what we do, who we are and what we are about. Sometimes I think all some people want is a "compliment" or to be told that someone is jealous of them or that it is OK if they gave in to temptation and it was not your fault, "the buggy man made you do it." I am the first to admit that sometimes I need outside motivation, but my goodness, is everybody out to get a dieter or person who is trying to change their Lifestyle or eat healthy. Those of us who are trying/making Lifestyle changes are we bringing a jaundiced eye to the situation? After all it is US who have changed and now when that friend or family member puts that hunk of cake in front of them at the dinner table, it is US that cringe (and that is picked up by the family member as disapproval), when a while ago you would have partook; or you rather go for a walk while everyone else watches the game and eat greasy snacks, when a few months ago you were among the group.

So, is it "them" or is it "you"? I know it has taken Me YEARS to Be able to ACTUALLY LIVE My desired Lifestyle (and I still struggle) and I don't expect My family to stop "feasting" because I come around, nor does My Uncle (who is an alcoholic) expect them to not drink when he's around. What he did and what I did was stay out of eating or drinking situations until I or he had enough CONTROL of ourselves to say "no thank-you" and "really, no thank-you." It might seem harsh not going around friends and family until YOU get control and diplomacy, but trust Me, THEY are not going to change until THEY are READY (just like "we' did.) REMEMBER: These Lifestyles were out here YEARS before we ever encountered them and it took a while for us to accept and want change.

What do you think? How do you deal with friends and family who still see you as the person BEFORE your Lifestyle Change/Weight Loss?

Well said !!! At some point we need to take responsibility for OUR actions and what we put into our mouth. People get on me all the time to eat whatever crap they are eating (probably because they need someone else to eat it so they won't feel so guilty for eating it too) but I am the one who makes the decision to eat healthy. People are always looking for someone else to blame .... makes us feel less guilty about what we do.

I agree. It may seem harsh but My Uncle had to give up "Drinking Friends" and I gave up going to restaurants with My Partner every week. Sometimes we may have to make HARD decisions if we believe in what we are doing...and in some cases what we are doing will Save our Life.

fuhrmeister

I just let teh world know what I'm up to. Most of my family nad friends have been very supportive. But I just shout from the roof tops that i am losing weight. It may be annoying but If i annouce every week that I lost another pound people get the picture and deal with the choices i have made. i don't ask anyone to stop eating crappy food or preparing it. I just eat the veggies and not main dish at functions if necessary. Other times I partake if i've worked. They'v emade their choice and i respect it but I have also made mine.

123456654321

It's obviously THEM.

ruhimaach

While I agree that it's us who are changing and that we need to learn how to deal with outside situations, people write posts and comment on posts on the message boards because this is a weight loss community. We are all in the same journey and understand the other person's POV, because we've been there ourselves. I don't see anything wrong with people asking for some support, or just venting. Not everyone is made the same way. Not everyone has the perfectionist attitude or 100% control on his or herself. I wouldn't be so harsh and judge them.

ChubbieTubbie

While I agree that it's us who are changing and that we need to learn how to deal with outside situations, people write posts and comment on posts on the message boards because this is a weight loss community. We are all in the same journey and understand the other person's POV, because we've been there ourselves. I don't see anything wrong with people asking for some support, or just venting. Not everyone is made the same way. Not everyone has the perfectionist attitude or 100% control on his or herself. I wouldn't be so harsh and judge them.

For a lot of us, if we had a large amount of self-control we wouldn't even need this site because we wouldn't have gotten as large as we have. I'm all for taking responsibility for your own actions, but things aren't always black and white and a lot of times it's 'easier said than done'.

EDesq

While I agree that it's us who are changing and that we need to learn how to deal with outside situations, people write posts and comment on posts on the message boards because this is a weight loss community. We are all in the same journey and understand the other person's POV, because we've been there ourselves. I don't see anything wrong with people asking for some support, or just venting. Not everyone is made the same way. Not everyone has the perfectionist attitude or 100% control on his or herself. I wouldn't be so harsh and judge them.

For a lot of us, if we had a large amount of self-control we wouldn't even need this site because we wouldn't have gotten as large as we have. I'm all for taking responsibility for your own actions, but things aren't always black and white and a lot of times it's 'easier said than done'.

Trust Me, I know it is easier said than done. But My question then is, "What do you do once you have reached your weight goal, do you become "The EVIL Skinny Witch," that No One likes, or do you try and Change that Overly Dependent/Super Sensitive/Low Motivational Attitude as you Change your Lifestyle. Isn't Changing One's Lifestyle about changing those Other Negative Traits that Helped to make you unhealthy/obese... To Me, it all goes hand in hand (Holistic.) Wellness is not just about Physical Wellness and less about being "thin", it's also about Spiritual, Emotional, Mental, Psychological & SOCIAL Wellness, also, even Professional/Job/Career, and Financial Wellness. That is why in My endeavor to Change My Lifestyle, I want to effectuate Positive Change in each of these areas of My Life. And realistically for some, our Spiritual, Emotional and Psychological outlooks have RESULTED in our LACK of Physical Well-being and Obesity.

KeriA

I think it is OK to vent on here with people who understand but not to take it seriously that it really is their fault. If you acknowledge a feeling it is easier to then take control over it. If you ignore it it will control you. After that then you need to eventually live in the real world with the celebrations with friends and families and do what you have to do. I do not expect my family to change. I expect me to change. Sometimes I eat the food and exercise more and sometimes I avoid it. Once in awhile I think people do have people closed to them that do unconciously try to sabotage their efforts. In order to find a way to deal with such situations it helps to discuss it with friends. However sometimes it does seem like we blame others for tempting us when they are just enjoying normal family times together. If we want to vent about it that is OK if we know it really is not them.