healthy turning into an eating disorder

mazomama

This is kinda hard but i felt i really wanted to get it out.

a little backround info-

I used to be extremely obsessed with my weight. It started when i was 13. I struggled/ juggled on and off till i had my first son.

I thought this was in my past. Now here i am 4 kids and two husbands later and its starting to come back i think. Ive lots 33 lbs "the healthy" way since giving birth 11/5/10. BUT NOW, with in the last two weeks or so i feel this twinge to restrict more calories. and ive noticed i start freaking out if i dont get my work out in. I just get mad and i feel it may have to do with this. I'm on my fitness pal at least every hour and i'm letting numbers become a big part of my daily things. How many calories i burn, what i'm eating, what i "should" be doing vs. what i "want" to be seeing.

I just wanted to know if any one else has been in this boat cause i could use some support/friends with similar situations.

hush7hush

I'm in the same boat.
Gradually getting better.
But it's hard.

maddiecrist123

I know what you mean. I've battled a lot of unhealthy dieting tendencies over the years, and old habits die hard.

kayemme

you may want to consider meditation as a part of your workout, it helps a person abandon control and aims to end suffering due to desire (to control the outcome of a situation).

it does a body good!

exercisarah

I'm here for you, I've been there, and have struggled with it a lot.

lcoulter23

*raises hand* I had an eating disorder in high school that I still struggle with at times... I don't look like it due to my weight, but it is true.

Anidorie

oh hon. i know what you are going through. im there right now. today i have had no calories but a major workout. im in the negatives by 500 calories. my daily goal is set at 920 and sometimes i dont get there. i hear you. i feel the pain. because you dont want to be that way but you do. your being torn in half between wanting to be healthy and wanting to be skinny. you make it to your goal weight and you still arent happy because you arent skinny enough. it gets to the point you are in a size 0 and its falling off of you. it gets to the point you can wear a girls size 12 skirt. and you feel lost. thats me.

Fat2FitAmanda

I'm in a similar boat. I feel like I can't live my life sometimes without obsessing over what I'm going to eat/drink. However, my problem is more in a different direction. I will obsess over the numbers but then cannot control my eating at other times. I have some awful binges then end up disgusted with myself. It's a constant battle but we can do it. Just keep in mind how far you've come already and know that you don't have to go to extremes to do more. Just keep doing what you've been doing and you will be ok. But know you're not alone!

erisfreenici

This thread made me cry. I almost lost a close friend to an eating disorder... and some days I just wonder why we can't just feel beautiful how we are. *group hug*

KeepOnMoving

I experience that too. It stopped when I got annoyed that my son need help with his homework and I had to stop my boot camp workout.....then I asked myself, "what is wrong with me?" I got my priorities straighten out. God, then family, come first. Myself after that.

Now I have a new problem. I have a day job in front of a computer and I find myself eating when I am not hungry. Kind of like a couch potato. I succeed in losing my weight and meeting my basic goal. I am not heavily motivated to meet my ultimate goal and I am afraid I am starting to go the opposite direction because I am rebelling my desires versus common sense. I brought a bag a dark chocolate trail mix to work today. 3T is 140 calories. Why did I do that when I have problems proportion control? I don't want to tell myself "no" to things but I also don't want to go hungry to meet my ultimate goal. I guess I am getting bored with this food control thing and need a new game plan.:grumble:

KeepOnMoving

I experience that too. It stopped when I got annoyed that my son need help with his homework and I had to stop my boot camp workout.....then I asked myself, "what is wrong with me?" I got my priorities straighten out. God, then family, come first. Myself after that.

Now I have a new problem. I have a day job in front of a computer and I find myself eating when I am not hungry. Kind of like a couch potato. I succeed in losing my weight and meeting my basic goal. I am not heavily motivated to meet my ultimate goal and I am afraid I am starting to go the opposite direction because I am rebelling my desires versus common sense. I brought a bag a dark chocolate trail mix to work today. 3T is 140 calories. Why did I do that when I have problems proportion control? I don't want to tell myself "no" to things but I also don't want to go hungry to meet my ultimate goal. I guess I am getting bored with this food control thing and need a new game plan.:grumble:

mazomama

This thread made me cry. I almost lost a close friend to an eating disorder... and some days I just wonder why we can't just feel beautiful how we are. *group hug*

sorry

ella0719

I'm the same way... I'm super scared of gaining weight and I want to restrict myself of as many calories as possible :-(
obviously this isn't a good thing. I'm looking into counseling since I have an overwhelming fear of this possibly turning into
a more serious problem... Just hang in there and think that you have a child you need to be healthy for... if you ever need to talk go ahead and hit me up or any other friend....Your support system is the key to getting through these hard things

taso42_DELETED

I kind of joke around about it, and so do many of my friends on here, but many of us are fitness obsessed. I am not entirely sure yet whether this is a real problem or not. As long as we keep it healthy, I think it's a "healthy obsession". And this energy is sort of infectious and contagious. It helps motivate not only ourselves, but each other, on here and in real life. If/when things get unhealthy, like severe calorie restriction and/or overtraining, then that's a dangerous path to go down. But hopefully we have built a support network on here to keep us in check.

So if your main problem is logging in here too often, I wouldn't worry about it TOO much unless it starts interfering with real life responsibilities. Otherwise continue eating well and working out and spreading positive vibes and support.

a_stronger_steph

I just wanted to say... I have two very very good friends who both have eating disorders, and over the years have taken hard steps towards recovery. It has broken my heart at times to talk with them about their disorders, and I would never wish such emotional, mental, and physical anguish on anyone.

I urge anyone who is feeling like their calorie counting and eating patterns may turn into disordered eating to please contact a professional if you can. Even if it's only for a few sessions to hash out how you are feeling. At the very least, talk about things with your loved ones and family. You could also try calling the National Eating Disorders Association helpline at: 1-800-931-2237.

Take steps to help yourself before it gets worse. You're worth it.

MsQt

I do the same thing with my cals and burning cals but If you ever want to talk about it, I am here for you!

mazomama

its more then just the logging. I think about this 24/7.

taso42_DELETED

its more then just the logging. I think about this 24/7.

Me too, me too. I have to say, finding this website made it 20x worse for me. :laugh: I was borderline normal before. Now, I eat, sleep, and breathe this stuff.

Anidorie

its more then just the logging. I think about this 24/7.

no of course not its not just the logging. its the fear. you see a chocolate bar and you think how many carbs and calories are in it and how if you eat that you will gaine 1/7 of a pound.

jolarocknrolla

i know what you mean, i get super obsessed sometimes (i had an issue a few years back myself, to the tune of restricting down to 600 calories a day - ugh). i've been dealing w/ my under-eating tendencies by trying to build muscle ... ik eep telling myself i need fuel for energy to do these workouts and to build muscle and that helps. i feel guilty enough about doing my curent average of 950, technically i should be eating more, but i just can't do it emotionally.

kendf60

I went through a few months of being totally obsessed with all the numbers and would be mad at myself and anyone who got in my way of working out and eating healthy. It wasn't something that would have been good to do long term but, looking back I learned a lot about diet and nutrition by watching everything so close. I also developed good eating and excersise habits and had a lot of success meeting both weight and fitness goals which boosted my confidence. If you're eating the calories your supposed to, look at it as a learning period and a time to develop good habits, and be patient and know that results will come soon enough.