If you where in my shoes what would you do?...

Options
24

Replies

  • SarahWrittenThin
    SarahWrittenThin Posts: 595 Member
    Options
    sounds like he doesn't deserve you. 1.5 years is a while but do you really want to be treated like crap and five years down have to leave and take you and potentially your children somewhere else? this guy doesn't treat you right with the way you are what makes you think he deserves you when you are at your goal weight. I left my bf of 4 years recently and found an even more amazing man. there are plenty of other guys out there who will treat you how you should be treated.
  • YPabe
    YPabe Posts: 21 Member
    Options
    Losing weight for him? NOT worth it! You should do it for yourself to the point you feel good and comfortable with your body because that's what you deserve. (Not to be treated like that.)
  • minburke
    minburke Posts: 241 Member
    Options
    Move home today. There is no way you should put up with that crap.
  • Perfectlycrooked
    Perfectlycrooked Posts: 275 Member
    Options
    Leave him, he'll be so sorry when you prove him wrong. You're already beautiful. You should be doing this for you, not for him! You should find someone who's supportive, not rude and full of negativity!
    (:
  • danlyn
    danlyn Posts: 157 Member
    Options
    you need to separate yourself from this guy. He doesn't love you, he loves his "caricature" of you.. the skinny girl in his head, which has nothing to do with who you are on the inside. It only gets worse as time goes on, never better. Don't subject yourself to that. It's better to cut your losses 1.5 years in than 10 years in. The someone that loves you for who you are is still out there waiting to meet you.. You should never have to put up with or excuse someone that doesn't support you.


    I totally agree with this!!! You need to get away from him and I'm sure over time you'll look back and realize it was the best decision you could have made. You deserve better and you will find it. Good luck!!!!!:flowerforyou:
  • anewattitude
    anewattitude Posts: 483 Member
    Options
    You do not need to surround yourself with people who hurt you, Just because he hasn't hit you ( yet) doesn't mean he is still not abusing you. Emotional abuse is still abuse! Walk away. There are many men out there who know how to treat a lady so don't focus on someone who doesn't!

    Best Wishes,
  • feliciapeters
    feliciapeters Posts: 525
    Options
    , I am wondering how you leave someone you love,

    You LOVE him? He treats you like this, calls you names & you feel BAD about wanting to leave? Sorry for my rough attitude, but it's easy, you pack up your stuff, tell him to go F*** himself get in the car & GO. This is NEVER ok and anyone who say otherwise is full of it.

    Your 21, how "entangled" can you be? no kids, no mortgage, etc Hes a BF who treats you badly. Get in the car & GO. NOW

    YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN HIM
  • Sergio1975
    Sergio1975 Posts: 1
    Options
    I would leave. It is better to cry a little than cry for the rest of your life with him. You will find someone who knows how to appreciate you. It is totally his loss.
  • livraynesmom
    livraynesmom Posts: 8
    Options
    One word:

    RUN!
  • kymarai
    kymarai Posts: 3,631 Member
    Options
    As hard as it is, cut your losses sounds like the best advice. You have so much to offer. He needs to grow up. Family and friends will help you through.
  • wills2be
    wills2be Posts: 26
    Options
    Leave, and now. You're only 21, you're young and have plenty of time to find someone else. Besides, it's only going to get worse if you stay--if it's this bad now, when the relationship is so new, imagine 5 or 10 years from now how bad it will be. He's changed, and isn't the person you loved anymore. He obviously has some things he needs to work out for himself, and being his verbal/emotional (and, if you stay, probably sooner than later physical) punching bag isn't going to help him or you. You deserve better. Go stay with a family member or friend till you can get move out officially. It'll only get worse.

    I second this. He will regret it one day. I was in a similiar situation when I was 20/21 and after being together for 5 years we broke up (mutual) as we had grown apart. I had become very co-dependant and had very low self esteem. A couple of years later we caught up and he was very appologetic about the way he treated me. Your guy needs time to see how he has been acting. Move on huni, there are plenty of guys out there who will show you the respect you deserve. Onwards and Upwards!!!
  • promiseskept
    promiseskept Posts: 119
    Options
    Sweety...I did that and hung on for 17 years before he cheated on me and blamed me necause I have low self esteem because of my weight. Run now, 1.5 years is nothing in the longevity of life and honey, I have an awesome hubby now! Wouldn't look back ever!!
  • running_mom
    running_mom Posts: 204 Member
    Options
    Leave him now. Otherwise you'll end up in a horrible marriage with verbal and physical abuse. The others are right. It starts off with small comments then turns into something worse.

    It will hurt and you will cry but it will not kill you.

    Just know that there is someone out there who has it a little worse. You are so young to be dealing with that kind of crap.

    You deserve better
  • Crystal817
    Crystal817 Posts: 2,021 Member
    Options
    Okay so I am 21 years old, I live with my boyfreind and his family 1 hour from my family, He was such a wonderful guy when we met and we have been together 1.5 years, and don't get me wrong he still has his moments but he now says things like...... I am not going to be nice to you until you lose weight...... Fat *****, and other not so nice things, I am wondering how you leave someone you love, and have had a life with for 1.5 years, and your lives are very intangled.... It has gotten bad. NO hitting or anything just verbal and it makes it hard to lose weight or be happy, I just dont like to be sad, and I don't even know where to start if i leave... any advice thoughts ect........ HELP.

    Call your family to help you move, pack your stuff and GO! I know it's easier said then done, but everything else with fall into place. I broke up with someone after a 5 (almost 6) year relationship. We lived together, shared a bank account, EVERYTHING. I didn't know how I was ever going to seperate my life from his, but I did and so can you. You just need to have the courage to stand up for youself! You don't deserve his verbal abuse and he does not deserve YOU.
  • SayLiLIG
    SayLiLIG Posts: 197 Member
    Options
    i agree with all the above comments... Talk to him about it first, and see what happens. But, if he refuses to change his attitude towards you.. get out.. and go back to your family.
  • tethomas73
    tethomas73 Posts: 249 Member
    Options
    Oh no no no. If he loved you; REALLY loved you he would love you and support you no matter what you looked like. He most certainly wouldn't talk to you that way. It's time he got a crack of realization upside the head. Leave him. Explain to him (either to him or in a note, depending on how you think the reaction would go) but tell him how what he says makes you feel and that you can't live or ever expect to be happy or even lose weight with that kind of negativity. And that you are going back to your family. Don't EVER let anyone treat you as less than you treat them. You deserve someone who is a great guy to you all the time, not just when it's convenient for him.

    Now I second this!!

    Never let anybody determine you self worth.. You are more than just your size.. Also remember verbal abuse is just a bad a physical abuse.
  • LHemlock
    LHemlock Posts: 1
    Options
    Nobody, especially someone you love and someone that's supposed to love you, should be saying things like that to you. You are way too young to be saddled down with someone like that. He should be your best friend, and your best friend would never say those things to you, right?

    I have been married to my husband for almost 25 years, and he loves me no matter what! Through the years, I've gained weight (I was 190 lbs. after my second pregnancy) and lost weight, and he has NEVER said a word or judged me in any way. Please find someone like that for yourself and don't stop till you do!

    Good luck!
  • DaniJeanine
    DaniJeanine Posts: 473 Member
    Options
    OMG sweetie...my heart just ached hearing that he called you those names. Right now, you need to put the love for *yourself* above anything you feel for him. A real man would never, ever, ever, speak to ANYONE that way, let alone his girlfriend. Be strong, love yourself, and leave him.
  • SiltyPigeon
    SiltyPigeon Posts: 920 Member
    Options
    Cake is really good. Everyone likes cake. But when it gets moldy you throw it out.
    BE happy for the time you had. Savor the memories. But go buy yourself a new cake. Imagine how good that new cake will be after chomping on that moldy one for a year and a half!
  • JesaGrace
    JesaGrace Posts: 799 Member
    Options
    If he doesn't like you for who you are now, at the weight you are now....he doesn't deserve you....don't settle for GOD.....you deserved BEST....don't get it in your head to change for him....once you lost the weight, he would find something else you need to change.....make changes for you....I can't tell you what to do, but don't think staying with him and fitting yourself into whatever mold he wants you in is going to make you happy.....In your shoes....I wouldn't be with him anymore......just saying....

Categories