Who else has an non-supportive friend/roommate/whatever?

runningfromzombies

Because I'VE got one!

I live with three other people--two guys and one girl--in a two-bedroom apartment. They're all very thin, and they all work out less than me (two of them don't work out at all--one "doesn't like to move" and one ran cross-country in high school but since has not done any regular activity). They eat WHATEVER they want. WHENEVER they want--if they're not too lazy to get up and cook it or get up and buy it. I guess they're all blessed with incredibly fast metabolisms or something, I don't know.

So for the past month now I've been here on MFP and doing well about my eating healthy. I've been working out six days a week and I've lost almost six pounds and a number of inches. Yesterday I officially fit into a smaller jean size. Cool story bro, right?

Well, today is my rest day, so I don't get to eat as much as I usually do--no exercise calories to eat back. But I am eating ALL 1300 of those calories that I am allotted, rest assured! Three fruit servings, three vegetable servings, good healthy choices. So I'm in the kitchen, cutting up my vegetables when one of my male roommates pops in and starts making his dinner. He asks if I want a piece of chicken, since he's making some.

I say, "No, thanks. I've got a limit."

And he says, "Just eat the chicken."

And I say, "No, seriously. I want to lose weight. I need to eat a deficit--I'm eating 1300 calories today, and I've only got so many left."

His immediate response: "That's not healthy."

I launch into lecture mode: "It's plenty healthy. I'm eating a 500-calorie-deficit from my maintenance level, because I want to lose weight. I've only been losing 1.2-1.5 pounds per week, which is perfectly acceptable, so I know this amount of eating is good for me."

His next tactic: "What if you die tomorrow?"

"And what?"

"What if you get hit by a car and you weren't living life to the fullest?"

Oh, my god. WHAT is your problem? "I won't regret eating a little less today if I get hit by a car tomorrow. I'm trying to be a better me, for myself. I would rather die knowing I was trying not to be a fat*ss than to eat more food just because of the possibility of a fatal accident tomorrow."

"Chicken won't make you fat."

I could SCREAM. I know chicken won't make me fat! I love chicken! I eat it all the time! Just not today, because it's not what I want, because I wanted a potato, and with the calories I have left it's either chicken or the potato. Despite the absence of meat, I've still met my protein allotment for the day, so I don't really see the problem...

I just don't get it. What's wrong with being supportive? Why do people you really like (because I'm good friends with this roommate in particular) try to sabotage your efforts? The only person who has been really supportive has been my boyfriend...and obviously I'm doing fine with all the support from my MFP pals (:drinker:), or I wouldn't have made any progress, but why are my IRL friends so freaking resistant?

One of my other roommates would say I was being a hypocrite, because every time she decides she needs to eat less, I'm all over her case--but to give you some idea, she's 5'1", weighs 106 lbs, and is a size 2 already. And I never tell her she doesn't need to eat less, because hey, that's her decision--I just tell her that she needs to eat BETTER, because she lives on fast food and sweets and snacks; I encourage her to eat vegetables and fruits and to exercise; but she always says this: "I don't like to move!" And it's true. She doesn't move if she can't help it.

Anyone else in this situation? Haha. </rant over>

CassieLEO

Both my Dad AND my Stepmother arent supportive AT ALL. Its actually a HUGE downer for me and my achilles heel. I feel for you lady!!!!
You would think with me being 31 years old it wouldnt bother me, but IT DOES!!

anthony438

Been there, and it sucks. Just stick to the plan, and stay strong. You know that you're right and he's being an *kitten*.


To be fair though, we're guys - it's kinda what we do

SayLiLIG

YUP! But I live with my boyfriend, his mother, his two brothers (21 & 15), and our son.

So tell me why.. When I had my lapband surgery.. I asked for people to help me eat healtheir by not putting things in my face. What to they do? Order pizza, by jack in the crack... Just CRAP food. BUT when their drunk of a mother goes to the hospital with blood pressure issues and gets put on low sodium/low cholesterol diet they are ALL OVER IT. My boyfriend as well has been the only supportive person.

WifeMomDVM

Not to that extent...

my husband just kinda watches everything. He watches me work-out, he watches me pack healthy lunches and make healthy breakfasts - he DOES eat the healthy dinners I make, because he won't cook for himself. But for him, lunch is a burger and a coke. EGADS!!!! I am very anti-soda and high sugar and anything else that's going to long term in too much quantity be detrimental to my health (moderation is ok, choose your vices)

I'm no Freud, but I honestly suspect that the lack of "support" you feel is because you're roommates are all watching you too. I'd guess that maybe as high as 95% of the American population is dissatisfied with their own personal appearance for one reason or another - blame it on what you may, the media, social pressures, whatever. Even seemingly thin, happy people probably have something about themselves they would change if they could. So what does it boil down too?

Envy.

Yep. You are making healthier choices for yourself and while they may not outwardly "see" a difference in 6 lbs lost on you (yet), they are seeing you exercise 6 days a week and make healthy food choices. Deep down inside, they "know" this is good for them to do too. EVERYBODY who hasn't lived under a rock knows that a healthy diet and exercise are GOOD FOR YOU.

EVERYBODY who hasn't lived under a rock has heard at least once in their life, that lack of exercise and poor diet will catch up to you... someday.

Unfortunately, without realizing it. Many of us put others down (especially those we are jealous of) - it makes us feel, righteous, or better, or whatever about ourselves. Many times we don't realize we are doing it (probably the case of your roommates).

The solution?

Keep at it. Eventually they realize they still have their same fun roommate, just a healthier version of you and who knows??? You MIGHT just inspire them to do better for themselves.... someday.

In the mean time... you're right, it's a real PITA to deal with!!! :flowerforyou:

donyaatsize8

I feel ya! My husband and I live with his mom and both of them are even way bigger than I am. My husband keeps saying he's going to do this with me but never does. I've always caved in the past because I end up feeling very isolated - like they have each other and their food club and I'm left twisting in the wind. I've decided I'm just going to have to feel that way because I'm not giving in this time. It stinks but I have to do this for myself and that has to be a good enough reason.:happy:

iheartralphie

YES!!! My best friend is like that! Also a thinner person... but she is a recovering...and occasionally still practicing...bullimic! We will go out and she will try to get me to eat unhealthy food with her, and drink a ton of calories, and she uses the " well at least I'm living and enjoying my life unlike you" BS. I just want to scream at her "yeah. I can't eat like you because I don't run and throw it up after!!! And if thats what you are referring to as enjoying life, I want none of that!! GROSS!!" And she expects me to console her when she purges, but gives me a hard time for working out and eating healthy, calling it an obsession. GRRRRRR!!!!

cassiex10

That is the worst. I always try to keep the fact that I'm dieting, to myself. My boyfriend knows & is supportive. I feel like my mom wouldn't be as supportive though. I always get the "you look fine how you are" blah blah blah. Sue me for wanting to look better, right?

MintyStarshine

I was in a sort of similar situation... sort of.

The lesson is that roommates tend to be royal pains no matter what unless you're in love with them.

I was living with four other girls (first mistake) who didn't diet whatsoever. We all paid for our own food. No one shared anything. And that was perfectly fine by me. I was scraping by on $20 every week for food since I was in college (and paying for it myself) and only working 30 hours a week on top of that. So basically I ate tuna sandwiches and ramen noodles. But I was walking everywhere, so I was losing a ton of weight.

All of the sudden, my roommates (who were also lazy and wouldn't move if they didn't want to and even had a deep-fat frier they all shared) invited all their boyfriends in to live with us (making the grand total: five girls, four boys, a toddler, and a dog). With all those people over and some of them without jobs, food started to get eaten that was off limits. It was also around the same time that two of the girls decided they wanted to lose weight. But the deep frier was being turned on just as often and the same foods were being bought and eaten... but faster than usual because there were four men in the house now, ones who were living there but not buying food. So what did they do?

They accused me, the girl who had just lost 35lbs, of eating all their string cheese and other fatty stuff that I could have never eaten and lost all that weight. Oh yes, this girl that never ate any of your food before is has picked up the habit of eating your food... but you don't see that this started happening as soon as you moved in four MEN?? Or were you just trying to hide the fact that you can't stop eating greasy garbage and have to find some kind of explanation as to why it isn't there anymore? Yep, let's blame the fat girl.

In the end, everyone but one girl (and me) ended up getting pregnant and we were kicked out because, lo and behold, they had never gotten trash services and were hiding all of our trash in the huge closet in the garage (where I never went so I never knew about it) and they got two more dogs. The one girl who didn't get pregnant ended up going to jail for being busted with drugs after she destroyed a hotel room.

Hopefully, your situation ends better than mine did.

Personally, just eat what you want and stand up for what you are doing. You're trying to be healthy and they're shoving food in your face. If they do it again, just say you have a calorie limit and you'll eat it tomorrow and just leave it in the fridge. If it's that delicious, someone will eventually eat it if you don't.

Sorry if I come off as a bit cold... after all the crappy roommates that I endured before I was married, I get a bit peeved when on the subject.

sweetage123

I live with 2 girls and a guy. The 2 girls are both thin and eat all the junk they want. The guy is fat and lazy and spends all day playing call of duty. I'll get home from the gym to see everyone else on the couch, or eat a salad for lunch while my roommate scarfs down an entire pizza from papa johns (true story!). I've also gotten *****ed at for my 1200 a day limit, even after trying to explain it. The roommate who took the into to nutrition class is *obviously* an expert haha.

My best advice would be to ignore them, and let them get jealous as your weight loss makes you a happier and more confident person. Try to surround yourself with people who are supportive. If I'm at dinner with my boyfriend and I steal a few fries he always asks (jokingly) if I'm gonna add it to my food diary. And I do, because I know those things add up. The more people you have like that in your life, the easier it's going to be to reach your goal. And if all else fails, you know you always have the support of your friends on MFP

krostron

Yes, My boyfriend is super thin and can eat anything he wants! I have been small and in shape in the past...but after having my second child I am having a really hard time losing the weight or being motivated and staying motivated to do anything about it. My weight came off fairly easy after my first child but not this time. My boyfriend gripes and throws a fit if i buy or try to make anything healthy because he always says not everyone in this house needs to lose weight some need to gain weight to be healthy. Whenever I try to start working out he gives me no support or encouragement and so I normally just give up.

iheartralphie

I was in a sort of similar situation... sort of.

The lesson is that roommates tend to be royal pains no matter what unless you're in love with them.

I was living with four other girls (first mistake) who didn't diet whatsoever. We all paid for our own food. No one shared anything. And that was perfectly fine by me. I was scraping by on $20 every week for food since I was in college (and paying for it myself) and only working 30 hours a week on top of that. So basically I ate tuna sandwiches and ramen noodles. But I was walking everywhere, so I was losing a ton of weight.

All of the sudden, my roommates (who were also lazy and wouldn't move if they didn't want to and even had a deep-fat frier they all shared) invited all their boyfriends in to live with us (making the grand total: five girls, four boys, a toddler, and a dog). With all those people over and some of them without jobs, food started to get eaten that was off limits. It was also around the same time that two of the girls decided they wanted to lose weight. But the deep frier was being turned on just as often and the same foods were being bought and eaten... but faster than usual because there were four men in the house now, ones who were living there but not buying food. So what did they do?

They accused me, the girl who had just lost 35lbs, of eating all their string cheese and other fatty stuff that I could have never eaten and lost all that weight. Oh yes, this girl that never ate any of your food before is has picked up the habit of eating your food... but you don't see that this started happening as soon as you moved in four MEN??

In the end, everyone but one girl (and me) ended up getting pregnant and we were kicked out because, lo and behold, they had never gotten trash services and were hiding all of our trash in the huge closet in the garage (where I never went so I never knew about it) and they got two more dogs. The one girl who didn't get pregnant ended up going to jail for being busted with drugs after she destroyed a hotel room.

Hopefully, your situation ends better than mine did.

Personally, just eat what you want and stand up for what you are doing. You're trying to be healthy and they're shoving food in your face. If they do it again, just say you have a calorie limit and you'll eat it tomorrow and just leave it in the fridge. If it's that delicious, someone will eventually eat it if you don't.

Sorry if I come off as a bit cold... after all the crappy roommates that I endured before I was married, I get a bit peeved when on the subject.

OMG!!!! Roommates from hell!!!! I'm so sorry! I would have flipped out!

cheshirequeen

i think they are scared honestly. what if she gets confident and loses weight and she doesnt want to be friends with me anymore. or what if she is doing this and she meets people "like" her she will connect with on a different level. maybe they think you cant go anywhere anymore. i told hubby, if you arent for me, you are against me. thankfully it worked with him. that might work. also, and i hope this doesnt sounds mean, because i really dont want it to, but like me, i was kind of the fat friend. i was the one that made them, i think, more confident about themselves because they thought they were better than me, at least in that fact. unfortuneately there are people out there like this. and they usually are close to you. that will make you a stronger person knowing that no matter what they try to ply you with you are resisting because you know its right for you. you wouldn't do that to a recovering alcoholic or drug addict, you can also kill yourself with food. hopefully it changes, but if not, we are always here to support you.:flowerforyou:

headstoes

WARNING: Long and in-depth story ahead

I’ve been fat and unhappy my whole life. The unhappy part comes along with being fat, but moreover, I am a happy person. Losing weight was something I wanted since I was 15, being overweight since I can remember, through school and highschool. Fat is what everyone has known me as.

I started, being very committed with a diet plan, eating very healthy, and occasionally working out. I started to lose weight. Everyone around me saw a big difference and were proud of me and my achievements. I looked average. I wanted to lose more weight and reach my goal of not being labelled as someone who was fat. No-one in my life was pleased with this!

I got into many fights at home with my parents thinking I was getting too thin. I was not too thin, I still had a gut and thighs! My dad even went into a rage (which happened more than once), not allowing me to prepare my vegetables for dinner one night. Needless to say mum was in tears and dad threatened me to leave the house because he didn’t want me as his daughter because he was ashamed of how I looked—too skinny in his eyes. He always had a problem with all the healthy food I was eating, and even had a problem with me eating dill pickles—never mind us being Polish and always eating pickles!

What was the big deal with letting me eat what I wanted to eat, and letting them get back to all their saucey and starchy home-cooked meals? I wasn’t their little girl anymore, being 20, and could cook and take care of myself.

I always felt “looked at” when I was eating, or when anything diet or weight loss related came on TV, I felt particularly self-conscious because I felt their glances and was paranoid thinking about what they were thinking, even if I wasn’t particularly interested in it.

Every time I got a hug, from my own mother, she would also rub at my back, feeling for my bones, which made me feel like crap. She’d also ‘affectionately’ call me boney, as if it were my name. My parents would also irrationally and constantly compare me to be as skinny as my best friend, who is actually going through anorexia and bulimia and is extremely thin and tall.

I had reached my goal weight and was continuing a new, healthy lifestyle which everyone around me had a problem with. I didn’t want to eat out with friends (it’s not something that I do, to be honest), as often as they do and don’t put on weight, and apparently there’s something wrong and diet-taboo with always opting for drinking herbal tea and black coffee over milky and creamy varieties.

What was the worst of it, my parents also accused me of being anorexic, which really hurt me. As I understand it, my parents being first generation Australians they don’t quite grasp that anorexia is a mental disorder, and by insisting that I was anorexic was extremely hurtful. My mother, in tears and yelling pulled me into the living room out of my room to look at a program documentary on TV about anorexics to teach me of the dangers. I was mortified and humiliated. My best friend also thought I had a problem, and this was unbelievable to hear from someone who is anorexic and bulimic.

Three of my closest girl friends also had a problem with my new weight, ironically they didn’t ever have a problem with their weights, or were overweight the majority of their lives. It meant a lot to have support from them, and I just didn’t get it. Then it kills me when I see them having skinny cappuccinos and celery sticks… and I’m not to say anything about their new eating habits, when the aren’t fat to begin with?

Sorry for the long story, but it is a sensitive topic and I am currently wiping away tears after thinking about all that I have gone through. It’s all so frustrating and clashing with everything, and very isolating, when it doesn’t have to be. What a lack of support from everyone who is closest to you and should be most encouraging does! It is the worst experience to have to go through, especially when they don’t agree with my wishes and long-time desires as losing weight is something I’ve always wanted, and when I achieved it, no-one liked it. Needless to say, over 5 months now I’ve put on all the weight I’ve lost, for whatever reasons, and unfortunately, I put it down to lack of support from loved-ones. I am now trying to get back on track, day 4 of my diet, but what a roller coaster ride this has all been for me, and I hope I don’t go through the same stories this time around.

runningfromzombies

Okay, I'm super glad I'm not alone.

cheshirequeen: You make a good point. I might have to use that line on them at some point. It would get their noggins working again...

sweetage123: Oh god, I've heard that one too--almost everyone I know has taken that "intro to nutrition" class and I'm always like, but guys...you didn't even go to class most of the time...what the eff do you know?!

fireflyastoria: Oh. My. God. You had roommates from hell! Holy crap! I would have knocked some skulls in your place. It sounds so horrible. I'm glad that part of your life is over and I do indeed hope that my story ends better than yours! Haha.

cassiex10: Totally. It's like you're offending them by trying to make yourself look better. I wish I could have kept it to myself--I just ended up having to explain the sudden surplus of fruits and vegetables in our refrigerator, since I always do the grocery shopping for the whole damn apartment.

iheartralphie: That must be SO frustrating. Very hypocritical of her. Ugh. What is it with all these people?!

donyaatsize8: That's such a good conclusion to come to. It's what I tell myself as often as I can, but sometimes I just get so FRUSTRATED. Urgggghh.

wifemomDVM: YES! That's exactly what it is! It's like they're all watching for me to explode or collapse or screw up or something! They're NOT perfect--so why do they expect me to be? You've got a great point--maybe they ARE envious. I know my female roommate weighs barely a hundred pounds, but she couldn't run half a mile if she wanted to. (Not that she ever would want to...)

saylilig: "Jack in the Crack". HAHAHAHAHA. They should change their name to that officially. I used to be addicted to their double cheeseburgers or whatever the heck they called them--the one that was like ALL CHEESE and nothing else. At least we both have supportive boyfriends holding us up. :smooched:

anthony438: Can't you guys just, you know, NOT be *kitten*? :laugh:

cassieLEO: I have found that age somehow just doesn't matter. I live with my family only four months out of the year and the fact that they keep flipping oreos around when they're on Weight Watchers still bugs the crap out of me. And then they make comments about my "rabbit eating"--no, just no. Shut up.

dkbrummitt

Well, I would say to your roommate, If i died tomorrow, I would die knowing that i did everything i could to reach my dreams/goals. And that for me is living life to the fullest. Because really, if I ever considered eating chicken a part of living life to the fullest, I would have bigger issues.

Just my 2 cents worth.

TahanyE

My husband isnt 100% supportive. I dont think its that hes not supportive but that hes afraid of how a major weightloss will change me. We've had some pretty hard times in our marriage recently, mostly on my end. I think that hes afraid if I get to my goal I will have more confidence, attract more attention and will leave him. I have to admit the concern has crossed my mind as well. I have never been at my goal weight as an adult (I think I MIGHT have been at it when I was like 14 or 15) and my husband is the only man I have been with. I often wonder what a boost of confidence would do to me. But we will cross that bridge if I ever get to it. I think that his lack of support, or care, is one thing that holds me back. I recently lost 15lbs in a matter of weeks and he didnt really say much. Today was the first time he hugged me from behind and made a passing comment about how I felt thinner on the sides. But then he made another comment about if I was pregnant again Id be *this* big (just had a baby girl 3 weeks ago). The way he worded it kinda brought me back down. I didnt even allow myself to appreciate his first comment because I knew it would be followed by something else. It always is.

runningfromzombies

Well, I would say to your roommate, If i died tomorrow, I would die knowing that i did everything i could to reach my dreams/goals. And that for me is living life to the fullest. Because really, if I ever considered eating chicken a part of living life to the fullest, I would have bigger issues.

Just my 2 cents worth.

Damn, I wish I'd thought of that response. :grumble: Would've been a good one.

My husband isnt 100% supportive. I dont think its that hes not supportive but that hes afraid of how a major weightloss will change me. We've had some pretty hard times in our marriage recently, mostly on my end. I think that hes afraid if I get to my goal I will have more confidence, attract more attention and will leave him. I have to admit the concern has crossed my mind as well. I have never been at my goal weight as an adult (I think I MIGHT have been at it when I was like 14 or 15) and my husband is the only man I have been with. I often wonder what a boost of confidence would do to me. But we will cross that bridge if I ever get to it. I think that his lack of support, or care, is one thing that holds me back. I recently lost 15lbs in a matter of weeks and he didnt really say much. Today was the first time he hugged me from behind and made a passing comment about how I felt thinner on the sides. But then he made another comment about if I was pregnant again Id be *this* big (just had a baby girl 3 weeks ago). The way he worded it kinda brought me back down. I didnt even allow myself to appreciate his first comment because I knew it would be followed by something else. It always is.

I'm so sorry! It would be better if he thought of your weight loss as a way that would IMPROVE your marriage--more confidence=more happiness=generally better mood around the house! I hope things work out and that you keep at it despite his less-than-100% support. :flowerforyou:

TahanyE

I agree I think it will help me be in a better mood. Happy wife = happy life lol. But right now we weigh about the same so he has some weight to lose too but he doesnt seem to be concerned about that. I wish he were willing to do this journey with me since we have 2 daughters who will both look up to us for a healthy lifestyle.

Schwiggity

Everyone has them. My favorite are the people who will praise you for losing the weight and being healthier, and then try to rationalize you "indulging". "You're trying to figure out the calories for that? hahahaha. Just write today off!" "Go ahead, it's your birthday." "Oh these aren't bad for you. They're low-fat."

headstoes

The worst of it those non-supportives just make something which is already hard, even harder.

reallivefitness

My bf is not what I would call unsupportive, but he's not super supportive either. He knows that I want to get in better shape, but he doesn't really help with it. He was super helpful when I was vegan and was super excited about that, but now that I'm trying to just eat healthy in general he doesn't help much. I have to watch my calories, while he sits and eats a whole package of goldfish. Ugh. And he's putting on some pudge that he didn't have when we started dating, but when he went to England for a week and ate a ton of fish and chips and drank a bunch of beer, he lost most of his gut just from walking around. It's not fair.

And my father won't eat anything I cook. Which to me is insulting.

But, my mom is also trying to lose weight, so she's been a great help, and my roommates are pretty much all considerate of my diet. My one roommate came to me last night and offered me a super dark chocolate bar that she had been given and didn't like, and said "Do you want this? It's only 17 carbs for half the bar..." (I'm on a low carb diet right now, and she was being conscious of it!)

There will always be unsupportive people in your life, but there may be allies where you don't expect. Just keep chugging along - karma will be on your side.

WifeMomDVM

Well, I would say to your roommate, If i died tomorrow, I would die knowing that i did everything i could to reach my dreams/goals. And that for me is living life to the fullest. Because really, if I ever considered eating chicken a part of living life to the fullest, I would have bigger issues.

Just my 2 cents worth.

I love your brain!