family advice?

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Anidorie
Anidorie Posts: 291 Member
in Chit-Chat
when i was 14
dad: Marcy, your dog died a few days ago and we are on our way to go get another one.
when i was 16
mom: Marcy, your great grandmother died a three days ago and her funeral is in an hour.
today
...me: mom where is my cat, mittens?
mom: im not really sure
me: did she get hit by a car?
mom: no
me: is she dead?
mom: maybe
me: what happened to her?
mom: a coyote ate her a few days ago.
later i found her remains in the storage room.
I feel betrayed in each case. mygreat grandmother and i were close. She was in the hospital and thats all i knew. Next i know im standing before her casket that is having dirt thrown on top. I feel hurt and my cat was pregnant and due in a week. Mymother said she was going to wait and see if i noticed. I did notice but my cats are outside cats so sometimes they go play. WE have 10 acers of land wuth woods behind it so they can play alot. How do i explain to my mom that not telling me till she has to is not the best way to tell me bad news?

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  • cobracars
    cobracars Posts: 949 Member
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    You already said it in the last sentence: "not telling me till she has to is not the best way to tell me bad news"
    Tell her you feel hurt and betrayed and in the future you would appreciate being considered as an adult and would like to hear news when others hear it.
  • sarah44254
    sarah44254 Posts: 3,078 Member
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    You could print out what you just told us, and show it to your Mom. I hope she understands what you are trying to tell her by showing her this, and if she asks "what does this mean?" then you can try and explain the details.

    I was in a bit of a rough relationship with my mom when I was a teen, and my counselor suggested writing down what I had to say to her. This kept me from 'talking in circles' (where I would forget what I was mad about and keep yelling the same thing over and over), it helped me get all my facts onto one sheet for my Mom to see quickly and clearly. It helped my Mom know what I was feeling without me crying between every word or blowing up and walking out the door.
  • chanstriste13
    chanstriste13 Posts: 3,277 Member
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    wowza - i've never heard of such! i'd be a straight shooter - just tell your mom that you are grown, and so is she, and that this walk-around-the-barn stuff is simply not acceptable for adults, and that you expect better communication - no excuses.

    and i'm very sorry about your kitty cat. :flowerforyou:
  • VixFit2011
    VixFit2011 Posts: 663 Member
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    So sorry these events have occurred in your life without you being told. My daughter and I were just talking about something like this the other day. About how you never should hide things from your family members or loved ones. I remember not knowing the truth that my mom was going to die from cancer and found out after her death that other people knew beforehand. I was so hurt and angry with everyone at that time because I felt at that time that by not telling me, it took away my opportunity to really take the time to hold on to the final moments in my mom's life in my life. We were very close and I knew she had cancer but had hopes of her survival. My advice to you is first find forgiveness in your heart for your parents not telling you, second, when the time is right, communicate your feelings with them gently with no anger. I think everyone forgets how sometimes an event or words can hurt others because we're all different individuals with different feelings and emotions.
    I hope you find peace with these things.

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