My new relationship with my body.

omusi

I think my relationship with my body has grown apart over the years and it started in junior high around puberty. Here I was tall and skinny and everyone always talked about how skinny I was. Then I started to grow these monstrous breast. I mean they kept on growing! When enough was enough I was left with what looked like the largest breast of mankind 38 triple K's. Can you say awkward! No pretty dress, strapless, spaghetti tops, or most shirts in general. Added to this I developed very muscular legs, trust me on this, my calf and thy muscles are huge. My parents said "it's genetic". My mom sitting there with great toned legs perfect for her frame and my dad the stocky ex-football player whose moms breast are large but not enormous. So I had hit the gene pool lottery with this body I couldn't explain or completely love. Despite aerodynamics I played sports, that's what you did in my family. I stumbled and fumbled through cross country (it nearly killed me), snapped bra after bra in basketball (I carried a spare in my locker after an embarrassing moment), and ran track where I'm convinced I would have been a star except for the extra 15lbs of lusciousness I was tooting. My body and I didn't really fall out until after high school. There were no more sports and tons of stress and I aways loved food. I traded on my body for the satisfaction of a burger here and there a cake a time or two. My body new too because we started to grow apart, at least my body did. I was 213 lbs but still a size 14 and heck I was a 14 at 185lbs in high school so what was the big deal. Although, this 14 was a little snug and my boyfriend at the time said to me "don't get any bigger then you are now". Speeding forward to "bigger" I have my daughter and for the first time I'm living a sedentary life and I gain 30lbs. I get breast surgery and lose 15lbs instantly but gain them back plus more from the 6wk recovery. My gallbladder gets removed, more weight, abusive husband, more weight. Food has now become my best friend and my body is the enemy. I don't even know it any more with its stretch marks, scars from stitches, breast significantly smaller, and fat everywhere. I'm looking at pictures and I don't even know who that women is. So now my journey is to repair the bond, reunite myself with my body, and to get it to trust me again. I want to grow to love my body.

I lost weight but I only want to log monthly. The last time I "thought" I lost weight (10lbs) the scale bounced back 5 of those. I want to look at this monthly and log my monthly weight.This will help me get focused for the long term. I'm used to loosing 30lbs in two months and gaining it right back but this time I want the life style. So, no starving or crazy diets just eating right. I want my body to trust me and I'm just going to watch the relationship grow as lbs melts away.

grei_skies

That is so awesome that you can open up and admit to yourself and us. Girl, that is the first step...you are well on your way to success. You've been in denial. You've come to grips and accepted it and now you are doing something about it. You and I are kind of similar. Our methods of getting to this point were different but the destination was the same....a fat body. Well, I never liked really liked this destination i ended up in and i've been intending on moving for a long time and its never happened because something else was always more important. I have had enough and I've finally decided to buy a map and prepare for the roadtrip of a lifetime and leave this god forsaken place in the dust behind me were it belongs!