I didn't recognize my shadow!

Aesop101

I was playing golf in the bright son today when I saw my shadow. Is that me? I started doing different poses; Front, side, and variations of those keeping an eye on my shadow. I think the other 3 golfers thought I was going nuts or maybe about to do some animal silhouettes with my hands.

Then I asked some age old questions; Who am I?, Who do I want to be? I'm 57, I thought I was done with those types of queries. I walked over to my golf ball. It was in the usual place, in the rough, down hill lie and no green to work with. I didn't care. I was caught up in defining myself. I wondered what my friends think. I wondered what my adversaries think. Is there a difference at times.

I look at the ball and decide the best thing was to just get it out of the rough and not go for the pin. Swoosh, I mow the weeds, the grass, and my ball dribbles out to near the edge of the green. One swing, one move in the right direction. Rough going but still the right direction. Like losing weight.

From slightly off the green I decide to putt. From 30 feet away I move the ball within inches of the hole. It's a gimme. Sure are no gimmes in weight loss. Golf must be the only part of life where that occurs.

I drive home thinking about the days questions. Then I start balancing. I remember seeing myself in a store mirror at nearly 400 lbs. and said, Is that me! Please tell me that's a Fun House mirror. Well the immediate solution was don't look in mirrors.

I called a friend last week to check up on her. She's 4'11 and weighs 263 lbs. She doesn't answer or return my call. Am I her mirror. Does she see her weakness when she looks at me. I've assured her before that she is my friend and I've steered her to MFP. As my friend Toad said, "you can lead a friend to lettuce but you can't make them eat it." Only thing I can do is assure.

About my adversaries, Oh this one is easy. The best revenge is success. If success is revenge to adversaries then success should be admired by friends.

Sorry, I never found the answer to the two basic questions. I do know the direction though. Then when I think about it I'm not so hot about defining myself either. We constantly evolve in so many ways.

MissTomGettingThin

I don't know why but I love this post.
It's deep and thoughtful and hopeful.

Well done on your work so far and keep looking at that shadow!
You're doing brilliantly!

Edit because of loads of typos!

Aesop101

Thank you! Very kind.

I didn't even have a conclusion when I started. I was sorting things out. Since I was playing golf at the time I had to insert the activities to refresh my thoughts at the time and to tie in the moment.

My daughter who is a bit of a novelist does this. Sometimes we learn from our children.