need help from the ladies

Options
nichols
nichols Posts: 240
in Health and Weight Loss
ok. here is my problem. i have been divorced for four years after 13 years of marriage and every relationship ive had since then last about six months and ends up with me being told im more like a best friend than a partner. (Happened again tonite while im working in a tropical storm) heres the scenerio with the most recent and most of them. I usually get home around the time they are getting ready for work, so i pull out the old griddle and cook a full breakfast. eggs, bacon, sausage, toast and start the coffee, so we can have breakfast and some time together. then catch a couple hours of sleep and get up and make sure the house is clean i mean dusted, vaccumed and mopped and counters scrubbed and laundrys done. then i cook dinner. so when she gets home all she has to do is take a nice warm bath or shower to relax and eat ( sometimes ill have the bath ready with a radio playing, bubble bath and aroma candles lit) so we can spend the evening at home discussing our day, curled up on the couch watching a movie sometimes while i brush her hair, or getting out of the house and going dancing or something. i am not a jelous man and dont mind and understand that women need a night out with the girls sometimes to cut loose or just time alone so i am fine with that also. question is? and be honest ladies. what am i doing wrong. do i have the wrong idea of how a man should be. it seems like all my friends who treat their women like crap cant get rid of them. Sorry for the long blog but i am so baffled. and yes i still find time to go to the gym.
«1

Replies

  • nichols
    nichols Posts: 240
    Options
    ok. here is my problem. i have been divorced for four years after 13 years of marriage and every relationship ive had since then last about six months and ends up with me being told im more like a best friend than a partner. (Happened again tonite while im working in a tropical storm) heres the scenerio with the most recent and most of them. I usually get home around the time they are getting ready for work, so i pull out the old griddle and cook a full breakfast. eggs, bacon, sausage, toast and start the coffee, so we can have breakfast and some time together. then catch a couple hours of sleep and get up and make sure the house is clean i mean dusted, vaccumed and mopped and counters scrubbed and laundrys done. then i cook dinner. so when she gets home all she has to do is take a nice warm bath or shower to relax and eat ( sometimes ill have the bath ready with a radio playing, bubble bath and aroma candles lit) so we can spend the evening at home discussing our day, curled up on the couch watching a movie sometimes while i brush her hair, or getting out of the house and going dancing or something. i am not a jelous man and dont mind and understand that women need a night out with the girls sometimes to cut loose or just time alone so i am fine with that also. question is? and be honest ladies. what am i doing wrong. do i have the wrong idea of how a man should be. it seems like all my friends who treat their women like crap cant get rid of them. Sorry for the long blog but i am so baffled. and yes i still find time to go to the gym.
  • shorerider
    shorerider Posts: 3,817 Member
    Options
    don't know--but..do you give lessons to long married DHs??
  • obliged
    obliged Posts: 465
    Options
    don't know--but..do you give lessons to long married DHs??

    or know where any other guys are like you???
    :indifferent:
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
    Options
    Hi

    I don't know....you sound too good to be true (to me)
    Seriously though...I know it's hard, but their loss
    Don't change who you are for everyone...someday you will meet the right person who appreciates all your great qualities and what a caring person you are

    ((HUGS))
    Kim
  • shivers
    shivers Posts: 53
    Options
    Ok, I can see that you're trying to be really caring and considerate, but I would totally find all that attention suffocating! I know, women are always complaining about the guys that treat them badly, and yet they stay with them, I'm not saying that's the answer either. But having gone out with a guy that totally worshipped the ground I walked on, and tried to take care of my every single little need... I couldn't handle it... It's like you're on a pedestal and you feel like you're gonna disappoint them or something.

    My advice: Just relax, be yourself, stop thinking about her needs so much, and just take care of yourself. I have so much more time for a guy that has the confidence to just be himself, whilst still being considerate of those around him.

    Hope that makes sense... :smile:
  • nichols
    nichols Posts: 240
    Options
    thank u. it makes perfect sense. but thats just who i am. dont do it to impress, just do it because it feels rite.
  • TNTPete
    TNTPete Posts: 701 Member
    Options
    I have to agree with Shivers a little... if these relationships are only 6 months long why are you creating a living arrangement/situation with these women?? Seems maybe you're putting the relationship on fast-forward and skipping the romance of dating, and spending time together and apart.
    Does that make sense?

    My suggestion - take it slow and don't move into HUSBAND mode so quicky...
  • elliott062907
    elliott062907 Posts: 1,508 Member
    Options
    Only have one suggestion. I was married almost 15 years. Single for 2 1/2 then got remarried. What did I do?? Married my old crush. We had never dated, just started out talking, then going out a few times a month and now, I am so happy, I forget I was ever married the first time.

    Look up a old flame or some one from school, or, just a possibility, go on the e-harmany web site and date around for a while with people of the same interests.

    Live a while before another commitment.
  • ali106
    ali106 Posts: 3,754 Member
    Options
    Only have one suggestion. I was married almost 15 years. Single for 2 1/2 then got remarried. What did I do?? Married my old crush. We had never dated, just started out talking, then going out a few times a month and now, I am so happy, I forget I was ever married the first time.

    Look up a old flame or some one from school, or, just a possibility, go on the e-harmany web site and date around for a while with people of the same interests.

    Live a while before another commitment.

    awwwww!!!!! so happy for you and how sweet!!!:drinker:
    hugs!
    Ali
  • shkaki
    shkaki Posts: 234 Member
    Options
    if thats who you really really are, then you just haven't found the right woman who is going to appreciate all of that! You sound like you're doing a wonderful job of paying her lots of attention, but becareful to do TOO much. I like having all of that once in awhile, but day after day, it might start to seem like my husband is more of a housekeeper or yes, a friend than a husband. You didn't mention if any of your ex's took the time to do some of those nice things for you? My hubby is very great, and he does nice things for me, but i think if he were constantly doing everything, I would feel like I wasn't pulling my weight and it would make me feel badly. My advice I guess would be to keep doing those great thoughful things, but maybe cut back to a couple times a week, and make sure you're doing other things like being aggressive with her (romantically) :love: and wisk her to the bed, instead of to the bathtub, keep up that hot romance so then she can NEVER think of you as that horrible "just a friend"

    lot of rambling from me, but i hope that helped. You sound wonderful and just keep being yourself and you'll find someone who appreciates you!
  • ali106
    ali106 Posts: 3,754 Member
    Options
    thank u. it makes perfect sense. but thats just who i am. dont do it to impress, just do it because it feels rite.

    you know what, I wouldn't change who you are....unless you don't like you hon.....I can understand what some of the ladies are saying too....but you have to be true to yourself to be truly happy ya know.

    The right woman will love you for you....in the meantime enjoy yourself maybe take things a bit slower, get to really know a lady first....playing it cool has its many advantages I think :wink:

    You seem like a really really sweet guy who will make someone really happy....best of luck to you hon!

    hugs!
    Ali :flowerforyou:
  • laurenk182004
    laurenk182004 Posts: 1,882 Member
    Options
    I agree with what the others have said. I know that I personally appreciate a little pampering from the man I love on occasion. Also, it does seem like moving in together after only a few months seems to be moving a bit fast, especially since you have already gone that route and it's not working out. I say, enjoy MISSING the other person. Maybe take her flowers when u go out on a date, or take her special places for dates. Or even bring her back to your place for a romantic candle lit dinner, but don't let her bring any tampax into the house! lol Once she has tampax under the bathroom sink it's all over...lol
    Don't change who u are for anyone, you sound like a very sweet guy and please try not to let these unappreciative women alter your outlook on love. It's nice to see a guy who is willing to give it his all in a relationship. I commend you for not letting chivalry be dead afterall :) Keep up the hunt, and don't settle for anything less than a woman who will give you back 100% of the effort that you're putting in.
  • PrincessLaundry
    PrincessLaundry Posts: 2,758 Member
    Options
    Maybe you need to make a few lists...Maybe try it Olympic gymnast style...Hummm...

    What you want in a girl...
    What you think your good points are...
    What you think your weaknesses are...

    Ditch the top item off each list, and ditch the bottom item. If they are both even lists, scratch the lowest item of importance off each list. There is your new ideal!

    Hokay...If that doesn't work...Tell us your list...Humm...

    I love the fact that my husband helps out with things so much but maybe being "perfect" comes off as "needy"??? I like that he does everything for me, but when he messes up and doesn't try too hard, I like him too. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: So what do you think?
  • sculley
    sculley Posts: 2,012 Member
    Options
    I will tell you what your doing wrong.......Your either a fairy tale that woman don't believe because they haven't been treated like that EVER or your just picking the wrong woman my love because I am sure there are sooooooooooooo many girls on here that wish their SO were exactly like that

    Keep trucking a woman will come along that finds it amazing and a fairy tale life :)
  • SoupNazi
    SoupNazi Posts: 4,229 Member
    Options
    I'm not sure I can say anything different than what has already been said. Big hugs to you and please do not change.
    Seeing that you are in an occupation with an extremely high divorce rate probably didn't help your marriage and might have had a role in that.....not so much anything you did wrong.

    Keep your chin up. There's the perfect person out there for everyone.:flowerforyou:
  • gabi_ele
    gabi_ele Posts: 460 Member
    Options
    When I was dating, I didn't stay longer then 3 month in a relationship. I met my husband and that was it, we have been married for over 28 years and I would have a hard time finding someone else. I think you haven't met the right woman for you, keep on looking she is out there, just waiting for you.
    I agree with all the other ladies that you should shop around a little longer bevore moving in with someone and also about letting her do things for you..... You will know when the right one comes along... maybe see if you keep dating the same type of woman and give someone else a chance too:wink:
    There is nothing wrong with you, just wait for the right woman and take it slow....
  • emikarls
    emikarls Posts: 1,058 Member
    Options
    Do NOT compromise who you are for anyone. You will find someone just as genuine and caring as you are. Remember that you deserve someone who "fits" with you. If someone is not a right "fit" - let them go. They just were not right for you. You are doing nothing wrong.
    Be patient. :heart: :heart: :heart:
    The best things in life are worth waiting for...
  • nichols
    nichols Posts: 240
    Options
    thank u all for your comments. they did help. to answer some of the questions. living arrangements. thier choice.all of them. romance. never had a complaint in that department. good mix of lets say good boy and bad boy. several of them have said that i am such a good person that being with me makes them realize that they are not as good as people as they thought they were and they dont deserve me. (dont get that one at all) if anybody knows what that means please help me with that one. dont get me wrong i dont do these things every day and i do have my nites out with the guys. def not clingy. as far as flowers. my ex liked sunflowers so i planted her a sunflower garden to look at while she drank her coffee on the porch. as far as myexwife. she apparently never got over the guy she was dating before we met. seeing as she moved in with him 2 weeks after we seperated and they were married 8 months later. i dont beleive in cheating never have and never will. guess she didnt feel the same. cant blame her though. u have to follow your heart. again thank u all ladies and god bless.
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
    Options
    Hey! I just read this now....but I just wanted to add that you sound like a great guy. I read your profile and with what you have been through and how hard you have worked, you definitely deserve someone great.

    I also say continue to be yourself. There are some women that may not care for it but there are many that do and the right one will come along that is so ready to be treated with the love and respect you seem to want to show on a daily basis. Trust me, that is NOT a bad thing!

    Hey, you might find someone on here!! There are a lot of great, single ladies around!!! :wink: :bigsmile:

    Good luck to you!!!:flowerforyou:
    -Tami
  • Sunibc22
    Sunibc22 Posts: 330
    Options
    You sound exactly like my brother. He did all the things for his wife you do. She left him a few years ago. He then started dating and did all those things still and couldn't seem to keep a girl for more than 6 months when she would break it off. But, then he met the ONE. He didn't have to change at all. He still does all the things he did before and she also does as much for him. They're madly in love and have been together for a few years now.
    So I think it's about not meeting the right woman yet, not that you're doing anything wrong!!

    You sound awesome!! Too bad I'm way up here in northern Canada....lol..:ohwell:

Categories