still quiet and low self esteem...

ThermalYew1

IDK if this belongs here or not... if it doesn't sry.

See even after my 110lb weight loss I'm still quiet and have low self esteem... IDK why. I keep telling my self that I'm not the person I use to be... I still find it hard to talk to people and I am still really quiet. If someone starts talking to me a lot of times I don't what to say... I pretty much grew up by my self not talking to really anyone cause everyone would just put me down and treat me really mean. So I think that's why I'm having a problem now talking to people cause I never really had friends or had a normal conversation w/ people growing up. I get intimidated by people A LOT. I look at a person and just assume "Naah they don't want to be my friend" or "Naah they'll think i'm bothering them..." Anyone else have these kind of feelings also?

lhurtubise

I definitely understand where you are coming from. If you need a friend feel free to add me! Confidence comes with time. You look amazing and you should be proud of yourself.

LG2789

Yes... I used to feel so shy in high school, and I broke out of it by pretending I had confidence. If you keep your head up, talk confidently, even if you have to force it sometimes, people will pick up on it and think, "wow, he really is secure with himself," and then they'll want to get to know you. It's hard, but I'm sure if you work at it you will get positive feedback from others.

brayaddie

yes I agree with the previous poster, confidence comes with time, YOU look amazing!! I'd love to have you as a friend!! A total inspiration to me & I never met you!!! Keep up the great work!

cmsu64113

I do, I was never really picked on, but I have low self esteem and just like losing weight which you have to work at, you have to work on building that up, Mine has improved along the way. Just tell yourself you have worked this hard and have made it this far !

Kjandcuttysmom

It is hard coming out a shell that you've built up over the years but in time it will happen. Patience. You will eventually become more comfortable talking and befriending people. congrats on the superb weight loss.
shine

Ree_Chatelain

I've lost 123 so far and I still think of myself as a "fat girl" despite what people tell me or what i see in pictures. That definately effects my self esteem. But i think you need to just go for it, the worst that can happen is they say no. The only way to fail is to not try.
BTW.. you do look great.

ANeWcRe8N

Im also the same way somewhat but I think Ive always been that way even before the whole weight issue idk but I understand what you're saying.. add me if you'd like. Its always nice to have friends and support.btw you look amazing

miatavixxen

Self esteem cannot always be found in appearances. If you have ever watched The Biggest Loser, you will notice they talk about how it is not enough to change your weight, you must change your thinking. How each person does that is different and depends upon the experiences that put you where you were - and what may have transformed you to where you are today. Good luck - you transformed the physical - now you must transform the mental.

Positive thinking! You can do this - look how far you've come!

VixFit2011

I was there as a child and teen and young adult years. I still am shy in one on one meetings but then I open up. I have worked with the public a lot as in hair styling and grocery checking. Both those jobs required direct contact with people and it really pulled me out of my shell. At one time in my life, I thought no one would be interested in approaching me till one night when I was about 21, someone told my friend and I that he thought we looked like snobs and he was afraid to approach us but he did and we became friends and he saw that we weren't snobs at all. That made me realize that if I wanted to meet friends I'd have to open up. Don't fear and just pass by anyone who rejects you and know there are people out there who will have a lot of meaning in your life. No one is really alone in this world. You just have to flow with your life's path. It will bring to you.

ZachyABaby

Just gotta step out there man. It's scary and you feel dumb and you'll make an *kitten* out of yourself once or twice, but it pays off in the long run.

allie7383

Right here! I've always had pretty much zero self-esteem, and even now, though I know I've come a long way, it's hard for me to see the new person I am, and often get down on myself for the slacking I've been doing the past few months. I know I'm smaller b/c of my clothes, but I still see the 193lb girl in the mirror, who was always uncomfortable with herself.. This is a very mental journey, which I think is the harder aspect, versus the whole conquering eating/exercise thing. I've been making it a daily goal to think more positively of myself and I know eventually I'll get there! And I agree with Ihurtubise in that you look amazing!! That's an incredible amount to lose, and you have every right to celebrate and enjoy life! Feel free to add me as well!

twooliver

Life is soo short to spend on low self esteem. The world is yours for the taking...all you have to do is create the life you want. You've managed to show yourself what you are capable of in losing weight. Now you have another life style change coming - loving yourself, loving your life, loving your future and showing the world what you are made of!

Check into Toastmasters - they teach people how to do public speaking and in the process gain self esteem and confidence. Go to therapy and learn about yourself. Engage in activities that interest you and at the same time invites you to engage with like minded people. Teach a fitness class and learn about your leadership skills.

You can do this!!!!

ANeWcRe8N

I was there as a child and teen and young adult years. I still am shy in one on one meetings but then I open up. I have worked with the public a lot as in hair styling and grocery checking. Both those jobs required direct contact with people and it really pulled me out of my shell. At one time in my life, I thought no one would be interested in approaching me till one night when I was about 21, someone told my friend and I that he thought we looked like snobs and he was afraid to approach us but he did and we became friends and he saw that we weren't snobs at all. That made me realize that if I wanted to meet friends I'd have to open up. Don't fear and just pass by anyone who rejects you and know there are people out there who will have a lot of meaning in your life. No one is really alone in this world. You just have to flow with your life's path. It will bring to you.

I so agree about the whole snob thing... as a teenager I got told alot that I seemed stuck up cause I didnt talk to anyone unless they talk to me.. I was and still am very shy I hate it

mommymovingmountains

Big hugs to you. It is hard to change how you feel on the inside but I think that you are making great progress. Losing weight was a great accomplishment (something to be so proud of) and coming to this site regularly to chat with others and make a connection is a fantastic start.

skinnycl

Hello,

I know how you feel because even at 42 years old I HAD low self-esteem and self-confidence. I finally overcame this problem by affirming "I love and approve of myself" hundreds times of day. It worked and I have finally overcome this malady. Try affirming positive affirmations and keep up the good work because you deserve to feel proud of yourself even if you hadn't lost one pound. You owe it to yourself to conquer this problem today. Good luck. If you need a friend, please add me.

moyyster

I know it's scary. It's so easy to let negative thoughts creep into your head. But don't.

You've come this far. You should be SOOOOOOOOOO proud of yourself and everything you've accomplished.

I know what you mean about it being intimidating to talk to people. Just take baby steps. For every negative thought you have, counter it with something positive- even if you don't believe it at first. And just let go.

Next time you want to talk to someone just do it. And I know it is hard, but try to let go of assumptions. You never know unless you try. Just give it one go, then at least you will know.

Hbartels

If there is one thing that I can recommend that I don't think anyone else has already mentioned, it's a good therapist. I've never had self-esteem issues myself but have a therapist to help me with anxiety and just life in general. She is warm, wonderful, helpful, encouraging, and just a safe person to be you with. You're body has undergone a huge transformation and it's silly to think that you'll somehow magically know how to change emotionally to match that. We don't come with user's manuals and we don't have very good perspective most of the time, so utilizing someone who is trained in helping us decode and strengthen our emotions makes perfect sense.
Good luck, tiger!

suzukigurl

Low self esteem doesn't just come from how much you weigh, I work with a few "skinny" people who have extremely low self esteem. I was very queit and shy until about 7th grade then I just figured people either love me or hate me. I'm very sarcastic and love to make people laugh. I can talk to whoever is around me and not care about what they will think of me if I say something stupid or do something dumb. I guess it's all about how you feel mentally. I am very inspired by your success!! Congrats!! and I hope everything works out for you feel free to add me as friend if you like

thektturner

I used to be the EXACT same way. For me, it was going to college and finding a group of people I felt I had something in common with that started to bring me out of my shell, but I still wouldn't talk to people I didn't know or hadn't been formally introduced to. Even if they started the conversation it was awkward. After 5 years working front desk in a hotel, I kind of have no choice but to talk to people. And I found out if you fake happy 95% of people give that right back to you. If you smile, they smile. I still wouldn't say I'm very outgoing, but I no longer feel like I'm a nuisance. It just takes time and having 1 or 2 good friends who make you feel good about yourself. For me, girlfriends (read: friends who are female) have never been as good as guy friends. For guys, it may be the opposite as you tend to rag on each other like girls tend to put each other down in "subtle" ways.

I hope it gets easier. You have to realize kids are just cruel and it really had nothing to do with who you were or how you looked: everyone got picked on.

mtasleem

It looks like you came a long way. I think you will build up the confidence with time too. I feel that it is always a good idea to walk around thinking off how great of a person you are. You definitely sound like someone who is hard working and committed to his goal. At the end of the day people don't necessarily want to talk to someone who is super fit or looks amazing but has a horrible personality. Just know that you have a lot to offer to others! At least that's how I think, and that attitude helps me a lot, especially because there have been a lot of times when people give me stares and negative comments. Just own yourself!

Yokazulooly

Yes, yes, yes!!!

I know exactly what you're saying. I haven't been too overweight since middle school, but still being ridiculed so much especially then at such a young age. I have grown a lot since then, in fact this year, I was president of a student organization (something I never thought I could be)... but still, every time a meeting is over there's this voice in my head, "you were so stupid. You didn't make any sense. Everyone hated it. No one is coming back, and it's because of you." I've learned to expect that insecurity to rise up. Sometimes I just can't believe that anyone else could possibly be as insecure as me. Even through this process of growth, it's been difficult trying to gain social skills I never developed as a kid... but slowly I am.

Man I don't have an answer for you, but I can tell you that it's only by the grace of God that I am where I am today. It's not my intent to get religious or weird or something, but it's the only way I have found an answer. Self talk just never held water, and I couldn't look inside to find any redeeming quality that could make me think higher of myself. I know how sick I am inside. I struggle with what you're describing alot, but through the process of realizing my value to God and that he considers me his son because of what Jesus did just blows my mind.

I find that I flee from relationships because I just assume they won't like me, or even that they will ridicule and reject me (even because of something so superficial as my weight)... and that this comes because I so highly value what other people's opinions of me are. As I've grown in relationship with God, it's not like I don't think people might dislike me... it's just that I don't care so much if they do or not, because I know what God thinks of me.

This wasn't some sort of band-aid or fix for the weak. I've come to learn that your and my question and struggle is not rare. EVERYONE carries it, in some way or another. Even some multi-million dollar actor who's loved by the world. He would probably fear that nobody REALLY knew him, and that if they did, they wouldn't love him for HIM... and there again, God knows completely, and loves completely anyway.

I don't know if my response helps you out at all. I just saw your topic, and want you to know this has been a life-long struggle for me too, and continues to be. I know how that uninvited, unwarranted sense of shame just takes your legs out from under you. I just wanted to briefly share my personal story and the realization that the external things our culture says will fix us just don't work. In all my searching, I've found there's only one answer. If you like, check out Romans 8:28-39, you may have heard it.

Congrats on the weight loss success, and good luck as you keep walking through this junk. I know it well.

Cait_Sidhe

You know what? There's nothing wrong with being quiet. I've been shy and quiet since I was born. It's an aspect of my personality, something that makes me uniquely me. It's also a part of you. If you can, embrace it. In some cases it can make someone look aloof and interesting. Personally, I'd rather hang out with a quiet person than an obnoxious loud person.

ThermalYew1

Wow... thank you all so so so much for your feed back, comments. I can not tell you how overwhelmed I am... I have more friends now than I have ever had; but for some reason i still don't feel a connection... everyday I wish I could hang out with someone who I could relate to and its nice that I can come on here w/ people who have been though what I have also. I think another really big thing about my low self-esteem is that I've worked so hard to lose my weight (still losing) and it just bothers me a lot... everyday that I never had girlfriend... That's another thing that bothers me alot... I just always thought by now after my weight loss... I'd have a girlfriend.. IDK... but again I am soo overwhelmed by you guys comments... its so nice knowing i'm not alone... I just wish I could relate to someone outside of the site haha

Jenscan

Well, look at this this way: you've looked within and voiced these things "out loud". That has taken self-reflection and the courage to step out and say "hey! I matter!" In some small way, you've taken a step out of your shell already, and that's a great step. Sure, we're all online here, but we are humans and it still takes courage to speak up like this.

So, my advice, which I think was said more or less: fake it till you make it. Continue to take small measures to act confident even if you're not. Maybe it's in looking a cashier in the eye and saying hello, or talking about the weather with someone in line at the post office. Small steps. And the more you fake it, the more you make it.

Good luck. Keep talking.

Pebble321

It's one of those wierd things in life isn't it - we change one thing and expect that everything else will change too.

For most people I think the reality is that you are still the same person, just carrying a lot less physical weight around. It doesn't necessarily mean that the emotional weight will drop off at the same rate, and sometimes I think it can be even harder because you and other people probably expect something great to happen now you are thin. I really hope great things do happen - but maybe you will find it easier to get on that path with some professional help to talk about all the changes and how to go forward from here.

Good luck in the next steps on your journey - you look great. By the way, not everyone has to be loud - all those people who love to talk REALLY like to have someone to listen

LadyFoxfire

I too remember what it was like to have incredibly low self esteem. Until I reached adulthood, I was never the one anyone talked to, or, if I was, I was the one they poked fun at only. It gets to the point where you are actually afraid to approach people, or, to even have people approach you, as all the bad experiences make you weary of people’s intentions.

It took a long time and a lot of healing to finally come out of my shell, and begin to have any type of self esteem. It is something that takes a very short time to beat down, but a very long time to build back up. I think the one thing that really helped me was realizing that you only have one life, and if you spend it afraid of what other people think, and thinking low of yourself, man, you miss out on some of the most incredible experiences and opportunities.

Believe it or not, jumping into a conversation at a party and being shut down a few times is totally worth it for the other times that you jump in and suddenly find yourself with new friends!

As far as being upset that you aren’t in a relationship, even after losing all of your weight, remember that a relationship is pointless unless it’s with someone who actually loves you for you. If you think you’re not in a relationship because you’re kind of shy and a quiet person, would you really want to be in a relationship with someone who didn’t like those traits in you to begin with?

I think you have a lot of self-acceptance and self-loving to do. Being someone who is a quiet person isn't at all a negative thing, but please don't be afraid to start thinking highly of yourself.

If you need a friend, feel free to add me!

MugetsuNoYoru

haha i think we're on the same boat. i grew up being the typical chubby kid who ballooned once he hit high school. ever since i've lost all this weight people, particularly girls, smile at me as i'm walking on my college campus for no apparent reason. in my case, i'm the one who decides to ignore the attention b/c quite honestly, i'm still a tad bitter that i had to change my outer appearance just so that people would pay attention to me instead of them noticing me for the person that i am. either way we both have psychological scars we need to work on healing so if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to feel free to add/message me

mirapaigew

The better you feel about yourself, the more outgoing you will get. One day a switch in your head will be flipped and you'll come out of your shell! It will just take some time You're an inspiration to so many and you should be SO proud of yourself!!!!

ThermalYew1

wow thanks you guys... i really wasn't expecting this kind of support... I understand what you guys mean... it's just hard ya know

lrobs1986

You look amazing and you should be sooo proud of how far you've come. it took me until I was in my early 20's to start to break from shy shell. it takes time and you will get there. keep your head up!