how to convince a friend?

memaw66

How do you convince a friend, without hurting her feelings, that she really should lose weight? I haven't lost any so I can't use myself as an example but I am willing to be a weight loss buddy. I have offered to do that. I don't want to preach and I don't want to push. I don't want to sound like one of those know-it-alls either. I have lost weight before only to gain it all back but I am soooo willing to be a weight loss buddy, in fact I NEED a weight loss buddy too. I have asked her and she always makes excuses. I just don't know what else to do. I just see her getting bigger and bigger and I am getting more and more worried about her but I can't say "you are getting sooooo big". What can I do or what can I say? Is there any thing I can say tactfully?

I have told her about this site and how much I love it. I don't know what else to do.


Memaw

memaw66

How do you convince a friend, without hurting her feelings, that she really should lose weight? I haven't lost any so I can't use myself as an example but I am willing to be a weight loss buddy. I have offered to do that. I don't want to preach and I don't want to push. I don't want to sound like one of those know-it-alls either. I have lost weight before only to gain it all back but I am soooo willing to be a weight loss buddy, in fact I NEED a weight loss buddy too. I have asked her and she always makes excuses. I just don't know what else to do. I just see her getting bigger and bigger and I am getting more and more worried about her but I can't say "you are getting sooooo big". What can I do or what can I say? Is there any thing I can say tactfully?

I have told her about this site and how much I love it. I don't know what else to do.


Memaw

casey34472

Just tell her you need a weight loss buddy but you can't find one and if she could help you with your weight loss but she has to have the will to do it to.

shorerider

Can't--everyone has to come to that decision on their own. I know you have good intentions and care for her but until she makes the choice herself, you'll only risk creating hard feelings or making her feel bad.

kobrie17

i say...enjoy it.
i guess the difference between me and u, and why im probably a horrible person, is it makes me feel better when my friends gain weight as i lose! go on and get fat - i look so much better next to you that way! especially since u dropped some hints and shes not all about it! eat vicariously; when u see her eating badly you see why shes getting so fat..and it will keep youu from eating badly. i think i have a friend like this too...as i've lost weight they've become increasingly inspired..but havent really made changes. i think you friend will definatley be inspired...so maybe it will make her want to join u-win and maybe she'll stick to their old habits- have a convinced you to think of it as a win?

sculley

I say invite her to go walking with you sometime

BrandNewLaura

To be honest, as someone who is very large myself and who probably had a bunch of friends feel the same way you do, nothing can make a person change except for themselves. I had a boyfriend who told me that I was beautiful but that he didn't see himself in a long term relationship with me because he couldn't stand every day worrying about my health and what I was doing to myself. It hurts when someone comes to you and says "you're really huge, go on a diet"...but it was just as painful to have someone I care about push me away essentially because of my weight.

Nothing he said made me want to change, and eventually I had to hit rock bottom, be called fat by a little girl at my church, and decide to make a change for myself. I am currently trying to get my mom involved in my weight loss efforts, and although I know she is miserable at her current weight, nothing I say or do can make her change her mind. It's sad but true.

The only suggestion I have really is to keep telling her how great this website is...tell her how great you feel after you exercise...and how easy it is to stick with this plan because you can still eat whatever you want...tell her all the positives, and let her know about the people on here who are struggling as well and who are genuinely concerned about each other and our struggles, concerns, and progress...and if your words don't speak loudly enough...let your actions and your new lifestyle show the way...

Tell her how desperately you need someone to hold you accountable and to be your weight loss buddy, and maybe she will start making minor changes that will lead to results. Just be gentle and understand (as I'm sure you already know) that weight is such an iffy subject...most people who are overweight use food as a defense mechanism (I know I did...if I got huge and fat, people won't come near me and then they can't hurt me)...so it's definitely something you need to be sensitive to, which of course I'm sure you already are.

The fact that you are trying to change your weight and make healthier decisions will hopefully be an inspiration for her. And if she really won't come around with some gentle prodding, well message me and I'll be your weight loss buddy!

memaw66

She just emailed me and told me that she signed up on this site!!! Yeah!!!! I'll find out what her name is and yall please be nice to her, as I know you will!!!

PrincessLaundry

It is so great of you to think to share your exciting changes with others. But personally, I would die if someone had told me I needed to lose weight and the friend I have who "hinted" to me that I looked bad in a swimsuit, she was the first 135 pounds I lost! I was crushed...and had no desire to do anything for years. Nobody can make that change for me but me.

But, if someone asks you what you are doing or is talking about walking, share some websites you have liked along the way. There are plenty of different ways to share with friends without making them overwhelmed or pressured. When people ask about my weight loss I share these two websites:

www.myfitnesspal.com
www.mapmyrun.com

I figure who am I to even hint to someone. I like my friends how they are and wouldn't want them to change unless they were ready! :flowerforyou: It is so hard when you are so excited to share and help. But keep up your own motivation and that will surely inspire your friends too!

memaw66

No, I didn't tell her I thought she needed to lose weight. We work together and she happen to ask me what I was doing for lunch and I said that I was trying to be good and that I had already lost 3 lbs and that I was logging my food on this site. I would NEVER tell someone they needed to lose weight. That is why I started this thread. I know how it feels and would NEVER do that. I am just very worried about her.

dwalden

For me it has been around the office. People have seen the energy I have put into loosing weight and have been encouraged to do it as well. We are all becoming a bunch of rabbits around here.

Once your friend sees the change and confidence you show they will accept it and join you or wait for you to fail. When you don't fail they will be right behind you to get there. This even started working with my 12 year old son.

PrincessLaundry

No, I didn't tell her I thought she needed to lose weight. We work together and she happen to ask me what I was doing for lunch and I said that I was trying to be good and that I had already lost 3 lbs and that I was logging my food on this site. I would NEVER tell someone they needed to lose weight. That is why I started this thread. I know how it feels and would NEVER do that. I am just very worried about her.

Hokay!!! My kids are talking, the TV is going, my CDD (Computer deficit disorder) was kicking in, I was out all day, I have a sore rump so maybe my listening/comprehension missed your point. Gotcha now!

I kind of have this struggle sometimes because I am so happy with what I have learned here. I just want to share! Share! SHARE! Ya know?

I almost deleted my post when I read that your friend had joined, but I figured...I said it, I own it.

YEY YOU and your friend! I love that for you girlie! :drinker: