Friend's list: keep 'em or cut 'em?

2

Replies

  • TeamLeela
    TeamLeela Posts: 3,302
    Jess, I really don't know what I'm going to do. I'm glad that I started this topic so I can get feedback from others and not post it only in my newsfeed where only my active friends will read it anyone.

    The problem that I have is that there are people who I don't communicate with anymore or maybe we were in a challenge a while back and now that the challenge is over, we don't have much in common.

    The other issue is that I'm starting to spend more time in my real life and less time on mfp so the time I do spend on here, I want it to be quality time and not have to pick and choose who I talk to. I like to personalize my comments and not just a generic "WTG" for every situation. I want it to come of as sincere.

    Then there are so many new people on here that may friend me because I am a "seasoned vet". But I plan on redoing my profile and stating serious inquiries only when you friend me. It will be like a trial period. If you say you are serious about changing your life, well let's see if you can really committ to the process and I will help you, but you have to help yourself.

    I will post a newsfeed for a few days, at different times of the day telling people that I do want to only have 3 to 4 pages of friends and there should be no hard feelings if you are not one of them.

    There are so many mixed reviews on here, there is no right or wrong answer, but I agree with RoadDog, I have to do what's best for me.
  • BigBoneSista
    BigBoneSista Posts: 2,389 Member
    I only get rid of the ones who dont come on often--basically those who have given up. I have a gazillon friends and it is impossible to comment on every one of them, but I do comment each day randomly.

    Thats what I do. If they have given up then they get cut. I cannot respond to everyone so I randomly respond to people on my timeline. I also try to atleast post one a day on the time line...even if its just to say hello.
  • louiseei
    louiseei Posts: 254 Member
    I say don't do it. Is it hurting you or hindering your weight loss or communications with others on MFP? Then keep them as friends if you feel badly about cutting them. What's the harm? :flowerforyou:

    the only harm is that seeing their information in my newsfeed is pushing down other people who do communicate with me and who I want to reciprocrate. but I can't go through pages and pages of newsfeeds and determine who needs my attention and who doesn't. I can't make mfp my full time job replying to everyone. especially those who I reply to and they never say 2 words to me.

    If it's just they are clogging up your feed, you can hide them from the feed rather than delete them. That way you can still see them again if you wish
  • lizzycomp
    lizzycomp Posts: 64
    Why not post a message on your wall explaining that you need to thin out your friends list... And anyone who wants to be kept on post a request by a certain date....? This may help you feel like you gave everyone a fair chance.
  • dls06
    dls06 Posts: 6,774 Member
    I feel the same way! I just got deleted by someone whom I really liked, but that doesnt mean there was a close friendship connection between us. I just PM'd him and wished him well on his journey. Im actually proud of him for turning away from the drama and playing around on here to start focusing on himself again.

    Its hard not to feel bad about deleting someone off your friends list, but honestly this is YOUR journey. You need to be around the people who support you best. I also understand having a small group of 'friends' on here too, its easier to keep track of everyone.

    :flowerforyou:

    Could not have said it better myself.
  • SeasideOasis
    SeasideOasis Posts: 1,057 Member
    I think this is a "to each their own" type of situation.

    I myself have sort of figured out who only logs on a couple times a week (single parents etc that are on my news feeds) and who doesnt. Also, if someone is only Negative Nancy, they are gone too. I think the weight loss journey is about more than just food. Its about overall healthy physically and mentally. We all have bad days and we all need pick me ups. If someone cant be supportive at least part of the time to their MFP pals, then they arent the type of friend I want to have.
  • TeamLeela
    TeamLeela Posts: 3,302
    Why not post a message on your wall explaining that you need to thin out your friends list... And anyone who wants to be kept on post a request by a certain date....? This may help you feel like you gave everyone a fair chance.

    lizzy, I think that's a great way of doing it! I will post it 3 different times on 3 different days. Labeling them, first attempt, second attempt, final attempt. I am still going to wait a few weeks. When I get to day 360, I will make the announcement and then on day 365, I'm "cleaning out my closet" !
  • Painten
    Painten Posts: 499 Member
    Well i know that recently some people cut me after having a few days off well 6. I had guenuine reasons for not being on but people did defriend me. These are people who's status;s i did comment on regularly and i thought that i'd been on long enough that people would know i'm really making an effort to lose weight. It did actually hurt a bit to be removed so quick without much effort. I know i try and talk to the people on my friends list, not every day but often enough and if i see they haven't logged on a few days i send a message reminding them to log on. I'd probably only defriend if i found some posts distateful which i've not found yet.
  • Lisa__Michelle
    Lisa__Michelle Posts: 845 Member
    I only cut them if it says they haven't logged in for over a month. Once it hits that month line (b/c I have had people log back in after 2 weeks off) I cut them. I don't cut anybody for not talking to me all the time. It doesn't hurt me to keep them there.
  • Lisa__Michelle
    Lisa__Michelle Posts: 845 Member
    Well i know that recently some people cut me after having a few days off well 6. I had guenuine reasons for not being on but people did defriend me. These are people who's status;s i did comment on regularly and i thought that i'd been on long enough that people would know i'm really making an effort to lose weight. It did actually hurt a bit to be removed so quick without much effort. I know i try and talk to the people on my friends list, not every day but often enough and if i see they haven't logged on a few days i send a message reminding them to log on. I'd probably only defriend if i found some posts distateful which i've not found yet.

    I think some people forget that people go on vacation. I didn't log in for a week and a half around christmas bc I was out of town. I came back and some people defriended me too. That is the only time I haven't logged in since I have been here in October 2010.
  • sgirl29
    sgirl29 Posts: 326 Member
    Do what's best for you... I try to encourage everyone on my friends list although at times it is just a "WTG". Maybe those three letters is all they need to motivate them to keep going... There are some friends that I have a stronger connection with that give and receive more sincere comments; but the ones that dont I wont cut them, I just contuine to encourage them until they are at the same place I am and then maybe l can connect on a more sincere level... Gook Luck! :)
  • binary_jester
    binary_jester Posts: 3,311 Member
    I used to have to resort to that when there was a 200 limit on friends. Now the more the merrier.
  • TeamLeela
    TeamLeela Posts: 3,302
    I'm just wondering: if you were in a situation at work where you may have noticed a co worker/friend losing weight and you're also losing by bringing a healhy lunch, avoiding the candy dish, walking on break. And you tell them on a regular basis, wow you look great! You're doing a great job. Keep up the good work. And not only don't they extend the same compliment (which is not an obligation), but they don't even respond to your initial comment to them. How long are you going to continue to speak to them without being spoken to before you just decide its not worth the effort anymore? Now apply that same logic to MFP. I'm just saying....
  • Dtho5159
    Dtho5159 Posts: 1,054 Member
    Back in march, I had a ton of people defriend me.. I was moving that month (yes we took the whole month to move) and i barely had time to sit down each evening let alone log in here. I probably lost 30 friends that month. i posted ahead of time that i wouldn't be on much if at all since i was moving but apparently they didn't care lol. I don't cut anyone.. Like mr jester said, the more the merrier..
  • louell33
    louell33 Posts: 85
    I'd say Keep Em.. It's no major issue by doing it, but you have to bear in mind as well that MFP does consume a lot of time and to try to maintain communication with everyone could mean you're sat at your PC all day long..

    I logged on this morning - initially for a quick 10 minutes - 2hrs later I realised that I haven't done any work, I've added friends, I've chatted to a couple, I've read a few blogs and posted a few comments - have I chatted to all my friends - nope.
    Does it mean that I think any less of them - definitely not!!
    Do I still want to there if they need to chat (either via status or email) - yes!!
    Do I intend to 'cull' any that don't comment - nope!! everyone's circumstances are different and with the best intentions in the world, I'd like to think i'm here for myself and to help others - we can't help everyone, some need it more than others at time.

    If someone works all day or even finds little time to get online - then don't hold it against them.. Also, do you contact ALL your friends or are you expecting them to contact you - remember communication is a two way street.. :)


    Well said *clapping*!! Just what I wanted to say, but i could not have put so so eloquently.
  • StartingOver4Me
    StartingOver4Me Posts: 192
    I say don't do it. Is it hurting you or hindering your weight loss or communications with others on MFP? Then keep them as friends if you feel badly about cutting them. What's the harm? :flowerforyou:

    the only harm is that seeing their information in my newsfeed is pushing down other people who do communicate with me and who I want to reciprocrate. but I can't go through pages and pages of newsfeeds and determine who needs my attention and who doesn't. I can't make mfp my full time job replying to everyone. especially those who I reply to and they never say 2 words to me.

    If it's just they are clogging up your feed, you can hide them from the feed rather than delete them. That way you can still see them again if you wish


    If you hide them.............. then what's the point in having them?
  • Supermel
    Supermel Posts: 612 Member
    I took some time off to go to weight watchers. That didn't work out- and i was so glad to have a dozen or so good friends still here when i came back.I also had a few pages of others. I have searched for some more like=minded friends on here- either people who enjoy the same exercise, people around the same age with kids, people who post they have the same job, or people with simliar weight loss goals. I have successful mfp friends on here and find them a good wealth of info too. When i came back a month ago- i went thru and anyone i didn't know IRL and hadn't been on in a year i deleted. The rest i kept as who knows maybe they will come back too and then i can support them.
  • TeamLeela
    TeamLeela Posts: 3,302
    lol@ Jess!
  • brattyworm
    brattyworm Posts: 2,137 Member
    Well I have to say... I think you're an awesome motivator. And even though I know there are times when I go days without commenting on people, its always nice to look in my news feed and see how amazing you're doing and how positive you stay. I don't know if some of the others who don't offer support or communicate do the same, but I do draw lots of support from your posts. That is why I try to let you know every so often as well. So that's my two cents.

    I think you should do what you feel you need to do, because mfp is great but real life is what is important and if that is where your focus lies then by all means go and do what you need to do. And if you are going to start classes like you said, you're focus needs to be that and not whether you're letting down your mfp peeps. I have to say no matter if you show up every day or occasionally i've found the mfp peeps are amazingly supportive and like to see you around when you're there and understand life happens when you're not.

    So um... i know that was long.. now i'm off to do that life thing. I hope you are able to come to a decision that you don't feel guilty about.
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
    Your MFP friends are your support group. How active are you in your own personal support group? How important is your support group to you? How does your support group impact your success? How much time do you realistically have to reciprocate the support? Everyone is going to have a different answer.

    Me? My support group is very important to me because it has been a huge part of my success. I log in daily. I try very hard to keep up with my newsfeed on a daily basis, but that doesn't always happen. If my newsfeed gets too overwhelming I know I need to make some cuts. I don't want my newsfeed filled with a bunch of non weight loss related stuff, or with a bunch of posts from people who are not an active part of MY support group. They may even be incredibly active on the site, but if there isn't a special connection between the two of us, I need to make the cut so I can spend my time with those who I do feel a connection with. I can't support friends who I feel are going about their weight loss in a negative way, and I can't support friends who have a negative attitude on a regular basis. I need to keep my friend list to a minimum. When I was below 45, that was very manageable. I don't want to get missed, and I don't want any of my friends to get missed either and if I have too many on my list I can't keep up.

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