I've Found the Secret!
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ladyhawk00
Posts: 2,457 Member
in Chit-Chat
WARNING: Not for the faint of heart - Many instances of TMI to follow
The secret to quick weight loss is.... the FLU! My weight loss has increased dramatically over the past week.
"That's great!!!" you say. "How do I do it?"
"Well, I really wouldn't recommend it as a good weight loss plan," I reply.
"But why not??! I want to lose weight fast!"
Because of the following side effects:
1. I have spent much of the past 7 days wishing for the sweet release of death.
2. My MFP friends (and r/l friends) are sick to death of hearing (seeing) me whine about how rotten I feel. I've turned into that annoying 80 yr old lady who only calls to tell you what new, exciting and bodily-fluid-laden ailment she's discovered this week.
3. The same reason someone who has had a limb or two gnawed off by dingoes wouldn't recommend THAT as a good weight loss plan. Every single part of my body has been in pain at some point in the past 7 days due to body aches. Having your toes, elbow and hair ache all at the same time is completely ridiculous.
4. Anyone who has friended me in the last week thinks that ALL I do is whine and talk about snot, body aches, and coughing. They undoubtedly also think I'm a huge hypocrite since my cal levels have been bad and I've been unable to follow any of my own advice. Good MFP friend/mentor? Fail.
5. SNOT. Nuff said.
6. I love to eat. I love the taste of food. I have tasted very little in the past week. It's a great appetite suppressant, but it takes ALL of the enjoyment out of food and life. When the vile flavor of Nyquil is the only thing that can get a rise out of your taste buds, eating becomes a chore.
7. This is a wagon you can't fall off of - even if you want to. I'd gladly throw myself under the wheels.
8. Coughing until you gag. My neighbors think I'm strangling the Tasmanian Devil over here. And my ribs feel like I went 10 rounds with Ali.
9. This is Spring. I have soooooo much to do. But I've accomplished very little in the past week. As an example, a task that should have taken about 30 minutes took me 3 HOURS to complete yesterday, because I literally had to stop and rest every 5 minutes like an invalid. I'm considering renting one of the Wal-Mart scooters just to get from one end of the house to the other.
10. My house is a wreck. Ok, it's often a wreck. But this gives new meaning to the word.
11. I sound like Bea Arthur... if she ate a frog. My son said to me last night "I can't understand a word you're saying when you talk in that funny voice, Mom."
12. Waking up with your eyes glued shut because of mucous. While you may appreciate the fact that you can't see yourself in the mirror after days of wallowing in misery, it makes trying to find the toilet pretty tricky.
13. Coughing so hard you pee a little. Not attractive.
14. I don't know about you, but I have very little desire to be the sole financial support of the Kleenex, Ibuprofen, Nyquil, Halls and Vaporub companies.
Do NOT attempt the Flu Diet. I'd take every ounce back...if I could have the past week of my life back. But hopefully I still have my sense of humor. :indifferent:
The secret to quick weight loss is.... the FLU! My weight loss has increased dramatically over the past week.
"That's great!!!" you say. "How do I do it?"
"Well, I really wouldn't recommend it as a good weight loss plan," I reply.
"But why not??! I want to lose weight fast!"
Because of the following side effects:
1. I have spent much of the past 7 days wishing for the sweet release of death.
2. My MFP friends (and r/l friends) are sick to death of hearing (seeing) me whine about how rotten I feel. I've turned into that annoying 80 yr old lady who only calls to tell you what new, exciting and bodily-fluid-laden ailment she's discovered this week.
3. The same reason someone who has had a limb or two gnawed off by dingoes wouldn't recommend THAT as a good weight loss plan. Every single part of my body has been in pain at some point in the past 7 days due to body aches. Having your toes, elbow and hair ache all at the same time is completely ridiculous.
4. Anyone who has friended me in the last week thinks that ALL I do is whine and talk about snot, body aches, and coughing. They undoubtedly also think I'm a huge hypocrite since my cal levels have been bad and I've been unable to follow any of my own advice. Good MFP friend/mentor? Fail.
5. SNOT. Nuff said.
6. I love to eat. I love the taste of food. I have tasted very little in the past week. It's a great appetite suppressant, but it takes ALL of the enjoyment out of food and life. When the vile flavor of Nyquil is the only thing that can get a rise out of your taste buds, eating becomes a chore.
7. This is a wagon you can't fall off of - even if you want to. I'd gladly throw myself under the wheels.
8. Coughing until you gag. My neighbors think I'm strangling the Tasmanian Devil over here. And my ribs feel like I went 10 rounds with Ali.
9. This is Spring. I have soooooo much to do. But I've accomplished very little in the past week. As an example, a task that should have taken about 30 minutes took me 3 HOURS to complete yesterday, because I literally had to stop and rest every 5 minutes like an invalid. I'm considering renting one of the Wal-Mart scooters just to get from one end of the house to the other.
10. My house is a wreck. Ok, it's often a wreck. But this gives new meaning to the word.
11. I sound like Bea Arthur... if she ate a frog. My son said to me last night "I can't understand a word you're saying when you talk in that funny voice, Mom."
12. Waking up with your eyes glued shut because of mucous. While you may appreciate the fact that you can't see yourself in the mirror after days of wallowing in misery, it makes trying to find the toilet pretty tricky.
13. Coughing so hard you pee a little. Not attractive.
14. I don't know about you, but I have very little desire to be the sole financial support of the Kleenex, Ibuprofen, Nyquil, Halls and Vaporub companies.
Do NOT attempt the Flu Diet. I'd take every ounce back...if I could have the past week of my life back. But hopefully I still have my sense of humor. :indifferent:
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Replies
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ok u talked me out of it......def not going on the flu diet.
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You just made me laugh so hard that I think I peed my pants a little! Hope you get to feeling better!0
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:laugh: someone's gonna ask for the website.......0
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haha0
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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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I lost 8 pounds in one week with the flu. i was soo excited till i found out that after you have been sick your body recovers by gaining all the weight back and then some.0
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rof- lmbo---sorry you are in misery- but if misery loves company- your topic is sure to bring it on----get well- excuse me I have to go to the bathroom- laughing to hard.0
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well darn, I was headed out to the nearest dr's office to french kiss all the sickies. Guess that plan is shot!0
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Its good to have weight loss but not in unhealthy way.... otherwise we can starve ourselves...
PS i 1c got flu nd lost weight but it definitely was not good.. because when i recovered i was weak ..:(0 -
Well told (ans funny)! Hope you continue to recover and feel great soon!0
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Hope you're feeling better! My mom had the flu last week and she ended up losing 18 pounds because of it. I am jealous because that is how many I have left to lose however.....I do not want the flu to lose that many.0
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:laugh: someone's gonna ask for the website.......
www.SNOT.com0 -
OMG, I was sittignhere readign this thinking "is this person serious?????". I know there are some crazy diets out there but d@mn, this is it- icing ont he cake. Then I read on....lol, i'm stupid.
I recently had the flu diet and lost 5 pounds but once solid food could be eaten again I found the missing pounds.0 -
Ugh. I'm sorry you're not feeling well, but this was really funny too. You have such a twisted, warped, funny outlook. Love it.
Get well soon!!0 -
I use to love being sick when i was younger because I would lose weight and keep it off when i got better. Now ... i always just get it back somehow even if i dont over indulge when i recover. Lost 1.6 being sick a day and half last week and got it back :grumble:
I like the side effects of the flu diet ... I think I'll try it ... NOT !!! :bigsmile:
P.S. there is a www.snot.com - just not the flu diet info i was hoping for :sick:
Get well soon ...0 -
I use to love being sick when i was younger because I would lose weight and keep it off when i got better. Now ... i always just get it back somehow even if i dont over indulge when i recover. Lost 1.6 being sick a day and half last week and got it back :grumble:
I like the side effects of the flu diet ... I think I'll try it ... NOT !!! :bigsmile:
P.S. there is a www.snot.com - just not the flu diet info i was hoping for :sick:
Get well soon ...
:laugh: I don't even wanna know what is on that website :sick:0 -
I use to love being sick when i was younger because I would lose weight and keep it off when i got better. Now ... i always just get it back somehow even if i dont over indulge when i recover. Lost 1.6 being sick a day and half last week and got it back :grumble:
I like the side effects of the flu diet ... I think I'll try it ... NOT !!! :bigsmile:
P.S. there is a www.snot.com - just not the flu diet info i was hoping for :sick:
Get well soon ...
:laugh: I don't even wanna know what is on that website :sick:
Bet its green and all the font is slimy with crusty edges..0 -
My husband just lost 9 pounds on this diet. I don't even know how much my boys lost but I do know that I almost lost my sanity taking care of all of them and HOPING that I wouldn't get sick 0
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My husband just lost 9 pounds on this diet. I don't even know how much my boys lost but I do know that I almost lost my sanity taking care of all of them and HOPING that I wouldn't get sick
Yeah, kiddo had it before me. He shares wonderfully. :grumble:0
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