Insulting significant other

Ilovepeppers

My husband doesn't insult me but I've had ex boyfriends that have and I'm wondering if anyone else has or had a significant other that just wasn't too nice with their words or somehow made it clear they didnt find you attractive?

crystal_sapphire

not a significant other, but i'd suggest if there was someone in the past and you're still feeling the hurt now perhaps see a professional

jamielise2

People can be hurtful, and most of the time they don't mean to be. If you have someone still in your life who is being deliberately cruel, it's probably time to sever that relationship. If they are not being deliberately mean, then have a heart to heart talk with them about how their comments make you feel. Do seek professional help if you need it to deal with it.

FearAnLoathing

I had an ex that put me down about everything,thats why he is an ex.I dont need to take that kind of s***

CheerCoachAmy

There was a time in my relationship with my husband when he was not supportive of me and made me very self conscious about my appearance and weight gain, specifically after our children were born. Eventually I realized much of his comments were more about his own insecurities with his own weight gain being projected onto me. A lot of times, people who say hurtful things - even loved ones, are saying them from fear of being left so they try to tear you down and make you feel like there are no other options. I have learned I can't control what he or anyone else says or does, only how I react to it and how I allow it or not allow it to affect me. He has changed and encourages me now - so there is hope for anyone in the situation.

gatedialer

Yep. Been there before. He didn't need to say it twice. I rather be single than have a dumb*** guy say things like that.

Ree_Chatelain

My ex husband.. that's why he's an ex. lol

Heather75

I wouldn't be with someone if they didn't find me attractive.

manymuses

I wouldn't be with someone if they didn't find me attractive.

Seriously. I would never put up with any such crap. They would quickly become an insignificant other.

Aesop101

My ex!

Even being a guy it was disheartening. It was even worse, if someone used me as a butt of a joke she laughed with them. One was my ex-best friend. I don't find it ironic that both he and her went loony. Sad story on both. Last time I saw him he looked crazed. Last time I heard about my ex, my kids were saying if it's this bad for us, what was it like for dad. I did not make a comment.

I think I spent too much time looking at me through her eyes. I tried so hard to make her happy and proud of me. I always assumed it was me. She said so <G>. After she left my esteem picked up, I went back to school and got a masters and then passed the CPA exam last October.

Our marriage was sheer hell. It was tough dealing with her. I was going to school, working on my BS and dealing with her. When I went back to school for my Masters I was longed divorced. I thought I would be smarter. But my Masters grade was just 1/100s better than my BS. So as it turned out I was just happier. <G>

menchi

I have a slightly different problem. My BF has a habit of putting his foot in his mouth in the way he tells you something frankly (not intended to insult at all). I've learned over many many years to recognize when this is happening so I can listen to the whole thing before being insulted, and then take a moment to figure out what he meant (or ask a question to figure out what he meant).

Let me illustrate with an example (n.b. we have a habit of talking about ourselves in the 3rd person, so I will call myself menchi here). I forget what the conversational train was about but then followed a comment beginning like this, "Menchi isn't very pretty or all that smart..." :noway: :grumble: :explode: :brokenheart: What the infuriating man was trying to say was that mind and body will fade over time, but what he loved was the essence of me that will always be there.

So I guess what I'm trying to say to you is that yes there are the true jerks who are unsupportive, but sometimes what sounds like an insult isn't really one and you might want to take a moment to figure out what the person really meant.

steffilily

I once asked a boyfriend (now an ex) what made him ask me out, he didn't want to answer at first. That got me wondering why so I pestered him about it. He finally said "I thought I had a good chance since no one would want you" :noway: Meaning that no one would want to date a deaf girl.

Heather75

steffilily, that is horrible. Glad you dumped him.

shimila1101

My ex-husand was that way. Just one of the many reasons he's an ex.

maserati185

Had an ex that said my thighs were big. I was like 5'7", 36, 26, 36. He was about 50 lbs. overweight, on the other hand. If anyone reading this is with that kind of man, take your big thighs and kick him to the curb. Too many good guys in the world to deal with that.

abyt42

My DH has the tact of a thrown brick. Fortunately, he rarely intends to be insulting.
"Does this dress make me look fat," a question I've only asked once, was met with "not any fatter than you look in the rest of your clothes."

Also, in a fairly positive tone of voice: "looks like you're losing some of the gut you'd grown."


________________

But the damaging insults were when I was younger (like 9 or 10) and from my dad. I was not a fat kid, but my nickname was Tubby. When our 25 year old camper's bunk broke, it was of course because I was fat, and not because it was made of 25+ year old canvas that had been strained in the same specific way every time someone slept in the bunk.....

jknops2

My ex!

Even being a guy it was disheartening. It was even worse, if someone used me as a butt of a joke she laughed with them. One was my ex-best friend. I don't find it ironic that both he and her went loony. Sad story on both. Last time I saw him he looked crazed. Last time I heard about my ex, my kids were saying if it's this bad for us, what was it like for dad. I did not make a comment.

I think I spent too much time looking at me through her eyes. I tried so hard to make her happy and proud of me. I always assumed it was me. She said so <G>. After she left my esteem picked up, I went back to school and got a masters and then passed the CPA exam last October.

Our marriage was sheer hell. It was tough dealing with her. I was going to school, working on my BS and dealing with her. When I went back to school for my Masters I was longed divorced. I thought I would be smarter. But my Masters grade was just 1/100s better than my BS. So as it turned out I was just happier. <G>

Ex'es what can you say. I think many of us have been there.