Hopefully this lady isn't on MFP.. read for a good laugh!
kimmerroze
Posts: 1,330 Member
This is the link I took it from
http://poststar.com/lifestyles/columns/natl/crivenbark/article_82347576-37b8-11df-ae3d-001cc4c03286.html
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Ladies, shaving and driving don't mix
By now I'm sure that most of you have heard about the Florida woman who caused a two-vehicle wreck because she was shaving her bikini area while driving.
Guess that makes the time you drove with your elbows while eating a Whopper seem downright virtuous, doesn't it?
Florida Highway Patrol troopers said the car Megan Barnes was driving crashed into the back of a pickup truck at about 45 mph. Her reaction time was slowed down because she was too busy grooming her hoohah to pay attention to the road. Oh, like that's never happened to you?
Ms. Barnes told the investigating officer that she was on her way to a date and "wanted to be ready for the visit."
Yes, she wanted to look her best. All over. Except, well, we've seen Ms. Barnes' mug shot and she appears to have a face that would stop a clock and raise hell with small watches, bless her heart. To be blunt, I don't think a perfectly groomed love rug could possibly make that much difference.
It could've been worse, I suppose. Ms. Barnes could've been waxing her bikini area as she drove along in her T-bird (Yes, fun, fun, fun till the po-lice took her T-bird awaaaaaayy) on those scenic bridges. Imagine the horror if she'd tossed the used wax strips out the window. The manatees might have tried to adopt them.
Hons, I've driven on this particular stretch of highway between Miami and Key West and it's flat-out beautiful with crystal blue water, gorgeous mangroves and cloudless skies.
Not once have I been so bored that I decided I'd rather drag a sharp blade over my nether regions just to have something to do.
There are so many "You might be a redneck if" elements to the story of Megan Barnes, but my favorite is that, while performing this extremely personal grooming ritual, she asked her EX HUSBAND to steer the car so she could concentrate ("Help me out, Buford, I'm gonna make it look like a LIGHTNING BOLT!")
What a guy! Not only did he hold the steering wheel so she could concentrate on primping for her big date with ANOTHER MAN, but when the cops arrived, he tried to switch places and claim he'd been driving.
Trouble was, he had burns on his chest from the airbag that had deployed on THE PASSENGER SIDE ONLY. Oops.
To no one's particular surprise, the Highway Patrol quickly discovered that Ms. Barnes didn't have a valid driver's license. Oh, and, the day before, she'd been convicted of DUI and driving with a suspended license. Oh, and her car had been seized and had no insurance or registration. Oh, and she was on probation. Oh, and SHE'S A FLIPPIN' LUNATIC!
Albeit an impeccably groomed one.
Celia Rivenbark's newest book, "You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning," is available nationwide. Visit www.celiarivenbark.com for details.
http://poststar.com/lifestyles/columns/natl/crivenbark/article_82347576-37b8-11df-ae3d-001cc4c03286.html
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Ladies, shaving and driving don't mix
By now I'm sure that most of you have heard about the Florida woman who caused a two-vehicle wreck because she was shaving her bikini area while driving.
Guess that makes the time you drove with your elbows while eating a Whopper seem downright virtuous, doesn't it?
Florida Highway Patrol troopers said the car Megan Barnes was driving crashed into the back of a pickup truck at about 45 mph. Her reaction time was slowed down because she was too busy grooming her hoohah to pay attention to the road. Oh, like that's never happened to you?
Ms. Barnes told the investigating officer that she was on her way to a date and "wanted to be ready for the visit."
Yes, she wanted to look her best. All over. Except, well, we've seen Ms. Barnes' mug shot and she appears to have a face that would stop a clock and raise hell with small watches, bless her heart. To be blunt, I don't think a perfectly groomed love rug could possibly make that much difference.
It could've been worse, I suppose. Ms. Barnes could've been waxing her bikini area as she drove along in her T-bird (Yes, fun, fun, fun till the po-lice took her T-bird awaaaaaayy) on those scenic bridges. Imagine the horror if she'd tossed the used wax strips out the window. The manatees might have tried to adopt them.
Hons, I've driven on this particular stretch of highway between Miami and Key West and it's flat-out beautiful with crystal blue water, gorgeous mangroves and cloudless skies.
Not once have I been so bored that I decided I'd rather drag a sharp blade over my nether regions just to have something to do.
There are so many "You might be a redneck if" elements to the story of Megan Barnes, but my favorite is that, while performing this extremely personal grooming ritual, she asked her EX HUSBAND to steer the car so she could concentrate ("Help me out, Buford, I'm gonna make it look like a LIGHTNING BOLT!")
What a guy! Not only did he hold the steering wheel so she could concentrate on primping for her big date with ANOTHER MAN, but when the cops arrived, he tried to switch places and claim he'd been driving.
Trouble was, he had burns on his chest from the airbag that had deployed on THE PASSENGER SIDE ONLY. Oops.
To no one's particular surprise, the Highway Patrol quickly discovered that Ms. Barnes didn't have a valid driver's license. Oh, and, the day before, she'd been convicted of DUI and driving with a suspended license. Oh, and her car had been seized and had no insurance or registration. Oh, and she was on probation. Oh, and SHE'S A FLIPPIN' LUNATIC!
Albeit an impeccably groomed one.
Celia Rivenbark's newest book, "You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning," is available nationwide. Visit www.celiarivenbark.com for details.
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Replies
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will read it later0
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laughed so hard I had tears running down my face!0
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Oh my.0
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I must admit - I had to read this in spurts because I couldn't see through the tears in my eyes from laughing so hard!0
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Too funny!0
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hahahaha the commentary on the story made it THAT much better!!!0
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bwahahahahah!!! :laugh:
Why, oh why isn't her mug shot included????? :laugh:0 -
wow.0
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So scary that people that screwed up actually walk among normal people.0
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LMAO!!!0
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oh my!!! that was too funny!!!!0
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I love Celia Rivenbark! I have two of her books, "Stop Dressing your 6 year old like a skank" and "We're just like you, only prettier" She is the most hilarious author I've ever came across. She's a southern writer too so she's all into the cliche sayings like "bless your heart" and so on. I've never read material as blunt and real as hers. I definitely recommend her books!
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My boss told me about this article and so I just had to share... and your right, the commentary makes it that much better!
Some people shouldn't be allowed out in the real world.0 -
IN PUBLIC THOUGH
WHY WOULD YOU EVEN
WHY
:sick:0 -
I love Celia Rivenbark! I have two of her books, "Stop Dressing your 6 year old like a skank" and "We're just like you, only prettier" She is the most hilarious author I've ever came across. She's a southern writer too so she's all into the cliche sayings like "bless your heart" and so on. I've never read material as blunt and real as hers. I definitely recommend her books!
Im going to have to check her out. I need a good book, mine is almost finished!0 -
ROFL, love that! great Friday fun!!!Yes, she wanted to look her best. All over. Except, well, we've seen Ms. Barnes' mug shot and she appears to have a face that would stop a clock and raise hell with small watches, bless her heart. To be blunt, I don't think a perfectly groomed love rug could possibly make that much difference.0 -
LOLOLLL that was amazing XD0
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bahawaaaaaaa. That is just to funny. I almost spit my water all over the place!!!0
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I don't even know how I would get down "there" while I was driving! It's a tricky task standing up in the shower to begin with, let alone sitting down, and I usually (USUALLY haha...) have clothes on and there's a big ol' steering wheel providing just a little bit of an obstacle. Hmmmm....0
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Haha! Some people really are on this planet simply to bring the intelligence curve down a bit! That's beyond stupid...0
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OMG!!!0
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Is this for real? I can't believe someone would be so dumb. Made a funny story though and loved how the article was worded.0
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bwahahahahah!!! :laugh:
Why, oh why isn't her mug shot included????? :laugh:
http://keywestmugshots.com/115367
here is a link to her mug shot! makes it that much better! haha0 -
Oh my land!! :noway: I'll have to look at the link when I get home.0
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Is this for real? I can't believe someone would be so dumb. Made a funny story though and loved how the article was worded.
http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1T4ACAW_en___US394&q=megan+barnes+mugshot
here is the google search to all the articles onher.... ITS so for real you have no idea! there really are people this stupid in the world!0 -
can't stop giggling
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You just can't make this stuff up. Gotta love Florida! Thanks for the Friday laugh.0
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bwahahahahah!!! :laugh:
Why, oh why isn't her mug shot included????? :laugh:
http://keywestmugshots.com/115367
here is a link to her mug shot! makes it that much better! haha
Great Googly-Moglies!! :noway:
bwahahahaha!!! :laugh: :laugh:0 -
*like*0
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What's up with people!?!
Didn't she know you're supposed to put the cruise controll on first? Sheesh.....0
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