Head Games

ShiloughCoy

I have never been more aware of my affect on my children than I am now.

Last night my husband got really angry at me last night because I only ate 1 taco and about a cup of refried beans for dinner. He accused me of eating dinner before I come home because "you're not losing any weight". I told him I'm a grown woman and I will not be forced to eat when I am full. This led to a large fight and we're not speaking to each other now.

When we do speak again, I'll bet anything he'll be telling me how he's concerned about my health and I shouldn't eat so much because I'm overweight, like he usually does.

All of this is because he grew up with his parents. His mom cooked loads of fattening food and made him feel like he didn't love her if he didn't eat it all. His father, who was his hero, told him he was an embarrassment because he was fat. Thus, he ended up eating too much to please one and feeling guilty because he wasn't thin for the other.

Now he has emalgamized these two people together into his own personality, thus he's playing two different head games with the only person he has to foist them off on - ME!!

Any advise?

Sasha_Bear

I am so sorry your going through this that has to be really tough to deal with. I think I would sit him down and try to explain to him that you appreciate his concern for your health, but your working hard to create a healthy new you, and if he can't be encouraging in more sensitive way then you'd rather him not say anything at all. I know that had to burn you up cause I would let him have it without even thinking about it!

ocsurfmama

First off, your profile shows that you have lost 7 lbs so you are losing weight! For everyone the rate that we lose weight will be different because there are so many variables. Men lose weight much faster than women do.

Our household is a perfect example of that. My partner has lost 40 lbs in the same time that it took me to lose my first 10 lbs. Then since I joined this site in March I have lost 12 lbs and he has lost another 20 lbs.

I don't understand why he would accuse you of filling up on a dinner before you come home. He should be more focused on being supportive. Maybe he is secretly jealous that you have taken the steps to get healthy and better yourself. You are doing this for YOU and not as an attack against him.

My partner now has to eat more to just maintain and he knows he should not lose any more weight. I, on the other hand have like 35 more lbs to go. He is understanding and always asks me how my work out day was, compliments me for trying so hard, and is kind enough not to eat any of my "trigger" foods around me.

Maybe you could calmly tell your hubby that it is so hard to lose weight, but you would appreciate it if he would be a cheerleader for you, and look at any effort you are able to put forward is going in the right direction! He can't deny those 7 lbs you lost and he will begin to notice when your clothes are fitting better or when you go down a size.

Hang in there!!! Tell him the best gift he can give you on Mother's Day is to tell you how proud of you he is each day.

ShiloughCoy

Thanks, guys!! I appreciate the support.

And, yes, I was on fire angry!! So, I guess my choice of words wasn't the best and two wrongs don't make a right. Right?

Anyway, I will try and let him know (a little more calmly next time) that accusations and an unsupportive attitude isn't going to make me any thinner or us any happier.

Love this MFP!! All you folks are so smart!