How do you deal with difficult people?

Moop87

I'm curious how everyone here copes with them. I have a sister with MAJOR issues. She says it's depression but I honestly think that from what I've seen through the years she's bi-polar or has borderline personality disorder. She's a Debbie Downer ALL the time. Every time I talk to her or she calls, she sounds like she just got out of bed, and she has this pitiful voice. But when she's talking to her friends she's a completely different person. She refuses to look into further help for herself thinking she is hopeless, and quite honestly her personal attacks on me in the past haven't made me too willing to deal with her.

Her psyche and the psyche of the rest of the family are so different. I hate to say it but I try NOT to talk to her or deal with her because quite honestly it's depressing. :frown: But at times there is no way for me to avoid her and I have to deal with her. I just texted her something and her response was "Never mind" because what I said wasn't what she wanted. I was half tempted to defend myself back, but I thought against it.

How do you deal with people like this?:explode:

Missylydia

Arsenic

amymrls

I just ignore people that irritate me. Even family in hopes that they quit talking to me. In the past I was very quick tempered buy I don't like to fight now. I would rather they just go away.

kalelwifey

Arsenic

Bwahahahah lol so mean

Missylydia

Ok, ok, I was just joking (about the arsenic). I think the best way is to treat them like naughty children. Ignore the bad behaviour and reward the good. And if they attack, tell them that's not very nice.
Be a bit patronising, it keeps you positive and in control.

sbwood888

I would let her set the tone for things. If she insists on being negative, just tell her that you don't care to listen to her negativity and politely wish her a good day. Move on. When she texted "nevermind" I would text back a cheerful "You got it". Just refuse to let her drag you down. On the other hand, if she is behaving in a normal manner, chat happily with her. As soon as she starts the negativily, shut her down. Try your best to never let anyone else steal your joy. :happy: Unfortunatley I have a lifetime of experience with a family member who acts just as you describe your sister. It is easy to let them drag you down. :noway:

Moop87

I had to exercise myself to not respond to yet another similar situation tonight from my sister. Ugh!! She asked me if I could take my dad to a doctor's appointment. I texted back. "What time is the appointment? I have one that day at 3."

The response?

"Never mind."

I know how her mind works too. Her response was another way of saying "Forget about it. You are useless"

I was tempted to respond, but didn't. I tried venting to hubby anyway but he said to "Let it go."

Arrrrgh!!! Why does she have to be so miserable and try to push her miserableness on me?

Karleyyy

I don't know if you have before, but ask her if she needs help, if she needs someone to talk to....and also ask her why she acts like that. It may start a confrontation but maybe you'd have a better clue as to why she is like that. To me it almost sounds as if she is selfish (don't want to offend you) and the "nevermind" comment comes from her not getting her way....

But also know that when it comes down to it, it isn't you and you can't let it bother you! Don't waste too much energy on it!

CrimsonVixen

Like many have said ignore the negative behaviour and react to the positive. However if it does get too bad she does need professional help and you and your family may need to stage an intervention in order to get her to go. Do your family feel the same way? I'm a Police Community Support Officer and I deal with difficult people on a daily basis and I have found that they just want you to bite back, so resist the temptation.

xraychick77

i dont..

thats how

Moop87

She is collecting disability for "severe depression" as she puts it. I honestly don't think that's it. I think she is either bi-polar or has borderline personality disorder. She basically rules the roost at my parents house. My mom got to the point of not going against her word so she will can avoid her lip. She goes along with anything she says. My sister went into a psych ward once and as soon as she got in there she was fine; socializing with everyone, happy as a clam. Then when she got out she reverted back to her usual self. She is also the type of person that nothing is good enough and she finds a way to complain.

For example years back, she was thinking about moving out of the house. She asked my mom's opinion and mom said, "That's great. I think you'll like having your own place." Her response back was, "Oh so you are trying to get rid of me, aren't you? You don't want me around!"

Then when my mom said she could stay at the house, she replied "Sure! You don't want me to get my own place and be independent!"

I have tried to help her but nothing is good enough and she goes on attack mode. She has told me that I don't love my parents and that I only "appear" to love them to make myself look good. She has made comments that when my parents are gone at least "she won't feel guilty", because as she puts it, "I have done EVERYTHING" for mom and dad.

It's a martyr syndrome. Everything is about her, and her tireless efforts to do everything for my parents and "suffer" for it. have tried to help her in the past, but from what I have been told from the therapist I see (because of dealing with her), there's nothing I can do. I have lost my patience with her. Now when she gets all fired up, I shut up, because if I don't, it gives her more ammo. And if I did get her upset, she always goes and gets my mom involved and puts her in the middle. I have told her that any issues we have are between her and I, but she still continues to get my mom involved which she doesn't need at this stage in her life. So I tend to shut up so she doesn't go and upset my mom. My mom was actually crying one night over the phone because she wants us to have a close relationship. Thing is I can't have a relationship with someone I don't trust.

:frown: It's very trying.