lost over 100+ lbs ...but still no GF

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Replies

  • xxjacqueline
    xxjacqueline Posts: 97 Member
    Don't stress about it. I wouldn't if I were you. It will happen eventually you are still young, you can't rush things like that. Perhaps you should get out and try to meet new people. Sometimes it's simply because you don't know enough people.. Anyway I hope you find a girlfriend if that's what you want. Congratulations on the weight loss, though. That is quite an accomplishment.
  • Allibaba
    Allibaba Posts: 457 Member
    I met my bf on plentyoffish, it is good to online date because you know they are looking for the same thing. It is always good to get out and meet new people. Enjoy casual dating, you will miss it when you inevitably settle down. Congrats on you success, use that as fuel to meet other life goals.
  • xxx29
    xxx29 Posts: 60 Member
    Do something that isn't "about" you, and isn't about meeting / getting a GF. I don't mean, do it once, I mean, find something outside your comfort zone that is all about other people, and get involved. Make it a lifestyle change. You can piggyback it on something you already enjoy, but it should be a new direction for you.

    Example: Bikers who started the "toys for tots" programs.
    Example: Volunteers who do landscaping and maintenance for senior citizens, churches, or other nonprofits.
    Example: Computer geeks who join Neighborhood Watch.

    You get the idea. A GF will not fulfill you. If that's what you're looking for, you're only changing from being fulfilled by food to being fulfilled by another person. Relationships are better when each of you cares more about meeting the needs of the other, than having the other meet your needs.
  • ThermalYew1
    ThermalYew1 Posts: 64 Member
    Thanks everyone...yeah I know what you all are saying... I don't really go any where where I can meet people.... I have tried Plenty Of Fish... nothing what so ever... I go to the gym... but am never in a situation where I can talk to someone... besides i see how they look at the other guys doing weights and stuff... IDK haha But I get what you all are saying thanks! :)
  • Karleyyy
    Karleyyy Posts: 857
    May sound cheesy..but relax and let everything go at its own pace. Personally I don't like guys that seem desperate for girlfriends, not that you are. But be yourself, do YOUR thing, and when that girl comes along you will know it.
  • bigredhearts
    bigredhearts Posts: 428
    well i am married, but i also think you are quite adorable. well worth going for looks wise, but i understand your frustration. when things dont happen quite the way i'd like i try to remember that everything happens for a reason. even though it may seem hard at the moment i believe if your a sweet and loving guy you will find a good girl, but dont sell yourself short. i know its been a long wait but try not to go for the first girl that gives you attention. you deserve a woman who would treat you the way you treat her and i know theres plenty of women out there like that. give it time, it will all be worth it in the end.... :flowerforyou:
  • bigredhearts
    bigredhearts Posts: 428
    Hey guys gotta get going to work, when I get back i'll go into more detail with some of your posts. :) But I just wanted to say... my friends from school... I never really had friends... when i was big... granted I don't really have too too many friends now but I have 100x more then I did during school. They all never knew me when i was obease. Their good friends though :) and my mom.... whens he starts up I just tell her "No body likes me!" and I get really mad but IDK...

    coming from an optimistic point of view hopefully your mother only says those things about you having a g/f so it might urge you to "try harder" and to see you "happy". Does she know it hurts you to be reminded that arent with someone? that when the time is right you will find "the one"? Does she know that its not a lack of not trying? That you DO put yourself out there? Maybe if you at down and had a one on one chat about how this all truly makes you feel she might let it go and let you do your thing. If she doesnt let it go it might be a good idea not to spend as much time with her, i know that sounds horrible but if she understood why you werent hanging around or talking to her as much she might really get the hint and leave you alone.
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
    When you stop looking for someone is when that special someone will show up in your life. I know it sounds like a cliche', but I swear it is true. Just relax. Go out and enjoy yourself. Don't stress over finding someone.. :)

    BTW, I met my boyfriend online -- on a social networking site, nonetheless. We've been together over a year now. Never thought I'd date someone I met online, but he is truly the love of my life. So, you never know where you'll meet them from. :)
  • Becca_007
    Becca_007 Posts: 596 Member
    The hard truth is that weight loss can never solve problems that are not connected to weight.

    The reason you have struggled to find yourself in a relationship has nothing to do with how much you weigh, or have weighed in the past. I don't know what your core beliefs are that keep you from making connections or forming relationships. That is for you to explore through therapy or deep introspection.

    But I can tell you that you are lovable and worthy of love at any size. And the moment you know that--not just say it, but KNOW it--you will find someone to share that love with.

    Weight loss is good for our bodies and helps us fit into social norms, but it can never make us feel loved or happier. That is somehting that comes from within.
    good points!:flowerforyou:
  • Losingitin2011
    Losingitin2011 Posts: 572 Member
    It sounds so cheesy, but I found someone when I stopped looking for started focusing on being happy by myself. Hang in there!
  • Inittowinit11
    Inittowinit11 Posts: 28
    Don't rush it, it isn't what it's cracked up to be. If you wait patiently love will find you. Just focus on you and tell your mom that her comments hurts your feelings (I know about that - my mom can be quite out spoken about things!) and that you'd like her to stop. Embrace your singleness! Take trips when possible, go to social gatherings, and before you know it she'll find you. Plus, I don't think being single is so bad..I love it! Great job on your weight loss - awesome accomplishment!
  • Becca_007
    Becca_007 Posts: 596 Member
    Come on dude..... dont stress about stuff like that. It will happen, just go with the flow and enjoy your new lifestyle a while. By no means do I mean any disrespect for your mom, but tell her to chill out and when a girl comes along that you want to spend time with, you will!

    Use that new found confidence that comes with losing the weight you have and make it work to your advantage. Trust me buddy, there are loads of single ladies out there that would love to meet you and go out with you...... they just dont know it yet. YOU have to show them why you are an awesome dude!

    Be confident, but dont be too cocky either. Just be yourself, thats what they want....... am I a right ladies??
    That's right! :wink: :tongue:
  • maremare312
    maremare312 Posts: 1,143 Member
    I also recommend dating sites! I met my current (and two before that) boyfriends online. It's hard to meet people, especially as you get older (after high school/college it's like, hey, where do I meet people?) but if you put an ad on Craig's List or join a dating site you can meet some people that right off the bat will have some things in common for you. Good luck! I'm a firm believer that if you are ready for love and put yourself out there you will find it!
  • Nodaa
    Nodaa Posts: 40
    People who loves you, wont love you because of your shape. It is all about your inside of you. I have many friends are overweight, and still in love! Just make sure to be YOU, and be normal with everyone.
  • bike4now
    bike4now Posts: 52
    Confidence will definitely help.
  • ThermalYew1
    ThermalYew1 Posts: 64 Member
    When you guys say go out to those places... just randomly start talking to people??
  • karamille
    karamille Posts: 79 Member
    What are you doing to meet new people? Are you involved in any activities? Do you go the gym? Its a great place to meet girls? Are you putting the word out to your friends/family that you are open to be fixed up on a blind date? Have you gone power dating? Have you tried match.com or eharmony.com? Typically girls don't fall out of hte sky so you gotta get out there and put in the effort to meet them. :) Good luck!
  • Schwiggity
    Schwiggity Posts: 1,449 Member
    *tuning in*.
  • dumb_blondes_rock
    dumb_blondes_rock Posts: 1,568 Member
    Women are the devil, thus the reason i'm not a lesbian.....jk....but to be honest, that person will come when you least expect it and when you stop looking/searching....I used to want to be with someone, and the THOUGHT of it is actually better than the REALITY of it, but hopefully when you get a gf it will be everything you thought/wanted and more!
  • dumb_blondes_rock
    dumb_blondes_rock Posts: 1,568 Member
    When you guys say go out to those places... just randomly start talking to people??

    Yes, you have to become a great actor if you are wanting to meet a woman. You have to act like it's not nerve racking to just strike up a conversation with someone you don't even know, because woman like confidence. Even if you aren't confident at all, you have to pretend you are. When I go to the bar I always meet new people and converse with complete strangers....btw liquid courage is a wonderful drink, just be sure not to get TOO much liquid, cause then youll be slurring and confessing supressed child hood secrets.which is NOT a turn on lol
  • NeuroticVirgo
    NeuroticVirgo Posts: 3,671 Member
    I would keep trying the online thing for now. Have you tried craigslist personals? I met my husband through craigslist. I'm not gonna lie, you'd probably have to weed through quite a bit of creepy e-mails, but its free and a good way to meet people. Even if you just go out a few times.

    I'm talkative/outgoing once I know someone, but I could never just go up to a random person in a bar and try to pick them up. So just "going out and meeting people" did not work for me. And I had the same problem you do, all the same group of friends, so either everyone's dating someone, or they're all dating each other...sometimes its just hard to branch out. lol

    For what its worth, your really cute, so I don't think you'd have problems getting a girls attention if you met her in the right place.
  • ThermalYew1
    ThermalYew1 Posts: 64 Member
    Thanks, haha :) I have tried Plenty Of Fish... nothing. I go to the gym but usually never talk to anyone...and I think it'd be kinda weird to just randomly start talking to someone when their working out LOL! ...speaking of im off to the gym now HAHA
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