lost over 100+ lbs ...but still no GF

LiL_MisS_C

Searching for a girlfriend is not going to get you one any faster....focus on improving yourself. Girls are attracted to guys who strive to make positive changes in themselves....once you are comfortable and confident with your new self, girls will be banging down your door to go on a date with you!

annrum

You've done amazingly well with your weight loss there & you are definitely looking cute! Like everyone else says, hard though it is to hear, be happy with yourself & what you've done. Do the positive thinking - you've lost loads of weight, you're looking good, you're intelligent & healthy. When the right person turns up, you'll know her & it'll all click into place.

tmendoza1045

I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but you will find her. When the time is right, and when you least expect it you'll look up and there she'll be. You've done an awesome thing for yourself in losing this weight. You can now reap many benefits you couldn't before and they are not all centered around having a GF so focus on those and that's the moment she'll come into the picture! My mother always told me that it's when you're not looking for love that it finds you and she was right in my case. I've now been with my husban for 25 years, and by the way we got together after my very first major weight loss! It will happen. You're a nice looking guy and there's no reason for you to worry! You're still young and have plenty of time, enjoy this time on your own, these years won't come back again! Blessings to you!!!

Sezmo83

I had a friend who was constantly looking for a girlfriend. Really, really nice guy, would have made a wonderful boyfriend in all honesty but he just came across as being really desperate and that was REALLY off putting for anyone female. Last time I heard from him he was still single. Don't worry about it too much, focus on just getting out, meeting people and making friends and you'll find someone. Or they'll find you. Being in a relationship isn't everything, being single can be nice too.

You've done amazingly well with weight loss, congratulations on that.

saldridge

This may be a little stupid, but I just told my husband about "you". I don't mean any of this in a negative way, I was in the very same position pretty much, so just read it and tak from it what you need.

You know what my husband said - and I believe he is spot on - YOU GOT NO GAME.
Now, look at it from an outside point of view: most guys your age have 6-8 years of experience of"hitting on a girl". They have been hitting on girls for the last 8 years....since they are 16 with varying success. From what I understand, you were kinda big then too, so you probably haven't interacted "sexually" or at least "relationshippy" with a girl...you need to get your training wheels on, don't listen to your friends, check out dating advise or similar advise targeted at 18 years old guys. Does that sound stupid? I am just thinking that an approach to ANYTHING is very different if you have 10 years of experience or ... 0?

I am not trying to put you down, I always thinking it is much better to know your own possible shortcomings and work with them instead of not being aware.
There are a million reasons why you are still flying solo...apply what applies

sbwood888

You know, I have been where you are and have felt just like you say you are feeling. After a while, I just accepted that I was never going to meet anyone and I would be alone for the rest of my life. Then I met Steve. We will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary this year. Believe me. There is someone out there for you. You may not meet her today, or next month, but your life will work out just the way it is supposed to. Chin up. Be happy to be you and realize that everything is truly going to be OK. :flowerforyou:

thetigerzeye

Honestly when it comes to relationships weight comes into play very little. I've been at least 80lbs overweight my whole life and somehow I managed to find some one who is more than height-weight proportional (in fact he's muscular and can carry me around o.O). Now I'm not saying that to brag by any means. What I am trying to say is that when you find the right person you find them. The main reason he started dating me wasn't because I was the physical idea of perfection but because of my confidence. I know I'm overweight, he knows I'm overweight, but I don't carry myself as so. When I am out in public I walk with my head held high and know that regardless of how much (or how little) I weigh I'm still a beautiful person. And I know that sounds stupid to some level but when it comes to finding someone a lot of times it boils down to your own confidence. You even said a girl likes you but you don't like her that way... so IT IS POSSIBLE. YOU JUST NEED TO FIND THE RIGHT ONE. That's going to come when you least expect it! Just be patient, walk with your head held high and love will find you (not the otherway around!)

thetigerzeye

And darn my phone internet it tried to post this twice >.<

Mahlissa

You're very handsome to begin with take it easy, get yourself out there. Bookstores, running clubs, hey even at the local grocery store on a Thursday night or Friday night. Try local community events. Libraries. I know everyone keeps mentioning dating sites, eh... try the real world, too. Dog parks, hey even if you don't have a dog. GO there and talk and ask about 'their' dogs. Idk? it's a thought.

I belong to a running group. I find out about all the community events, camps, local college races. It's fun. For me, it's not my weight. It's my age. I am running against people 10-20 years younger than me and it doesn't stop me. If anything I am stronger and have more confidence because of it.

You have your youth on your side, embrace it. Have confidence. Women LOVE a man with confidence!!! And way to go with your weight loss. :flowerforyou:

ampjorgensen

Tell mom to back off haha i mean no offense to her, but I have a friend who's family is focused on dating and marriage to the extreme and he has made his whole life about it. Every girl he sees is a potential future wife. He's become almost obsessive over it. and coming from a married woman we don't look for the most attractive guy always. In fact I looked for the guy with the best personality. he had a nice body, he had a six pack and killed my friends who were religious gym freaks and schooled them and my military friend in weight lifting and work out circuits. I like my guys with a little fluff (quickly fixed that after marriage I'm a great cook haha) anyways even if you do weigh less now do you really want to date the girl that wouldn't look twice at you when you were overweight but now what your in way better shape is all about you? Not the kind of girl you want. and as for the girl that likes you You need to just say "hey this is what I heard and this is how i feel" i don't think I'd keep talking to her about other girls if she is your friend and you know she likes you... its just cruel. i have been "that girl' before. the one thats his best friend and it kills ya to know he doesn't want you but wants the "skank" that could never treat him as good as you, and you could never compete with because she is this that and the other but isn't good for him... don't do that to her. it may make it easier for you, but is it good for her as your fried?

xxjacqueline

Don't stress about it. I wouldn't if I were you. It will happen eventually you are still young, you can't rush things like that. Perhaps you should get out and try to meet new people. Sometimes it's simply because you don't know enough people.. Anyway I hope you find a girlfriend if that's what you want. Congratulations on the weight loss, though. That is quite an accomplishment.

Allibaba

I met my bf on plentyoffish, it is good to online date because you know they are looking for the same thing. It is always good to get out and meet new people. Enjoy casual dating, you will miss it when you inevitably settle down. Congrats on you success, use that as fuel to meet other life goals.

xxx29

Do something that isn't "about" you, and isn't about meeting / getting a GF. I don't mean, do it once, I mean, find something outside your comfort zone that is all about other people, and get involved. Make it a lifestyle change. You can piggyback it on something you already enjoy, but it should be a new direction for you.

Example: Bikers who started the "toys for tots" programs.
Example: Volunteers who do landscaping and maintenance for senior citizens, churches, or other nonprofits.
Example: Computer geeks who join Neighborhood Watch.

You get the idea. A GF will not fulfill you. If that's what you're looking for, you're only changing from being fulfilled by food to being fulfilled by another person. Relationships are better when each of you cares more about meeting the needs of the other, than having the other meet your needs.

ThermalYew1

Thanks everyone...yeah I know what you all are saying... I don't really go any where where I can meet people.... I have tried Plenty Of Fish... nothing what so ever... I go to the gym... but am never in a situation where I can talk to someone... besides i see how they look at the other guys doing weights and stuff... IDK haha But I get what you all are saying thanks!

Karleyyy

May sound cheesy..but relax and let everything go at its own pace. Personally I don't like guys that seem desperate for girlfriends, not that you are. But be yourself, do YOUR thing, and when that girl comes along you will know it.

bigredhearts

well i am married, but i also think you are quite adorable. well worth going for looks wise, but i understand your frustration. when things dont happen quite the way i'd like i try to remember that everything happens for a reason. even though it may seem hard at the moment i believe if your a sweet and loving guy you will find a good girl, but dont sell yourself short. i know its been a long wait but try not to go for the first girl that gives you attention. you deserve a woman who would treat you the way you treat her and i know theres plenty of women out there like that. give it time, it will all be worth it in the end.... :flowerforyou:

bigredhearts

Hey guys gotta get going to work, when I get back i'll go into more detail with some of your posts. But I just wanted to say... my friends from school... I never really had friends... when i was big... granted I don't really have too too many friends now but I have 100x more then I did during school. They all never knew me when i was obease. Their good friends though and my mom.... whens he starts up I just tell her "No body likes me!" and I get really mad but IDK...

coming from an optimistic point of view hopefully your mother only says those things about you having a g/f so it might urge you to "try harder" and to see you "happy". Does she know it hurts you to be reminded that arent with someone? that when the time is right you will find "the one"? Does she know that its not a lack of not trying? That you DO put yourself out there? Maybe if you at down and had a one on one chat about how this all truly makes you feel she might let it go and let you do your thing. If she doesnt let it go it might be a good idea not to spend as much time with her, i know that sounds horrible but if she understood why you werent hanging around or talking to her as much she might really get the hint and leave you alone.

chevy88grl

When you stop looking for someone is when that special someone will show up in your life. I know it sounds like a cliche', but I swear it is true. Just relax. Go out and enjoy yourself. Don't stress over finding someone..

BTW, I met my boyfriend online -- on a social networking site, nonetheless. We've been together over a year now. Never thought I'd date someone I met online, but he is truly the love of my life. So, you never know where you'll meet them from.

Becca_007

The hard truth is that weight loss can never solve problems that are not connected to weight.

The reason you have struggled to find yourself in a relationship has nothing to do with how much you weigh, or have weighed in the past. I don't know what your core beliefs are that keep you from making connections or forming relationships. That is for you to explore through therapy or deep introspection.

But I can tell you that you are lovable and worthy of love at any size. And the moment you know that--not just say it, but KNOW it--you will find someone to share that love with.

Weight loss is good for our bodies and helps us fit into social norms, but it can never make us feel loved or happier. That is somehting that comes from within.

good points!:flowerforyou:

Losingitin2011

It sounds so cheesy, but I found someone when I stopped looking for started focusing on being happy by myself. Hang in there!