the most important weight loss - between my ears

allanaaron · May 2011

So I get on the scale feeling like I've gained 5 lbs. (because I'm insane) and it's now official, I weighed 299 (actually a tad under). Really the reason I feared the weight gain was because I could feel last nights dinner in me. I was stood up by a client and made a bowl of cereal, banana and milk. I weighed and measured the whole meal, had just worked out for an hour watching my Lakers basketball team go down in flames... anyway, the point is, I'm not dieting and I'm losing weight. Hitting 299 is a watershed moment. To say goodbye to the 300s is important for me. It doesn't mean I don;t look big, but its part of the most important weight loss - between my ears - the pounds of shame and self doubt, disapproval, exasperation, - far out weigh the actual extra poundage I carry. The prison I carry with me is not only made of fat, but a terrible lack of self love. Counting my calories, weighing and measuring my food, working out, owning what I put in my mouth and what I do to my body is how I define self love. Of course there are other issues to be worked on in my life but this site helps me measure this part of the journey I'm on and the result is a lifting of an invisible weight. The between the ear weight and the literal fat cross paths often and at 299 I have reached such a point. I would like to say I'm never going back, but I've said that before. I'd like to say I've learned my lesson, but I've said that before. So all I can say is I have learned through gaining, losing, gaining and starting to lose again that for the rest of my life I need to weigh and measure my food while calorie counting (all imperfectly), I need to exercise 7 hours a week (all imperfectly) and I need to seek support through community, online, among friends, and with God(or at least that pesky voice in my head that wants me to do good while fighting the other voices in my head that say I've earned a donut). If I can do that (imperfectly) then I'll be okay. I started March 6 and today's May 7 and I'm down 28. Onward and downward. Next goal 295 which would make a 32 lb. weight loss, the equivalent of two 16 lb. bowling balls. That's what I'm talking about!!

beatlemom · May 2011

Well said!
Congrats on your hard work!

rubysparkle · May 2011

Well said, i have the same battles but i am learning to take my frustrations with life out on the treadmill instead of on my body and through food.

The support is what makes the difference here, take support where you can, and make sure you have a good network built up around you.

You're doing great

vickyplum · May 2011

Hi

You are doing an awesome job!!!! you have a huge amount to be proud
of your are doing all the right things and you are getting results!!

I'm sure you will have every success in your journey
God luck in all you do
Vicky xx

Nini_Soto_ · May 2011

Great job! I feel you!

JulieF11 · May 2011

Congratulations! You deserve to love yourself, and to have others love you too! I'm so proud of you for dealing with being "stood up" by a client and still taking the reigns of your life. You are proving to yourself that you are in control, and you're pretty good at it, imperfect as we all are. :-)