so i have this friend....

jackeh

She is one of THOSE people.... she is maybe 150 pounds very pretty, anyways it frustrates me to no end... she is one of those people who says Jackie look at my roll... look how fat i am, is that girl fatter than me???? Are you kidding me ... I dont know what to say to her anymore cause if i say no that girl is not fatter than you she gets offendedand be like "oh but she has a fat *kitten* or cottage cheese legs" .... and seriously im not even sure why she is comparing herself to random people,,,, She also keeps making the comment "look at my roll.... or look how fat i am" she is about 70 pounds lighter than me!!!!! I keep telling her she is talking to the WRONG person if she wants to talk about rolls ill show her a roll :laugh: .... I am definately not one of those people i dont compare myself to others ... i mean i DO say one day i want a body like that... but i guess i just dont understand how a beautiful girl with a great body can have so many insecurities .... and im not sure what to say to her to make her feel better about herself without offending her....


any suggestions?

jackie

jackeh

She is one of THOSE people.... she is maybe 150 pounds very pretty, anyways it frustrates me to no end... she is one of those people who says Jackie look at my roll... look how fat i am, is that girl fatter than me???? Are you kidding me ... I dont know what to say to her anymore cause if i say no that girl is not fatter than you she gets offendedand be like "oh but she has a fat *kitten* or cottage cheese legs" .... and seriously im not even sure why she is comparing herself to random people,,,, She also keeps making the comment "look at my roll.... or look how fat i am" she is about 70 pounds lighter than me!!!!! I keep telling her she is talking to the WRONG person if she wants to talk about rolls ill show her a roll :laugh: .... I am definately not one of those people i dont compare myself to others ... i mean i DO say one day i want a body like that... but i guess i just dont understand how a beautiful girl with a great body can have so many insecurities .... and im not sure what to say to her to make her feel better about herself without offending her....


any suggestions?

jackie

Mely

Offending her? Sounds like you should let her know that she is offending you?!

jackeh

Offending her? Sounds like you should let her know that she is offending you?!

she actually isnt really offending me, im pretty confident in myself..it would take a lot to offend me lol... i love her dearly and i am more concerned about her self esteem issues... I just wish she could see how beautiful she really is...

Mary24

My skinny sister inlaws do it to me all the time and I hate it!!:devil:

chubzee

I will have to admit I am one of those people who say the same thing. Always talking about how fat I am.
You might take in consideration your friend probablly believes she is fat. It is possible she has an eating disorder you are not aware of.
I am speaking from experience. Even when I got down to 92 pounds after having my first child...I thought I was fat.
So when I look in the mirror...yes I see fat. Maybe I should be more careful when I say it around people who are overweight . I would never intentionally hurt anyone...maybe your friend is the same as me....God only know. Not tying to vent here.....just giving you my imput. Sorry

Fab140

Change the subject next time. Everyone's favorite subject is themselves (generalization, I know!) and sometimes they don't have anything to say so they stoop to dissing themselves. Next time she's ranting over her body, ask her how her class/job/anything is going. if it keeps circling back to complaints, you have one unhappy friend that needs a pair of rose colored glassses!

Just remember: when it starts affecting you is when you need to step away from the relationship and let her figure some things out for herself.

chelle1717

Well, you shouldn't have to put down other people to make her feel better about herself. Her issues are personal, I would think, and nothing you can say is going to make that any better. Next time she says something, just tell her she's beautiful & if she can't see that herself, you aren't sure what to tell her!

PrincessLaundry

EYEROLL!!! OH LORDY!!!

I had a friend who did this all the time. I gave her kind words, reminded her that she isn't fat and looked good...she would say yes she was fat...then she said I wasn't fat (even though I was 40 pounds heavier??? I don't $%@#$% get that! LOL)...This went on and on and on and on with years passing and me raising her up, and being the fat friend. Finally I did something different. Try this...

Next time listen to her story...Let her finish...And then ask her, "So what is your plan to make a change so you aren't down on yourself?"

And listen.

It is always a great way to introduce some links or MFP. I know I have a friend who I asked her basically the same thing. She signed up with a gym, has gone a few times. The good news is, she no longer complains to me because she knows I give her suggestions.

arewethereyet

I have a friend who is really encourage,me. never misses a chance to say i look great...but when I mention MFP or dieting she says she has the answers and doesnt need my advise.

she complains every time i speak to her that she is a fat (gained a little when she quit smoking) i keep telling her she looks, and SMELLS great!

Well the other day I finally told her I was offended by her put downs of my diet as i have lost 16 pounds since she 1st rolled her eyes at my MFP link.

I was afraid she would be angry, but she apologized for being so selfish and admitted she needs to change her diet.

whew!!!

BEFORE

Sometimes they are not insecure but just wanting reassurance. When you tell she is not fat and responds that she is, she maybe trying to cover up her desire for you to say that.

AJCM

EYEROLL!!! OH LORDY!!!

I had a friend who did this all the time. I gave her kind words, reminded her that she isn't fat and looked good...she would say yes she was fat...then she said I wasn't fat (even though I was 40 pounds heavier??? I don't $%@#$% get that! LOL)...This went on and on and on and on with years passing and me raising her up, and being the fat friend. Finally I did something different. Try this...

Next time listen to her story...Let her finish...And then ask her, "So what is your plan to make a change so you aren't down on yourself?"

And listen.

It is always a great way to introduce some links or MFP. I know I have a friend who I asked her basically the same thing. She signed up with a gym, has gone a few times. The good news is, she no longer complains to me because she knows I give her suggestions.

That is soooo good! Turn it back on her, and you will quickly know if she genuinely thinks she's overweight and wants to change, or if she is just looking for sympathy, or if she is putting down others by comparison. Very clever PrincesLaundry - I love it!
:flowerforyou:

ChubbyBunny

She sounds rather dependent....
I mean does she make her boyfriend/spouse/etc have to play that game too? Or is that a step in the future that he'll have to take on?

tech_sarah

Has your friend ever been heavy? I know with myself, I say I feel fat or look fat, even though to other people, Im thin. I used to be 95 lbs heavier, and I think with some people who lost a lot of weight, we'll always just see that old image. :frown: