hello...i think i may have a serious problem here.

vsangel87

i've been dieting and losing weight since october of last year and so far i've lost 24 lbs...yay! just one problem, however...i just CAN'T stop. i'm serious. i've gotten myself onto this train ride, and it doesn't want to stop. currently i am at 107 lbs and i'm 5'5" with a bmi of 17.9...to some that would be considered "underweight," but to me it's "beautiful" and "perfect." i like it when my ribs, collar bones, and hip bones are showing through..and most of all, i like seeing 107.0 on the scale...and even better 105.0 (that's my weight goal and i have 2 more lbs to go!). i also like that my thighs aren't touching or rubbing against each other anymore. there's no way i can go back to how things were before...my conscience won't let me. every time i just want to have peace of mind and just EAT, there's a voice in the back of my head that keeps bothering me and it stresses me out. and then i have the people around me who tell me i'm too skinny, especially my boyfriend. not only does he want me to stop dieting altogether, but he wants me to gain at least 5 more lbs back. i definitely don't want to do that. i'm not going to be happy until i'm 105 lbs. so i am having to lie to him and tell him that i am not dieting anymore and that i'm not trying to be 105 lbs...i just wish i didn't have to lie about it and that he was ok with it.

god, i hope i'm not a bad person for doing this...but it kind of feels like a selfish endeavor, but the problem is i can't stop myself. am i making any sense at all?? should i go see a psychiatrist or a nutritionist or something? or is this normal? i want to eat normal again, but i'm sooo scared.

femmerides

well let me ask you this. was 105 your ORIGINAL goal weight or was it higher?

anthony438

I've got to be honest, this no longer sounds healthy. A trip to your doctor, where you can explain the whole situation would be a great start.

Best of luck, and please keep us informed

jamie1888

You should take a look at this.... sounds like you are too wrapped up in an arbitrary number on the scale. You should be more concerned with being healthy!

http://www.crossfitsouthbay.com/2011/05/skinny-fat/

lesliefoste

Anytime you feel like you aren't in control ("I can't help it") or that you have to lie to someone who loves you (presumably your boyfriend), big red warning flags should go off in your head. Apparently, they are waving, or you probably wouldn't have posted this. I would suggest talking to a nutritionist or a counselor.

Raven00

Umm it sounds like you might have anorexcia.... I think seeing a thearpist would help.
Why do you think being 105 would make you happy?

whatupskinnyjeans

hey there its great that your being so honest about your fear of eating. i dont know how strict your diet is but if those around u seem think u have a health issue because of your low weight its probably a good idea to speak to a professional. sometimes starvation diets can actually lead to anorexia... you should probably speak to ur doctor anyway to make sure you are getting enough nutrients and stuff. good luck and please try to find someone who is able to help you in person. :flowerforyou:

anacsitham5

When you get to the point that you are lying about dieting, it is a problem. It is good at least that you have that nagging thought in your head that something is wrong. You can do your heart alot of damage, not to mention your hair will suddenly start falling out and your skin will get dull and yellow. You were strong enough to post the question to your MFP family, it may be time to talk to your doctor. Will 105 be low enough? Will you see 100 or even 99 as the next goal? It's only a few more pounds.... I hope you seek your doctors assistance soon. Hope all goes well for you.

SheilaSisco

You should definitely go see someone about this. You may think it's beautiful and perfect to have your bones all showing through, but it really isn't healthy. It's just as bad to be underweight and malnourished as it is to be overweight and eat too much. For your height something closer to 125 would be a LOT healthier for you. I'm only 4'11" and my goal is 115, which is on the heavier side of 'healthy' for my height. I can't imagine it being good for your body to weigh so little. Please seek help.

blink1021

being underweight can be unhealthy just like being overweight. It sounds like a trip to a doctor would not be a bad idea. A doctor can usually refer you to a nutritionist. I went to one and it was very helpful they show you how you can still eat "normal foods" without feeling like your dieting. Plus a doctor will tell you what the ideal weight is for your height and bone structure.:happy:

mghane

I would definitely first talk to your doctor about this issue, and then a psychologist. Issues like this, if worked with early enough, can be stopped from becoming destructive. What's the point of being "beautiful" if what you're doing is damaging your body, your organs, your hair, nails, and sanity? Keep us updated!

vsangel87

well let me ask you this. was 105 your ORIGINAL goal weight or was it higher?

no, my original goal weight was 115...

I've got to be honest, this no longer sounds healthy. A trip to your doctor, where you can explain the whole situation would be a great start.

Best of luck, and please keep us informed

yeah, i think i should go see a doctor...my boyfriend and his mother are urging me to go as well. even i'm concerned that i'm going to destroy myself at this point if i don't stop...i didn't mean for it to go this far.

sara21

I agree. You need to talk to a professional. It sounds like your stepping into eating disorder territory. At least you recognize that something is wrong and are smart enough to seek help!

a_freeman

Since you posted the topic and especially the title you are concerned. Get expert advice. You risk organ damage. There are therapists that specialize in eating disorders. It's a small investment in your long term health.

BECav0602

I think a trip to your doctor or even a therapist would help. I am 5'6" and 145 and consider myselff to be a healthy weight. I am more concerned with toning than the numbers on the scale (although my goal weight is 135). I think you need to get back to being healthy and agree with the previous poster to not be too concerned with the number on the scale. Muscle weighs more than fat so if you start gaining muscle you will start gaining weight (it is not a bad thing).

Good luck to you and congrats for being brave enough to confront your fears. I am sure there are others on this site with the same issues that you may have helped as well.

cmriverside

Please do some research. It sounds serious.

From Mayo Clinic:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/anorexia/DS00606

TranceGirl

I am not at all pro-anorexia but, looking at your pictures, you don't look TOO skinny. If you choose to drop two more pounds that's your decision and your choice but if your boyfriend is telling you you're too thin, its pretty obvious that he likes you a little curvy. I don't think you have an eating disorder unless you get to 105 and then desire to be even thinner. Lose the 2 pounds if you wish and that wouldn't make you anorexic but you may have to face your bf not finding you as sexy. Just because you stop dieting, it doesn't mean you will gain weight. I recommend you reading "Naturally Thin" by Bethenny Frankle. This book teaches you how to stop dieting but still stay skinny. Its all about you controlling your food and not the other way around. I've been through this myself, msg me if you like but you're not sick and you do not need to see your doctor.

anthony438

yeah, i think i should go see a doctor...my boyfriend and his mother are urging me to go as well. even i'm concerned that i'm going to destroy myself at this point if i don't stop...i didn't mean for it to go this far.

It's ok, and it's not too late. Coming on here and posting this was damn brave of you. It couldn't have been easy. If you can do that, then there is nothing you can't do!

Please, please - keep us informed.

b00b0084

It is not healthy that weigh what you weight right now. I will pray for you and hope that you can find comfort within yourself to allow yourself to put a little back on. Even if the scale goes up 5 pounds (like bf wants) you will still be VERY skinny and there is nothing! wrong with that. My brothers fiance is damn near that skinny and she wants to lose weight as well. my who family thinks she needs to gain 10 pounds, but she freaks out when she does. It is not good for your body or mind to obsess like you are.

Bob_Sugar

What weight are you in pics on Mfp? And your profile pic? My wife is 5-5. She was 103 when we met. Personally I think 110-115 is ideal. Its good that are aware of the issue that could be looming. I'm concerned for you. When you start lying about it there's an issue. Where does it end? Have you ever thot about building lean muscle mass? You'd look like one of those "Oxygen Magazine" cover models (way hot). You should read that book by Portia de Rossi. Wish you all the best.

whatupskinnyjeans

I am not at all pro-anorexia but, looking at your pictures, you don't look TOO skinny. If you choose to drop two more pounds that's your decision and your choice but if your boyfriend is telling you you're too thin, its pretty obvious that he likes you a little curvy. I don't think you have an eating disorder unless you get to 105 and then desire to be even thinner. Lose the 2 pounds if you wish and that wouldn't make you anorexic but you may have to face your bf not finding you as sexy. Just because you stop dieting, it doesn't mean you will gain weight. I recommend you reading "Naturally Thin" by Bethenny Frankle. This book teaches you how to stop dieting but still stay skinny. Its all about you controlling your food and not the other way around. I've been through this myself, msg me if you like but you're not sick and you do not need to see your doctor.

seriously?? its not about the two pounds its about the fear and the obsession...

asknight06

Rola, I consider you a good friend and you know I dont think that you need to lose any weight but I can understand where you are coming from with the whole being happy with yourself... but maybe you should see a doctor and John can come with you... I really don't want to see you develop an eating disorder that could end up destroying your happiness and your health!

vsangel87

thank you so much for your thoughts guys! i always feel i can turn to you all about anything diet and exercise related (or anything else even) because i know we're all in this together, even though each of our situations are different. i wasn't sure if my case was a normal one with someone who is dieting or if it's going a bit too far. i guess it's the latter, considering the fact that i've lost almost 10 lbs more than my original goal weight *and i've even thought about losing more!) and that i'm now underweight. the problem, however, is that i'm not sure if being 105 lbs is definitely unhealthy for me or if it'll be okay, because i know it's different from person to person because of height and maybe other factors. so i'm going to see a doctor about this like all of you guys are saying. thank you everyone! i'll keep you guys posted.

and autum, thanks girl! i really don't want to see you going the same route i did so i was a little hesitant telling you about my weight loss. it's good to lose the weight you want to lose that will make you happy but make sure you tell yourself to stop when you get there...don't keep going otherwise cole will be mad at me for telling you about this in the first place! lol

ninaws

How would your life be different if you weighed 105? How would it be different if went back to being 115? Get specific and be honest with yourself. Try to get to the root of the feelings and emotions that are driving you.

As someone who suffered from an eating disorder for much of my life, I can tell you that the mindset you are describing isn't a healthy one so I am glad to see you intend on taking people's advice and seeing a doctor.

Seabreeze843

I know I'm more than a year late, but I noticed another post of yours. You looked pretty skinny and your ticker said you were still hoping to lose weight! And your goal weight has gone lower since this post. 15.8 (your goal bmi) is simply not healthy. Wanting to see bones (actually seeing bones), the relentless pursuit of perfection, lying about dieting, constantly feeling fat despite being underweight, and a fear of gaining weight are all symptoms of anorexia. Hopefully you've gotten help since this post.

If you haven't, please please please go see a doctor. You need to gain some weight, or at least stop losing and obsessing over your weight and size.