FAS

SandyLee1961

I wasn't sure about posting this, but I've been slightly depressed since yesterday when I took my daughter to her specialist appointment. This really isn't a post, more of a rant. I think I just need to get this off my chest and I thought, why not here, as there are so many supportive people here! :-)

Ok - first some background. I am the bio mum of 4 children - my daughter is 29, one son 28 and then 26. I lost a son at the age of 3. I am also the adoptive mother of 5, soon to be 6. All the children have the same biological parents - mum and dad. She is pregnant now and due in July. The Courts have already given us custody of the unborn child. At one time all 5 of these children were in Child, Youth and Family care. The older girls were 7, 1 1/2 and 6 months (all girls, now aged 15, 9 and 7) when uplifted from the biological parents. I can't (legally) go into details, but let's just leave it at the kids were in really bad shape at the time. Our older son is 6 now, he was "uplifted" during her pregnancy so he's been with us since he was about 12 hours old. The younger son, we just got (he's 2 now). The bio parents went on the run after his birth among other things and CYF didn't uplift him till last November.

When uplifted all the girls had issues - mainly psychological so we thought. I knew from almost the minute we got her though that the youngest girl, something wasn't right. To make a VERY long story short - after two years of pulling my hair out and challenging doctors - we finally got a diagnosis.

Our youngest daughter has Foetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). That's right - mum drank while pregnant. Our daughter is seen by professionals at the minimum now of every 6 months. Just to give you an idea of what this poor wee girl has to cope with (and us as a family):

1. She has NO short term memory
.
2. She has NO fear - she'll gladly jump from the highest building, having no clue how badly she can be hurt.

3. Action/Consequence does not work with her. If she does something naughty, though she knows she shouldn't, she doesn't care/understand there will always be a consequence.

3. She finds it difficult, if not near impossible, to learn educationally.

4. Though she may not be able to read - she is "street" smart. Kids with FAS are very manipulative and tend to lie when they wish.

5. She has the "but I want to/it" attitude. Basically, if she sees say a necklace that she wants, she takes it. Doesn't matter if it's hers or not. She wants it, she takes it. And if called out on her actions, her rote answer is "but I want to/it". She truly does not understand WHY she can't have everything she wants/sees/does.

6. She is highly suggestible. If you tell her "oh it would be fun to jump off the roof" she would do so with just your word. At the age of puberty we've already been told to put her on birth control for her own safety.

This is only a few of the things that my daughter has to deal with daily. All thanks to the fact that her biological mum drank while pregnant. It's difficult and SO unfair on her. And it's difficult for her family. My daughter can go into "rages" where she will scream for an HOUR for no reason that she can articulate. As you can imagine that is not only harsh on her, but on her siblings and us, her parents.

If I had known what I do now about FAS would we still have adopted her? YES! Though she has many issues now and will have many more in the future, I would not trade her in for anyone. I love her to death and she is a very special part of our family. It just brings me to tears though that I can't FIX this! I want so badly to wave a magic wand and make FAS go away. I can't though. We always will love her though and she'll always be cared for - while we are alive and after we are gone.

Main point of this post? PLEASE - if you are pregnant or even thinking about getting pregnant - PLEASE DO NOT DRINK!

Thanks for reading

nomorefatbitch

Thanks so much for posting this.

One part of my job involves alcohol/drug prevention. I am not a certified prevention specialist, but am a prevention specialist.

Unfortunately, this is something that is far too common.

Is it possible to increase your daughter's time with a therapist? Naturally, I am not certain what services are available in your part of the world, but I would be happy to help you try to find resources.

It takes a special person to adopt and raise special needs children

SandyLee1961

Thanks for that :-) And at this time, the specialist I referred to is psychiatrist. He is there basically to monitor her medication and recommend, refer us to people who can help. She has ODD, ADHD and spectrum autism and of course the FAS. We do have great support with her with her school and our community. We live in a very small town and everyone knows our daughter (and our other children). We are lucky in that though there is no formal "support" group for FAS here - due to our town and it's makeup - we have a ton of support. And the school she goes to is beyond awesome! At a later date, when she is a bit older, she will probably have a therapist to work with her on a weekly basis. At this point though it's more of an issue to maintain and support her in a community and home spirit. :-)

nomorefatbitch

Good luck to you all

legacysh

I just want to say my heart goes out to you. You have a great attitude and she is lucky to have you. My sister has adopted 3 after she could only have 1 naturally. The 2nd was very much the same circumstance, 1 of several siblings that were removed from the home from drugs and alcohol abuse. We don't know where all the others are as they were removed 1 by one as they were born. We just know there were others. She is a lovely girl, probably not experiencing the issues to the same degree as yours, but I do see some of the same behaviors and I know how frustrated my sister has been over the years. She is now 13. I love her to death. There is hope, with consistent behavioral modification techniques that I am sure the counselors will help you with. Take a lot of courage to do what you are doing. I wish you all the best!