Way OT, but I need some input....

Fab140

Hey y'all. :flowerforyou:

As some of you may already know, I have been suffering from an ovarian cyst for awhile now. It's about the size of my actual ovary. So, after many appointments, the doctor is finally going to go in and remove the dang thing.

Here's the part I would like some input on: My husband and I are 95% positive that we do not want children. I have made sure that I am not just hopping on the bandwagon with him by playing with babies and children and hanging out with mothers and mothers to be. I know that it is something I do not feel would fit into my life. This being the case, I have requested tubal sterilization. (Birth control hormones drive me CRAZY. I guess I have enough hormones!! )

What I am wondering, are there any people out there that have decided to not have children at a younge age and what regrets do you have, if any?

(NOTE TO THE FAB MOMS AND POPS! I respect you and your decision to have children :flowerforyou: In no way am I trying to tork off the great parents here. Just trying to solidify my own decision and preparing for any future issues.)

Thanks so much!
M

Fab140

Hey y'all. :flowerforyou:

As some of you may already know, I have been suffering from an ovarian cyst for awhile now. It's about the size of my actual ovary. So, after many appointments, the doctor is finally going to go in and remove the dang thing.

Here's the part I would like some input on: My husband and I are 95% positive that we do not want children. I have made sure that I am not just hopping on the bandwagon with him by playing with babies and children and hanging out with mothers and mothers to be. I know that it is something I do not feel would fit into my life. This being the case, I have requested tubal sterilization. (Birth control hormones drive me CRAZY. I guess I have enough hormones!! )

What I am wondering, are there any people out there that have decided to not have children at a younge age and what regrets do you have, if any?

(NOTE TO THE FAB MOMS AND POPS! I respect you and your decision to have children :flowerforyou: In no way am I trying to tork off the great parents here. Just trying to solidify my own decision and preparing for any future issues.)

Thanks so much!
M

ChubbyBunny

Hmmmm.....

I didn't plan on having kiddos...heck...I didn't even plan on marrying.
For me, I wouldn't give back my daughter (although....there are days....)
However, I think it's a totally personal choice and there isn't a right or wrong answer.

After having my tiny and being a parent (a single one at that....but it's not so bad) I actually want to have a few more....I have no regrets from going to one extreme to the other (Now, I didn't say I want 15 like my fiances family...just one or two more).

I'd wait til you are completely 100% sure......

Cassia

can you get it done so that it is reversible?
that way if you were to decided later that you wanted children it would be possible

kerrilucko

I'm young and don't have kids, but I know that I want them someday. I totally respect a couples decision not to have children, but at a young age I think it can be hard to really know what you will want 5 or 10 years from now. Have you considered an IUD? the copper kind have no hormones and they are very effective. They also work for up to 8 years so once its in place you can be totally worry free.
It is, however, completely your decision. If you're sure then you're sure. But only you can know that for certain :flowerforyou:

BetterVersion

I think knowing that you absolutely don't want kids and taking steps to prevent it is very admirable. However, I don't think you should cut yourself completely off just yet. I don't know your particular situation, but I'd really suggest taking another five years to really think about it because the tubal is pretty much permanent. I know they say it's reversible, but I've heard so many horror stories of the reversal going wrong, or couples still not able to conceive... and plus it's expensive. Sometimes that nagging old mother's instinct can really come up and hit you on the back of the head out of nowhere, so you really can't know for sure what the future will bring, for both you and your husband.

But, it is completely person, and the choice you make is no one else's to judge. Best of luck to you!

Phoenix_Rising

At 23, I'd wait.
Not that your decision isn't valid. That is not the case AT ALL.
But many decisions we make are very valid for the time period but we may not feel the same down the road. A few years can pass and seems like eons. You may never want kids, which is a great life choice, but knowing you still have the option to twenty years down the road, if you wanted to.... I dunno. I'm only 27 myself, and still so young (although I feel so old).

I'd use an IUD or even a tubal (which can be reversed).

BTW, what does 'tubal sterilization' entail??? Will THAT screw with your hormones like menopause would? Will they remove the ovaries?

lotusfromthemud

Here's what I'll say.

95% is not 100%. I had ideas when I was in my early twenties that have not stuck. One of those choices was to not have children, and in my late thirties, I'm still at peace with that. That being said, there are lots of other things I was "sure" of in my early twenties that I can't believe I ever thought now. But about the kids, I wasn't "there with that" and I'm still not. Just not for me.

I hope all goes well with the removal, and wouldn't mind any experience sharing in that department. I've got a cyst right now I'm trying to get diagnosed and removed, etc. . .so if you wouldn't mind sharing more info on how the removal procedure works out for you. . .that would be wonderful!:flowerforyou:

Fab140

I see what you're saying. I didn't think I was ever going to marry, but I wanted to badly once I finally meet my hubby.

But being only semi positive may be my little way of saying that maybe....just maybe....

yea....

As for reversible, there really isn't much success in reversing the "tube tying"....

mechanicmom

I really hate to see you getting it done so young. I didn't want kids until I was 28 and that was because my husband and I had a surprise. Unfortunately I lost that surprise, but after that, I decided I wanted to have kids after all and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world now! You could change your mind later and want kids. This is something you really need to think about. There are other ways to keep from getting pregnant that don't require BC pills. I can't take them because they make me sick. I hope someone else might be able to give you some options etc. This is just my opinion in the matter and you an take it or leave it. I will pray about your decision because it is a tough one to make. I hope all goes well with getting your cyst removed. When will you be getting that done?

carmenberard

Totally your choice, we support you either way, however I thinking shutting that door so early could cause heart ache later in life (what if your husband passes away and you remarry a man who wants children...that is what happened to my grama after her first husband died in the war).

The good part is there is always adoption (what my grama ended up doing and we are a very happy family).

Best of luck

Phoenix_Rising

I see what you're saying. I didn't think I was ever going to marry, but I wanted to badly once I finally meet my hubby.

But being only semi positive may be my little way of saying that maybe....just maybe....

yea....

As for reversible, there really isn't much success in reversing the "tube tying"....

My mom had her tubes tied in 1985.
She had them untied in 1995.
She didn't bother to try to get pregnant until 1998 and succeeded on the first try.
(I come from a very fertile line of women.)
It can be reversed.

kerrilucko

I see what you're saying. I didn't think I was ever going to marry, but I wanted to badly once I finally meet my hubby.

But being only semi positive may be my little way of saying that maybe....just maybe....

yea....

As for reversible, there really isn't much success in reversing the "tube tying"....

My mom had her tubes tied in 1985.
She had them untied in 1995.
She didn't bother to try to get pregnant until 1998 and succeeded on the first try.
(I come from a very fertile line of women.)
It can be reversed.

I have heard stories of them being reversed, but the success rates aren't great. Also you're opening up major possibilities of tubal pregnancies (increased risk due to the scar tissue left behind following the ligation). Do not do this if you have thoughts of reversing it in the future.

Skittles6617

Hey y'all. :flowerforyou:

As some of you may already know, I have been suffering from an ovarian cyst for awhile now. It's about the size of my actual ovary. So, after many appointments, the doctor is finally going to go in and remove the dang thing.

Here's the part I would like some input on: My husband and I are 95% positive that we do not want children. I have made sure that I am not just hopping on the bandwagon with him by playing with babies and children and hanging out with mothers and mothers to be. I know that it is something I do not feel would fit into my life. This being the case, I have requested tubal sterilization. (Birth control hormones drive me CRAZY. I guess I have enough hormones!! )

What I am wondering, are there any people out there that have decided to not have children at a younge age and what regrets do you have, if any?

(NOTE TO THE FAB MOMS AND POPS! I respect you and your decision to have children :flowerforyou: In no way am I trying to tork off the great parents here. Just trying to solidify my own decision and preparing for any future issues.)

Thanks so much!
M

I had a tubal 8 years ago. I DID NOT want anymore children, I have two wonderful ones, but both were very sick as an infant with the same medical conditions and I did not want to put another child through that. But, as of last year, I would like another one and it wouldn't fit into my life now, but if it accidentally happened, we would be thrilled.

But all that said, we are not having anymore but after the PROBLEMS:flowerforyou: that I have developed from having the tubal, I would not have done it, if I had known what I know now!!! Please find another way to do what you need to do. If you need specifics, please send me a message. I will be happy to talk with you.

cquick

If your desire is to be with your husband and not have to worry about getting pregnant, and you are 95% sure, I don't see any problem in the tubal sterilization IF AND ONLY IF you freeze some of your eggs.

When I was a little girl, I didn't really even enjoy playing with my Barbie dolls, I just preferred to look at them in their boxes, looking all pretty and perfect. I realized then that I didn't want children (I was 7) and I do dare to say in front of evident "baby factories" that I still nor do I ever want to have a child of my own. I was adopted, and if I ever want a child, I will adopt and return a favor to the world.

I respect whose that want to raise a family as well. To those men and women, I admire you and greatly appreciate their willingness to be so unselfish to raise children.

Don't ever do anything you don't want to do unless you are 100% certain. I have the utmost faith that you will figure out what your path has in store, just choose your travel companions wisely!

Much love,
Cici

Fab140

Here's what I'll say.

95% is not 100%. I had ideas when I was in my early twenties that have not stuck. One of those choices was to not have children, and in my late thirties, I'm still at peace with that. That being said, there are lots of other things I was "sure" of in my early twenties that I can't believe I ever thought now. But about the kids, I wasn't "there with that" and I'm still not. Just not for me.

I hope all goes well with the removal, and wouldn't mind any experience sharing in that department. I've got a cyst right now I'm trying to get diagnosed and removed, etc. . .so if you wouldn't mind sharing more info on how the removal procedure works out for you. . .that would be wonderful!:flowerforyou:

I certainly will. I'm a wimp, so no doubt there will be "venting" going on. :flowerforyou:
As for your views on children, I'm the same way, but yes, I am afraid of looknig back five years from now and regretting it all.

dothompson

The fact that you've asked this question indicates that you're having second thoughts. This isn't something that you should do at 23 if you have even the smallest shadow of doubt.

If your husband is more sure than you he should man up and get a vasectomy. It's quick, easy and fairly painless (although he'll make a big deal out of it and you need to be there to baby him and keep a bag of frozen peas on him and make sure he knows you think he's an even bigger stud for having done this). Been there done that.

ChubbyBunny

Well, then just wait a while.
Find a better alternative for your prevention methods.
In a couple years re-evaluate, see how you feel, think.....
May be the same, but it may not and you still have the option with less complications.

:flowerforyou:

JennyGetsFit

just a though - what if your DH does the procedure?
Did you think about that?
isn't it less invasive on the whole?

kimber607

Hi

I was pretty sure I didn't want kids until I hit about 28/28...had my first at 30, 2nd at 31 and we are done done done....DH got snipped
If you are young, I would wait.....

Kim

Kirsti

I would be totally shocked if they would do it for you! I'm 25 with 3 kids and it took me months and several appointments to get them to agree to have a tubal done.

If you aren't 100% totally utterly positvely sure you don't want any I would wait and go with something a little less permanent like an IUD! You can get ones without hormones and they last 5-7 years. It's a great alternative "just in case" you change your mind

yoginimary

Here's what I'll say.

95% is not 100%. I had ideas when I was in my early twenties that have not stuck. One of those choices was to not have children, and in my late thirties, I'm still at peace with that. That being said, there are lots of other things I was "sure" of in my early twenties that I can't believe I ever thought now. But about the kids, I wasn't "there with that" and I'm still not. Just not for me.

What she said. I was 100% at 23; I'm 100% sure now that I don't want them. That doesn't mean in 4 years, I won't change my mind. However, if it will help the cyst not return, I would go ahead and get the tubal sterilization. You can always adopt.

tilly6277

I decided at about your age to not have kids and after years of being on birth control my husband took the big step up and got a vasecomy. We are both 31 and the doctors never even questioned it when we told them we do not want children. I have a wonderful niece that I can have when I want her and when MY time allows and when I have had to much I send her home. Kids are great, they just are not for me.

Fab140

just a though - what if your DH does the procedure?
Did you think about that?
isn't it less invasive on the whole?

It has been something we talked about as well. Has the same chances of reversal. And, naturally, he's afraid to have anyone touch his "jewels" with a sharp instrument. :laugh:

A few of you have mentioned IUDs. I have researched that as well. For the most part, they sound like a blessing, but they actually have been know to cause much heavier, much longer periods as well as uterian (sp?) issues. And for a woman who has never had a child, especially a natural birth, they cervix would have to be "broken" and the IUD is actually less likely to stay in place for a woman with no children.

I am very grateful for all the shows of support and input of ideas. This is an "unbiased" area for me. I can't thank you guys enough. I will continue to research and discuss with DH and I will keep you guys posted!

amylynne26

Hmmm... the only real experience I have in this area is a close friend from grade school. Married young, had 2 kids, got her tubes tied. All done. Until she got divorced.... married again to a wonderful guy with no kids.... he loves her 2 boys like they were his own but I know her single biggest regret has been to not have a baby with her 2nd husband.

Not sure how relevant or helpful that is, but I guess my point is the same as everyone else's. If you're not 100% sure - WAIT.

Of course I have another good friend who's been convinced for years she doesn't want kids. She's 30, still sure. I'd tell her go for it. I mean she's REALLY SURE. Doesn't even like other people's kids. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Fab140

I decided at about your age to not have kids and after years of being on birth control my husband took the big step up and got a vasecomy. We are both 31 and the doctors never even questioned it when we told them we do not want children. I have a wonderful niece that I can have when I want her and when MY time allows and when I have had to much I send her home. Kids are great, they just are not for me.

Thank you, you said it perfectly.

And, Kirsti, the doctor would, but only after having the consoltation with DH and I. He wants to be sure we're sure. :flowerforyou:

Fab140

Hmmm... the only real experience I have in this area is a close friend from grade school. Married young, had 2 kids, got her tubes tied. All done. Until she got divorced.... married again to a wonderful guy with no kids.... he loves her 2 boys like they were his own but I know her single biggest regret has been to not have a baby with her 2nd husband.

Not sure how relevant or helpful that is, but I guess my point is the same as everyone else's. If you're not 100% sure - WAIT.

Of course I have another good friend who's been convinced for years she doesn't want kids. She's 30, still sure. I'd tell her go for it. I mean she's REALLY SURE. Doesn't even like other people's kids. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

:laugh: :laugh:

faythe

At 23, I'd wait.
Not that your decision isn't valid. That is not the case AT ALL.
But many decisions we make are very valid for the time period but we may not feel the same down the road. A few years can pass and seems like eons. You may never want kids, which is a great life choice, but knowing you still have the option to twenty years down the road, if you wanted to.... I dunno. I'm only 27 myself, and still so young (although I feel so old).

I'd use an IUD or even a tubal (which can be reversed).

BTW, what does 'tubal sterilization' entail??? Will THAT screw with your hormones like menopause would? Will they remove the ovaries?

I would also have to say that an IUD is the way to go. There is a non-hormonal version available called "Paragard" and then there is a version that uses a small amount of hormones to control fertility called "Mirena". Both are an awesome choice and are long-term! I have a Mirena and I love it. They're just as effective or even slightly more effective than getting your "tubes tied". Plus, they are completely, 100% reversible.

luvchi3

i didn't want kids when i was 23 either, and i thought for sure i would never want them, just wasn't my thing. now that i'm older things have changed a lot and i really look forward to being a parent someday. just something to think about, ,you never know what might change in 5 or 10 years

frithir

I was a 26 year old newlywed when I was diagnosed with uterine cancer so my imput on this might be a wee bit skewed :huh: Several things come to mind for me.......there are examples of men like my brother who had a vastectomy after their second child was born, only to have it reversed 3 years later and went on to have five more children (still think they turbo-charged him when they undid it). Then there's examples of women who had a tubal ligation, only to have a little surprise pop up a couple of years down the road (personally know someone that happened to). An option that you might also want to consider is ~ if you decide later that you do indeed want children, then adoption is something to consider.

Fab140

I was a 26 year old newlywed when I was diagnosed with uterine cancer so my imput on this might be a wee bit skewed :huh: Several things come to mind for me.......there are examples of men like my brother who had a vastectomy after their second child was born, only to have it reversed 3 years later and went on to have five more children (still think they turbo-charged him when they undid it). Then there's examples of women who had a tubal ligation, only to have a little surprise pop up a couple of years down the road (personally know someone that happened to). An option that you might also want to consider is ~ if you decide later that you do indeed want children, then adoption is something to consider.

And adoption is something that I believe in totally. (It'd be nice if more celebrities adopted from our own over filled foster homes, but don't get me started)

As for the surprises, that is something the doctor talked about (sounds to me that someone upstairs was making a few decisions of his own......lol)

I think more talking with the DH will be in order.