Marry Your Best Self

JennyGetsFit

I am reading the book Optimal Thinking – How to Be Your Best Self by Rosalene Glickman.
Let me tell you, this is not an easy read! Optimal (not positive, which often becomes wishful) terms is a lot of work. I am reading and re-reading the whole chapters…The book encourages a close and hard reexamination of all areas of one’s life, and it is painful… There are some areas of my life that are far from perfect and I may not be always ready or willing to admit to it. You can imagine that it drives me nuts. It makes me depressed one moment – hopeful the next. While I am reading it; and my positive voice and my negative voice shout over each other in my head, this brilliant idea just jumps at me:” “Marry Your Best Self”.
Ms Glickman talks about the importance of self-esteem, about visualizing positive self-image she comes up with this amazing exercise.
Here it goes:
“Below is an adaptation of a portion of the sacred marriage vows between husband and wife…
Will you permit your best self to be your internal caretaker, to live together in the estate of inner matrimony? Will you allow your best self to love you, honor you, comfort you, and keep you, in sickness and in health; and be true to you as long as you both shall live?
If you answer yes, please proceed.
I hereby empower my best self to be my internal caretaker to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.
“By accepting yourself unconditionally – regardless of where you are in your journey toward becoming all you can envision – and choosing the wisest path in the present moment, you are maximizing your self-esteem!”
Am I ready to marry my best self? I am, but it won’t happen overnight.

JennyGetsFit

I am reading the book Optimal Thinking – How to Be Your Best Self by Rosalene Glickman.
Let me tell you, this is not an easy read! Optimal (not positive, which often becomes wishful) terms is a lot of work. I am reading and re-reading the whole chapters…The book encourages a close and hard reexamination of all areas of one’s life, and it is painful… There are some areas of my life that are far from perfect and I may not be always ready or willing to admit to it. You can imagine that it drives me nuts. It makes me depressed one moment – hopeful the next. While I am reading it; and my positive voice and my negative voice shout over each other in my head, this brilliant idea just jumps at me:” “Marry Your Best Self”.
Ms Glickman talks about the importance of self-esteem, about visualizing positive self-image she comes up with this amazing exercise.
Here it goes:
“Below is an adaptation of a portion of the sacred marriage vows between husband and wife…
Will you permit your best self to be your internal caretaker, to live together in the estate of inner matrimony? Will you allow your best self to love you, honor you, comfort you, and keep you, in sickness and in health; and be true to you as long as you both shall live?
If you answer yes, please proceed.
I hereby empower my best self to be my internal caretaker to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.
“By accepting yourself unconditionally – regardless of where you are in your journey toward becoming all you can envision – and choosing the wisest path in the present moment, you are maximizing your self-esteem!”
Am I ready to marry my best self? I am, but it won’t happen overnight.

JennyGetsFit

Huh, what have I've been thinking!
I woke up and really was not happy to have my own company...
On the way to work I was listening to my internal "conversation" - far from uplifting or upbeat.

So much energy wasted on the negative or blah thinking!

Anyone else struggles with that?
How do you get yourself to think positive and constructive?
Share your thoughts, please!

Lavendersunday

A daily yoga practice quiets the mind allowing you to open your heart and mind to all good things.

You will find over time the acceptance and peace you generate will flow to all areas of your life.

~Namaste :flowerforyou:

JennyGetsFit

Omm, sister!

I did meditate before, but I quit becuase, hmm, it give me a sense that I am oblivious to life, like I am not quite involved. Is it becuase I am addicted to worrying?

JennyGetsFit

And, yeah, I do want to address the issues I have in a head-on fashion.
Like I want my self-esteem to be stronger, I don't want to shy away from conflict situation.
Meditation did not help me deal with these issues - and believe me, I gave it a serious try !

Lavendersunday

Perhaps you could "change the channel" in your mind while driving etc. and direct your thoughts toward a creative endeavor that brings you pleasure and satisfaction. Fill your life with your own creative genius and then surround yourself with the fruits of your hobby. Surely this will bring a smile to both your heart and mind. You can empty your closet full of doubt and worry by replacing it with reasons to trust and be proud of yourself. Sharing your talent and time helping others can also help direct your thinking toward positive things. "Give and you shall receive."

~Namaste :flowerforyou:

wanderinglight

Thanks for posting those "vows" -- that's really an interesting way of looking at one's life.

I have done a lot of thinking as well about that little inner voice, inner child, inner soul, whatever you want to call it -- that little kernel of yourself that needs unconditional love and acceptance. I've really learned, through meditation (even one minute meditations) and consistent directing of my thoughts towards more positive paths, that I can change the way I feel about myself. Over the past year or so I've really started to truly love and appreciate myself, and it's changed EVERYTHING.

And what's amazing is, it's really so easy. Every time I start to feel down on myself, or self-pity, or jealous, or scared, or any of those feelings that feel like crap, I just stop and tell myself "I'm designed to be EXACTLY the way that I am" and then I let it go. After a tough breakup a year ago, I consciously decided to redirect all the love that I had in my heart for my ex towards myself instead.

And it works. Amazing things have happened and continue to happen to me, and I truly wake up each day so, so excited to see what is going to happen next.

Just like you said, all that time spent on negative thinking. If you really add it up, I've spent YEARS of my life wondering and worrying about things that never even came to pass. Or, maybe one of the five billion things I worried about ("will he break up with me?") came to pass, and you know what? It wasn't nearly as bad...and it ended up leading to incredible opportunities in my life.

I could go on and on about this topic, so I'll stop now and just say thanks for the quote -- it's going up on my chalkboard wall today!

Joselem

I do believe in these lines: Mind over matter... and Power of the mind...

When we are challenged with new "life" obstacles, this ensues a response in us, where we either fight or flight...
Same as when we are "in a rut" or when we "hit rock bottom" you really must empower yourself to:

1- envision and visualize positive aspects of yourself and your life (or you risk staying at the bottom where you just continue to rot away

2- attempt to control emotions & feelings that eat at your core (What is REALLY eating you?) through other activities: such as relaxation, exercise, music, task-oriented

3-enable yourself through support to seek assistance and find solutions

4- attempt to balance the different aspects of your life - to incorporate time for you

We all know that it takes baby steps to progress... you have to find what is right for you, in order to achieve a healthy mind and body....

Read, exercise, shop, surf this site for support. I have read letters from others who battle chronic depression, as well as from women having health challenges...talk with them, make a friend, ... Learn to love yourself... make a list of things to do,,, and tackle them one at a time wether short or long-term... Rome was not built in a day!!!

Believe in yourself! Mind of Matter and Power of Positive thinking! Amen!

JennyGetsFit

Thanks for posting those "vows" -- that's really an interesting way of looking at one's life.

I have done a lot of thinking as well about that little inner voice, inner child, inner soul, whatever you want to call it -- that little kernel of yourself that needs unconditional love and acceptance. I've really learned, through meditation (even one minute meditations) and consistent directing of my thoughts towards more positive paths, that I can change the way I feel about myself. Over the past year or so I've really started to truly love and appreciate myself, and it's changed EVERYTHING.

And what's amazing is, it's really so easy. Every time I start to feel down on myself, or self-pity, or jealous, or scared, or any of those feelings that feel like crap, I just stop and tell myself "I'm designed to be EXACTLY the way that I am" and then I let it go. After a tough breakup a year ago, I consciously decided to redirect all the love that I had in my heart for my ex towards myself instead.

And it works. Amazing things have happened and continue to happen to me, and I truly wake up each day so, so excited to see what is going to happen next.

Just like you said, all that time spent on negative thinking. If you really add it up, I've spent YEARS of my life wondering and worrying about things that never even came to pass. Or, maybe one of the five billion things I worried about ("will he break up with me?") came to pass, and you know what? It wasn't nearly as bad...and it ended up leading to incredible opportunities in my life.

I could go on and on about this topic, so I'll stop now and just say thanks for the quote -- it's going up on my chalkboard wall today!

WanderingLight! I love what you said: "consistent directing of my thoughts towards more positive paths, that I can change the way I feel about myself. "
It is the "HOW" I am thinking about/struggling with most these days.
I hope we can talk more about it!
Thanks so much for opening up!

JennyGetsFit

I do believe in these lines: Mind over matter... and Power of the mind...

When we are challenged with new "life" obstacles, this ensues a response in us, where we either fight or flight...
Same as when we are "in a rut" or when we "hit rock bottom" you really must empower yourself to:

1- envision and visualize positive aspects of yourself and your life (or you risk staying at the bottom where you just continue to rot away

2- attempt to control emotions & feelings that eat at your core (What is REALLY eating you?) through other activities: such as relaxation, exercise, music, task-oriented

3-enable yourself through support to seek assistance and find solutions

4- attempt to balance the different aspects of your life - to incorporate time for you

We all know that it takes baby steps to progress... you have to find what is right for you, in order to achieve a healthy mind and body....

Read, exercise, shop, surf this site for support. I have read letters from others who battle chronic depression, as well as from women having health challenges...talk with them, make a friend, ... Learn to love yourself... make a list of things to do,,, and tackle them one at a time wether short or long-term... Rome was not built in a day!!!

Believe in yourself! Mind of Matter and Power of Positive thinking! Amen!

Great stuff, Joselem!
I am grateful you are participating in the discussion.
I know I kind of jumped the gun with the quote from the book without giving any context(Sorry!), but positive thinking is not what this book is about. Just "thinking positive" is not enough according to the author, because
1) Positive thinking is often used to suppress negativity
...kind of sweeping it under the rug (I am sure you do not do that!!!! just clarifying )
2) Positive thinking is often no more than wishful thinking

"Optimal Thinking is Optimal Realism - it is not Optimism"

I am both excited and scared about the new mental discipline I want to apply to my life.
In some areas of my life I more or less was successful with doing similar things, but it just happened this way, and it took longer, and there was always a "dah" moment - like why did it take me so long?

I guess that with practice it can be achieved in more than one areas of life.
Wouldn't that be nice?

Joselem

I can attest to always having done things the hard way... I have spent $$$ on self-help books, my library is full of them! But I was never able to apply what I read, to my life ....

I have my share of health problems and nothing has even come easily! I wish!
But what I have accomplished came from within.... I was and still am very hard on myself. I have learned to really appreciate what I have, and pat myself on the back more often. I have learned to criticize myself less, and became more confident through acknowledging my accomplishments. Life has been a real roller-coaster ...
JO

JennyGetsFit

I can attest to always having done things the hard way... I have spent $$$ on self-help books, my library is full of them! But I was never able to apply what I read, to my life ....

I have my share of health problems and nothing has even come easily! I wish!
But what I have accomplished came from within.... I was and still am very hard on myself. I have learned to really appreciate what I have, and pat myself on the back more often. I have learned to criticize myself less, and became more confident through acknowledging my accomplishments. Life has been a real roller-coaster ...
JO

I know what you are saying.
At times I was plugging away at things that I should have dropped upon closer examinations :grumble:
But what's done is done.
Now it feels like a new chapter. I want to live smarter not wasting as much as a day!
Life is short - gatta live smart!

Fab140

Huh, what have I've been thinking!
I woke up and really was not happy to have my own company...
On the way to work I was listening to my internal "conversation" - far from uplifting or upbeat.

So much energy wasted on the negative or blah thinking!

Anyone else struggles with that?
How do you get yourself to think positive and constructive?
Share your thoughts, please!

Having grown up overweight and shy, I think I am my own worse enemy. I still haven't let go of a lot of negative thoughts and feelings from high school and long before that. I do get those super negative thoughts, and yes, it is EXHAUSTING. I usually am telling myself that I'm not good enough for my husband/a new job/friends/etc.

I am learning to pull back and think about how I speak to others. Like I do on here, I am a cheerleader for other people. I cheer them on, though I do ask a lot of questions. I want everyone to succeed. SO why wouldn't I speak to myself in this manner??

What you have to do is almost become two seperate people and speak to and encourage yourself as you would a child of 5. You have to re-learn the patterns in which you speak. If you think something is impossible, step back and change your language.

It can become overwhelming! But, make a grocery list of things you want to make better in your life. Then pick one and focus on it for however long it takes to feel comfortable with it.

I'm not anti-social. I love being around people and really having conversations. What I have the hardest time with is "party talk". I don't understand the art of small talk. i am terrible at remebering names and relations. So, as an example, I would force myself (yes, force!) to walk up to people at parties and chat. At least introduce myself and attempt a conversation. I would continue doing this untiil I received enough postive reaction to feel comfortable.

There are many things that have lead to my shyness and my fear of rejection, but it is amazing how quickly those things can resolve themselves when you face the fear.

So, to sum up (I would have skipped to the end by now!! lol......) make a list. focus on one item until you feel you can cross it off and move on. It will be easier than trying to focus on three major items and all their little nuances at once. That, and it will be amazing how fixing one problem will absolve another.

:flowerforyou:
Best of luck, love.

Fab140

I have also spent a lot of time and energy trying to follow a path someone has set. I have found that it is useless to follow a path with so much structure and rules unless they fully fit your life and needs. It's like advice from a friend, it is best in doses and used only if it is needed.

Which you can do with the novel I wrote.

Fab140

I have also spent a lot of time and energy trying to follow a path someone has set. I have found that it is useless to follow a path with so much structure and rules unless they fully fit your life and needs. It's like advice from a friend, it is best in doses and used only if it is needed.

Which you can do with the novel I wrote.

Glammy

There are many facets to one's self esteem, as well as many ways to build a self-image.

I find the best way to love yourself (marry your best self) is to actually forget yourself! Do service for others - volunteer at a hospital, or just pick up trash at a public park on your own, or work at a school or library a couple hours a week, or any number of things that make you forget yourself for a bit. Then, when you take time to think about yourself, you'll think about what a good person you are because you helped others! That's what this earth experience is for - to serve others!

Another way to feel really good about who you are is to remember 'whose' you are. God created man (and woman) in His image. The Bible tells us we are His children. Think about that - you have God as a Father. How cool is that? And as I've heard, "God don't make no junk"!

And finally, just taking care of myself again after nearly 10 years of physical neglect, I am feeling SO GOOD about getting back in shape! I'm so proud of myself for doing this. Even though the results are slower than preferred, it is a healthier way that will be permanant. You've got to be feeling better physically just by eating right and exercising some - even if you've not lost any weight (no ticker on your post, so I don't know where you are on the weight loss).

Take care!
Glammy

JennyGetsFit

Magan,
you wrote a novel?

JennyGetsFit

Glammy,
I am at my goal weight - maybe will go for a flatter stomach in the next month.
I always ate very good and tougth my family to do the same.
Now I am finding even better ways of nutrition and excersice and happy to share it with others.

Helping others is a great thing, but you should be able to help yourself first, IMHO.
It's like the oxygen mask on a plain - if you don't put it on your face first - you are no help to anyone else.

Fab140

Magan,
you wrote a novel?

I meant the long response, I'm sorry. :happy:

JennyGetsFit

Magan,
you wrote a novel?

I meant the long response, I'm sorry. :happy:

Oh, I see :laugh:
"novels" are great!
I loved your post!

Fab140

Magan,
you wrote a novel?

I meant the long response, I'm sorry. :happy:

Oh, I see :laugh:
"novels" are great!
I loved your post!

I'm glad. :happy:

One more footnote in this all: if you remember that all of the human race is just trying to "fit in" and be happy in their skins, you'll stop being so hard on yourself. Pratice self discipline, but also enforce self love and self forgiveness. If you find that you forgive others for their mistakes far faster than you do for your own mistakes, you need to take a moment to find out why.

Much love to you in your journey, sweetie. You'll flourish!

JennyGetsFit

Magan,
you wrote a novel?

I meant the long response, I'm sorry. :happy:

Oh, I see :laugh:
"novels" are great!
I loved your post!

I'm glad. :happy:

One more footnote in this all: if you remember that all of the human race is just trying to "fit in" and be happy in their skins, you'll stop being so hard on yourself. Pratice self discipline, but also enforce self love and self forgiveness. If you find that you forgive others for their mistakes far faster than you do for your own mistakes, you need to take a moment to find out why.

Much love to you in your journey, sweetie. You'll flourish!

Well put, Megan!

I am sure everybody can benefit from this reminder!

Fab140

Magan,
you wrote a novel?

I meant the long response, I'm sorry. :happy:

Oh, I see :laugh:
"novels" are great!
I loved your post!

I'm glad. :happy:

One more footnote in this all: if you remember that all of the human race is just trying to "fit in" and be happy in their skins, you'll stop being so hard on yourself. Pratice self discipline, but also enforce self love and self forgiveness. If you find that you forgive others for their mistakes far faster than you do for your own mistakes, you need to take a moment to find out why.

Much love to you in your journey, sweetie. You'll flourish!

Well put, Megan!

I am sure everybody can benefit from this reminder!

:blushing:
See....being shy wasn't such a bad thing.....learned to watch and now I'm a pretty smart spring chicken. :laugh:

JennyGetsFit

:happy:

JennyGetsFit

The good thing is - we are not done!
I've just started reading the book.
So much more to discuss!