Helping a loved one with an eating disorder

megruder

My partner has a problem with binge eating. We both have 100+ lbs we need to lose. Back in January I began my weight loss journey and have lost almost 30 lbs by working out and making healthier food choices. Now, the problem here is that my healthy eating choices and weight loss have made my partner feel even more self-conscious about her weight and eating. I try to be supportive of her and tell her she is beautiful and that I don't care what size she is. On the other hand, she has some health problems and I encourage her to focus on being healthy and hopefully losing weight to decrease the number of meds she is on. (A common complaint from her is all the meds she is currently taking.)

Last year she wanted to go to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting but was to shy. I joined her for the first meeting and she only went one more time after that. She started seeing a therapist about some other things and I've encouraged her to discuss her eating problem with her therapist. She says that she has, but her therapist seems more focused on other things (her one suggestion is to meditate when she gets an urge to binge). I worry about her health and want us to grow old together, but I'm at a loss as to what else I can do to help. I'm also concerned that things are just going to get worse as I continue to lose weight. I'm also afraid that if it continues it may negatively effect my weight loss.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance.

DeKreyzisfitness

I would love to help you and your partner but your partner can only be helped if she wants it. A person has to want to change before they will. I am not a professional so I don't really know how to help but maybe this person needs to experience what it's like to work hard for something and then achieve it, even if it is losing just half a lb a week or so. Maybe exercising together. If it seems more like fun and less like a jab at her weight she may be more likely to participate. I wish you both the best of luck and am happy to hear that you care about health and not about appearance. Maybe this is something your wife also struggles with. It is possible she resents your weight loss bc she sees it as you trying to get her to change. I only say this bc the insecure side of me feels this way somethimes when my boyfriend talks about getting super healthy. Mostly though, I am just glad because I too want to grow old with him. best of luck!!

Genie30

Well done you for being so supportive, it's never easy watching someone you love suffer. The unfortunate part is that the person has to really want change for themselves and if she's not ready, there might not be a lot you can do. I have a few suggestions that might help though.

1) include her in your MFP meal planning. Sit down togetheer and plan out healthy meals that you will both enjoy.

2) Following on form the above, encourage her to take a packed lunch to work and you can plan, make and take those meals together if you need to.

3) try not to have tempting food in the house.

4) I suspect the therapist is concentrating on other factors because the binge is a symptom of these factors, not the cause.

5) Encourage her to open up and come to you when she feels the need to binge (if possible) and then you can use distraction techniques like going out for a walk together.

6) When she does slip up, remind her that she may have lost the battle but the war isn't over. If she continues to get up when she's been knocked down then she will succeed eventually.

I hope some of that is useful to you.

Genie

ErinLouiseBellamy

hey,, that really is a tough situation you're going through, for the both of you. Overeaters Anonymous for my friend, really was the last straw. She had tried and tried to stop herself but she kept letting herself down. She went to a few meetings and then she threw the book she bought aside. After realising that it works the same way as AA shes giving it another go. Its really hard for those with BED and as it isnt as known about as anorexia and bulimia, people dont realise how hard it is to live that way. In regards to the therapist, most therapists will focus on some things that you think have nothing to do with weight or food issues. What theyre doing at the start, is trying to work on each problem and part of the past to see if the food issues started there. However if you feel that the therapist isnt suited for your OH then try and find someone else. You really have to find one that shes comfortable with.
All i can say for you to do is to keep doing what your doing. For my friend, she said that she was her own worst enemy, she would only binge in secret. So try your best to keep high carb/sugar/fat foods out of the house and replace them with healthier foods and really follow up on her. She wont like it at first but shell know youre helping her. When she wants to binge get her to go on a walk with you or something. She does want to stop and be healthy again theres just a part of her thats overpowering her at the moment. hope that helps, sorry for the ramble!

dpdobsonsmith

Speaking as a psychotherpist myself, eating disorders are complex issues and as much as you want to help a loved one, you are probably too close to do so.

I'm glad to read she is seeking help from a therapist - the dilemma is that she, and only she, can address this with her therapist directly. If she really doesn't want to (probabaly through fear of who she will be when this problem goes away), then the therapist will not address this with her.

All you can do is continue to support her, love her and gently encourage her. I really do wish you well.

megruder

Thank you for all the suggestions and support. I've stopped purchasing unhealthy foods merely because I don't have a desire for them. She does tend to binge secretly so makes the purchases when I'm not with her. I feel kinda dumb because I didn't think about it, but I will have a discussion with her and ask her if she would feel comfortable just talking to me when she gets an urge and we can do something instead. As for therapy, I've been in therapy for years, so I know that the therapist is probably trying to tackle the cause of the eating disorder and that it is something my partner has to deal with on her own terms. Thanks again for the support.