Getting back on track but feeling increasingly doubtful..

nikki_1123

So I'm Nicole. I have struggled with self esteem issues ever since I can remember and I'm only 18. I cannot remember one time where I have looked at myself in the mirror and actually liked what I saw.

Last time I weighed myself was a while ago I was super close to 180 pounds, me being 5'6 that's technically overweight. I freaked out, told my friends how much I weighed and they didn't believe it either... apparently I "carry it well" I don't want to be carrying it at all.
Around this time last year I became super depressed and started eating basically nothing, for about 4 or 5 months I was probably consuming less than 1000 calories a day. I can't say it wasn't because I wanted to get thinner, that contributed to it for sure, but alot of it was because I was in fact depressed.

I had always been around 145 - 160 pounds. But by July of last year I was down to 130. Things were starting to look up and I began eating like a normal person again. I only gained about 5- 10 pounds within the next 5 months. But then I went through something horrible and started gaining weight like crazy.... and that's how I've reached my highest ever weight.
this past month or so I have been on this site mostly irregularily, but for the past two weeks I have been on a strict 1200 calorie diet with some sort of cardio for at least 30 mins a day. I havent weighed myself in a long time, but I can't bring myself to and I don't see me making myself step on a scale only to be disapointed with myself.

And today one of the girls I work with mentioned that I looked like I had gained weight... this only adds to my depression and extremely low self esteem. It just makes me feel extremely hopeless and like the last two painful weeks have all been for nothing...


I need some motivation...

cmriverside

You would be wise to go to mayoclinic.com and read about eating disorders. You are heading in that direction, if you're not there already.

Depression can be caused by poor nutrition.


Feel better, sweetie, ask for help from the school nurse or a clergy, someone you trust.

chevy88grl

First off, putting yourself on a super restrictive "diet" may not be the way to go - for long term success. I know a lot of people are successful with it, but just as many aren't. You don't want to be on a "diet", you want to change your life. You want to lose weight, but more importantly you want to keep it off. I found that in order to keep it off, I couldn't eat rabbit food all the time or even give up some of the things I REALLY love in my life. When we do something very harsh like that - we eventually become very resentful and tend to binge eat. Instead, approach it a different way -- everything in moderation. Learn how to read the labels on your food, learn to eat the correct serving size of food (and not what is set in front of us when we go out to eat), learn to count calories, watch your sugar and sodium, etc. Workout.

You CAN do this. You CAN be successful at weight loss. You have to want to do it.

absolament

I used to suffer from low self-esteem. The only way out is to accept yourself as an individual and quit comparing yourself with others. Also, stop thinking how others are judging you. In time you'll find strength and before you know it you'll wonder why you were so concerned with what others think.

If you don't love you and you don't take care of your body... who else will?

rnroadrunner

Nicki, please find a professional to help you through these rough times. I wish that you would. Somtimes we become overwelmed and just need a little help. It is okay to get help. I am rooting for you. Good luck.

bigredhearts

dont feel doubtful, feel encouraged! you've made the first step by admitting your insecurities and food struggles and your want to change them. you can do this! btw i think your a beautiful person and being someone who "carries it well" also i understand your self esteem issues but the harder you try to be healthy, not only will you feel great but your mind will to, believe me, ive been there!