Perosnal..but what insight

Options
ashleyjo2
ashleyjo2 Posts: 13
in Health and Weight Loss
This has nothing to do with weight lose or exercise but I wanted to talk about it. I was on the birth control shot when I met my fiance. We both want babies. In dec. we both decided I would go off the shot and we would see what happened. It takes a while to get out of your system. Now 5 months later (today), I get my period back. He took me to the store to get girly products and proceeds to say well then we need condoms now. My reply was, Why? That was the whole point of goin off the shot. He pretty much said that he would not sleep with me now and that he would deal with it another way. This arose a ? in my head...Im very upset about it now. I feel like we will never have a family.

Replies

  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    Options
    If you aren't married you shouldn't try for babies. It just means he isn't truly dedicated to you.

    This whole thing sounds like he is jerking you around so you should sit down and calmly ask him what's wrong because clearly there are issues under the surface that we aren't able to gauge for you :(

    Good luck!
  • Tzavush
    Tzavush Posts: 389 Member
    Options
    Sounds like you both need to have a talk about the future. Maybe in the five months things have changed for him.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    Options
    ****Disclaimer: I assume in my post that marriage matters to you because you two bothered to get engaged and you call him your fiance. If you are like me and don't really believe in government papers declaring who you are or are not bound to then my marriage statement is irrelevant. But if you two have discussed marriage and do believe in it then him backing away now is a bad sign.
  • anacsitham5
    anacsitham5 Posts: 814 Member
    Options
    It's probably best you went off the shot anyways. My friend got it and after two months she started having sever migraines. This was caused by the shot which in turn caused bleeding on her brain and the specialist said she had a minor aneurism. She spent a week in the hospital undergoing numerous tests and missed a whole month of work. She is now color blind in her left eye, they are hoping that will improve, but I don't think the shot was worth all that. Good luck!
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    Options
    It's probably best you went off the shot anyways. My friend got it and after two months she started having sever migraines. This was caused by the shot which in turn caused bleeding on her brain and the specialist said she had a minor aneurism. She spent a week in the hospital undergoing numerous tests and missed a whole month of work. She is now color blind in her left eye, they are hoping that will improve, but I don't think the shot was worth all that. Good luck!

    That is completely unfair and biased. I am on the shot and there are hundreds of thousands of women on the shot that suffer no such side effects. It's terrible that your friend had such a negative reaction but that is hardly normal and such reactions exist with every possible kind of medication and it's almost impossible to predict. So unless you're going to avoid everything EVER then this warning is counter intuitive.
  • dlaplume2
    dlaplume2 Posts: 1,658 Member
    Options
    I guess it's better to find out now than when you were already pregnant. I would consider that a warning and think seriously about marrying that guy. Maybe he will change his mind about wanting to be married after he committed. IMHO
  • Zombriana
    Zombriana Posts: 764 Member
    Options
    That's a real bummer, I hope you two talk things out and get everything on the same page. It is good that you got off of the shot though, I hear that, at times, it can give you difficulties down the road having children.
    Best of luck to you!
  • ron2282
    ron2282 Posts: 2,772 Member
    Options
    Maybe he's just scared. My husband and I decided together when I would go off the pill, but when I actually did he freaked and started listing all the reasons we weren't ready. But as soon as that second line on the pregnancy test showed up he when into full on "daddy mode". Talk to him about it.
  • Tzavush
    Tzavush Posts: 389 Member
    Options
    Maybe he's just scared. My husband and I decided together when I would go off the pill, but when I actually did he freaked and started listing all the reasons we weren't ready. But as soon as that second line on the pregnancy test showed up he when into full on "daddy mode". Talk to him about it.

    My husband was the same... we now have five...
    hence my first post - need for a chat - maybe he is not in the same head space and you both need to figure out what your goals will be.
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    Options
    Are you sure he wasn't refer to the during? If you haven't had your period before, maybe he is uncomfortable having sex with you while you are bleeding, but somehow using a condom makes it OK?

    Whatever it is, you definitely need to sit down and talk and I do suggest you start by asking him to clarify his concerns.


    Good luck!
  • LeelaLosing
    LeelaLosing Posts: 237 Member
    Options
    That is upsetting and you do need to have an honest discussion. The way he replied is also not very direct, if he changed his mind he needs to be able to communicate that clearly and saying he's not going to have sex with you is not adequate or sensitive. It definitely sounds as if he is avoiding a real conversation or is unable to have one about this. I would let it go for a few days to show that you are level-headed and give him some time to bring it up again. Sometimes it is hard to bring up difficult topics and feelings, and giving someone space often makes them more comfortable. If he doesn't, I would tell him that you'd like to discuss his change of heart since it directly affects your relationship and how you feel about it and him....are you prepared to move on if you like what you hear?
  • fattygirl31
    fattygirl31 Posts: 19 Member
    Options
    HI HUN!!

    First things first.. you need to ascertain the reason for the change of heart all of a sudden!!! does he feel he couldnt cope with a child, financially or emotionally..etc right now

    Is he now scared because its actually become reality that you could become pregnant now your periods have returned. Sometimes men find having the conversation about babies marriage etc a lot less frightening than actual reality!!

    I dont feel you should count him out just yet but I do feel that before you have the deep and meaningful talk, you should think about how you might respond if he ends up saying something you dont like. Hes already hurt you by responding the way he did but trust me, when I say that you think hes hurt you now it could get alot worse.

    The way he responded doesnt mean he doesnt love you, but it does give you the right to question what his long-term intentions are. Marriage is not something you go into lightly neither is having a child, you both dont want to end up regretting it.

    Im not sure how old you are but if you feel you can wait to have children a little longer then I suggest you have the talk promptly but if you can wait for a bit(make sure you have a cut off point) and see how things go then do theres nothing worse than making a rash decision and it all going wrong.

    I hope he really does love you and its a case of minor jitters. Having a child is a lifelong commitment and you both have to want it, Unless,your prepared to deal with possibly becoming a single mother or have him resent you for the situation.

    Im hoping the best for you hun!!

    Fattygirl31 xx
  • jalara
    jalara Posts: 2,622 Member
    Options
    If you aren't married you shouldn't try for babies. It just means he isn't truly dedicated to you.

    This whole thing sounds like he is jerking you around so you should sit down and calmly ask him what's wrong because clearly there are issues under the surface that we aren't able to gauge for you :(

    Good luck!

    This first part of this reply is completely biased and the poster is making assumptions. You don't need to be married to have a family (engaged or not) and not being married doesn't mean anyone is less dedicated to a relationship.

    However, I agree with the poster's next point that this warrants a sit down conversation about your relationship, life expectations and relationship goals.

    Good luck to you! And if you two decided to try for a family, please feel free to join the Fit For Future Families thread - it's a great support group!
  • pittielover23
    pittielover23 Posts: 268
    Options
    Sounds like he is not ready for kids yet, and there is nothing wrong with that. IF he is around your age, you are still really young! My H wasn't ready to try for kids until he was 30. He should be discussing this with you though, and the fact that he has not mentioned anything but that he will not have sex with you is a red flag. You guys have communication issues. You need to sit down and have a "come to Jesus" talk with him. This does not mean pressure him into have kids, this means find out where he is at in his head, why he changed his mind, and maybe set a time to re-assess the situation. (Say,we will talk about this again in 3 months, so you don't bug each other about it all the time).

    You guys are young, and you saying "I feel like I will never have kids" is a little over the top, and may shut him down. Try and keep your emotions in check while talking about it.

Categories