I could easily fall off the wagon today.

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cat3nv
cat3nv Posts: 389 Member
in Chit-Chat
Today my beautiful baby boy is a young man, a 13 yr old young man. It is bittersweet though...... Last summer he decided to live with his father. His father lives in Dallas and had really not been a big part in his life.

I understand the draw to be with his dad. I did not grow up with my parents and I longed to be with them, to know them. As a mom I want to be with him everyday, to hug him, to talk with him; and especially on his birthday I want to be there with him. I have to remind myself he did not leave because I was a bad mom, he was confident in our relationship he knew he could always count on me to be there for him. He needed something that my hubby, his sisters, and I could not provide.

However, I am very emotional today. The old me would eat my weight in cookies, candy, and Dr. Pepper. I am going to do my best keeping myself busy. I have a lot of spring cleaning planned for the day in the hopes of not wallowing in my pity party of one.

Sorry to be whiny, I just needed to let my feelings out. That is new for me, in the past I would bottle them up and bury them in a mound of food.

Replies

  • Mad4282
    Mad4282 Posts: 171 Member
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    Good luck today, unfortunately life throughs tons of curve balls our way. Just know your child loves you and by focusing on the positive and not emotionally eating you are being a wonderful mother and a strong woman. Wishing you nothing but the best!
  • morganadk2_deleted
    morganadk2_deleted Posts: 1,696 Member
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    ((HUG)) don't know what else to say , you are a strong person and made a brave decision.
  • luv2ash
    luv2ash Posts: 1,903 Member
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    get to the gym and take out that anger and emotions via exercise. Or just put on an IPOD and go for a long hard walk.
  • Lamber8301
    Lamber8301 Posts: 10
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    I'm so sorry you're going through this!! I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you. I'm glad you're going to keep busy - that's a great plan of attack!! You can just whine all you want - we'll all let you! Better to whine and get it out than to drown it in food. I'll be thinking of you!! *HUGS*
  • BrendaBlis
    BrendaBlis Posts: 165 Member
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    Hang in there, that has to be hard. You are heading in the right direction, keep going! :flowerforyou:
  • Kimbie500
    Kimbie500 Posts: 388 Member
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    Sounds like you have done a lot of emotional work on this issue and have grown a lot. Great job! Try to focus on the positive of having created such a strong relationship with your son that he is secure enough in it to move to be with his dad. I know it can't be easy - but it sure sounds like you're doing a fantastic job, both with yourself and with your kids!
  • cat3nv
    cat3nv Posts: 389 Member
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    Thanks for all the kind words. Last summer when I found out he was moving I ate and ate and ate. I gained about 15 pounds in about 6 weeks.

    I am a lot healthier now than I was last summer, both physically and emotionally.
  • jodimitchell
    jodimitchell Posts: 86 Member
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    I worry about this with my son all the time. We share custody right now, and i'm dreading the day he says he wants to live with his dad. Like you said, there is no doubt he loves me and i'm a good mom. But sometimes they need their dad too.

    I'll be thinking of you...keep busy... remember in the long run that food is not going to fill your heart, just your belly.
  • CassieLEO
    CassieLEO Posts: 757 Member
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    I dont have custofy of my son either. I see him once a week. It kills me that he isnt with me all the time too. We just have to make the time we do have with them (either in person or on the phone) special. Keep your chin up!
  • cat3nv
    cat3nv Posts: 389 Member
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    Cassie, I would give my right arm to see him once a week. He lives in Dallas and I live outside of Amarillo.

    Again I really appreciate the kind thoughts. Writing this really helped me.:flowerforyou:
  • brendalyne
    brendalyne Posts: 497
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    My heart hurts for you. You are obviously a much stronger woman - emotionally and physically than just a year ago. Good for you! You should be proud that you've chosen a healthier way to deal with this....just by writing the post!
  • callipygianchronicle
    callipygianchronicle Posts: 811 Member
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    As a momma, I SO get the ache. And as a person who has spent the last few years learning that I have the right to express my feelings, I want to celebrate what you have done here.

    You are allowed to have feel things. You are allowed to be sad. To be angry. To be lonely, overwhelmed, or any other emotion: including, unyielding happiness and joy. You do not have to punish your feelings, or silence them, with food. You do not have to be numb.

    And choosing to come here and acknowledge that you are carrying an emotional weight—and to write it down and share it, instead of swallowing it—that is a big deal. Do not feel bad because you are sad today. Do not punish yourself for feeling. Feeling is human. And today you chose to work through it, instead of numbing it.

    That's a victory. One of many you will have on this journey. Go YOU!

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