bullying

VixFit2011

This is about my granddaughter who has been bullied at first year in high school. A girl there had done some poking and commenting at her that was very rude, then it calmed down for a while until a few days ago when this girl slapped my granddaughter in the face several times, stopped for a few seconds to say "does it hurt" and then smacked her hard in the face again leaving a red welt on her face. My daughter asked my granddaughter what she did when this happened and my granddaughter said she did nothing in response because and I quote her statement, "I didn't do anything because I'm a nice person" and she was in tears. My daughter is trying to be tactful with this problem and has contacted the school about it.
Me being grandma and knowing how very nice and sweet and respectful my granddaughter is, I'm old school and just don't understand why there are so many bullies in these young generations and I believe there's definitely not enough discipline nowadays or respect for authority or respect for others.
I'd like to hear peoples' opinions on this.

Leslie2273

I would consider going to the police and filing a report. Bullying is one thing but this girl totally crossed the line when she put her hands on your granddaughter.

I'm dealing with the bullying issue right now too although it isn't that bad because my son is only in first grade...every now and then one of the kids will call him gay. I swear I don't know where kids learn this stuff and I'm totally not prepared to have the 'talk' with him yet.

Good luck and give my best to you daughter and granddaughter.

RoadDog

Very tough situation. Almost anything you or your daughter do to protect your granddaughter could cause her problems. Best solution would be fore your grandaughter and this girl to talk it out.

Second bet thing would be for your grandaughter to fight back. Doesn't matter if she wins or loses the fight, as long as she stands up for herself.

I don't like bullies and have taught my girls that they don't have to take it. But before they come to me to resolve it, I want them to try and rersolve it themselves.

Sorry. Must be even worse for you as the grandparent. Where is the father?

smartmama4

We deal with bullying alot where I live. Most of it is verbal instead, but that can almost be worse at times It really sucks! The schools can't do anything except for suspend the kids and the parents of those kids are just like them, so they don't care. The school policy for bullying is; if you are being hit just lay there and cover your head and roll into a ball... if you don't and you hit back, you will be suspended too! It's ridiculous!!!

I would say if the school wont to anything about it, I would probably go to the police too. Hitting is not ok. Good luck!

jwsxs4

My son was bullied relentlessly last year by a couple of kids. My son is a big boy- not only is he carrying around a few extra pounds but he is just built big... he is an iron man football player (he plays A and B squad- offense, defense, AND special teams) that means he hits the field and doesn't come off for two straight games- He is very strong and he knows it- so WHY would anyone feel the need to pick on him? He's the "big kid" and he was raised with compassion- he is kind. He isn't going to fight back because in his words "Mom, I will hurt them" The vice principle was about as helpful as a wart! My husband and I finally went into the principle's office and made it clear that we would not tolerate a phone call from the school telling us he is suspended or expelled when they refused to address the problem. The vice principle actually blamed my son!!! We went to the police station and put on record the harassment he was receiving- we didn't press charges- but we did let them hear the horrific voice mails left on my son's phone- and we told them how little the school was willing to do... we then told our son that while we don't condone violence- we would support him in what ever he felt was necessary actions to keep himself safe and to make it stop. The one kid ended up getting his butt kicked by someone else he was bullying and decided the life of a bully wasn't for him. The other kid ended up getting punched in the face by my son in a stairwell on the way to gym class- everyone present gave my son a round of applause and "saw nothing." He hasn't said anything to me in a long time about people picking on him- the one thing I am very proud of as a mother- my boys know and they do- come to me with their problems- we have a very open line of communication....

smartmama4

Very tough situation. Almost anything you or your daughter do to protect your granddaughter could cause her problems. Best solution would be fore your grandaughter and this girl to talk it out.

Second bet thing would be for your grandaughter to fight back. Doesn't matter if she wins or loses the fight, as long as she stands up for herself.

I agree with this too.

missbp

Firstly, let me say how sorry I am to read that this has been happening to your granddaughter. She probably was stunned when this happened.

I can tell you that bullying is what it is today, because of many factors. With the media and the internet, everything is in your face. While it is great to have access to so much information at any moment, there is less and less filtration. When I was a kid (I am about to turn 41) if a something was coming on TV that my parents didn't want me to see or hear about, they would tell me to leave the room. We only had one TV in our home, so off I went to do something else. Now, if a parent did the same, the kid could easily walk into another room in the house use a TV or a computer to check out the forbidden without much thought or effort. If you look at the headlines today, you can see why violence is so ramped up.

The assassination of Osama bin Laden was a really hard one to explain to my 10 year olds. Here our military has successfully brought justice for thousands of americans and people are literally celebrating in the streets. My heart was elated at this news. But, it was really difficult to find the right words to explain how killing this man and the others who died in the mission was justified.

My point is, raising kids to today is even more difficult then it was 20, 30, 40 years ago. Some will disagree, but I truly believe that it is. I wouldn't want to be a teenager today in the age of digital camera's, cell phones and the internet. No thanks. I made my foolish teenage mistakes rather quietly, back in the 80's. My business was not splashed all over Facebook for the world to see. I am thankful for that.

For every one of us who is determined to raise our kids to be productive members of society, there seems to be 3 or 4 who just don't really care. I guess we are all products of the environment in which we are raised. If I were your daughter, I would be on this like nobodies business. The teachers, the principal and even the superintendent would be hearing from me constantly until the situation were properly addressed. I would also be knocking on the door of the kid who had the audacity to put her hands on my child. In advocating for your kids, you are teaching them how to stand up for themselves and to one day advocate for their own children.

Again, sorry it happened to your granddaughter.

VixFit2011

The father is present and they have a great family which I am very proud of. One of the teacher's told my daughter this is definitely an assault issue and the principle recently sent out an email regarding bullying so we're hoping the school will help in this matter. This is a very good school with a lot of (the biggest percentage) great kids. My daughter is awaiting the school's response and if anything else occurs with this girl my daughter will bring it to the police.

girlinahat

My daughter asked my granddaughter what she did when this happened and my granddaughter said she did nothing in response because and I quote her statement, "I didn't do anything because I'm a nice person" and she was in tears.

the granddaughter should be commended on this. Fighting back will only make her just as bad as the person who hit her. true, sometimes we have to stand up for ourselves but fighting back isn't the way to go about it - what your grandaughter did was stand up for her beliefs - well done her.

It does need to be taken further though - physical assault is physical assault and the school staff should have a policy to deal with bullying.

Tankplanker

We've been round this block a few times with my kids. I'd give the school a chance to sort it out, if they don't then you need to tell them to fight back otherwise it'll continue and only get worse. If bullies think they can get away with it they just keep pushing the bounds further out as it's often done for attention as well as the self esteem boost.

Teach her to head butt properly, one good head butt brings them down no matter how big they are.

It's wrong to hit others but it's far worse to have your life made a misery by others.

dbanks80

My son was bullied relentlessly last year by a couple of kids. My son is a big boy- not only is he carrying around a few extra pounds but he is just built big... he is an iron man football player (he plays A and B squad- offense, defense, AND special teams) that means he hits the field and doesn't come off for two straight games- He is very strong and he knows it- so WHY would anyone feel the need to pick on him? He's the "big kid" and he was raised with compassion- he is kind. He isn't going to fight back because in his words "Mom, I will hurt them" The vice principle was about as helpful as a wart! My husband and I finally went into the principle's office and made it clear that we would not tolerate a phone call from the school telling us he is suspended or expelled when they refused to address the problem. The vice principle actually blamed my son!!! We went to the police station and put on record the harassment he was receiving- we didn't press charges- but we did let them hear the horrific voice mails left on my son's phone- and we told them how little the school was willing to do... we then told our son that while we don't condone violence- we would support him in what ever he felt was necessary actions to keep himself safe and to make it stop. The one kid ended up getting his butt kicked by someone else he was bullying and decided the life of a bully wasn't for him. The other kid ended up getting punched in the face by my son in a stairwell on the way to gym class- everyone present gave my son a round of applause and "saw nothing." He hasn't said anything to me in a long time about people picking on him- the one thing I am very proud of as a mother- my boys know and they do- come to me with their problems- we have a very open line of communication....

Good for your son!!!

These kids are ridiculous these days! I just don't get it. We had bullying in my day but now they take it to a whole other level!

elleninez

A big part of the problem, speaking from a school employee standpoint, is that the administration of most schools is terrified of lawsuits. Anything that can be done to a student to discipline them can (and usually is) fought in the legal system.

From a parental standpoint, last year my oldest, who was then in kindergarten, got on the bus and was punched in the face by a 3rd grader for no reason. My lil boy punched back. The 3rd grader got suspended from school, and my boy was kicked off the bus for 2 days (I honestly thought it was a fair punishment). At home? My boy wasn't in trouble at all - I was proud he defended himself.

Winged_Victory

I'd call the cops, the school, and the bully's parents.

If the bullying continued, I'd call a lawyer.

PeachyKeene

We have been through this countless times with our daugther. Shs is now 15 years old and it has gotten a little better. After giving her advice on talking to the other student and other stuff, we finally went to the office and the office did something about it. They had a talking to everyone involved, so then my daughter was labeled a snitch. That certainly didn't help her out. We once again went to the principal and personally told them, "this only made matters worse and we gave our daughter permission and are pushing her to stand up for herself." The principal said unfortunately that is sometimes what it takes. Of course, you must realize I have to follow the rules as far as punishment is concerned. She was constantly picked on time and time again. Pushed around, hit, you name it. It didn't take long for people to get that she wasn't going to settle for it. Yes, she was suspended a time or two. It took a couple of times for them to understand, but after she stood up for herself those times, they finally stopped the majority. Now they know they can't mess with her, every now and then someone will try, but she lets them know real quick she isn't going to tolerate it. My daughter is a sweet, loving, and kind young lady, but she will no longer allow it, she handles it.

If your granddaughter does not want to resort to physical violence, then it is the child's and the parent's right for the child to not feel they would be harmed in any way at school and the school has to make sure of that. Not sure how long it will take for it to eventually be handled, but our daughter was not waiting.

I remember being picked on and bullied at school. It sticks with you for the rest of your life. It is an awful feeling and I hated school and dropped out in the 10th. I never stood up for myself and would allow people to slap, torment or whatever. I was a nice person. Then I turned to drugs and started hanging out with people that did drugs because they accepted me better than anyone.

Thank you God, today I don't do drugs any more.

Voncreepy2

I know this is not right to say, but your granddaughter needs to beat the stuffing out this girl one good time. This girl obviously thinks she will not fight back. If she lays her low one good time maybe she will think twice before she slaps her again. Your granddaughter is not to blame but she is an easy target when nothing happens to this girl. I don't advocate fighting but I can't stand to hear about some spoiled brat beating on a good kid for no reason either and wouldn't want it to happen to mine. If this isn't a good option, I think I would get the authorities involved. Life is scary these days. Kids are nuts. I know it was the same when we were growing up but it scares me for my own kids. I wouldn't want them to keep taking it though. Maybe she can surround her self with her friends too and try to avoid being alone around this girl where she feels powerless. Good luck to you both.

Cynthiafaron

These kids who do this have grown up with never having to face consequences for any of their bad actions- Unfortunately neither do their parents. I think not only should these kids be forced to attend humanity classes but their parents should be forced to attend twice as many , mabey then this cruel behavior would end !

cbratthauer

When I was in middle school/high school, I wasn't physically bullied but definitely verbally. First off, girls, especially teenage girls, are just MEAN. The movie Mean Girls really says it all. When I was 15 I started dating a guy and for whatever reason my best friend, the girl who was like my sister, turned on me. She started spreading the nastiest rumors about me. By the end of the school year I seriously had one friend. What made it worse is that my mom and I do not get along and never have. So I was basically alone in this. It is hard and it can really hurt a teenage girls self esteem when these things happen, I know because of experience. But I think that if your daughter and grandaughter are close, it will definitely help. The best thing to do is to let her know that this is NOT her fault and that she is amazing for being the bigger person here and not fighting back. This bully will end up getting hers in the end because what goes around comes around. I am not sure if you are religious at all, but if you are, you can always remind her that Jesus said to turn the other cheek. Supporting her and being there for her is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing any of you can do right now. Don't let her feel like she is alone. Does she have other friends? Her real friends will be there for her and back her up no matter what. Make sure she knows that too. And I would definitely report the slapping to the school. Did it happen at school? If so, there should be repercussions for this young lady.
The best of luck to you and I will keep you all in my thoughts!!!

JenniferH81

I agree with calling the police and then a lawyer if it doesn't stop.

Bullying lately has been VERY publicized, after there have been quite a few teen-aged kids committing suicide because of it.
It needs to stop.

cloggsy71

I believe there's definitely not enough discipline nowadays...
I'd like to hear peoples' opinions on this.

I couldn't agree more!

If the school is unwilling/unable to deal with the issue, you are more than welcome to report the assault (because that's what is was,) to the Police for them to take action!

cbratthauer

I believe there's definitely not enough discipline nowadays...
I'd like to hear peoples' opinions on this.

I couldn't agree more!

If the school is unwilling/unable to deal with the issue, you are more than welcome to report the assault (because that's what is was,) to the Police for them to take action!

I agree. I don't have kids yet, but when I do you can bet their little bottoms will get a spanking if they deserve it. I'm not talking beating them, but there is nothing wrong with spanking. I was spanked when I was little and I'm still alive today. I think parents are scared anymore though, with everybody so quick to scream abuse.

JenniferH81

I believe there's definitely not enough discipline nowadays...
I'd like to hear peoples' opinions on this.

I couldn't agree more!

If the school is unwilling/unable to deal with the issue, you are more than welcome to report the assault (because that's what is was,) to the Police for them to take action!

I agree. I don't have kids yet, but when I do you can bet their little bottoms will get a spanking if they deserve it. I'm not talking beating them, but there is nothing wrong with spanking. I was spanked when I was little and I'm still alive today. I think parents are scared anymore though, with everybody so quick to scream abuse.

Depending on the situation yes.
Otherwise you get the kids that run around screaming in the grocery store........

aehartley

I was bullied. I wasn't like everyone else in my school. I didn't want to party, I didn't want to be involved in there petty drama. I liked doing homework and extra credit and was very into my sports ( none of which were school realted) I guess I didn't have a place, it made me a target. because of it a few times my mom and I has considered going to homeschool. I hated middle school., and high school. My mom was my one and only friend through it all. Truthfully without her I would have killed myself it got so bad at one point. It has made us really close and it makes me know how lucky I am that my mom cared enough to stick it out with me always. At diffrent points when the school wouldn't deal with it, she had to go the board of education who put a stop to it. I prayed everyday for them to stop. I prayed everyday for the courage to make it to graduation. I knew that college would be better. College was great because I got to choose who I was with or not with for that matter. Honestly most days I just wanted to call and chat with my mom. Homeschool is an option but I have learned Poeple are cruel at this point in my life I am glad that I didn't. I have learned that no matter were you go or what job you have there are bullies. Sometimes you can have it delt with and sometimes you can't... Sadly...

PlanetVelma

My daughter is in 3rd grade and I've already had a few bouts of bullying to deal with - it's all been verbal "I don't like what you're wearing" type of stuff.

I have done some reading on bullying and the psychological effect - I remember my mom telling me to "Ignore them" - that's the WORST thing you can do. If you or one of your friends are being bullied you need to SAY something - if you say something than that has more impact than "ignoring them". I have instilled that in both of my kids because if you let it go and let the bully pick on your friend - it might be your turn the next day!

Now my dad used to tell me "Don't you come home till you beat the tar out of 'em" and I don't like encouraging my kids to fight, but that piece of advice did work for me. LOL

I would say the next time your granddaughter finds herself in that situation, she needs to report it to the school officials IMMEDIATELY and have the school start calling parents in.

Seriously this other girl assualted your granddaughter - she at least needs to be charged w/ assault and sent to some anger management. It would be nice if the school disciplined the other girl as well, but I'd be asking the school "I thought you were mandatory reporters, has this assault been reported to the police?" and see what they say.....

Ugh, now i know what to look forward when my daughter goes to high school. LOL Great!

JenniferH81

My daughter just got a paper home from school about this.

It suggested to throw them off by saying something like "Thank you for noticing" then walking away.

JEK717

Well i am a expert on being picked on...at least for a girls point of view. I was never shoved in a locker but i was thrown in a trash can....i really was.

I am that kind of person like your granddaughter. I know that sometimes reporting it may cause it to get worse but you should def report it. I would suggest telling your granddaughter to say nice comments to the person. Though this may be hard for someone.... judging by your description......she should have no problems doing it because she sounds like a very nice and caring person. I have done it many times......someone will slap me and i just say thank you......or i tell them i like their hair..just something nice. It really throws them off....its like wait what i just slapped you and you said my hair looks awesome.

Kindness really does remove defensiveness.

I hope this stops soon:flowerforyou: