How did you know you were ready to (or not) have a baby?

brewingaz

With our first child, we realized we were ready when we were just talking about having one. Eventually, my daughter was conceived (on or around Father's day ha ha). Then she was here on April 3rd, 2007. That's the day the girl who wholeheartedly owns my heart came into my life. I never knew I was capable of loving someone as much as I do her. With my son, we decided to try to have a sibling for her. Then we decided not to have another kid because we were having serious marital problems. That was on a Friday night. We decided she'd go back to the Dr. to get back on the pill again that following Monday. The next night (Saturday) we had a little "fun", and my son was conceived that night.

Honestly, nothing will turn your life more upside down than a kid. And you will love them so much for it!

dlaplume2

You're asking the question. There's a sign.

(I had my kids at 36 and 40 respectively, yet no one is ever truly "ready." Know that the love I know now is exquisitely unparallelled. My children are the best thing I ever did and I've done some pretty great things.)

I agree with the first part.

There is never a perfect time to have a baby. There is never a wrong time to have a baby. There will always be the if we had more money, if we waited for this that or the other thing, never seems to come along.

I think the more important thing is, if you don't want a baby you shouldn't have kids. I know that sound weird, but there are people out there that just don't like kids, they just don't want to give up parts of themselves and make sacrifices. They shouldn't have kids, but if you don't mind making savrifices, then looking into your baby's eyes makes every single sacrifice worth it.

There is no better love in the world and if you think you love your significant other now wait until he makes you a mommy.


Best wishes

kandyland86

when i would hold my friends baby i would get that need to have one of my own when they took the baby back i didnt want to give it back at all! my sister on the other hand doesnt want children shes always known she was too 'selfish' as she says too have children!

learnbygoing

You're never ready. No one is, really. But your munchkin will teach you what to do as you go along My first was a happy accident and was the easiest child ever. My second was totally planned because I didn't want to have an only child and he has tested my patience and sanity at every turn. It's wonderful, and frustrating, and fun, and exhausting, and I wouldn't trade it for anything

I agree with whoever replied earlier, saying that if you're asking the question, you're probably ready.

learnbygoing

You're never ready. No one is, really. But your munchkin will teach you what to do as you go along My first was a happy accident and was the easiest child ever. My second was totally planned because I didn't want to have an only child and he has tested my patience and sanity at every turn. It's wonderful, and frustrating, and fun, and exhausting, and I wouldn't trade it for anything

I agree with whoever replied earlier, saying that if you're asking the question, you're probably ready.

mericksmom

Kids dont come when you are ready for them. I was going to college and my husband was trying to become a manager with half a semester left to get his degree. I was on Birth control and hubs was using condom and yet our lil man came around. We were living with 12 k a year which is hard when you already have debt (he had school loan and credit card debt).


The thing is enjoy life and dont worry about when you will have kids. A stress free life where you are not worried about the small things makes it easier to get pregnant.

millerll

I know I'm in the minority here, but since you asked, I'll be honest............

I've never liked children. Ever. I've never had a desire to have any. Just like some people don't like cats, I'm that way with kids. They annoy me. They're noisy, smelly, and messy. People always say it's different when they're your own, but that seems like a pretty reckelss experiment to me. What if I have one and decide it was a mistake? Also, I find pregnancy to be revolting. I've never found pregnant women to be "glowing". To me, they all look bloated and miserable.

I figure since I've felt this way all my life, that's a pretty good sign parenthood isn't for me. In addition, I believe in zero population growth, so I don't feel bad about not contributing to the planet's burgeoning citizenhood. And if I ever change my mind, adoption is always an option. I will tell you that feeling the way I do makes me a target of society. You'd be surprised how hostile people get about women who don't have a "maternal instinct". It's OK for men to feel that way, but women? We're considered freaks.

I've got nothing against those who choose responsible parenthood. Unfortunately, so few do these days. (Emphasis on responsible.) Good luck with whatever decision you come to.

tashjs21

I was ready when I saw 2 lines. :laugh:

I didn't really picture myself with kids but now that I am a mom and watch my little girl, ican't imagine life without her. And I feel like my life before her was aimless.

I have friends that were waiting for everything to be just right. Debt paid down, perfect house, etc. If you wait on that, you'll be waiting forever.

On the other hand, I completely respect couples that decide not to have children. Some women aren't maternal.

*edited because of stupid autocorrect. :grumble:

Qarol

My husband and I have decided not to have children. It was a decision that took years to make. We had originally planned to have one. But every time we were around an unruly child, we would turn to each other and say, "aren't you glad we don't have children yet?" Then we started dropping the "yet." Then we started asking each other if we were supposed to have children, did we really want one, etc. There's no rule that says we must, right? We noodled with that for a couple more years until one day we were both in agreement...we just don't want children of our own.

I figure if you're ready for a fully grown teenager with attitude, then you're ready for a baby. Because they don't stay all cuddly and small. They grow up!

tashjs21

I was trying to quote but my phone is not cooperating.

Sorry people are rude to you. I completely agree, it is unfair that society makes women feel like they should have children. It isn't fair to the child or you if that motherly instinct is missing.

:flowerforyou:

mamagooskie

I honestly just woke up one morning and knew I had to have a baby. It was all I could think about so I went for it.

I now have 2 kids.....and I know I am done.....like the thought of another kid is revolting to me, I love the ones I got and I am happy as we are as a family.

AllyS7

I knew when my husband and I both agreed we were able to devote our lives and finances to children. However, that's not what someone else had planned for us. We both have slight fertility issues and together it makes is pretty darn difficult. We've talked about all our options and as of right now, my husband isn't for adoption. I think he's still hoping that we'll be able to conceive naturally. If it happens it happens, I'm enjoying my life now and if in the future I am a mother than I'm sure I'll enjoy it still.

michelletyler38

I found out I was ready to have a baby when my wife found out her birth control didn't work.

Oh wow!!! I am so baby hungry BUT I have not met the right guy or finished college. When those 2 things happen for me, I'll be closer to being ready:)

california_peach

I always knew I wanted to have children, from the time I was myself a child. That being said, wanting children and being ready for them are two different things. I don't think that anyone is ever really ready for it, at least not with the first baby. I can vividly remember being release from the hospital with our first baby and thinking: 'it is probably criminal that they are letting me leave with this baby, because I clueless as to how to care for it.' He is now 5 years old and none the wiser that I am making this stuff up as I go along (shhhh, don't tell him). With the second it was totally different. I knew what I was doing, having tested everything out on the first one already..LOL.

ericapledger

when you no longer have any desire to sleep, drink, or fornicate with any regularity. you may be ready to have a child.

:laugh: :laugh:

TaneeisFitforLife

I love my 3 minions but with each of them I was never "ready" lol

TS65

I agree with the poster who said if you're asking, you probably already know the answer. the truth is, only you can answer your question. What makes one person ready doesn't necessarily fit everyone.

OTOH - I don't think you're ever ready! There's so much you can't plan for - you are financially stable, then the economy changes or something catastrophic happens (example). Your child isn't born perfectly healthy (autism, etc.) As they say, "life is like a box of chocolates" - sometimes you get the cherry, other times you get something yucky. You can't plan life - you just have to go with the cards you are given.

For me, I've always wanted kids. My life plan said I'd be married at 24 and have 2-4 kids by the time I was 30. (If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans!!! :laugh: :laugh: ) Turns out I didn't meet my husband until I was 37. My son came 2 years later (which didn't leave any time for a 2nd one).

BlazedBetty

I'm glad a few other women have posted about not wanting children....

Growing up I was raised very religious and I thought it was my duty to get married and have babies... after I figured out my own life for myself... I realized... there really isn't room for kids.

I don't hate kids... although i do hate rotten kids and there always seems to be more of them than the well behaved ones. I just don't think I need to be responsible for helping create and develop another person. I had enough of a hard time figuring myself out, and dealing with all the baggage that my parents left me with. I practically helped raise my little brother since he is 8 years younger than me, I was always active in the church nursery, the outreach groups for the kids (Awana if you've ever heard of it... it's like scouts but more religious) and babysat for almost everyone in the church. I know HOW to take care of a baby, and I know I could... but I also know... I don't want to.

I want to live my life for me, and as a child I really didn't get to do that. And as soon as I realized my life goals did not include having children I have been trying to get my tubes tied. Unfortunately everyone is convinced I am going to change my mind... even my family. I cannot get a dr to take me serious because I haven't had any children... the closest I can get is an IUD.. and let me tell you... it was hard getting someone to agree to do that without me having any children. The only reason I got it done this year is because I'm turning 30.. and I told my dr to stop treating me like a child. I can make my own decisions...
My IUD comes out in 12 years... and if by then I still can't get my tubes tied still... I figure another 12 year IUD should take me right out of childbearing years.

It is hard when people hear me and say "You'll change your mind" and "you'll grow out of it" and other such comments. I even watched my parents and aunts and uncles take bets on thanksgiving about which of my cousins was going to get knocked up first... and most of them (my mom included) chose me... I now have 4 cousins on that side of the family with kids... I wish I could've gotten in on the bet.. I would've won money! lol

Yes, children are a blessing (and a curse, lol) and I would say that in order to have children there are things you will have to give up. If you are ready to make sacrifices.. and to make your life less important than someone else's.... then you are ready. Because a good parent will always put their children first... and if you don't.... then you are just breeding more little monsters that I want to kill when I go to walmart. LOL

dcg8r

Wow thank you all for your thoughtful responses!

We've been married for 8 yrs. During the first 7 years, people would ask us "oh so when are you going to have kids" and we would totally blow them off (i.e. "Not ready, we have too many things we want to accomplish" etc - there was always a specific reason). Recently it seems like more and more people have been asking (Not sure if it's because of our age, or because of the number of yrs of marriage, some combination of the two or maybe just the universe trying to tell us something) and one day we stopped blowing them off and looked at each other and said "I don't know" for the first time. Then we talked about it, joked about it, got serious in our discussions...

While I'm not totally convinced that I would be a good mom (although all of our friends say that I would be)?? I really want for my husband to be a (biological if possible) daddy. There may be some fertility issues on my side (PCOS) so I have been told by many that we should "get on with it" if we want biological children without the cost/frustration of IVF. I thought for a long time that I didn't want children. I think that I would be OK honestly if I didn't have them, but I want my husband to have that opportunity... and I know that if we did have kids, it would be fine. Our lifestyle would adjust, and that little creature would be loved.

In all the people I've talked to, only one has said that they made the wrong decision to have a child. The child was special needs and she loved it, but it was emotionally, financially and physically draining to her, to the point that she didn't enjoy life anymore. That worries me. However, everyone else that I have spoken with (including parents of other special needs children) said they couldn't imagine life without their children. I bet that's an amazing feeling. That the little creature fits in with your life and makes you complete - like it was meant to be.

It helps to type this all out, and that you all are providing feedback. This is indeed a difficult decision and probably one of the most life-changing decisions I've had to make. Thanks for your input

phinners

I knew once I got diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) Because I have this, when we were ready to start trying, it just wasn't happening because I was failing to ovulate But.....on a lighter note! We knew we were ready to try once we owned our own house, good finances, and healthy unselfish states of mind. Aka (responsible/ not going out as often...that sort of thing lol) Good luck!!!!!

Similar thing here. We're both educated to Masters level, my husband is a chartered engineer, I'm a scientist. We have money in the bank, own properties and have a lovely life. But I've had PCOS since my eldest was born in 98. Since then I haven't ovulated properly and so we thougth we'd never have kids. We werent too bothered about it but we didnt like not even having a choice.

I bought some Metformin online, and after 3 months of taking it we fell pregnant. And we have a 6 month old called Alexander who is utterly doted on!! What a miracle he was!!